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I was racing across the wilderness with the rest of my pack around me. I was pure direwolf with no worries about the humanity I had lost. What was there to mourn when I had the whole world to race across? What was there to feel sorrow about when my pack was with me? Everything was perfect and much simpler than it had been in a long time. I let out a howl as I relished in my existence.
I woke up panting. The nightmare had returned and I wanted to push the allure of it away. I wanted to deny the happiness I felt while experiencing it. How during those nightmares I felt like that was the way things were supposed to be. My humanity seemed less than important while I was asleep. I was Ser Jorah Mormont of Bear Island and that part of me would always remain.
When my breathing slowed down I looked up at the bed. Khaleesi had not gone to sleep easily and I understood why. The upcoming Battle of King's Landing would be the final chance for her to claim the Iron Throne. If we lost the battle then we'd have to retreat and gather up more troops. That would take time that Cersei would use to her advantage. We'd have to hope that the support Jon and Khaleesi had gathered would make sure the Lannister's forces weren't too strong.
While my love's scent was thick in the air, I didn't hear her breathing. I stood up and saw that she wasn't there. With the way the covers were splayed about, she had been tossing and turning for some time before she left her bed. My first instinct was to panic about her safety and feel the need to race after her. This feeling was only made stronger by my direwolf instincts. She was part of my pack and I needed to keep her safe. To do anything but my best to protect her felt like a betrayal of her on the deepest level possible. It took all my effort to lay back down and not move. She would return. She had to return.
I stood up again as my body wouldn't let me remain still. I remembered how she mourned not being able to just burn down King's Landing. While Khaleesi would be remembered as one of the most renowned queens in Westerosi history, the finer points of ruling tended to escape her. That's why she needed myself, Tyrion, and Varys. She needed people to inform her of how best to accomplish the goals she wanted. Though sometimes her ideas were much better than me or the others gave her.
My queen, my love, my Khaleesi would not be flying on Drogon to burn down King's Landing tonight. She might be impulsive but she had her limits. Many looked at her and saw an unhinged dictator, but that wasn't her. She had a kind heart and was worried about showing it. It was hard to show your heart while still appearing strong. Many confused kindness with weakness and my love believed in that falsity. The first time she had been able to grow into her own was with the Dothraki. The nomads did not have the sense of calm that was needed for a ruler of the Iron Throne.
Yet a part of me needed to make sure she wasn't about to cross a line. If she burned down King's Landing tonight she would be killing many innocent people because of her own problems. She would also be forsaking one of the rules of combat by not giving the other side warning. Even someone as cruel as Cersei deserved that courtesy. Though I could understand my love's need to dishonor the false queen.
I started to pace around the room as I tried to calm myself down. Khaleesi would sometimes take long walks at night when she couldn't sleep. It wasn't as though this was the first time I had woken up to her not being in bed. But something seemed out of place this time. Something small that my conscious mind couldn't make sense of but I knew all the same.
Khaleesi did not deserve my distrust. She had already faced the infamous Northern cold and did not need the cold of her love. My duty was to hold her up when she felt she was not strong enough. She was my strength and I was hers. Yet didn't being her strength mean I had to see her for who she was? To see the good along with the bad? To fully accept the bad while believing in the good? Was it my duty to distrust her this evening?
Yes, I had to doubt her or else the darkness would have an easier time taking over her. She was strong enough to resist but my help had always cooled her fire. She had the desire to rule and the ability to make others turn away from old traditions to follow her future. With the right choices she could make the world a better place. But if she was having a moment of weakness I needed to be there for her.
With a sigh I walked over to the door. It took a few minutes for me to open it as I didn't have hands anymore. Instead I had paws that were great when fighting, but useless when doing tasks such as opening a door. After spending too long getting out of the room, I sniffed the air to see where Khaleesi had gone. No one could hide from me now as scents were on everything. Arya could be quiet as possible but her scent would follow her no matter where she went.
As a human I would've described the night as quiet with few sounds. As a direwolf the night was much different to me. It was alive with sounds and scents. There were thousands of stories playing out and not enough time for me to find all of them. Most were sleeping and some snored while getting lost in their dreams.
