This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
I rolled over to where Emilia was and opened my eyes to an empty bed. I hadn't realized how comfortable I had become with her over the past few days. She had become a bigger part of my life than I had realized. Other women had gone from my bed and I had never thought twice of them. Never before had waking up without a woman in my bed caused me such pain. Going to sleep the night before had been odd without my girlfriend beside me. For around an hour I had embraced a pillow just to not feel alone.
This was the painful part of love I had managed to avoid for so long. Before there had been no difference between an empty bed and one with another woman. To me there had been no pain when I had to spend a day alone. The only exception to that was when I felt horny. I lay on my back and looked at the ceiling as if it could give me any answers.
My eyes drifted lazily from one part of the ceiling to another. There was nothing interesting about it but at least it kept my mind from thinking about Emilia. It kept me from thinking about the woman who had claimed my heart. The woman who had managed to make me rethink everything I had ever known. There was nothing that needed to be done today so there was no need to rush to get up.
After awhile of looking at the ceiling I realized how hungry I was. It was like my hunger had pounced on me from nowhere. Wearily I got out of bed and put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. The clothing would be removed after breakfast as I didn't want to get anything on me. Today should be peaceful after all the lovemaking Emilia and I had done over the weekend. As I went down the stairs my body told me the last ******* with my girlfriend should not have happened. In the moment it had been more than pleasurable, but I had nearly fallen asleep on the way home. And now my muscles and joints ached. Though, to be honest, my body feeling so drained felt good. It made me smile even as I groaned.
I went through my cupboards and found half a box of cereal. It was a simple meal and I wanted to get rid of my hunger so I could relax around the house. Maybe watch a show or movie. Maybe look over my current list of projects. Anything but spend my time feeling Emilia's absence. I would not become a lovesick boy. After I poured the cereal I slowly ate it. It did not taste good at all. It must have been in my cupboards for some time to acquire such a taste. Instead of emptying my bowl, I ate it.
If I was getting so low on food as to eat cereal, I would need to go grocery shopping today. The idea of going out was not a pleasing one. People would believe vicious rumors about myself and Emilia. They would believe wicked lies and I couldn't simply run away. To do so would be a disservice to my girlfriend and make people mock me even more. If things got too vicious my employers might decide I wasn't worth the trouble. They might decide to fire me without warning. It wouldn't be the first time a character died in a show purely because those in charge didn't like them.
With eyes half closed I began to get ready for my grocery trip. Emilia's scent was still in the bedroom and I closed my eyes to better soak it in. It brought back memories and thoughts of our future. People would be angry at first but they would calm down. They had to. My colleagues who were in relationships did not endure constant scrutiny of the public. Emilia and I would just have to remain quiet and not show interest in making our love documented. Maybe that would work. I was torn between my love for her and the fear I felt.
With another deep breath I breathed in her scent. All my fears washed away as I thought about her. We were happy together and I'd be ****** if I ruined things. If we had to part ways one day, it would be on good terms and not because of my cowardice.
As I walked out of my house I saw children playing. I thought about what it would be like to have a child with Emilia's eyes or her hair. Our children could be a reminder to her of me when I was gone. I had no illusions about how old I was, but that didn't matter. What did was the light in her eyes when she laughed or tried to be coy. At least I would be able to spend the rest of my life with her.
I started to drive and didn't bother turning on the radio. I was still afraid of a radio show talking about how I was wrong for Emilia. I was still afraid of radio hosts mocking me and putting down my name. It was lucky that social media was a foreign concept for me. If it wasn't then I would have to deal with the comments my love had merely hinted at. Comments so obscene she hadn't wanted to read them out loud to me.
When my car was parked I just sat and thought. No one would be looking at me oddly. No one would care that I was sleeping with Emilia. Most would not even realize I was an actor. Everyone here today would just care about getting their groceries and going back home. No one would care about anyone else. I had to be brave as my love was worth everything.
I got out of my car and breathed heavily. Half-way through the parking lot my breathing had returned to normal. All of my stress was gone and I looked forward to a boring shopping trip. It would reassure me that my fears were unfounded. That no one would care that much about my first love. And, if they did, it would have to be positive. Wouldn't a man discovering true love sell papers? Or would everyone rush to buy papers where I was the villain? Hopefully no one would attack Emilia for her choices.
