I had seen John around base and it seemed as though he was avoiding me. I didn't seek him out as I figured that he was deep in thought about what to do. If he was going to choose Katherine or me. Having never been in a relationship before, or at least not remembering being in one, I didn't know how long it would take for him to decide.
After coming back from a training exercise I headed over to the showers. There hadn't been a battle in awhile, but John made sure that we were still in shape. John wouldn't always oversee these exercises himself, but he made sure they went on. While the exercises did give me a distraction, I needed an actual battle with real bloodshed to calm me.
Taking my clothes off, I was very glad that I would get cleaned up some. I hoped that there was running water today but I doubted it. Every now and again the showers would actually work, but it was a rare event.
Once my clothes were off, I headed over for the stalls. I heard someone and sighed as I realized today wouldn't be a good shower day. It would be another day of cleaning with a dirty rag and decently aged water.
Walking around the small room my eyes quickly found the other person. It was John Connor.
"Hi, John." I said and he looked at me.
"You can join me." John said and I walked over to the stall he was in. "I need to talk to you."
I wasn't getting too excited about what John would say. He wasn't looking at me like a lover, but like someone that is about to tell me someone I care about has died. Hopefully I was misreading him.
"So what's the world shattering news from the great John Connor?" I joked as I started to wash.
I didn't want to admit that any term to describe nervous would not even hint at what I was feeling now. I loved John and I wished for that same love in return.
"I met Kate at a very low point in my life." John started to explain. "Before Judgment Day I was trying to hide from the reality that I knew would happen. On Judgment Day she was beside me and hasn't left me since."
I tried to appear like I didn't care. That him choosing Katherine over me was expected and normal. I tried to appear like I was glad to not have ruined a marriage.
But I wasn't happy.
"I hope you have a long life together." I said as I turned away from him.
"Jash," He said and grabbed my arm so I would face him. "I know you're upset and I don't blame you. But Kate has helped me through times that I couldn't have gotten by without her. I love you, Jash, but I can't be with you."
"Why not?" I pleaded. "If you love me then why can't you be with me? You're the le-"
"Just because I'm a leader doesn't mean I can do whatever want. I love you and Kate both. But I won't dissolve my marriage because of something I want to happen. I want a future with you but I couldn't live with myself if I divorced Kate."
"She must be special to you."
A tear went down John's cheek as he replied, "She is."
"And you wish she wasn't."
John just nodded.
A tear fell down my cheek and suddenly John and I were embracing. I was crying on his shoulder and he was crying on mine.
"I understand." I said through my sobs. "I wish I didn't."
"I'll always care for you, but I can't be with you."
After that brief bit of dialogue we continued to cry.
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