The night had seemed longer than normal.
Maybe because it was the first time I was basically on my own. Or maybe it was
the fact that I was having to defend Katherine from any Terminators that
stopped by. I had looked for better weapons in the building and hadn’t found
anything useful.
All that was useful were a few items that
I used to set up an elementary alarm system. Of course the Terminators could
easily avoid it if they wanted to, but at least it was there. Maybe it was my
human side that wanted a sense of false reassurance.
Did that make me weak?
When the sun rose I didn’t feel any
safer. Hell, I felt even more like I was in a cage with Skynet able to walk in
any time that they wanted to. I held my handgun and watched over Katherine’s
sleeping form. The rise and fall of her chest which hopefully meant the twins
would be born.
As Katherine awoke I took care of her
needs even as she kept continuing to confuse me for John Connor.
“I’m not John Connor.” I finally told
her. “I’m Jash. You know, the person you hate and never want John to be with.”
“Stop trying to avoid yourself, John.”
Katherine said and reached for my hand. “I believe in you.”
I realized why John would admire this
woman. Even while she was in so much pain she still found it in her to
encourage me. Well…to encourage John. But right now we were really the same
person. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it.
“Yeah, I just don’t believe in myself.
The war is hard which is why you can’t die.” I told her and she tried to
squeeze back.
I then let go of her and started to feel
her stomach. I didn’t know what to look for. It wasn’t like Skynet was
interested in raising or killing pregnant women. Unless you counted killing
them like other people. I wanted to scream in frustration. I should be able to
do this for John, but I couldn’t.
I couldn’t tell if Katherine was still
pregnant. I should be able to. Why didn’t I try learning more about how humans
worked as much as I learned about how machines worked?
Looking down I remembered. Oh, yeah,
because then I would have to deal even more with Katherine. And dealing with
Katherine was hard.
But, as I looked at her, I realized that
dealing with her was worth all the pain and heartache. I had never really cared
when someone died. However, if she died then I would have to deal with John and
I didn’t want that. So did my caring for Katherine’s life have more to do with
John than me actually giving a shit about his wife?
Probably.
“I’m going, aren’t I?” Katherine asked
weakly.
“No, no.” I said and stepped away from
her. “You’ll live to torment me but I’m not certain about the twins.”
“I feel like I’m going. I’ve thought of
what death feels like. This is it.”
“You are not dying. Not today. Not here.”
“You’ll find someone to love you, John,
you’ll find someone to put your trust in. You’ll find another me.”
“Unlikely, you’re…you.”
“You have a lot of strength and if you
don’t find someone you can always carry on. I know it’ll be hard for you, but
you’ll be able to do it.”
“You’re not dying. Just stop talking like
you’re going to go any moment now.”
“Do you know why I decided to be with
you?”
“No.” I said, generally curious.
“Because I couldn’t stand to see you alone.”
Katherine explained. “I saw you on Judgment Day and didn’t think you could
handle things on your own. I thought that you needed to have someone to lean
on. Please prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.”
“I will.” I said and her breathing slowed
down.
Katherine really did love John Connor. It
was in no way because she felt she would have more power or anything of the
like. I didn’t expect that. I expected her to be a mean bitch. But she wasn’t.
I was lost. Everything I had thought
about her was wrong. How could I think such cruel things of her? She was a
human being. She deserved kindness and respect. Not only because she was John’s
wife, but because she was a person.
I sat down and felt weak. I had hated her
for so long that I didn’t know why I was feeling like I was losing someone I
cared about. I should be able to just carry on fine. I should be worried about
John’s reaction, of course, but I shouldn’t be frightened of her dying body so
close to me.
Slowly I stood up and made sure I was
still capable of standing. Nothing would be right once John heard the news that
his wife was dead. He would never fully recover. Would he heed Katherine’s
dying words? Would he take the chance to be with me?
I admit that I felt a little bit happy
with the thought that John Connor and myself would finally be able to be
together. I could do nothing more for Katherine, so I wouldn’t be the one to
blame once she died. John and I could finally live a life together.
Katherine started screaming loudly and I
looked over. Whatever was happening, she was not dying at this moment. It
didn’t sound like a death cry and she wouldn’t yell out now that she was so
close to death. She continued screaming and I finally knelt down beside her.
She grabbed my shoulder and I realized
what was happening: Katherine Brewster wasn’t dying, she was giving birth.
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