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Eyrie Isaacs
My life had been nothing but a whirlwind of
insanity. Mother and two fathers had been far from normal. Mother hadn't
even been human and her worldviews had been unique because of that. One
of my fathers had been a clone of the other. And that was only the
things that were started during the war. After had seen me and my sister
trying to find ourselves but we ended up only finding solace in each
other's arms. In each other's beds.
As I looked at Sam, my first
father, I knew I would never truly know him. I would never know the man
that loved Mother and so loved me. He was on his deathbed and the time
for truly connecting was quickly vanishing. Very soon even the presence
of him would be gone from my mind. That was the most painful part about
my gift: when someone died I knew it without a shadow of a doubt.
My
eyes looked briefly at Eve. Even in the depths of her grief she was
beautiful. If there was a war to fight, many would sacrifice themselves
for the strength she subconsciously portrayed. It could be the fact that
this man, my first father, was her second. Though that had never
affected how either of us viewed him.
The machine keeping him
alive made noises and I wished that I could ease the pain that was
showing on his face. Did he fear death or never seeing Mother one more
time?
I didn't know where I wanted to focus. It should be that I
was drawn to my first father during his final moments of life. He hadn't
been perfect, but he had protected me. He had risked everything for
both me and Eve. Yet my eyes much preferred the cold and calculating
machines that were giving him a few more moments of life.
Unlike
looking at Sam, I could push the pain to the back of my mind when
looking at them. They held pure beauty because they were untouched by
emotions. Because of the fortune my family had amassed, the machines
blended into the wall. Even the bed looked like just another place to
sleep instead of a final resting place.
"Eyrie," My first father said weakly as his eyes strained to see me. "Are you there?"
"Yes," I replied and forced myself to look at him. "I'm here."
"Eve?"
"I'm here, father."
I
took her hand in mine and squeezed it. We needed to be strong together.
Not just for our own sanity, but for our father's. He shouldn't be sent
to the next life worrying about our fates. He should be at peace for
the first time in his life. After being brought into the world as a pawn
of Wesker, he was dying as something far superior.
Eve and I had
tried to discuss what we were going to say. But why had we even
bothered practicing? Why had we even bothered to try and imagine the
pain we would be feeling at this moment? One of our parents had chosen
another world, the other had been murdered, and our final one was now
dying right in front of us.
"Who have I been?" Sam asked weakly.
"You've been our father." I replied. "You gave us a life in this new world that you helped create."
"Helped."
Sam
chuckled and a shiver went down my spine. The chuckle was a portion of
the evil man he had once been mixed with the dying one he now was. Had a
hidden part of him tried to come out one last time? Would he turn into
the man people whispered he was? Even though he would only spend only a
short time as such a person, it was enough to matter.
"I didn't
help." Sam said sadly. "I don't know if I ever made up for the terrible
things I did. How can a person measure what would be necessary for
redemption? I can't. There is too much blood on my hands."
"No
there isn't." Eve replied gently and put a hand on his shoulder. "You've
done so much for this world. You've done so much for me and Eyrie."
"Everything
I've done has been selfish. Any good deeds were only done because of
Rin. She showed me a way between ruthlessness and a loving heart. She
saw the last moments of Alex, she should be here with me."
In my
first father's voice there was deadly jealousy but the pain overrode
that part of himself. He needed to be angry in his final moments because
then he could better ignore the pain of all that he was giving up. If
only I had discovered the way to defeat death. But, then again, those
kinds of experiments were what lead to the zombie outbreak that
devastated the world.
"Mother had somewhere else to be." Eve said
sadly. "She had others that depended on her. Would she really be the
one we love if she abandoned her duties?"
"No, no she wouldn't."
My first father said with a chuckle that came out as more of a wheeze.
"It's like I love an ethereal being. Something that could never survive
in this world but risked her own survival for my sake. She loved me when
no one else did. When no one could acknowledge my own humanity."
I
had been told the stories about my birth. My first father, Sam, the man
dying in front of me, had proven himself. He was not just something
grown in a lab, he was a man capable of love. Couldn't Mother come to us
now when one of her husbands was dying? Why hadn't she returned to us
after all this time? Had she died herself?
"We should've done
more for you, father." I said and couldn't hold back the cry from my
lips. "There must have been something we could have done."
"Probably."
