I opened my eyes and looked around my room. For some reason I had slept naked and I felt sore. I never did any exercising before bed, so the feeling of being sore was different. For some reason I started remembering a dream of waking up next to a corpse. As I looked around my room I realized that the dream was real and that this wasn't my room.
The room had the same design as Hannibal's house. Then it hit me. Hannibal had helped me hide the corpse, we kissed, and then we had made love. The feelings I had for him last night, that I still had, made the word 'sex' useless to describe what had happened. No wonder I was sore.
My search for my clothing was short as I saw that Hannibal had hung them up on the door for me. I must have been asleep for a few hours at least. I put my clothes on and realized, even though I had killed an innocent man, my now lover would protect me. He would be strong as I fell down.
I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. There was something different in my eyes. Something that scared me for a reason I might've been able to know before, but not now. Whatever it was wouldn't consume me or ruin me. I was Will Graham and I was not afraid.
As I was reassuring myself, a beautiful aroma came into my nose. I smiled as I realized what the meaning behind the smell was. Hannibal was making breakfast for me. I forgot what being in a relationship could be like. How good it could get. That you could wake up one morning and your lover would make you breakfast. If only I could've experienced that with Alana.
Walking into the kitchen I looked at Hannibal. There would always be something mysterious and dark about him, but it was calming to me.
"Are you feeling better, Will?" Hannibal asked as I realized he had heard me enter.
"Last night did help." I replied and I saw a small grin appear on his face. It was subtle, like everything else about him, but it was there. I could see that he wasn't sore from last night or maybe it didn't bother him. He must be stronger than I expected for a simple shrink.
"The act of sex does release endorphins."
"So you had sex with me merely to help release tension?" I asked, not worried that what I had said was the full truth. That he didn't have sex with me merely to help his patient.
"I had other motives." Hannibal answered.
I walked to the table and sat down with hope finally back in my heart. He did love me and I would have a breakfast made for me personally by the famous Doctor Lecter. The day was beginning much better than yesterday had ended. I wasn't feeling as confused as I was then. I was, more or less, stable.
Hannibal finally finished making breakfast and brought it out. He did his usual speech on what everything was and then we started to eat. At first we ate in silence. Not because there was tension, but because there was peace in doing so.
"Did you dream about the burnt corpse?" Hannibal asked as he casually put another bite into his mouth.
That was an odd question. Especially since the morning had begun so different from the events of last night. But I was still his patient and he still had a drive to make sure of my mental stability.
"I didn't dream of anything." I replied and then paused. I was remembering the utter bliss of being in a void so I didn't have to feel anything. "It was calming. I haven't felt a sleep like that in a long time."
There was more silence as we continued to eat. It seemed that Hannibal was happy about my reply and so I felt I was on a slow path to recovery.
"How do you feel about the man now?" Hannibal asked.
Before I would have to think how to word things because of how I thought Hannibal would judge me. I didn't have that problem now.
"I feel like killing the man gave me some release. Like there was part of me that was trapped that has now been set free. That what I feel about him now isn't bad." I paused. "Is that wrong?"
"No, it isn't." My lover reassured me. "Nor do I think that you are coping. You have finally found yourself and need to let your true personality out."
"But killing is wrong?" I asked, the last bit of the Old Will vainly trying to cling on. To deny the truth of Doctor Lecter's words.
"All killing is not wrong, Will, there are people who are better dead than alive. That if they breathed another breath more harm would come to this world."
"Like Gideon." I said softly. If I had killed Gideon sooner then Alana would still be alive. Then Alana and I would be together having coffee, having sex, and making breakfast the morning after. Now she was just a lifeless corpse in a grave.
"You could make up for Alana's death by killing someone else who causes harm and is therefore undeserving of the life they have."
"Killing someone won't bring Alana back."
"No, but you will be able to save someone like you couldn't save Alana." Hannibal countered.
"Do you have anyone in mind?" I asked.
"Do you?"
I thought about the question. Did I? There was Jack Crawford who wasn't dangerous, but had driven me into madness. That had ignored the signs of me being unstable. And since Jack had ignored the signs, I had killed an innocent man. Someone whose name I didn't know and wasn't connected to me at all.
But did I really want to kill Jack?
My cell buzzed and I looked at a text from Beverly.
"Beverly Katz." I said and looked into Hannibal's eyes. There seemed to be a perverse pleasure brewing behind them and I didn't mind. "She is too close. She is trying to find things out that don't concern her."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. She is trying to take Alana's place and will find out about your unorthodox methods." This was the truth. I had leaned on Beverly for support since Alana had been murdered, but being with Hannibal showed me her manipulations. They had been very subtle.
"Why?" Hannibal asked and the question seemed like he was trying to keep me from making a mistake. But, by his tone, I knew he thought I was doing the right thing.
"Because if she keeps me from you I'll become even more unstable."
"Then you will find the control you didn't have before when you kill her." After he said that we both smiled, in our own different ways, at each other.
-----------------
Inbetween tumblr
No comments:
Post a Comment