Friday, September 23, 2022

To Die For You If Need Be Chapter 19: To Battle

This is a Game of Thrones fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.

Daenerys Targaryen

The Room of the Painted Table seemed emptier than before. It had been a long time since Yara had last reported to me and I was worried. No one knew where she was which could mean Euron killed her and Theon. There was a slight bit of comfort in knowing that she was never important to the plan, she was only there to make sure that Ellaria returned safely to Dorne.

But Yara was much more than a mere chess piece on a grand board. She was a person with her own hopes and dreams. And it was me who had ordered her demise. If she died it was my fault for putting her in that position.

"All three?" Jon asked and I focused back on the present.

Highgarden was about to be attacked or had been. In any case I needed to retaliate against the Lannisters. They had to be shown that if they attacked an ally, I would avenge them with fervor. Though not too much fervor as I would quickly lose myself in the fire and the flames.

The point of discussion had turned to using Drogon, Rhaegal, and Viserion in attacking the Lannister army. To my mind it would be wrong to deprive my children of such excitement. Besides that, Drogon couldn't be the only one with battle experience. They should all learn what was expected of them.

Though my children might not learn the lessons I wanted them to. While they had more intelligence than a mere beast, they were still controlled by their instincts. They would still burn something for reasons that eluded any man. It could be that they were hungry of they felt irritated and so decided to attack friends. I was under no illusion about what my children were.

"Why would I use only one dragon?" I asked. "Doing so would be a waste."

"The Lannister forces won't be able to defend against one." Jon argued.

"Are you suggesting that I'm only sending all three as a show of force with no tactical benefits?"

"Yes."

I could understand the bastard's reluctance to use more than one dragon. He had been raised in the North and so was biased against my House and its dragons. I also agreed with him that one dragon was necessary but I didn't think things would get out of control with three. At least I hoped so.

"I do want to make the Lannisters feel terrified but not at the cost of killing all of them." I said. "I want to do just enough damage to make them know that defying me will have consequences."

"They will be intimidated once they see you on Drogon." Jon countered.

"It won't be enough. They know I have dragons yet Cersei doesn't hand me the Iron Throne. Her subjects continue to defy me because they don't yet comprehend who I am. If they see three dragons they may stop supporting the pretender."

"Or maybe they already know and would rather burn."

"Daenerys is right on this matter." Tyrion interrupted as if Jon and I were mere children. "Just because they are there doesn't mean she will use them."

He sounded utterly confident that I wouldn't lose control over them. If only I could feel that way. Then again, if I wasn't certain enough they would be remaining on Dragonstone. Or maybe the truth was that I couldn't stand the longing they had to truly spread their wings. They needed to not feel trapped during my retaking the Iron Throne and freeing Westeros from Cersei's rule.

"And what if she loses control of them?" Jon asked.

"Then Lannisters would die." Nymeria replied with a scoff. "No great loss there."

"I will not serve a queen who slaughters for the thrill of it. There are too many rulers like that in the world already."

"I have a good hold on my children." I reassured Jon. "If they get consumed by their instincts, they won't burn down the countryside."

"And how many will die by their flames?" Jon asked.

"Only soldiers that have willingly thrown themselves into war against me. I do not condone the killing of innocents and will not change that now."

Jon sat back in his seat and I looked at the Sand Snake. With Ellaria in Dorne, she was now left to her own devices. She talked in meetings and let her feelings and concerns be heard by all. If she thought a decision wrong, she would say so. She had no love of the Lannisters and I didn't know if that was because they were on the opposite side. In any case, she was not silent about her feelings on that House.

I looked back at Jon and felt a great weight on my shoulders. It wasn't just one battle I would have to win, it would be his heart. I had to prove to him that I wasn't a bloodthirsty monster. I had to show him that I truly wanted to change Westeros for the better. To do that I had to fight the battle by a compromise of my way and his.

"Burning seems cruel." Jon said.

"Every form of killing is." I agreed. "As long as I don't kill innocents I haven't gone too far."

Nymeria looked at me as if I should been more dismissive of Jon. I agreed with her distaste of how he was holding up my conquest irritated me to no end, but I couldn't voice those opinions. Not only was I trying to make him my second husband, I also wanted his approval. If I were to go too far, he would be the first to know and care.

"You are right." Jon finally agreed. "I'm just nervous because I have never fought with dragons. All the stories I have heard have painted them as unthinking beasts."

"Dragons are dangerous." I said. "But if you respect them then they will respect you in turn."