I followed her scent as long as I could. But at a certain point it became mixed in too much with other people's scents. A few women had similar enough scents to my love that it confused me. A soft growl escaped my throat as I realized I needed to practice more. If I had spent time following scents I would be able to tell exactly where she was at this moment. Sometimes it escaped my mind how vast the world was to a direwolf's nose. At times I could fool myself into thinking I had mastered this art.
After a few minutes I guessed the path Khaleesi had taken. We had known each other for years so it should be easy for me to guess where she'd seek comfort. My first guess was the throne. It was her weakness, and strength, to seek comfort in power. Viserys had never allowed her to find her strength. It was only once she married Khal Drogo that she realized her worth. That knowledge had come with the taste of power. But when my paws brought me to the throne she wasn't there. There was not even the hint of scent anywhere in the room. Where else could she be?
Her dragons. She'd be with her children to calm herself. A dark thought crossed my mind but I pushed it away. That couldn't be true. She was a good person and that would never change. She'd be tempted but she would never fall. Not everyone could have a clear sense of honor like Jon, but that didn't mean everyone would do demented things when push came to shove.
In my denial I searched everywhere on Dragonstone. I went back to the spot the scents had become too confused to read and followed every one that was like Daenerys. I went to every place that the woman I loved liked to visit. In every place I didn't see any sign of her. The wind tugged at my fur to tell me where to go. It told me that the place I feared was the spot she would be. Or not be.
[Fine!] I yelled at the sky.
With my head bent down, I walked to the place Drogon and Rhaegal slept. My nightmarish thoughts were proven true with the absence of the larger dragon. The smaller one looked sadly as if he knew something was wrong. I let out a howl and he let out a roar to the night. Both of us having the same thought about being able to call Khaleesi back home.
[Khaleesi, please!] I shouted with my mind in the vain hope she could hear. [Don't do this! You are strong and wise! You are better than this! Don't prove them right, my love! Come back!]
What if I could get into Drogon's head? What if I could enter him like I had Ghost? Part of me knew that idea was beyond insane. If I couldn't enter a human's body, how could I enter a dragon's? No warg had ever managed to possess a dragon and I was a mistake. My entering a direwolf was a gift from some god and it wasn't likely that deity would bless me again. Yet my love for Daenerys made me willing to try.
I focused on Drogon and what he meant to me. I remembered the day I had seen Khaleesi unburnt and him newly hatched. I finally gathered enough courage to leave Ghost's body and was greeted with darkness. Unlike before, there was no one to guide me to my destination. Instead I had to traverse the bitter cold all on my own.
Maybe to wargs the distance between minds wasn't great, but to me the distance between Ghost and Drogon was vast. No, the word vast did not describe how far Drogon was from me. There was no word in any language that could described how far the dragon was from me. Added to the space between us was the cold. Even though I did not have a physical body, my spirit shivered in the dark.
The vision came back to me. There was dark and a red eye. Could this be the same dark from the vision? Or was I so scared delusions had started to come over me?
Just as I gathered enough courage to continue my journey to Drogon, I caught a glimpse of something. No, not something, nothing. Though smaller than the surrounding darkness, it was still larger than anything I had ever seen. While the darkness around me was suffocating, this being of nothing felt evil. Evil intent came off of it and I could tell it was looking at me. A flash of red came out of it and then went away. I ran faster than I thought possible to Drogon's mind. If I entered the dragon than the nothing would not be able to get me.
In less than a blink of an eye I was slamming myself against Drogon's mind. In my fear I did not want to go back to Ghost's body as I needed to get away from this darkness. So I continued to slam against the dragon's mind until I started to feel cracks. They started out small but grew large enough that I entered the moment there was an opening.
I opened my eyes and saw water beneath and clouds around me. A sigh of relief escaped my jaws as the nothing could not harm me now. Suddenly I felt an angry Drogon resisting me and I remembered why I was here. I remembered why I had left Ghost's body in the first place. Khaleesi was attempting to attack Cersei on her own by burning down King's Landing. She was giving into her darker urges and I needed to stop her.
"Jorah?" Khaleesi asked as I tried to fly.
