To Die For You If Need Be Chapter 9: Cure

This is a Game of Thrones fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.

Jorah Mormont

I threw the covers off and reached for a sword that wasn't there. It took a few moments to recall where I was. I was standing naked in front of my bed in the Citadel. I was here because Daenerys had commanded I find a cure for my greyscale. But why had I been scared awake? The others didn't bother me with their moans and screams of pain mixed with despair.

So what had happened?

"Jorah?" Sam asked as he stopped knocking on the door.

"One moment." I replied curtly and tried to hide my annoyance.

The young man was coming to my room at this late hour most likely because he had plans to cure me. As I put my clothing back on I wondered if it was really the wisest course of action to deny his help. It was more honorable not to risk the young man's future for my sake. But another part of me was greedy and didn't care who had to fall as long as I survived in the end.

"Come in, Sam." I said and stood by the desk so he had less of a chance to bump into me.

Sam quickly opened the door and held his torch. The flickering light gave the young man's face a manic quality to it. His excitement was impossible to ignore and seemed to not be something possible for a mortal man to feel. He must have found a cure and didn't want to waste any time telling me the good news. Was he also visiting me to make sure I wanted the cure? Was this interruption his version of being polite?

"I woke you, didn't I?" Sam asked and a look of guilt briefly passed over his face.

"There's not much for me to do these days but to sleep, eat, and ****." I replied. "Do the maesters know you're here?"

Sam looked guilty and I saw my answer in his eyes. They didn't know he was here and might be more than upset to find out the truth. Not only was he risking his life with a diseased person such as me, he was also going to try and sell me on a cure. If he had found a cure and he was telling me about it at such an hour, the maesters must not believe in the cure. Either because it wouldn't work or the risk was much too high.

"No, they don't." Sam admitted. "But I won't get in trouble for visiting you. I don't think they'll mind this."

"Are you sure?" I asked dryly. "I'm suffering from greyscale and can infect a man with a brief touch. If you have come here to be a maester, you must be smarter than to believe this is a smart idea."

"You won't touch me."

"Are you sure? All you know about me is that my father was Jeor. You don't know what I'm capable of."

"If you were like that then you wouldn't have come to the Citadel."

"Maybe I'm feeling more desperate than before."

"You aren't."

I nodded and sat at my desk. Sam, for his part, was sure to keep his distance from me. I would keep far away from him as possible just in case something happened. It wouldn't be easy for me to sleep at night if I accidentally infected Sam. Maybe there were still parts of me that could touch him, like my left hand, such as when I had held Daenerys' hand without harming her. Or maybe I was too far gone for that.

"I've found a cure." Sam said excitedly.

It was more than impossible not to get excited alongside the young man. There was the certainty of youth that made people think they were all knowing and invincible. I knew that there was a good chance the cure wouldn't work and yet my hope along with his excitement was doing its best to convince me otherwise. I wanted to let myself be consumed with the fantasy that I would be with my love very soon. There was nothing that my broken mind wanted more.

Yet I had to be rational. If I lost myself now then the price might be my life.

"You've found a cure that the maesters haven't discovered?" I asked.

"They're just afraid." Sam replied. "I can understand as the cure is much more simple than it should be. The ingredients are a little hard to come by and you have to mix them exactly. But that's the only real problem."

"How can you acquire the ingredients if they're so hard to get?"

"I've checked the Citadel's supplies for the last two days and there is just enough to make one cure."

"Which means there can't be any mistakes."

"I promise you, there won't be."

While it was entirely possible Sam would make a mistake and ruin my chances at a cure, it seemed that he would be careful. He didn't want me to die as that would mean dishonoring my father in his eyes. The fact he had taken two days to make sure of the cure gave me some reassurance.

"How long will the cure take to work, Sam?" I asked.

"It will only take one night to apply." Sam replied. "Then the greyscale should fully go away in a month. Maybe the text is right and it'll take a few minutes at most to cure your greyscale. But that is impossible and is the only thing that doesn't make sense."

The time was the only thing that didn't make sense or the only thing that bothered him? How much was his hope and youth clouding his judgment? Could I really risk being too careful? Did I have that much time left?

"You only need to apply the cure once?" I asked. "That seems impossible as you would need to be careful about not getting infected yourself."

