Lynesse Chapter 21: The Ballad of Gafinilan and Mertil

This is a Game of Thrones fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.

It felt colder than it was in our room. Ghost was curled up at the front of the bed, his ears moving was the only sign that he wasn't actually asleep. Daenerys had just changed into her nightclothes and she looked at me as she sat on the edge of our bed. I was sitting at a small table pretending to look over maps.

"Are you really that worried?" Daenerys asked. "I have a dragon. Cersei's forces will be no match to me."

"It just feels like I'm dreaming." I replied. "I have to reassure myself or I won't be able to sleep."

My life hadn't become a dream, it had become a nightmare. The woman's love I had sought all this time had become a monster. If she continued to let her emotions cloud her judgment, I would be forced to make a hard choice. A choice I would rather die than make.

"Are you worried that Jon will try to kill me?" Daenerys asked with a smirk.

"I have no doubt that you could beat him in combat." I replied. "He is no match for you on dragonback. He has Stark blood thick in his veins, he has no love of the skies like you do."

I admired Jon but he was not as skilled as Daenerys on dragonback. She had not only had many more years experience, she seemed to be a dragon herself. Just like Jon was more skilled with a sword. But Daenerys would not let herself get into a situation where she would have to fight with a sword. She would burn him if he stayed on the ground and he would be lucky to fall to the ground if they fought in the air.

"You're not really looking at those maps, are you?" Daenerys asked. "Something else is bothering you."

"You'll sit on the Iron Throne soon." I said in barely a whisper. "You'll reclaim it for your House. After decades House Targaryen will again rule Westeros. I'm going to be part of a momentous occasion in history."

"You're worthy to be my king. You're the only one still alive that stood by my side even when I was weak."

"You were never weak, khaleesi. It takes a strong woman to survive what you did."

"I didn't feel strong back then."

I left the maps behind to sit beside her. She looked up at me and then leaned on me. In this moment it was hard to remember the dark path she was walking as she seemed too human. That had to mean that there was enough of her left to save. Maybe once she sat on the Iron Throne she would be able to reflect on her actions and help to repair her alliance with Jon.

"Do you hate me, Jorah?" Daenerys asked as her voice wavered.

"Why would I hate you?" I asked.

"The rest of Westeros despises me. I know that you're a Northerner and hate that I broke my alliance with Jon. That since I use dragons for execution I'm no longer sane."

"Nothing will ever stop me loving you. Nothing you can do or say will make me think of you as anything less than my everything. I will stand by your side until the day I die."

I loved Daenerys, no matter who she became. I was blessed and cursed with the love I felt for the woman. The admiration for her would never die. As her husband it was my duty to help her and so I could never leave her side. I would help her win the Iron Throne though with only one dragon she could easily defeat Cersei on her own.

"Why stand by me?" Daenerys asked. "Why not serve Jon? House Mormont is loyal to House Stark and you're the last of your line."

"I'm your king." I told her firmly. "My place is by your side. I would gladly serve Jon if that was your wish. But you are at odds with him so he is my enemy. It's not easy for me to consider him as such, but it's not my decision to make."

"I will take the North and you can see Bear Island once again."

In response I kissed her. As my kisses increased in intensity and a soft moan left her lips, the thought of returning home became unbearable. I could only return home if the only thing left of Winterfell was ashes.

I had ****** many women in the past but there was something different about her. Something that called to the essence of my very being. But there was also something pushing me away from her. Something I needed to think about before we ****** again.

"I need to take a walk." I breathed in a jagged voice.

"Do you?" Daenerys moaned and I nearly lost all of my senses.

"And when I come back I'll finish this. I promise. I'll make it worth the wait."

"You always do, my love."

She kissed me gently and I got up. Without needing to call to him, Ghost stood up and looked excited. I laughed at how childish this great direwolf could be. He would protect me from any danger. Yet he still enjoyed the simple things in life. Like any dog he enjoyed walks with me. Maybe he would relieve himself and maybe he would just run around Dragonstone until I returned to Daenerys.

I walked out of the room with Ghost close behind. When my room was some way behind me I felt like a great weight had lifted. No, it hadn't lifted. It was still in my mind reminding me that soon I'd have to face it yet again. Once I had finished walking I'd be more focused on ******* her than the future. I would be able to lose myself in her.

