It had been a good three standard days since my last connections to my origins had been destroyed. I had expected to be crying and starting to feel the anger that I thought was in the past. But none of that happened. I was in the shower for the fifth time that day. I felt dirty and yet no amount of water would wash me clean.
I had not only killed friends but had done so while they were asleep. My crimes included dragging a Jedi Master to help me. An image of Qui-Gon came into my mind and I imagined him waiting outside the shower. I didn't just see an image but remembered his mind. Focusing on the mirage of Qui-Gon I felt its nonexistence and finished washing myself.
I got out and began to dry myself. I thought I should check on Qui-Gon one last time. As this galaxy was big and he was a Jedi, I figured this would be my last chance. I didn't dress fancy but put on my normal outfit. After making sure that my cabin would be safe I walked over to his door. I could've teleported but wanted to be polite. Wanted to comfort him and not scare him away.
While I had lost my friends, he had killed enemies that were in no position to fight back. I believed we were equal in the pain we felt about the events aboard the Heart of the Darkness.
I knocked on Qui-Gon's door and he opened.
"I just wanted to check on you." I said. "Before we said our good-byes."
I sensed something strange and the Jedi Master appeared nervous but he let me in anyways.
"You had me kill people that were defenseless." He reprimanded and then sighed. "But I see why you had me help you. It was hard enough for you to kill your fellow Navigators. You couldn't do it on your own."
"You don't think you could kill a fellow Jedi." I said and put an arm around his shoulder. "Not even one that betrayed you personally."
Qui-Gon winced but nodded. He had told me all about Xanatos the previous day and I had listened. He had told me plainly that he wouldn't know what would happen if he had to kill his former Padawan.
"And I thank you for helping to keep my secret about a fragment of my past." I said and saw him smile back. For a brief moment he seemed to forget about the pains encountered on the Heart of the Darkness. I was a little proud that I could provide him even a brief glimpse at happiness.
"The true danger is no longer a threat." Qui-Gon said and he touched my hand that was on his on his arm. "I will say I battled the Sith in there and that once I left the ship it was no longer in the same location."
"And what will you say about me?"
"That you helped me track it down."
I then asked the question that was on my mind but that I was afraid to get out of my mouth. "When will you be leaving?"
Qui-Gon appeared nervous again and replied, "In around five hours."
"Then you'll be gone."
"I will answer any call you send me." He said. "You more than deserve that."
"I put you through more pain than being killed by a black hole, you shouldn't feel that you owe me anything."
"But I do." He said and I shook his hand.
As I let go of his hand and went to the door something happened. Something that had been waiting to happen since I had first laid eyes on him. An emotion he had an easier time feeling than me.
Qui-Gon grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me. Deeply and with passion. However, it was also laced with shame for betraying his Order. For a brief second I saw an image of a human woman in his mind that was quickly replaced by my own as I returned his kiss.
The kissing became more heated and both of our hands wandered. Before things could continue to the finish we both yearned for, we stopped.
"I'll remember your offer." I told the Jedi Master and the first real smile in awhile formed on my face. No more shame was on his face as he smiled back. The smile and these feelings gave me hope that one day I could feel like I had before.
I then exited his cabin.
-THE END-
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