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I would never grow used to being in Ghost's body. Yet inhabiting his body for a short while was interesting. The world had become something new as I couldn't see it the same way. Colors were faded and sounds were clearer. Khaleesi stood beside me and her body no longer held the same beauty as before. Direwolf eyes couldn't see in the same way as my human ones. That didn't mean, though, that she was ugly. No, I was still drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
"Say something else, Jorah." Daenerys said in the empty room.
[Hello.] I replied.
The room was where the battle plans had been drawn in what seemed like a lifetime ago and would soon be filled with others yet again. During the upcoming discussion I would learn more about the battle and why my body was gone. Most likely burned, though I hoped otherwise. My last memories in my body couldn't be the pain of dying. Though I would die a thousand times for Daenerys to live.
"Love..." Khaleesi said and then shook her head. "Hello? Hello. When you speak it's like when I looked in your eyes. I understand it in a way beyond words."
I had talked freely and only she had managed to understand me. It seemed true that others would be able to understand me. But it must be a rare ability for people to have, just like the greensight Bran possessed. I wondered if he would have any answers about why Khaleesi could hear me. Was it that she and I were two souls in one body? Fire in one and ice in the other?
[Mormont.] I continued.
"Bear." Daenerys said. "Here We Stand. No, not those. Mormont."
As we had practiced it had become evident that when I talked much more than words were said. Feelings and emotions could pass to Khaleesi's mind without me intending to send them. Just as she was having trouble understanding me, I was having trouble saying anything.
It showed a certain strength that I hadn't thought of my father nor my cousin. Lyanna Mormont must be recovering as she was now the only chance for our House to continue. Without her the lineage of a great, though minor, House would be lost to time. I couldn't say anything that would make me worry about the future of Bear Island.
[Khaleesi.] I said.
"Khaleesi." Daenerys replied with a soft smile. "I always enjoyed when you called me that. There was always a feeling that you loved me completely when you said that. That no matter what I did you would stay by my side. I need that faith now more than ever."
Before I could tell by our connection and her body language, that she felt lonely. That her sadness turned to coldness to make her composure not break. She would not let others see the many cracks in her strong exterior. To me the cracks just made her more worthy of my love. Now I could smell her loneliness. I could smell her fear. It was consuming her and it was only her strength that was keeping the feelings from consuming her.
Ever since she had learned who Jon really was her world had become muddled. She had had her place and now all she fought for was crumbling. I had done my part to reassure her though the news had shocked me. Jon was no mere bastard but the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. He was the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. His true name wasn't Jon but Jaehaerys Targaryen and Lord Eddard Stark had faithfully kept that secret.
"What happens now?" Khaleesi asked. "What if others find out about Jon?"
[Jon has no desire for the Iron throne.] I repeated. [All you need to do is show yourself to be a worthy queen and there will be no need to worry. If people ask him he will deny their requests. If someone tries to murder you to put him on the throne, he will be there to seek vengeance. Don't worry, my love.]
With every word I had had to focus on my intention. I did my best to convey the love I felt for her and the trust Jon had earned from me. The North had messed with her senses to the point she hadn't been overjoyed that she wasn't alone. That she had blood in this strange land. Blood that would follow her to the ends of the world.
"You're right." Khaleesi said with a sigh. "He has never shown me he wants to overthrow me. It was me who insisted he bend the knee for help. He persisted in earning my favor even when I didn't deserve it. And now he doesn't want to bed me because we're related?"
[Jon has Targaryen blood but Stark upbringing.] I replied. [He loves you to the best of his ability. He loves you as much as his honor permits.]
"And would you have stopped bedding me if I were your aunt?"
[I do not have the honor of one such as Jon.]
My love smiled and I did the same. Though my smile wasn't the same as when human. My smile must have appeared larger than before as Daenerys chuckled before she could control herself. I didn't have to worry about her being my aunt or me being her nephew and so I could laugh. I could joke about bedding her even if I knew with no consequence. Jon did not have that option.
"Are they coming?" Daenerys asked.
I focused on the sounds of human footsteps. When I listened there was nothing that was outside of my notice. The same was true when I focused on smells. The world was full of scents and I finally understood why dogs wanted to roll in the most disgusting smells. The scents of the world were intoxicating. At least if I allowed them to overwhelm me.
[They'll be here soon.] I said.
"You don't know?" Khaleesi asked.
[Ghost's ears tell me that they are coming but I can't tell the distance.]