"That Kit sure is a prankster." A man said.
His girlfriend was walking beside him and he had his arm around her shoulders. They were relaxed in the uncomfortable weather and I turned my eyes away from them. I didn't want to make them nervous and draw attention to myself. Unfortunately I wasn't able to tune out their talk.
"But it's really cold." The woman replied. "There are pranks and then there is playing with a man's heart."
"Come on, that Iain is a total creeper hitting on a woman like Emilia." The man said. "Besides, he doesn't deserve her. Now Kit does. Plus they are actually around the same age."
I spared a glance to look at the couple. While the man was angry at me, the woman pitied me. I slowed down to make it less likely they would see me. I didn't want to get into a confrontation today. Nothing would be gained from arguing with the man. Now if he had been speaking ill of Emilia I wouldn't mind giving him some heartfelt words.
Besides the personal insults against me, to think that Kit would treat me so unkindly was insane. He enjoyed his pranks and sometimes did go too far with them. But there was a difference between his pranks and making me feel loved. I knew both him and Emilia well enough to know a prank involving me wouldn't happen. Neither of them would play with my heart that way. Kit knew the limits of a prank and Emilia cared for me. Over the weekend we had established a physical and emotional relationship that could stand the test of time.
Was this one of the rumors that people told each other? Were they so against me finding happiness that they demonized both Kit and Emilia? Or did people not see their actions as bad since I was so hated?
I wanted to vomit but held myself back. If I had caused a scene now it would only fuel the rumors. They would laugh at what thought of as a weakness. They might even yell things at me while I was on the ground. They would use my every action as proof that they were correct about my sins. They wouldn't think I was disgusted at them for thinking bad things about myself, my colleague, and my girlfriend. In these people's minds I was nothing but a monster.
Luckily the couple didn't notice me when I entered the grocery story seconds before they did. They were much more interested in each other than discussing rumors. Or maybe they hadn't recognized me. Even though I was scared, if push came to shove I wouldn't mind fighting back verbally. Fear didn't make me unable to fight against anything.
The fear and nervousness I felt faded away as I walked through the store. I pushed my cart and merely avoided hitting anyone that walked beside me. The usual foods I ate were the first things that entered my cart. This sense of normalcy made me feel as though I had control over the world. If I merely bought the right kind of potatoes and ham, I wasn't helpless. Did Emilia like potatoes? Did she like ham? Which one did she prefer over the other? Did she not like either? Why had she made me do an Irish accent during sex a few times?
She had liked the steak I had made her the first night. I had also promised to make her more steak in the future. My feet walked to where the steaks were and I looked at each of them. Different recipes worked better with different sizes. If she came over again I wanted to be prepared, but I had to focus mostly on what I would eat. Emilia would call if she would spend a day or two underneath me again. I ended up picking up two decently sized steaks. They would be my guinea pigs.
For now she would just be spending time with me. It was the thing couples did as they grew closer. Eventually she would go grocery shopping with me due to us living with each other. It would feel good to become lost in her as we shopped together. With that thought there was a lightness to my steps as I walked through the store. My cart was half-way full which meant there was still shopping to be done. I preferred taking one large trip to many smaller ones. The former way just seemed more efficient.
Soon enough my trip came to an end which meant it was time to get refrigerated items. I walked to the milk and tasted the awful cereal from earlier. It would be a few days until I ran out but I wanted to be safe just in case. No need to make more trips than was necessary. After getting 2.27 liters of milk I looked at the ice cream. There were, as always, interesting flavors as well as the classics. I tried to think if I was really in an adventurous mood or not. Well, if my life was exciting maybe it was best to get vanilla. Something simple to turn to if everything went wrong. I chuckled to myself as my line of reasoning was beyond stupid. Almost as stupid as agreeing to be in a relationship with Emilia.
After putting the ice cream into my cart I made sure I had gotten everything. It wouldn't do to leave here today and return tomorrow. Going out in such a crowded place would just give more opportunities for others to recognize me. It would grant people more chances to tell me their opinions in person. If only they kept their opinions on Twitter where I couldn't read them.