And once they truly trusted you, you could ride on their backs. That feeling of utter freedom was impossible to explain. It should scare me that they flew so high, but I trusted Drogon so completely that I didn't mind. His flight merely added to the thrill.

I looked around the table and saw no fight in anyone's eyes. They would stand behind me in retaliating against House Lannister. Some would remain on Dragonstone while others would fight on the battlefield. There would be blood and screams. The thought of those sounds made me extremely happy and it took all of my effort to reign myself in.

"Does anyone have any objections to my battle plan?" I asked.

"I will join you." Jon said and put a hand on Ghost. "For my people I need to make sure you aren't just another tyrant."

"It might not be wise for the King of the North to risk his life." Varys said.

"What about mining, Jon?" I asked.

I hoped that he wouldn't join the fight. It would be hard enough controlling three dragons without his judgment. But to refuse him his request would show I had something to hide. Something that could spell the end of Westeros. I couldn't let Jon believe I was a monster. I also couldn't afford new vicious rumors to start. A large part of ruling was to give everyone the right image.

"I can leave the burden of mining to Davos." Jon said and his Hand nodded. "There isn't much I do on a daily basis. Mining won't suffer in the time needed to retaliate against the Lannisters."

"And you will obey me during the battle?" I asked. "Can you follow a Targaryen?"

"I will follow your orders without question. Unless you prove yourself as just another tyrant."

For a brief second I wanted to tease him with the possibility of being burned alive. But since he was a Stark and I a Targaryen, the joke would be taken as a threat no matter the intention. Besides that I didn't know if I would be joking or not. The cold that went down my spine alerted me to the fact I wasn't lost. I would only be lost if I didn't get the taste of bile in my mouth at the thought.

"I am not a tyrant." I said. "I am not my father. You have nothing to fear from me nor me from you."

Jon bowed his head slightly and I had to resist from smiling back. We were slowly learning about each other. And understanding was leading very quickly to friendship. He could become one of the few friends I had in this world. Friendship and loyalty was much more important to me than finding another lover.

"This meeting is over." I said. "I expect everyone that is going to be ready within a day."

Everyone slowly made their way out of the room. It was soothing to hear nothing but my own breathing. The only two to linger were Missandei and Nymeria. But eventually they realized I needed my peace for I wouldn't have much to spare over the next few weeks. It would take time to get to the Lannister army, time to fight, and then time getting back to Dragonstone.
* * *
In all of time there had been no words more horrifying than 'two hours'. I had hardly slept last night and it must have been pure willpower that let me fall asleep at all. To all those watching it appeared as if nothing was wrong. But it felt like my own mind was in danger of falling apart.

In two hours I would leave Dragonstone and make my way towards Highgarden. It would be in the surrounding area I would take my revenge against the Lannisters. Lady Olenna had been strong when women were told to remain quiet and complacent. Cersei would grow to learn that you didn't attack one of my allies without expecting retribution. Besides being a good political move, I wouldn't remain silent when those in my care were harmed. Doing otherwise went against my very nature.

"You're finally doing it." Missandei said as she stood beside me. "After all the talk you are finally going to Westeros."

I stood on the beach to watch the frantic pace of people going on small boats to supply the ships and then coming right back to get more supplies. They were efficient and we would be ready to go in two hours time. At least I would be on Drogon's back soon enough.

"This is Westeros." I argued.

"Not really." Missandei replied. "It's too far to be Essos but not close enough to be considered Westeros."

"I guess from a certain point of view that's correct. But it was my House's seat and later it was claimed by House Baratheon. If you asked a commoner they would say it was part of Westeros."

"I doubt a commoner would care."

"They also won't care who sits on the Iron Throne. All they care about is surviving from day to day."

"Does it ever bother you that they won't care about your struggle?"

"Not enough that it matters. As long as I sit on the Iron Throne I will do my best to improve their lives."

"You'll break the wheel."

"Yes, I will break the wheel."

I would take the system that oppressed and destroy it. In its place would be something better. In all my time thinking of how to accomplish that lofty goal, I hadn't figured out how it could be done. Defeating Cersei and reclaiming the Iron Throne would be easy but ruling would be much harder. Maybe Daario had been right in saying I was a conqueror through and through.

No, I could be a queen. I had learned from my time in Meereen. My past mistakes would make me a stronger ruler. Wasn't it only through mistakes that a person learned anything? If only I had learned without mistakes then Jorah would be here with me now. I should never have exiled him.