"I don't know." Sam replied with a shrug. "I think it is safer to get close to greyscale once instead of day after day."

"And you're sure this is to cure greyscale and not just delay my fate?"

"I'm certain."

Sam might be desperate but he wouldn't confuse a cure with a temporary fix. At least that is the impression I had gotten from my brief time with him. He wanted to make sure there was a cure and so I could trust him on this matter. Or was my hope too desperate?

"What are the risks?" I asked. "A cure for greyscale wouldn't come without a cost."

The reason a cure for greyscale hadn't yet been found is that there wasn't one or the cost was too high. Stannis Baratheon's daughter had been cured but she had been a child. I was an adult and my body was different than a child's. My knowledge wasn't as great as a maester's but I knew that simple fact.

"There's no risks for you." Sam reassured me quickly. "But the process will involve a lot of pain which you'll have to endure. The only other risk is that the cure might not work. I'm certain that it will but I can't lie and say there is no chance the cure will fail. I'm sorry."

"How much pain?" I asked as the cure not working was a lesser concern for me.

"I'll be pulling the greyscale off of your body. As the disease goes slightly below the skin, it will feel like I'm skinning you alive."

I couldn't help but shiver at that image. My life had been full of pain but never had anyone dared to try and skin me alive. I had run across corpses whose faces had been contorted in pure agony. At least I assumed so as they had been freed of their skin while alive.

Could a man really endure that pain? Did I have a choice if I wanted to return to my love?

"I wouldn't have to remove all of your skin." Sam replied with an embarrassed edge to his voice. "Just everywhere the greyscale touches."

"But greyscale consumes a person's entire body by their blood." I said skeptically.

"For how this cure works, I just need to remove your greyscale and not focus on any other part of you."

I wanted to ask more of what Sam knew but I was afraid. There was also the fact that the disease had progressed to such a point that logically thinking about my situation only lead to certain death. There were always moments in a person's life where rationality had to be dismissed. This was one such moment.

"You're asking me to take a lot on faith." I said. "I fear that if I am too survive I must trust you."

"I would never harm you." Sam replied.

"I don't believe you would knowingly cause me harm. But you're young and hopeful which means you are capable of great mistakes. I trust the maesters more than I do a novice."

"You trust people who see greyscale and not a man. But you won't trust someone who thinks of you as a person?"

"I trust them to be objective on matters that require a cold outlook."

There was a sudden silence and I couldn't guess what Sam was feeling. To him it probably looked like I was dismissing his offer to help outright. The truth was more complicated and I hoped he saw that. If there was anyone that could lift this curse from me it would be him. His youthful naivety made him more likely to take risks where others wouldn't dare. Then there was the fact it truly seem like he cared.

"What risks are there to the one providing the cure?" I asked. "Are you sure those risks are worth facing to save me?"

"You aren't as worthle-" Sam began.

"Is my life worth more than yours?"

The way the young man had replied to me made me feel guilty. There was a huge risk he was taking and a part of me didn't care. A part of me was fully focused on returning to Daenerys' service and joining her in her bed. I was so close to her and if Sam's cure worked then I would be back with my love soon.

"There is a small chance that I'll become infected." Sam replied slowly and there was fear in his voice. "It's not likely but it might happen."

"It's very likely that you'll be infected." I said in reply to the lies Sam was trying to tell.

"I'm the one who researched the cure. I'm more familiar with the text than you are."

"You may be more familiar with the cure but you're not good at hiding your fear from me."

Sam looked away from me as if he were guilty. He must have those that cared for him. Those that would miss him if he were to die. Who lead the Night's Watch now? Would they come after me if he were to get infected while curing me? As he was a novice it wasn't likely that the maesters would try and bring me to justice. Though they weren't ones to act quickly and didn't seem to have any care but to figure out the mysteries of the universe. When Daenerys sat on the Iron Throne they would treat her as the rightful ruler and not care about my past.

"You must have people that will miss you if you die." I said.

"They'll understand." Sam replied and looked at me. "My wife and child. Well...I didn't father him but he's still my child."

I was shocked as the young man didn't seem like one to break such a rule. Once you joined the Night's Watch you weren't to **** anyone and yet he had gone far beyond that. He had taken a wife and thought of her child as his own. It shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did since he was offering to cure me with an unapproved method. That should have made it more than clear that he was willing to break the rules when it suited him. Unlike me, breaking the rules was how he retained his morality.

