To Die For You If Need Be Chapter 3: On the Trip Home

This is a Game of Thrones fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.

Daenerys Targaryen

I felt the hot Meereen sun in the room. It was slightly more irritating than the men around the table. Why was I in Meereen? Hadn't I left there in order to go to Westeros? Or had that been a dream and this dull life my reality?

While still doing my best to listen, I looked around to make sure if I was dreaming. Everything looked normal and just as I remembered. The men always seeming to dare me to make a mistake. To them a woman in power was pure insanity and I had to regain their respect each day.

Daario was relaxed and his smile invited armies to fight him. He was good enough and had been wild in bed. But I didn't need him anymore. He had always been someone to make my heartache easier and now there was someone better for me. The one I should have been with after Drogo had...had died.

"Is something wrong, Khaleesi?" A familiar voice asked.

I turned to see Jorah. He couldn't be here. No, this had to be a dream. The last time we had met, he admitted his love for me and revealed that he had greyscale. I, in turn, commanded him to find a cure. I knew he probably wouldn't find one but my aching heart needed to be sated. I had to feel like I had done something.

"**** off." Daario said as he gripped his sword.

I smiled as this was a good dream. While I would never admit it to anyone, I liked how dismissive Jorah was of my choice in a lover. I liked that he grew jealous of what Daario currently had and what he might never get. I felt that way even when I didn't realize my heart wanted him.

In life, Jorah would allow me to live my own life. Even if I never ****** him, he would be by my side ready to die. But in my dream he was violent in a way that I would loathe in life. Since in a dream it was a completely different matter.

Everyone but myself, Jorah, and Daario were in the room. Both men had drawn their swords and were fighting. The younger man was easily overpowered by my love. Jorah was not kind to him and left Daario alive. The man begged for death and the Mormont walked to me instead.

Jorah didn't waste time with me.

My eyes opened wide but the dream stayed with me. I breathed hard and looked around my cabin. Instead of being with Jorah, he was somewhere else while I was on this ship. Soon I would set foot on Dragonstone and start my journey to conquer Westeros. Maybe Jorah would meet me soon and we could ease this ache of mine.

The waters were calm today and the ship rocked gently. It helped to calm me down from the dream. I just had to pretend that Jorah had a chance of returning to me. That being so afraid for his safety didn't make sense. No one could see the fear I felt for him every day since he went searching for a cure.

Maybe showing I loved him and giving him a mission would make dying easier for him. I focused on the rocking to drive away dark thoughts. Thoughts of waking one morning to find a message about his death. I couldn't do this without him by my side. I needed to know he was alive and not hurting. Every moment without him made me feel empty like after Drogo had died.

Why hadn't I forgiven him sooner? Why hadn't I trusted my heart more? Why had I been in so much pain that I couldn't see how much I loved him?

Focus. Focus. I needed to leave my cabin and put on an act so my men would continue to follow me. Being a woman and gaining power hadn't been easy. Not only had I started with nothing, men didn't like being put in their place. I had burned the khals alive when they tried to treat me as someone helpless.

Once I felt normal again, I got out of bed. My first few steps nearly ended with me sprawled on the floor. I chuckled when I arrived at my dresser. It was a good thing no one had come in during those moments as then I'd have to act like a queen. And a queen did not take enjoyment in something as fun as nearly falling down.

As I slowly put my outfit on, I regretted having to be a queen. I wanted to ride Drogon all across Essos with Jorah, but I was the only Targaryen left. Besides that, the red star and dragons hatching defined who I was supposed to be. There was no other path for me to take.

I looked at my mirror and judged myself as others would. A young woman that seemed helpless except for the air I put on. The knowledge I had three dragons as well as the charisma to draw men to my side made me a dangerous foe. The Iron Throne would be mine soon and life would make more sense.

Conquering was supposed to be the hard part, right?

Once I looked like a queen, I walked out of my cabin onto the deck of the ship. After a week, being on a ship felt nearly like being on land. Though I'd be grateful once my feet walked on the sandy beaches of Dragonstone.

"Daenerys." Missandei said and I looked toward her smiling face.

