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I had begun to walk with direwolf legs as if I had been born with them. As if there hadn't been a day of my life when I had been human. Becoming more used to my new body made me feel uneasy as if I were losing myself. If I was comfortable walking what would happen to other things in my life? Would I begin to loathe everything that had once made me human? Was Bran's comfort in being the Three-Eyed Raven the reason he could so callously tell me I should be honored about being a direwolf?
Then there was the fact my vision in the godswood haunted me. I hadn't told anyone, not even Khaleesi. There was something about the images that made me want to pretend they were just an illusion. But they felt too real to be just part of my panicked mind. I should ask Bran or Sam to decipher the images in my head. Yet something told me not to tell the enigmatic Stark. I didn't know why as I trusted him.
"Ser Jorah, what will you want the troops to practice today?" Podrick asked me.
[I don't know.] I replied. [Let's focus on getting the Dothraki comfortable fighting alongside the Northerners. They hardly fought side by side during the Battle of Winterfell.]
"I...I'm sorry you had to die. I'm sorry you feel life isn't worthy living anymore."
Unlike many others, Brienne's squire was extremely empathetic. His skills with the sword had improved over time and so had his heart. Something simple remained even after he had battled with the dead. At moments I felt uneasy with him being one of the few that could hear me. I didn't like his pity as he was nothing but a stranger to me. Khaleesi showing me pity was to be expected when her lover was in such a depressing situation.
I wanted to tell Podrick to not feel sorry for me. To not have such pity in his eyes for me. He was showing a lot of admiration for a man that had sold people into slavery and had run into exile. It was only with fighting against the dead that he could begin to learn about the goodness in me. I wondered if he had forgiven me because of my valor or if it was just his innate nature.
[Gather the Dothraki and as many Northern soldiers as you can find.] I said and worried more of my distress was getting to him. [I'll meet you outside Winterfell.]
"Yes, Ser." Podrick replied and raced off to get the men.
I walked slowly out of Winterfell. I allowed my nose to focus on every scent it could find. It would take time to understand every scent, but at least I had time to learn. Hopefully it would take me many more years to figure everything out so I could pretend to be human during the darkest of nights. Daenerys would have to take another lover some day and during those nights I would be far away from the Red Keep. Direwolf ears didn't miss much, after all.
My path soon took me to where the burning pyres had been a few days ago. The scent of burning bodies was still thick in the air for me. I doubted others would notice the thick smell. It took a few minutes before Dothraki and Northerners lead by Podrick approached me. The nomads knew I was the lover of their Khaleesi and one who had a stronger bond with her than Daario Naharis ever would. I heard some of them had debated calling me Khal. The decision had been to let Daenerys confirm my title before saying anything.
[Podrick, tell them that I want to make sure they fight well together when we take King's Landing.] I said. [I want to make sure they can fight together and understand each other. I don't want there to be any mistakes.]
"Ser Jorah Mormont is impressed by how you fought in the Battle of Winterfell." Podrick said and tried to appear stronger by crossing his arms over his chest. "But he is unsure if you could fight side by side when taking King's Landing. He understands that Dothraki culture involves...involves raping. He also knows that Northerners can do the same thing, but to a lesser degree. He is afraid that will get out of ha-wait, that's not what he wanted me to tell you...he wants me to say you'll be practicing together to become a stronger fighting force when we take King's Landing."
Podrick looked absolutely ashamed that he had made such a mistake. He looked to me as if I could tell him how to correct his mistake. I just looked at him as the words had been said and couldn't be taken back. I hadn't realized just how much I was thinking of the raping that could take place during a siege. The raping that usually took place to the dismay of myself and all others that could keep control of themselves. When blood was spilt it turned men into the most pathetic of animals.
The Dothraki that had learned the common tongue translated to those who hadn't. The horse lords didn't even flinch when raping was brought up. They most likely thought of Podrick as a child for not being strong enough to deal with the topic. The Northerners were a different matter entirely. They looked away as if I didn't exist if they couldn't see me. But none of their scents showed a hint of aggression towards me and Podrick. A blessing from the gods.
I howled loudly and Podrick quickly set up exercises with only minor input from me. I was impressed by how easily he took to leadership and thought he would make a good knight. For around an hour I watched the men fight. The Dothraki had a wildness to them that was hard for the Westerosi to meet.