"Khaleesi, we're ready." One of the Dothraki said.

"Make sure everyone is on the ships and then I'll give the order to leave." I replied and he went off to check.

I turned slightly to see Jon stand beside me. The man did not look comfortable in the heat. When I went North he would be more comfortable and it would be my turn to feel uncomfortable. I followed his eyes to see a small boat racing to the shore. It wasn't one of mine.

Jon usually remained calm but I felt him tense up. I suddenly understood why as now Theon's form was clear and left no doubt about who he was. If things had gone as planned, Jon would have met the Greyjoy much sooner. Though I wanted to stop any violence between the two, Jon deserved to confront the traitor who had given Winterfell to the Boltons.

"What is he doing here?" Jon asked. "Is he allowed here?"

"Theon and Yara Greyjoy risked their lives to be a distraction to Euron while Ellaria and two of her daughters returned to Dorne." I explained. "Yara should be with him. Even close to death that woman wouldn't go easily."

The moment Theon's small boat touched shore he got out and Jon raced towards him. Soon enough the bastard was beating the **** out of the Greyjoy while the eunuch allowed it to happen. I started to move towards the pair when Missandei lightly touched my hand.

"I have to stop this." I whispered.

"You'll only get yourself hurt." Missandei replied and I hated that she was right.

I watched helplessly as things got worse and then, just as suddenly as the fight began, it stopped. Theon looked bruised but not broken. It was as if even in his rage Jon couldn't bring himself to kill the man. If I had been in a similar situation I would have killed Theon for his crimes and felt no guilt.

"There's only one reason I won't kill you." Jon said angrily. "You saved my sister. That's the only reason I can't bring myself to end your miserable life."

Missandei followed me as I stood beside Jon. Theon's men tried to help him up but the man waved them away. He took a few minutes but he finally stood up. There was guilt on his face and it became evident that Yara's fate was not a pleasant one. If the gods were kind then she would be dead and not used as a plaything by Euron.

"What happened to Yara?" I asked in a calmer tone than I actually felt.

"Euron came and Yara attacked." Theon said in a shaky voice. "I knew the attack was doomed the moment I saw him. We didn't have a chance to survive but Yara refused to see reason. I decided to flee and a few of our men followed me. I watched from a distance and saw him take my sister."

"You fled before the battle?"

"You don't understand, attacking Euron's fleet would have ended in death for everyone. No, I was a coward."

"Ramsay didn't leave much of you left." Jon said with guilt in his voice. "It...it wasn't your fault."

"It is my fault."

I didn't like the thought of Euron doing...the dark things he did to people. Yara might be as broken as Theon after he was done with her. The thought of such a strong woman being reduced to a childlike state was painful. More for Theon than me as he would shoulder the guilt until his dying days.

"I promise I will make sure that Yara is freed from Euron." I told Theon. "I promise I will do everything in my power to return her to you. You have my word. But avenging Olenna Tyrell is more urgent at this moment. I need to get to the Lannister army before they return to King's Landing. Afterwards I will work on freeing her."

"I thought of asking you for help but it is my fault Yara was captured." Theon said and I was surprised at the strength in his voice. "So it falls to me to rescue her."

"That doesn't fall to you." Jon reassured the Greyjoy, shock thick in his voice.

"I rescued Sansa but that doesn't erase what I have done. I need to remind myself about who I am."

"Missandei, make sure that Theon Greyjoy and his men are well rested before they leave." I said.

"Yes, Your Grace." Missandei said and the Greyjoys followed her.

I wanted her to see me off but knew that Theon needed rest more. Besides, what could happen while I was gone? While I had lost the Yara's ships, I still had enough men to defend the island. Only Euron would pose a sizable threat.

"You don't have to follow me." I said. "You should make your way to your ship."

"They can wait for me." Jon insisted.

"If you are on Dragonstone when I take flight, I will leave you behind."

Jon bowed and started walking away from me. In truth I wanted him to walk with me. He might not look at me so kindly after the battle as I was uncertain how it would go. I could lose myself or my children could cause damage I hadn't intended. You could ride a dragon, but you couldn't fully control them.

My mind didn't clear until I was on Drogon's back and he in the sky with the other two following close behind. Viserion and Rhaegal flew far past the fleet before returning back close to me. Then they raced each other the same way again and again.

The fleet, as with all other dangers on the land, seemed so small and insignificant. How could something so small have any impact?

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