I paused while eating the dinner Hannibal had prepared for Abigail and myself.
I didn't like going to normal functions, such as dinner, but with Hannibal it was different. Plus Abigail Hobbs was with us. It almost felt like we were a family. Hannibal and myself being the fathers and Abigail being the daughter. I had a feeling that she preferred Hannibal over me and who wouldn't? He was sure of himself and I was a mess. I felt bad that she didn't adore me, though, as I felt so connected to her.
I continued on with eating the meal that Hannibal had prepared for us.
"Jack doesn't have me doing anything this weekend." I said. "He doesn't have me doing a lot lately."
"He's trying to help with the grieving process, Will." Hannibal said, trying to comfort me.
"I am not grieving and letting me do my job will help me better than any therapy session."
"I don't think Jack understands you." Abigail said. "I don't think Jack trusts you."
"I don't blame him." I said with a pained grin on my face.
"You're being too hard on yourself." Hannibal replied.
I shook my head. "No, I'm not. If anything, I'm being too kind. I just lost Alana and I was already fading before then. If anything, Jack is the sane one."
Abigail put a hand on my shoulder and I felt a calmness come over me. Abigail was like the daughter I didn't have and was always able to calm me down. I'd always be worried about her, every time I thought of her, but she was able to do what adults couldn't. Adults are all tainted and those of the younger generation aren't. The younger generation could be scarred, and who wouldn't in the Hobbs family, but they were always more innocent.
Almost the same reason I preferred my dogs to people.
Abigail removed her hand and I turned to Hannibal.
"If you have anything planned for this weekend I'll be able to go." I finally said.
"How about fishing?" Hannibal asked. After he said that Abigail and him seemed to share an inside joke.
"I do have a new fishing lure I'd like to try out." I replied. "Do you have any places you'd recommend?"
"My father took me to some good spots." Abigail said and I swear a hint of a smile came onto her face.
"Would you want to go to any of them?"
"No." She said curtly with a touch of disappointment in herself. "I won't be able to stop thinking of him. How he killed those girls and...fed them to me."
"You did nothing wrong. He killed them, not you."
"Is there something wrong with killing?"
"Yes, everything. We have to do it sometimes, but it's never admirable."
"What about you killing Gideon to protect Alana?" Hannibal asked and waited calmly for my answer.
"I don't even know if I protected or killed her." I replied and didn't say what I wanted to say. That I'd kill Gideon for eternity if it meant that Alana would still be alive. Hannibal didn't need to know that part. Abigail didn't need to hear it. But it seemed that Hannibal's eyes already knew. Another of Hannibal's strange expressions left his face before I could properly discern its meaning.
"But if you did save her, would that be different?"
I sighed and then replied, "Yes, that would be different."
"What if the person was undeserving of their life? What if they wasted it by being cruel?"
"Are you a killer?" I said and laughed. The first real laugh I had let out in awhile. Even as I was laughing I seriously considered Hannibal's joke. If Gideon had been killed sooner then Alana would still be alive.
But what if I followed that train of thought and began to think of myself as a god? I would then think it was up to me to decide if someone was worthy of life. Alana's face filled my mind and it became hard for me to think of that part as a downside.
I was woken up from my thoughts by my cellphone.
I checked who was calling me as I was afraid of continuing the conversation. I was especially scared of what I would admit to them, but even more afraid of what I'd admit to myself.
"I'm sorry, I have to take this." I said, relieved that I had an excuse to get out. "It's Beverly."
As I walked out to answer the call, I saw Hannibal look at me. He appeared angry and I didn't blame him. Leaving a dinner with the excuse of a phone call was very rude.
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