"Do you really wish to leave your wife a widow?" I asked. "What about your child growing up without a father?"

"The chan-" Sam began.

"Is my life worth more than your own blood? I am not my father. I am not worth saving."

"Then why do you care if I die?"

What heartless man would let someone with a family and a future to die for them? I wanted to return to Daenerys more than I wanted to become a king. So it wasn't as if I had the fate of the Seven Kingdoms on my shoulders. She had already declared me her king but until she claimed the Iron Throne, the position wasn't official. And it was more than impossible to think of myself in that position of power.

"Just because I show an ounce of humanity doesn't mean I'm worth saving." I said quietly. "You could do so much for Westeros if you don't go down this path."

"I'll survive." Sam replied stubbornly.

"None of us knows that. You are seeking to use a cure that is untested. If you don't know what your fate will be you should go the safer route. Don't risk yourself for a man you just met."

Both of us quieted as there was a noise coming from another room. A man was crying out in utter despair and praying to some deity to take him now. I barely resisted shivering as I knew that man's fate was similar to my own. While I could talk now, it would be much too soon until I started making those sounds. Or would I be able to remain dignified even when death came for me?

"The maesters don't know you're doing this." I said after the man had stopped screaming.

"I'll tell them tomorrow." Sam lied.

"And risk not being able to give me the cure?"

"Why do you think the maesters won't agree?"

"Because a novice is visiting me alone in the dead of night instead of a maester in daylight."

"You won't tell them, will you?"

"No, I won't."

I was too greedy of a man to do the right thing. I wanted the cure badly enough that I would risk an innocent man's life and career. The latter only mattered if Sam survived giving me the cure. Those were shameful thoughts that I should have grown away from. But I guess no matter who you were, the fear of death made you do dishonorable things.

"Did you ask any of the maesters?" I asked.

"I did talk to one briefly about the cure." Sam replied slowly. "I only inquired about the person who discovered the cure. The maester told me that the man had been a fool and idiot."

"What happened to him?"

"I don't know. As he discovered a cure I'm assuming he died shortly after discovering it."

"So it's entirely possible you found out that he died while administering the cure on someone. And you've been lying to me that the cure is untested?"

"Yes. It was easier than saying the man died. I thought it sounded less ominous."

Sam had a future as a maester. He knew the importance of when lies could do more good than the truth. That the truth could be a hindrance. Thus he could one day keep secrets of the Citadel or royal families. As he would know that a grain of truth could make men crumble before him.

"I want to see if the cure works on you." Sam said. "I know what I'm risking and who I'll leave behind. But I can't just let you die without doing anything."

"You could easily do that." I replied. "You could just walk away from me to return back to your wife and child. No one would blame you."

"I sent a raven to Jon about the dragonglass under Dragonstone. I've helped him in his fight against the Night's King army and I'll help the King of the Six Kingdoms. Whatever happens to me, Westeros will be stronger."

"Six?"

"The North is independent and Jon won't change that. Daenerys won't kill Jon, will she?"

"Daenerys of years past would but not the queen I left behind. With Tyrion Lannister as her Hand, she won't lose sight of her goals. Isn't the Night King just a children's story?"

"I wish but I've seen the dead with my own eyes."

"Do you want to save me because I'm Jeor's son or because I'm the King of the Six Kingdoms."

"The former but the latter isn't a bad incentive."

I wanted to tell Sam that I wouldn't accept a cure that would put his life at risk. But I was more selfish than I liked to imagine. The part of me that would sacrifice an innocent man for salvation was stronger than my sense of honor. If the man who had screamed earlier had the same choice, he would have made it. All of us didn't have honor when it mattered the most.

"I will wait until you come with the cure." I said. "I'll make sure that Daenerys honors you in some way. It will be you who will have saved the man she loves the most."

With that Sam left my room and locked the door behind him. I felt as if my chest was hollow. I had just sent a death sentence to the young man. This cure was more than deadly and most likely hadn't been tested regularly because it was a death sentence. How could I live with myself if I let him give me the cure?

How could I resist the temptation of returning to my love?