But soon enough a few Northerners were able to end their spars in a tie. The Dothraki would shout with an amused expression on their faces whenever they were bested by Northerners. Each side took victories and losses to be cause to fight even harder and fiercer than before. This force would make Cersei crumble in fear and give up with King's Landing without a fight.
My nose picked up a very familiar scent and I looked around to see where Khaleesi would approach from. My ears also heard hints of her voice and I looked around to see where she was. All my movements were done much slower than I wanted so as not to not alert Podrick to even more of my uneasiness. I was a direwolf now and I had to uphold my reputation as a newly reformed man. If people started to doubt my competency then everything I wanted would be lost. Daenerys would then have to make a choice between keeping a man who not everyone liked or the worship of a people. I knew she would choose me but I worried about everything she could lose because of her choice.
It took me a few minutes to realize that my love was a short distance away. My direwolf senses were powerful and in this instance I had forgotten that. I had forgotten to not judge distances like I would as a human. Once fully mastered my abilities would make me a more powerful opponent. But would I retain any humanity at that point?
I listened more closely to what Ghost's ears could pick up. It wasn't just Daenerys as she was talking with someone. It wasn't until Sansa Stark spoke that I could tell it was her. I hadn't smelled her enough for her scent to be easily recognizable to me.
"Ser Jorah?" Podrick asked and I focused on the men training in front of me.
I could tell that the men were tired. Sweat was coming off of them even in the cold. Yet even though their bodies showed clear signs of being tired, I knew they would never stop until I told them to. The Dothraki wouldn't want to disappoint their khaleesi and the Northerners wouldn't want to get less than favorable words about them reaching Jon's ears.
[They can rest for a moment but then they must continue practice soon.] I replied.
"Ser Jorah is v-he says you can take a short break." Podrick translated. "But he knows you are extremely strong and have more energy in you for today's practice."
[Once they are done resting, pair each Northerner up with a Dothraki. Then have each pair attack the other.]
Podrick nodded and I focused again on my love. For a few minutes Daenerys and Sansa were too far away for my hearing to be able to pick up their words clearly. This forced me to look at the Dothraki and Northerners to make sure they were rested enough to continue sparring. When they were rested enough I nodded to the squire and then heard Khaleesi's words clearly.
"So which Dothraki do you want me to be with?" A Northerner asked.
[Whichever one you want.] I replied curtly.
"Ser Jorah says you can choose your own." Podrick said curtly and I could tell what he had sensed in my mind.
"Fine." The Northerner replied.
I knew that trusting the Dothraki wouldn't happen overnight and the Westerosi would need time to think of them as friends. I also knew it would take time for the Dothraki to adapt to a culture different than their own. If both sides started to think of the other as human then the transition should be easier.
Once I felt assured Podrick had this part of the situation handled, I focused on Khaleesi yet again. It felt wrong to spy on her and I wondered about the morality of such an action. She wasn't the most politically savvy and could make a mistake while talking with Sansa. What advisor and lover would I be if I allowed her to walk into danger with no way out?
"Ser Jorah?" Podrick asked and I walked to inspect all the pairings.
There were some Northerners who had to pair up with two Dothraki and vice versa. I glanced behind me to see the squire looking proud about himself. I could understand why as it took skill to talk to two sides that were uneasy with each other. Then there was the fact that some of the Dothraki couldn't understand the common tongue. I nodded my head at the boy to show my thoughts about him being a competent man.
The Dothraki all stood up proudly when I walked by while there was reverence in the Northerners' eyes. I had beaten death and was in the body of a direwolf. No one probably knew I hadn't been a warg before. Though a few could believe my talent was latent to make sense of my situation.
[Have two pairs go up against each other and the others wait their turn.] I told Podrick. [The winning pair gets to go up against the next pair.]
"Will there be a reward?" Podrick whispered.
[They shouldn't need one.]
The squire nodded and I realized too much of my harshness had gotten out. It had angered me that he would think the men needed a reward as if they were little children just come out of their mother's wombs. Every soldier of worth did not need to be complimented for every little action. I felt guilty for letting him know those feelings as I could tell he was just asking out of the goodness of his heart. Soon enough that heart of his would become torn apart by the world. Not every one of us could be a Jon Snow.
"I understand." Podrick said and kept his composure. "You and you, spar. The winner gets to spar the next pair."
The squire had the practice under control so I put all of my effort into focusing on my love's conversation. I pretended to be watching the Dothraki and Northerners intensely so that they wouldn't lax in their duties. It took me a few minutes but I finally picked up Daenerys and Sansa's voices again.