The night air felt warmer out here. I leaned against a rock and looked up at the sky. The gods themselves must live out there and look down on us. They had declared me Azor Ahai but no explanations were given as to my task. Who was the Great Other? If I didn't want this task could I deny the gods their game?

Ghost brushed by me and so I followed him. He walked with a purpose which must mean he was leading me to something important. I listened in case there were more soldiers killing innocent women. No, that couldn't be the case. Jon wouldn't allow that to happen as they were making their way off the island.

The direwolf lead me to a cliff that overlooked the Northern fleet. It had taken them a few days but now they would be gone in around an hour. Jon was looking and, as always, seemed to have a great weight on his shoulders. Daenerys wouldn't want me to kill him now so at least I wouldn't have to struggle with her orders this night.

"Jon." I said and he turned to me.

A weak smile graced his lips and Ghost walked up to him. The direwolf allowed the Stark to pet him for as long as he liked. We both chuckled when Jon stopped and Ghost tried to make him continue. Ghost needed me and Jon. He didn't want us to be on opposites sides of a war. I didn't know how much the creature understood, but he knew enough it seemed.

"You don't need to be afraid of Daenerys burning your men." I reassured him once Ghost decided some odd scent was more important.

"I know I don't." Jon replied. "I'm more concerned with what comes after. Winterfell is my home. I won't let it burn down."

"If I could save Winterfell I would."

Jon looked at me and I pretended not to read his look. It was a mix of angry and shocked. I guess it was more disappointed than anything else. Here I was as the husband of Daenerys and claiming I couldn't do anything. If only he knew how hard it was to change my love's mind. It was now impossible to tell her that there were innocent people in King's Landing.

"I didn't want things to end like this." I said. "I wanted to be safe in the knowledge that the alliance would hold. At least until the North had a new ruler."

"At which point you wouldn't be worrying about things anymore." Jon teased and I nodded.

We looked out to the Northern fleet in silence. It wasn't awkward nor did it feel the least bit uncomfortable. Being out here with Jon was doing much for my nerves. Maybe I could convince Jon and Daenerys to reestablish their alliance. Then things would be as they should.

"I didn't want to break off my alliance with Daenerys." Jon said. "I loved her, I still do. But I can't stand idly by as she destroys everything I hold dear. I won't let my feelings stop me from doing what is right."

"I wouldn't think of you as I do if you did anything else." I said. "Unlike you, I'm a prisoner to my heart. I would let Westeros burn as long as it made her happy."

"I don't think you're weak."

"Who other than a weak man would sell people into slavery to lavish his wife with gifts?"

There was silence and this time it was awkward. My sordid history wasn't a mystery, especially to one of House Stark. I had loved a woman so much that I had sold people into slavery to give her the life she wanted.

"You made a mistake." Jon finally said. "It doesn't mean you'll make the same one again."

"And is killing her the right decision?" I asked angrily.

"And will standing by as Daenerys burns Westeros to the ground be the right decision?"

"How are you so certain that she'll destroy our home? How do you know more about her than me?"

"Because I'm not ******* her."

"Maybe she is right about you."

"Jorah, think. You're better than this."

He was right. I didn't think he was going after Daenerys out of malice. He saw her as a threat and he would get rid of that threat. He had spent years trying to get Westeros ready for the Night King and risked death to defeat him. He would do what he saw as necessary and death wouldn't make him waver.

"There is still good in Daenerys." I said to break the silence. "There is something there to love and serve. She may harm Westeros but she'll come to her senses. You'll see her kind heart as I do now."

"I hope you're right, but I can't see that as real." Jon said. "And if I can't see it as real then I will not risk Westeros suffering. I know you love her and fought so hard to be chosen by her. I know seeing her as the enemy isn't easy for you. You might not even be brave enough to do what needs to be done."

"And what needs to be done, Jon?"

"Stop lying to yourself. You know what she is and what needs to be done. Hell, it might be why you were made Azor Ahai."

"Daenerys has nothing to do with the Azor Ahai Prophecy."

But his words reflected my own dark thoughts. The gods would be ones to have Daenerys and I fall in love only for fate to tear us apart. And not a kind tear either. One that would see me broken beyond all reason. There was no life for me without my love by my side.

