"I just figured that he would've gotten his ass kicked if I hadn't rescued him." I replied.
I knew that John would discuss the previous night with me. I had been waiting for it, actually. I had been waiting to see him again and to hear his voice. Living in Hell meant that there weren't many things to look forward to. One of the things in this Hellish life I had to look forward to was John.
"He's not as headstrong as the others." John said, still trying to appear like the leader.
"Well he trusts you," I said with a small smile on my lips. "That's got to mean he has some brain damage."
The leader facade swept away from his face as a grin replaced it. Seeing him smile was worth all the pain. Making him smile made me feel that my time being brainwashed by Skynet was being erased.
"You trust me." John said back to me.
"I never claimed that I was the smartest person here." I said and tried to put on a serious expression. I failed at this and burst out laughing.
"You do have to follow orders, though, the other men won't respect you if you don't." John said, suddenly serious. "And if you keep willfully disregarding rules I don't think I can help you."
"What if I don't need your help?"
"Doesn't matter, you want it."
John was right, of course. Even if one day I could physically escape him, my heart would always belong to him. I would never be able to escape him and I didn't mind. I didn't mind that fact at all.
"So what should I do next time?" I asked him. "Let him or someone else get themselves killed? Just watch them die and feel good because I followed orders?"
"If you want to be a soldier you have to follow orders."
"I'll follow your orders." I replied and saw his sad smile.
I knew that he doubted himself and didn't like when others put their full faith in him. He didn't like it when everyone around him seemed to die for him. But who couldn't help but follow him?
John's face just screamed at you to be loyal to him. It told you that whatever else happened, he was the one thing in life that would never change. He would always fight to defend you and the rest of humanity.
And his body was strong. It would be good to endure a long fight without tiring. It would also be good to push me up against one of these walls that were surrounding us. We could have a glorious moment of heaven and then hold each other as we settled down from the ordeal.
I was about to shake my head when I realized it was beyond useless to try and resist. I wanted him and I could tell that he wanted me. We both loved each other and if I had to be the one to make the first move, so be it.
"John, you're stronger than you know." I told him and moved slowly towards him.
Not because I was afraid of frightening him, but because I was nervous for making such a bold move.
"Everyone says that, I don't believe it." John replied.
I put a hand on John's face and felt what I had been longing to feel for a long time. He titled his head ever so slightly to better fit into the palm of my hand. He wanted to feel comforted and I wanted to help him feel comfort.
"I would never lie to you, John. If I thought you were being an idiot I would tell you without a second thought."
"I know, that's why I like you."
"Not that I would want to call you an idiot."
"I know that too."
I continued to build up my courage as I leaned with my lips towards his. The breath from his mouth was driving me mad, so I went slower to try and keep myself calm. I wanted this and with his breathing I could tell that he wanted this too. I knew then that both of us wanted our lips to lock quickly so that he could take me here and now.
I knew in that moment that I didn't care what happened as long as John entered me in every sense of the word.
But before our wishes could be fulfilled, John put a finger on my lips to stop me and said, "No. I need to think."
"I understand." I told him and I did.
But I was tired of holding back and I knew that he had to be too. However, he was married and so he was facing confusion that I couldn't even begin to understand at the moment.
I loved him, I truly did, and so I would wait. I owed him that.
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