"I am not saying that you did not lose anything in the battle, Your Grace." Sansa said. "But you winning one battle is no reason to think that you deserve the North. That being said, you are deadly on your dragon and without you the living would have lost more than it already has. We might have had to retreat to the Vale or the Iron Islands."
Sansa was her usual self today, someone who had been hurt and had only grown stronger. She was a force to be reckoned with and one Khaleesi had to be wary of. The Stark had been trained by Littlefinger and so knew more about twisting politics to her will than my love would ever be able to understand. She was better as an ally than an enemy and I had tried to tell Daenerys that.
"I ruled Meereen." Daenerys replied with anger barely hidden in her voice. "I stopped slavery in Essos. I have done much to right wrongs and I will continue to do so."
"The North fought hard for its independence." Sansa pointed out. "My brother and mother died to keep us away from the Iron Throne. Imagine if I went to Meereen and destroyed all you worked for. You are asking for me to do that with a smile on my face."
"Before I sailed for Westeros I promised to reclaim my birthright. If I don't get the North, then I have lost."
I could hear the hurt in Khaleesi's voice and worried that the Stark could sense the same thing. I was alive in Ghost's body and could never fuck her. Then there was the fact her conquest of Westeros wasn't going as expected. She had been beaten by Cersei and now it seemed her people were not appreciating her. She was trying to hold onto anything to bring her comfort. If I didn't trust her strength, I would believe she would turn into everything she hated.
"You said that you wanted to break the wheel." Sansa said. "It is as though you don't know what that means. It is as if you want to destroy the power structure in Westeros to create a better system but you also want to use it to get what you are owed. If you truly want to break the wheel then you should think about what you deserve instead of what you think you are owed."
"And if I decide to keep the North?" Daenerys asked.
"Then that is your decision to make."
"But I will think about what you said. You didn't defeat your enemies because you were foolish."
I could tell that Khaleesi was doing her best to appear strong and hide her doubts from Sansa. I could also hear the threat in Sansa's voice and Khaleesi bowing to her will. At least for the moment my queen knew it would be pointless to antagonize the Stark. I could also tell that they were getting very close to the training fields.
[Khaleesi.] I said and Podrick blushed at the lust in my thoughts.
"Jorah," She said with a smile when she came into view. "How are the men?"
Sansa looked at me and then stood beside Daenerys. I could sense fear from the Stark when she had looked at me. Of course she knew I wouldn't harm her, it must be because I was in the body of a friend of hers. He had stayed to guard Winterfell in Jon's absence and they must have bonded some. Nothing would reassure her about my situation so I didn't ask for someone to give her a message.
[They are training well.] I told Khaleesi. [Podrick is doing an admirable job with helping me.]
Podrick tried not to react to the praise. He did look briefly away when he felt I was trying to hide something. He might have thought it was something to do with him, but my love had understood the truth. She barely held back a sigh as she realized I had spied on her.
"You don't need to protect me all the time." Khaleesi said simply.
[I know.] I replied.
"But you were also bored. You want gossip just as much as any woman."
Podrick had understood more of the conversation than Sansa, but both were lost. He then impressed upon Sansa every little detail about the practice session. It calmed him down and Sansa also became more relaxed. I wanted to walk off with Khaleesi, but my duty forced me to stay with the men unless my love said otherwise.
Daenerys eventually focused on what Podrick was saying. She was the queen and had to show interest in the men that would die for her. She had forced the Dothraki to leave their old life behind and it would be in poor taste for her just to leave this practice session. I could tell that she didn't want to be here anymore but both of our duties forced us to remain.
"Ser Brienne of Tarth was right about you, Podrick." Daenerys said after he had finished his explanation. "Jorah does not appear to be troubled about you, so you must have impressed him."
"Thank you, Your Grace." Podrick said with a deep bow.
"You may leave now." Daenerys said with a wave of her hands to the men. "Rest as we will ride south shortly."
The Dothraki and Northerners did their best to appear as if they weren't exhausted. Their show fooled no one as they walked quickly back to the castle. I looked to Podrick and sensed he was proud of having done well in the eyes of his superiors. I felt nervousness in Sansa and guessed that was due to her worrying about the North's independence. I felt confusion in Khaleesi and I knew everything that would cause her to feel like that.
She pet me behind the ears and I leaned into her touch. I knew that she was petting me more to comfort herself than me. I didn't mind as it was her who would have to lead the forces to overthrow Cersei.
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