The footsteps became louder to my direwolf ears until the noises became nearly unbearably. It sounded as if they were about to run into me and I wanted to move. Only by the strongest of wills was I able to stand still. Ghost must be used to the noises or else he would be running away from everything. Or was he silent to avoid attracting undue attention?
Once Jon walked through the doorway I had calmed my mind to the point the loud noises didn't bother me. Following him were Sansa, Arya, Tyrion, Varys, Grey Worm, Davos, Bran, and Theon. The Greyjoy looked around the room as if he were seeing things for the very first time. He took a place beside Sansa and did his best to stay strong but I could smell his fear.
"The feast will be soon." Sansa began. "But there are things that must be resolved before we lose our senses."
Daenerys looked at Sansa as if she wanted to kill the Stark. But the moment of anger was gone in the blink of an eye. My love had longed for the sense of control she had experienced in Meereen ever since she came to Winterfell. She looked at me and she became even calmer than before.
"Ser Jorah," Khaleesi said. "Melisandre resurrected Theon Greyjoy but couldn't do the same for you."
[Why not?] I asked and tried desperately to keep the despair out of my voice.
"Jorah wonders why Melisandre was not able to resurrect him."
Had I wasted too much time getting to Winterfell? Should I have taken note of the barest of direwolf instincts before heading to where the Red Priestess was? My new eyes looked down to my paws and the knowledge they were my new feet nearly sent me running away. I wanted to get lost in the feel of the wind blowing against my fur. I wanted to seek out the most interesting smell and roll around in it. Anything to make the despair go away. The only thing keeping me from doing any of those things was the fact my name was still Jorah Mormont.
"She didn't explain that much." Davos said sourly. "She only spoke that her god wouldn't allow it."
The knight's voice was calm but I could sense the anger underneath. The Red Priestess had killed Shireen Baratheon and nearly ended Gendry's life. She had been a voice Stannis Baratheon had listened to very closely which meant Davos' knowledge of the woman was extensive. Probably the only good thing about the woman to him was she had brought Jon Snow back to life.
I had my own theory of why she couldn't bring me back. Jon's soul had been in the afterlife while mine hadn't. It might be that was the reason my body was ash now. It was a blessing I hadn't seen my body one last time as the sight would have haunted me until my dying days.
"Not being brought back would have been a blessing." Theon stated. "It is better to be enveloped by the nothingness that comes after than the world of the living."
"You can't honestly believe that." Sansa retorted. "You're just confused."
"It is never the same after dying, Sansa." Jon said. "There is something wrong with the world once you've been to the other side. I wish I could explain it to you but I can't. Not unless you've died will you know the pains of living."
Sansa looked like she wanted to argue but remained silent. I had never died as Ghost had rescued my soul. But the moment between breathing my last breath as a human and my first as a direwolf had felt like death. There had been a peaceful nothingness and I could understand Jon's statement. At least to a point.
I looked at my paws again and stopped myself from shivering. There were many blessings in being in a direwolf's body, but it would never be mine. Always it would feel like a badly made tunic that kept scrapping at my skin. Maybe it would have been better to have died on the battlefield. It was hard for me to remember that there was another war to fight.
[How did Theon die?] I asked and Daenerys repeated the question.
"I died defending Bran Stark in the Godswood." Theon said with pride replacing fear. "The Night King had appeared and my brother was helpless. If only I had lived a few minutes longer I could've seen Arya Stark kill the Night King."
[Arya killed the Night King?]
My mind must have been too shattered in the moment as Khaleesi looked as if she were having a headache. Pride, joy, and surprise were my most prominent feelings at the news. Pride that one of the North had been the one to kill the Night King. Joy at the thought of Arya killing the Night King. Surprise that after all the prophecies it had been Arya Stark.
"What is it, Daenerys?" Jon asked.
"When Jorah communicates with me I hear more feeling than actual words." Daenerys explained. "He is glad Arya killed the Night King."
I nodded my head to indicate I agreed with my love. Her interpretation of my thoughts was close enough to what I had meant. It would take too long to explain my exact feelings to her as my emotions were too confused at the moment. I turned to her and bowed and she nodded in acknowledgement.
"I killed him with this." Arya said and held out a Valyrian dagger.
I wanted to walk over and observe it with my new eyes. Before I could do something so embarrassing, she sheathed it. Daenerys wasn't angry but impressed. Jon must have talked about his sister to the queen, but it had never occurred to any of us how powerful the Stark girl was.