My old friend looked nervous and I could understand why. We were going to be in a strange land and she could die far from home. For me, at least, going to Westeros meant reclaiming the Iron Throne for my House. There was no greater purpose in going to Westeros for her except, maybe, to follow me.

"You're nervous?" I asked and leaned against the railing.

"You'd be a fool to feel calm." Missandei replied. "Even the Dothraki aren't as sure of themselves as they usually are."

"Once we're on solid land they'll be better."

"And you're sure that no one will be waiting for us at Dragonstone?"

"Cersei doesn't know we're coming yet and only commoners should be on the island. There should be no reason to expect a fight."

"So no one has noticed a fleet with the Targaryen sigil coming towards Westeros?"

"I'm hoping that no one takes real notice of me until I'm ready."

"If there is any danger waiting at Dragonstone your dragons will take care of them."

We both smiled at that. Missandei had lived most of her life as a slave while I had been tormented by my older brother. Now both of us had shed our chains. We were more powerful than we had ever imagined.

"Do you think Jorah can find a cure, Missandei?" I asked as I turned my head in the direction of Dragonstone.

"I really wish I could say anything for certain." Missandei replied. "He was a good man. No matter his faults."

"Thanks for being honest, doubt I'll find many in Westeros willing to give me the truth."

And even for those willing to not soften the blows, a certain level of honesty couldn't be allowed. People could use the right words to deceive me so that they could sit on the Iron Throne. Someone could be honest about Jorah's chances of survival all to explain why they'd make a good husband for me. If I was in such a state of despair, I might believe them.

"You should go eat." I said with a grin as Missandei's stomach growled.

"Are you sure?" She asked. "You seem more lonely ever since we left Meereen."

"I can survive a few hours in loneliness. At least for now I don't have to worry about assassinations."

With a brief nod of her head, she walked away and left me alone. The wind and waves were enough company for me. I could ride on Drogon once my children came back from their morning hunt. It was good that they could survive off of fish so I didn't have to deal with my men feeling like they were starving.

"How is the queen enjoying herself?" Tyrion asked and I looked briefly at him.

He had been a good Hand thus far. He had brought Jorah back to me the first time. He was a Lannister and yet different from the rest of his House. He hadn't tried once to kill or betray me. He was also extremely short in stature which had been strange for me at first. But something easily overlooked.

"As long as no storm comes our way, I'll be fine." I replied.

"As long as Jorah returns to your side, I'll be fine." Tyrion said. "He's a good man with useful advice to give."

"Do you think I should have named him my Hand?"

"That choice falls only to you. I didn't know him long enough, anyways."

"Do you trust him enough to be my king?"

"Jorah is a good man but...there will be better suitors in Westeros. You should be focusing on securing your power and the right husband will do that. Jorah might be a Mormont, but he's also disgraced."

At first I was furious at the Imp. How dare he shame me in such a manner! I deserved all the comforts I could find. It was me that would soon win the Iron Throne and kill the Lannister who now sat upon that treasured seat. But as quickly as my anger came, it went away. In its place was an idea that would please both Tyrion and myself.
* * *
"I think we're nearly finished." Tyrion said and drank more wine.

We were back in my cabin and situated at the small table. It was big enough for two people to sit at comfortably. Though the rocking motions caused the ink to nearly fall numerous times. Yet because we were determined to get this over with before we reached Dragonstone, we worked through it.

"This shouldn't have taken hours." I said.

"That's politics." Tyrion agreed. "Anything that seems simple takes year. This decree is simple enough and I'm making sure people can't easily dispute it."

"People shouldn't be able to dispute me embracing the history of House Targaryen."

"People will dispute whatever exists. You're also a foreigner to the Westerosi as you grew up in Essos. Then there's the fact that polygamy hasn't been practiced by House Targaryen in a long time."

"And if I was born and raised in Westeros?"

"People would not like you returning to polygamy. It's a change and people don't like change."

Though I loved Jorah, Tyrion was right to point out that my love didn't have the markings of a king. At least not one the Westerosi would easily accept. Tyrion was also right that there would be more suitable suitors upon landing in Westeros. Men that would have the prestige that Jorah was lacking.

So I had decided to practice polygamy again as my House had in ages past. This meant I would still keep Jorah as a husband while leaving room for another suitor to claim my hand. Though that suitor would not claim my heart, I was sure that would be no great loss as political marriages were hardly ever about love.