"Sir!" An elderly woman spat out. "You're Iain Glen, aren't you?"
"I am." I replied with a smile on my face.
It wouldn't do for the press to report how I broke down in a grocery store. It wouldn't do for those against me to have facts to throw against me. So I couldn't show this woman how nervous I was nor that anything said against me affected me. It was a bit of acting that had become easier over the years.
"So you're the one that's dating that young girl Emilia Clarke." She said and pushed up her glasses with one finger. "Your kind is disgusting. Your kind doesn't know how to keep their dicks in their pants."
I didn't have time to take a few minutes to calm down before replying. That would be a sign to the woman to just say more nasty comments. If she weren't speaking to me now I would've sworn she was a kindly woman who held any mean thoughts for her husband's ears.
"Emilia is a strong woman." I replied calmly. "I did not push her to do anything. If I had tried, I would have a few nasty scars. She loves me and I love her. I do not deserve her, but I won't refuse her advances."
"I'm sure you did not coerce her at any point." The woman sneered.
Instead of replying to her I started to push my cart away. She moved faster than I thought she could and I was forced to stop. It was either that or ram her over. No matter how much that idea pleased me, it would not be good to follow through. No matter how much I wanted to beat the **** out of her now, I couldn't. I would have to figure a way out of this situation. There had to be a way to get away from her quickly.
"My sweet girl touches herself to you!" The woman yelled at the top of her lungs. "I came in because I thought she was in pain and she had...had pictures of you on her computer! She was crying out your name! And to think now that innocent thing might be ****** by you is...there are no words! You stay away from the young, you pervert!"
I looked to see a few people turning their heads. This was not good. Not good at all. If more people became interested in this confrontation then they could take out their phones. If they took out their phones then there could be pictures of me online within the hour. With all the other rumors that would happen, it wouldn't do for me to add fuel to the fire.
I went backwards as fast as I could. When the woman gave me a big enough opening I raced through it. Luckily I didn't accidentally slam into her and slowed down once she was behind me.
"Sorry." I said as I nearly slammed into another shopper.
"I understand." The lady said as she looked to the elderly woman. "I'll make sure she doesn't follow you."
"Thanks."
My voice came out shakily but the woman didn't seem to mind. I gave her a polite nod and then walked to checkout. It took all my strength not to look everywhere to make sure the woman didn't follow me. Was she an oddity or did other parents think I would **** their daughters? Did they think I was a pedophile? Emilia was in her twenties so why did that mother feel that way? Did younger fans who felt attracted to me feel they had a better chance at me now that I was dating Emilia? I somehow managed to not vomit as those thoughts raced through my mind.
"You okay?" The cashier asked as he scanned my items.
"Just this woma-" I started.
"Oh, Clara Jones? You seriously forgot the woman who causes a scene every now and again? Usually every month right on the dot she decides to do something to feel important."
"****. I did forget."
"Lucky bastard for not having to run into her often."
"What did she blame you of?"
Once the words came out of my mouth I realized that was the wrong thing to ask. I had been too ashamed of what Clara had told me to think of telling my story. It was most likely the young man wouldn't bother telling me his own story, if he did have one. Even the most caring person expected trades for certain information.
"Honestly, I've had the worst luck with avoiding her." The man said. "There are too many things to mention. Just don't be insulted by her. She'll forget whatever made her mad in a few hours."
"She blamed me of thinking about sleeping with her daughter." I replied.
"Her thirty year old daughter that had to move back in due to finances?"
"With the way she was yelling at me I thought she was eighteen at most."
"The only way I learned the truth about her daughter was when she did the shopping one week. With the way that mad woman talks about her daughter, you'd think she was seven."
We chatted some more and I had calmed down by the time I started to drive home. Clara was just a crazy woman who liked to yell about anything. Anyone that knew her wouldn't pay attention to her accusations. My name would remain clean as would Emilia's. Hopefully throughout this ordeal no one would point fingers at my girlfriend. She shouldn't have to deal with the possibility of being blamed with various crimes. I could deal with the masses, she shouldn't have to.
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