Sam replied. "But, I guess, I was going to die someday. Maybe I
could've gotten a few more years but then I would die anyways."
A
few more years would matter so much to me. A few more years to have one
other person I could talk to. A few more years to plan for this death
that would leave me more broken than ever before. It was one thing
putting on a presentable face for others but it was something entirely
different to confront my own mind. I wasn't brave enough for that.
"You can't be okay with dying." Eve said angrily. "You can't be at peace now. You were always fighting death."
"I
guess I've learned a few things." Sam replied. "Too late. Much too
late. I'm scared, Eve, more scared than ever before. But I know that
fighting won't change things. Maybe there is a life after this one where
Rin will be waiting for me."
"If there is an afterlife, Mother will be waiting." I reassured my father. "Wait. Do you think Mother has died?"
"I
don't know. I hope not. But it would mean I wouldn't have to wait for
her to die. If a woman like her would ever succumb to death."
I
remembered that day when she had left us. She had had to kill herself so
that her body in this reality would die and she could live only in
Westeros. What if she had found another cause she felt she had to die
for? She would kill herself if it meant that what she saw as more worthy
people could live.
Was that courage or pure insanity? Wasn't it
better to save your own skin than that of those you hardly knew? But if
she had thought like that I would have never known my first father. It
had taken Mother to show him a different way of viewing the world.
I
jumped at a loud sound and turned with my sister to see a raven sitting
on the outside of the window. It had joined its flock who must have
come silently. Mother hadn't sent these birds but someone must have.
Maybe it was Alex welcoming his clone to the afterlife. But I don't
remember my second father being connected with ravens.
My
scientific sense must be in my mind somewhere. It must still exist as I
wouldn't be able to lose my father and the part of myself that was a
pleasant distraction. Eve was also a very pleasant distraction but I
couldn't always depend on her.
"Are those ravens?" Sam asked with a chuckle. "Of course harbingers of death would greet me. I deserve them for what I've done."
"I
think in a Native American culture or two ravens take souls to the
afterlife." Eve said. "Sort of like the grim reaper. I guess it could be
a sign that you're important enough to have an entire flock of ravens
take you to the next life."
"I'm not a good or important man. In
my younger years I would have believed that if a deity existed, I would
be escorted in a manner befitting a hero. But I never appreciated what I
had in life. Why should I be rewarded in death?"
"You loved Mother. You loved us."
"Does love really make up for all the sins I have committed?"
"It
has to." I replied. "I can't bear the thought of there being an
afterlife and you going to Hell. You weren't perfect, but you were good.
You changed, right? If there is justice in the universe then you will
go to paradise."
"Or I could stop existing." Sam said with a
smile. "Non-existence would be paradise. Nothing to fear. Nothing to
keep me awake at night. Just an endless sleep where I can't sense
anything."
What had happened to him? What had happened to the man
who would not let himself die? Was there a special kind of strength
found right before dying? Possibly something so that humans would know
just a little peace right before possibly fading out of existence. Sam
would never be calm if something wasn't manipulating him into serenity.
"There must be something that you'll miss here." I said.
"Of
course." Sam replied. "I'll miss you and Eve more than I ever thought I
would. If Rin is alive then I will miss her. I'll miss the machine that
never was."
"What machine?" Eve asked. "Me and Eyrie could help finish it."
I
could hear the desperation in her voice. She wanted a piece of him to
be with her just a little bit longer. While a great fighter, she did not
do well during times of peace. I was a distraction for her and the
perverse machine would play the same role.
"I doubt it." Sam said. "Maybe it is for the best that it was never completed."
"What did it do?" Eve asked.
"It
would allow a person to travel through different realities. I was
hoping to use it to find Rin. It would allow any user to not age while
traveling with it. I could have spent eternities looking for the only
woman I ever loved. I shouldn't have given up. If I had completed it
then Rin could be here. She could even bring the Jorah Mormont she
talked about. Maybe I would like him."
A shocked look came over
my sister's face and I could understand why. She had just learned that
there had been a way to bring Mother back to us. A way for us to not
have a hole in our lives any longer. Would Mother have accepted our
incestuous relationship or decry it as immoral? How far did her
acceptance of strange sexual acts go?
"We could see her again." Eve whispered.