"The Westerosi will need to accept change." I said. "I can't rule while living in the past. I can't constantly think about what long dead men would want."

I would be the first queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Cersei was not a true queen, she was merely a pretender. So it was up to me to set a precedent for my scions. The Westerosi would have to learn to bow to a woman as easily as a man. They would need to learn that women could rule the Seven Kingdoms just as easily as kings of times past. Maybe in the future I would declare only queens fit to rule on the Iron Throne. Did that show I thought too highly of myself? A flaw I had to constantly pay attention to.

"I wouldn't expect that to stop you." Tyrion replied. "But you need to be aware of what people will think and why."

"And not to always blame them for their actions." I muttered and drank my wine. "That's going to be the hardest thing to remember when they're crying out for my blood."

"Then show them that you're a new ruler. A better ruler."

"I'll convince the nobles and the commoners will agree as long as they live in peace."

"You're jealous of them?"

"Aren't you? Because you're a Lannister, you were burdened with their history."

"I guess it wouldn't be a bad fate to drink, ****, and love in peace. Why didn't you fade away into obscurity when you had the chance?"

"I hatched three dragons from stone. There was no chance to fade away into obscurity after that."

My children were a blessing and a decree from the gods. They were the only children I would ever have and having them also meant people would always try to claim them. Which meant that I would have to defend their freedom. After I sat on the Iron Throne I could search for more dragon eggs and attempt to do the miracle once more.

"All it needs is your signature." Tyrion said and gently pushed the decree to me. "If you are sure about doing this, that is."

"Still time for me to back away from Jorah?" I angrily asked. "Still time for me to discard loyalty in favor or what's the most politically sound move? I've betrayed him enough for one lifetime. I can't do so again."

"He would understand."

"The man has seen me at my lowest points and loved me still. This is the only way to stay true to him and prove myself to the Westerosi people."

"It wou-"

"It would be better if I didn't come to Westeros with a husband and looking for another one. You have made that perfectly clear."

With a few strokes I cemented my decree. My love would come back to me as a king hopefully before I took a second husband. I knew he would accept my decision no matter the situation, but he shouldn't have to do such things anymore. He should know I loved him and only him. It was only him that I wanted in my bed.

I let out a long sigh of relief. It was as if a great burden was lifted from me. No matter what happened, Jorah would know I loved him and was growing into the ruler he thought I was. He had believed in me even when I exiled him numerous times. He had believed in me even when I faltered from perfection. He had believed in me even when I was nothing but a thing for my brother to torment.

Jorah, more than most, deserved to be king. He deserved to be admired for all the hardships he had overcome. The man had faced his demons and killed them all in glorious fashion. Before it could be argued he wouldn't make a good king, but now he was a different man.

He would return to me. He had to.

"Jorah would have loved you either way." Tyrion said and poured himself more wine. "Now he will return to your side as a king of the Seven Kingdoms."

"You don't think he'll mind that I will take another?" I asked.

"You could skin the man alive and he would still love you. Marrying someone for political reasons is less painful than that. I assume so. My sister never got around to doing that to me."

"Do you think that he'll find a cure?"

There was a silence that felt a cut into my heart. Of course he would say there was no cure. He would say that I was deluding myself into thinking that there was any way to erase my past mistakes. He would say that I had to live with murdering the man who loved me. The only man since Drogo that made me feel something deeper than mere sex.

"I don't know if there is a cure for greyscale." Tyrion said, breaking the silence. "What I do know is that Jorah will find it. He's most likely gone to the Citadel in order to seek the wisdom of the maesters. It will be surprising if he doesn't fulfill your command."

"You shouldn't lie to your queen, Tyrion." I replied with a sad smile. "I'm not a child anymore."

"You're not a child, just a woman with a broken heart. I'm doing what I can for a dear friend. Besides, you're not the only one that will miss him."

I nodded and tried to stop the tears from falling. A queen shouldn't show such emotions to her subjects. But Tyrion was a dear friend and there was no stopping these tears. They would fall no matter what I did. So the Imp was a good friend and remained sitting in silence. Only when I was in control of myself again would we leave my cabin.