We focused again on the fleet. There were flickers of fire to indicate where the people were. From the cliff, though, nothing could be seen in detail. He must be afraid and impatient. I didn't want him to go. I didn't want him to be my enemy.

Both of us looked up as a dark shape flew towards us. It was Rhaegal as the shape was smaller than Drogon. We stood still and I admired how calm Jon was. He had grown more comfortable with his mount which was a good thing. If he wanted any chance of defeating Daenerys, he couldn't fear his dragon.

Rhaegal landed rather clumsily but managed not to hurt any of us. It was impossible to understand the creature in the dim light. All I was certain of was the fact he wouldn't harm any of us. He was there merely to get Jon and then they would leave.

I turned to Jon who had walked over to Ghost. The direwolf had his tail between his legs as the Stark pet him. The creature knew that this might be the last time he could be kind to Jon. Or would Ghost refuse to harm the man? Would he force my hand against Daenerys?

"Take care of him, Ghost." Jon said gently. "He's in more danger than he's aware of."

Ghost looked from Jon to me and back. If there was a way for a direwolf to show concern, he did. He would do everything in his power to keep me safe. I didn't think he cared about who sat on the Iron Throne and it would be up to me to accept his advice.

Jon stopped petting Ghost and looked at me. I didn't want him to go as it would make everything that much more real. But it had to happen. As king I must be stronger than the ones I served. If my people saw weakness, they would attack it.

There was silence and suddenly Jon moved. It seemed he was doing this before he could properly think it through. I understood the feeling and I tried to move before my thoughts could catch up with me. I leaned down and met the Stark's kiss. He wrapped his arms around my neck and I embraced his hips.

I had denied the closeness I yearned from him. Before it had both gone against my beliefs and there was also the fact I was married. But tonight was different as the next time we'd meet one of us would die. It was good to have a peaceful memory like this to return to.

After too short of a time the kiss ended. Instead of breaking all contact, I rested my forehead on his. I took in everything I could of him so I could always remember the man I yearned to fully love. All the little things would add up and bring me joy when Daenerys truly began her reign.

"How did you know?" I whispered.

"I guessed." Jon replied softly. "Before I left I wanted to try."

"I love you, Jon. You are brave and purer than you should be. So many people like myself have been scarred by the world. But you...you have been stronger. You're also the most handsome man I've ever laid eyes on. If I hadn't met Daenerys, I would gladly share your bed."

"If things had been different, I would never want you to leave my side."

Tears were flowing from both of our eyes. This declaration of love felt cursed. What did it matter that we loved each other when our fates could never meet like this again? I wanted to yell at the gods but that would do nothing. They would either ignore or laugh at me.

"Why would you ever want a man like me?" I asked. "You know what I've done and what I'm willing to let happen."

"I know who you are." Jon answered with a chuckle. "And that's the man I love. The man who is willing to change and risks death for those he loves. You also...I can't stop looking at you. Come with me, Jorah. Leave the Mad Queen behind and go back home with me."

"I wish I could go away but I love her too much. If there is a chance she can be saved, I must take it. I won't abandon her in her time of need."

"I understand. That's who you are and I'd love you less if you did differently."

We finally put distance between ourselves. I looked behind me to see Rhaegal and Ghost looking at us. If only I could explain to them how complicated love was. I loved Jon and Daenerys but could only serve one.

I leaned down to give him a quick kiss and then he made his way to Rhaegal. I was crying but held myself from making any sound. This would be hard enough for him and I didn't want to add anymore to his burden. Ghost stood beside me and I rested a hand on his head.

We watched as Rhaegal flew off into the distance. Once I couldn't see him I fell to the ground in tears. I cried out and hoped no one would recognize me. This pain wasn't one that could be contained. It wasn't one that would ever stop hurting.

Ghost did something amazing: he started to howl loud enough to drown out my crying.

I looked at him and smiled. There was a part of Jon that would always remain by my side. Someone that saw me as a good man. Ghost would never leave me or abandon me. That thought made me realize how important I was to Daenerys. Like Ghost, I had to constantly remind her how worthy of love she was.

Hopefully that was the key to saving her.

"We need to get back to her, Ghost." I told him once I could speak again. "She needs me more than ever."