"If
the machine worked." Sam said with a groan. "You and Eyrie could spend
eternities looking for her. You could find her. If only I could join you
just so I could kiss her one more time. Just one more time to feel her
embrace. I loved her more than I did anyone else. Even you and Eyrie. I
need her. I need her now!"
The desperation in his voice made me
feel as if I were collapsing into myself. As if I were about to cease to
exist after a brief moment of the pain. To reassure myself I looked for
my first father with my extra sense. But it did nothing to help me as I
could sense him slowly start to fade away.
I wanted to reassure
Sam that I would finish building the machine but I couldn't. There was a
reason I hadn't helped him before and there was no reason to help him
after death. Was there? There was no reason that finishing the machine
would ever fill the hole of despair that was now consuming me. He would
be gone soon never to return. Just as Mother would never return to me
ever again. I had to learn to accept that.
Somehow.
"Father?" Eve cried out as Sam's mouth moved but no words came out.
Instead
of words there were sounds that made no sense. Some of the sounds were
happy while others were mournful. Why was he happy? Why was he sad? I
needed to be there for him as he was now mere moments from death. But I
didn't know how to be a good son when he needed me most.
Sam
reached for my hand in a sudden burst of energy. While my instinct was
to flinch, I held strong so he could feel some form of comfort. His eyes
were quickly losing their sight but I held his gaze. The sounds coming
from his mouth were bittersweet. He was regretting something but I
couldn't tell what. Was he still blaming himself for being a flawed
person? Or was it something else? Was it regret for bringing up the
machine now?
After he was done talking to me he reached for Eve's
hand. Again he repeated the same general sounds. Unlike me, my sister
was less subtle in conveying her confusion over the strange sounds
coming from his mouth.
"I understand, Father." Eve said in a vain attempt at conversation. "I will."
From
her eyes I could see that she didn't know what our father was saying.
She was talking to him like an animal. You didn't know what they were
actually saying. All you did was either try to guess what they were
saying or make up a conversation that made you happy.
I put my
arm around her waist to try and give her comfort. Should I have been
trying to give Sam peace as he lay dying? Mother would have known what
to do. She would have known what to say and do. I was just a pale
imitation of her.
"Good-bye, Father." I said when Sam turned his distant gaze towards me. "I'll miss you. I hope we'll meet again."
"Can he hear us?" Eve asked and I realized tears were running down my cheeks.
"I want him to."
"You won't leave me like that, will you?"
"As long as you don't leave my side."
"I promise."
My
first father stopped making sounds but his mouth still moved. There was
so much the man wanted to tell us. There was so much regret even now
that he must be trying to absolve himself of his past sins. Or maybe he
was giving a lecture to a class that he thought was in front of him.
As
he started trying to move his arms I wondered if he was performing some
sort of experiment with the T-Virus. Whatever he was imagining, he was
very intent on it. Eve stopped trying to hold back tears and I tightened
our embrace. Since she had stopped holding back her emotions, I also
allowed myself to feel everything. No matter how painful. No matter how
raw. My first Father deserved nothing but honesty in his last few
moments of life. Even if he didn't know where he was.
I expected a
rainstorm to start. I expected lightning to flash in the sky and
thunder to sound as trumpets for Sam. But nature did no grand gesture to
show how it missed Sam. He was just another human. And why would nature
care about one human? It hadn't cared about the near extinction of the
species.
The only sounds to send father off to the afterlife were
the sounds of his children crying. No, we weren't the only sounds. The
flock of ravens outside had started imitating our cries of pain. They
knew we were suffering and they cared. No creature with their
intelligence could interpret the scene any other way.
"Thank you." Eve and I said as one.
The
exact moment Sam Isaacs, my first father, left this world the flock of
ravens started crying louder than before. He had been a great man and
had been granted a sendoff that would be talked about for years to come.
Not that many would believe the events and would assign the ravens'
cries to something else.
But what was written down in the history
books didn't matter to me. What mattered was that I knew they cared.
What mattered was that their cries helped me not feel so alone. Eve
turned around and pushed her face into my chest and I felt a dim glimmer
of happiness. My tears fell down onto her head as our cries mingled
with those of the ravens.
In the depths of my grief I knew I
would make a mistake. Or maybe correct the mistake. It all depended on
if fixing the machine and searching for Mother was the right thing to
do. We had to meet Mother so maybe the emptiness I had felt since she
left would go away. Maybe I could finally distance myself sexually from
Eve and we could both find better partners.
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