"You did a brave thing, Arya Stark." Daenerys said. "If not for you then all of us would have died."
"Thank you, Your Grace." Arya replied simply.
"Let's get back to the problem of Jorah losing his body. We should not have burned it unless we were absolutely certain his soul couldn't enter it again. He risked everything to fight for the Living. It might be that we didn't need Melisandre to bring Jorah back."
"It isn't possible." Bran replied.
The Stark child said this was his usual monotone. His voice defied anyone who dared to contradict him. With his vast knowledge it was very doubtful that he was wrong. If the Starks considered me their enemy it would be possible for him to lie. But that was far from likely. Jon was too honorable, Bran too distant to care about conflict, Arya too much a warrior, and Sansa too sane of a politician.
If it had been anyone other than Bran to say it wasn't possible to bring me back, I wouldn't have listened. I would have argued until Winter came again to prove my soul could have been reunited with my body. But even if Bran had the possibility of being wrong, my body was now ash. The last parts of me were either in the wind or nestling into the ground. There was nothing of me to bring back. I was a direwolf from this day until my last.
"Are you sure?" Daenerys asked. "Melisandre isn't the only one who is able to bring back people from the dead."
"Ser Jorah Mormont would not be able to be brought back even if his body were still here." Bran stated. "Now his body is ash mixing with the ashes of other fallen."
The boy had said everything with a coldness to them. No, not coldness. Coldness would imply he was attempting to be cruel when that wasn't the case. He no longer understood the concept of decency. If he thought something was true he would say so. My body couldn't be brought back and it was ash. Those things were much more true than I wanted them to be.
"So we have a man who isn't a man." Davos said with a sigh. "And no means to change his situation."
"Jorah is a Mormont." Tyrion pointed out. "Here We Stand is their House motto. I highly doubt a simple thing like being put into the body of a direwolf is enough to kill his spirits. He fought his despair to cure his greyscale and return to his love's side."
"But what is a man without his body?" Jon asked. "I should have never asked him to warg into Ghost."
"If you didn't then he would be dead." Daenerys replied. "If I had lost him...I don't know what I would have done."
[You would have remained strong.] I told her with as much belief as I could muster.
I saw fear and doubt in her face. She didn't believe the darkness within could be contained without me. But to think that would mean she had no power on her own was insanity. She had the ability to choose to be noble without me. Khaleesi was one of the strongest women I had ever known. She had started from nothing and was now one of the biggest players for the Iron Throne.
"Jorah Mormont still needs a position even while in the body of Ghost." Jon said. "Queen Daenerys, I don't think he would be a good fit as king since he can bear no children. Instead he is well suited to be Lord Commander of your Queensguard. He has the mind of a man and the body of a direwolf, he is the deadliest of your allies."
After being exiled to Essos I had never thought to hold a title of worth ever again. Nothing I would ever do would fully erase the stains I had brought to my House. But Daenerys loved me and I could tell she wanted to honor me with the title of King. If it was bearing children that made royalty, then she would not be fit for the Iron Throne either.
"I will need some time to think on the matter, Jon." Daenerys replied. "Jorah has been my most loyal advisor and greatest lover, so him being my king is what he should be. If I need to have children I will use another."
After that minor information was discussed. The status of our troops and what our next move would be were discussed. But some parts my mind drifted from the talk to my status as a direwolf. Jon had now lost Ghost, a dear friend of his, to a man he had just met. His kindness had incurred a terrible price he was forced to pay. If only I had the strength to deny this gift and bring some happiness to his days.
"I found your cousin's body, Jorah." Sansa said.
[So she is dead?] I asked.
"Jorah is sad over Lyanna's death." Daenerys asked.
"She died fighting and bringing honor to your House's name. We found her close to the corpse of a giant. I believe she died fighting it."
There was so much sadness in me that I expected my new eyes to shed tears. But that didn't happen. I couldn't cry and express the sadness that welled up in me. The sadness over the fact that I had again failed my House. My cousin was dead which meant the last chance to continue our line was now gone. The consolation she had died with honor was a poor one. Why hadn't Melisandre brought Theon back and not her?
"Tyrion fought bravely in the crypts." Sansa said and continued to talk about the Battle of Winterfell.
Others soon joined in telling me their experiences. Everyone in the room had a story to tell about the most important battle in all of Westerosi history.
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