But at least I’d know that, if all went right, that the next
planet we would see would be Earth. I wanted to be in my meadow again as it was
normal. At least what normal was nowadays.
I looked at Cat who was wearing a makeshift jacket. There
had been a few materials lying around that we had put together for her. It
didn’t look comfortable as she was constantly moving and making sure that her
movements didn’t show off more than she wanted to be shown.
I was back in red-tailed hawk morph and I was glad that I
didn’t have to worry about clothing. I didn’t have to worry about being nude. I
was usually always nude, unless I went into human morph, so there was nothing
to be embarrassed about.
“How much longer?” Cat asked.
I don’t know. I
replied. I’m not even sure if when we
exit Z-space that we’ll be near Earth.
“I wish you were sure. To think that if we don’t ever reach
Earth that the Yeerks could take over and it’d be our fault that it happened.”
It would be my fault.
I’m the one that is flying us home. I said, trying to lighten to mood and
not make her worry as much.
On one hand I was happy that she would be willing to fight
when we got home. On the other hand, though, I didn’t want the guilt to be hers
if we never returned home. That should be my guilt to bear and mine alone.
The possibility of exiting Z-space and having a short lived
space battle with the Yeerks ending with our deaths took a firm hold in my
mind. I had wanted to wait until we had gotten back to Earth to admit my feelings to
her, but what if we didn’t have that time? What if we only had this time
together until we died?
I didn’t want to die without first admitting my feelings to
her.
Cat? I said and
waited for her to look at me. I…
I was suddenly embarrassed that I couldn’t say any other
words. I started preening myself because I felt awkward. Should you really tell
a girl that you just met that you love her? Would she really want to die thinking
she was with a creep?
I finally gathered the courage and said, I love you, Cat. I worked so hard to get you to this point because I
want to be with you. I don’t know how long the feeling will last, but I want to
be with you as long as it does.
She just sat there. I could look at her eyes but I couldn’t
decipher what she was thinking. I didn’t know if she felt the same way or was
starting to think that I was a creep. I tried to read her body language and I
suddenly realized that I was nervous to the point of not thinking clearly.
After awhile I started to get extremely nervous about what
she would say. Finally she kissed the top of my head. The hawk part of me was
nervous about that but I was able to control it so I didn’t react in fear to
that kiss. It felt good even though a human kissing a hawk shouldn’t seem so
normal. But, hey, I had been in a relationship with Rachel previously and she
had kissed me while in hawk form.
“Glad it isn’t just me, then.” Cat replied and we hugged.
If anyone had been watching us it would’ve seemed
uncomfortable as my wings were trying to wrap around her like arms and her arms
were wrapped around me. But it was the most comfortable I had been in awhile.
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