It was easy to do since Drogon's mind was so close to my own. Being in Ghost's body so long I had learned how to get information from his mind. I had learned the difference between instinct and acquired knowledge. So it wasn't much trouble to figure out how to fly. The only problem was that my love's child did not want me in him. His resistance made it so that my flying became erratic for a few minutes until I managed to take over control of him again.
"Get out of Drogon, please." Daenerys begged. "Let me do this."
[You know that it's wrong, Khaleesi.] I cried. [If you attack King's Landing now you will become worse than Cersei Lannister. You will become the very thing you wished to destroy.]
"There is nothing left in this world to live for. There is no better world without you by my side. So why not let my rage consume me?"
[I am still by your side. I will always be by your side.]
"You can't love me like I need to be loved. It's not just that, I'm not that petty. It's the fact the fight for the Iron Throne seemed hopeless ever since I couldn't easily defeat the Lannister Queen. It's the fact that in the North I am just a person and no one remarks on my achievements. No matter what I do, I will never win the hearts of my people. So why not burn King's Landing to the ground?"
I used Drogon's instincts to find which was the way to Dragonstone. It was hard as he was strong enough to block my search. In desperation I looked to the stars but the dragon turned his head downwards. He managed to take control of his body and dove down. The motion was thrilling and I nearly got lost in the utter sense of power my body provided. There was no certainty in me that I would fail. Anything I tried to do would be successful. I was fire made flesh! No, I was Jorah who was trying to turn my love from a dark path. With all my strength I pulled out of the dive.
"You need to go, Jorah." Khaleesi said and I felt tears drop onto my scales.
[Not being able to **** you hurts me, my love.] I replied. [It hurts to be so close to you but unable to touch your body. It is unfair that is my lot in life, but I value my service to you above all else. I can't betray you by running off. Conquering the Seven Kingdoms was never going to be easy. Cersei has many to advise her, including Ser Jaime Lannister for a time. And the North is not kind to any outsiders. It does not mean they don't respect you, it means they want to make sure of your character. Even if they don't adore you like the slaves in Meereen, your actions can continue to make them respect you.]
I felt my love's body get closer to me. Her fingers ran across my scales and the sensation was calming. It relaxed me a little too much and I had to fight Drogon again for control. This time we twisted and turned in the air with each motion being a battle. Finally I started to glide while not being sure where I was headed.
"I don't want to do this." Khaleesi moaned. "I don't want to do this."
[I don't want to be in the body of a direwolf with no hope of getting my old one back.] I agreed. [But that is the path given to me by the gods.]
"The gods are cruel."
[You can still be the just queen that Westeros needs at this time. You still have the strength you had in Essos.]
"You're right, I still have you. But will that be enough?"
Would it be enough? My mere presence hadn't kept her from riding away on Drogon. It hadn't kept her from nearly burning an entire city down with innocents losing their lives. Yet maybe this conversation could steer her back onto the right course. The course I knew she truly wanted to go down.
[I have entered Drogon's mind, my love.] I told her.
"You can enter another's body?" Khaleesi repeated the words she must have heard. "Just because you have entered my child's body doesn't mean you can enter a human's. If you could you could have entered mine."
[I must have been too timid. Tonight I feared for your safety and wanted to do anything to save you.]
"I doubt you can replicate those feelings just to make love to me."
[I now know how to enter a well protected mind. It will be easier next time.]
At least I hoped I did. Pounding away at Drogon's mind had been an act of pure desperation. I hoped my love did not hear my own doubt but only the hope in my words. Before I could talk to her more, two things happened at once. The first was that I finally figured out which was the way to Dragonstone and did my best to turn Drogon's body toward it. The second was Drogon pushed me back into the darkness that the nothing was in.
Ghost's mind called out to me and I was back inside the direwolf's body very quickly. So quickly I did not even notice the otherworldly dark. We waited on the beach and merely listened to the waves hitting the shore. Neither of us felt like playing as we were worried that Khaleesi would make the wrong decision and force us to do something we didn't want to.
I looked up to the sky when I heard the faintest sounds of Drogon's wings. I howled to the night and was answered with a roar. Instead of landing on a cliff, Drogon dove into the water which caused a huge wave to crash over me. Khaleesi swam to shore and ran to me. She put her arms around my neck and head into my fur.
"I am so sorry." She cried. "I'm so sorry."
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