Inbetween: The Darkening 11

Dedicated to revrezner, Crysy, Pancake, and Grayce for being there when I felt worthless and I thank for helping me be alive today
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Hannibal Lecter. He had been my doctor and lover. Now things were different. My eyes had been opened by him and then to him. I didn't know what to think, but that was okay. I only had to act and then there would be peace.

The chair I had sat in during my appointments with Hannibal felt different today. I tried to ease my discomfort by looking around at the familiar room. He would be here soon and then the day's events could begin.

I let the rage course through every part of my body to prepare me for what had to be done. I couldn't have gotten into this mindset before Hannibal and that hurt the most. I had learned so much from the doctor, but it had all been dark and twisted. He had helped me, but it had all been a lie.

I heard the familiar footsteps coming nearer and tried to relax before he entered the room. Getting too nervous would mean this plan would fail. I had to think clearly while letting my rage out. When Hannibal opened the door and entered the room I knew there was no turning back.

"Will, you know you don't have to come to our sessions anymore." Hannibal said calmly as if nothing was wrong. But I knew he noticed something was off and he might've even known last night while we tossed and turned in his bed. He knew me and he was observant to those he didn't know.

"You know that's not what I'm here about." I replied and tried not to let my anger come out. I didn't want to let him know how much he had hurt me.

"I know that right now you're angry at me for some perceived wrong."

"Some perceived wrong?" I said and laughed. "You lying to me about Alana Bloom is just a perceived wrong? You making me think Beverly Katz was an enemy is just a perceived wrong? You taking away two women that could've helped me is a perceived wrong?"

"Will, I don-" Hannibal began.

"You're smart, Hannibal Lecter, that's what makes you so good at your job." I replied. "You're good at 'helping' people and then killing others. You know I figured it out. You know I figured it all out."

"Then you know what I did was to help you." He replied and, were I naive, I'd have thought he'd sounded worried and hurt. But those must be more lies. This monster that wore human form could not have any feelings.

"You made me think I had nothing to do with killing Alana. You made me think killing was a way to honor her." I said as my voice started to rise. "When evidence came in you told me, and the FBI, that I had killed Gideon with his own gun. You didn't tell me that I had been to your house earlier."

"Wi-"

"You had me kill and eat Beverly. You needed to make sure I could be your little plaything and remove the last person that could keep me sane."

"But you are sane now."

"I am not sane. I'm worse than I ever was and you're too blind to see that." I shouted and stood up. I walked to Hannibal and stood right in front of him. "You can't make a friend from manipulation and lies, Hannibal. All you created is a monster like yourself."

The seconds that went by passed quickly but I felt the importance of each one. I was a monster that had become bloodied and worn. That now couldn't recognize himself in the mirror. And now this monster would do what it must so the world wouldn't end up in flames.

The predictable happened and Hannibal made the first move. I dodged his punch and blocked his knife with my own. I watched as he pulled away his arm and was surprised when he kicked my legs so that I fell down.

I rolled over and quickly got up before he could kick me in the chest. A few seconds went by as we countered each other's moves. Moves that we had memorized and would never forget. But either of us could mess up and give the other a chance to win.

I slipped up and I yelled as Hannibal's knife went into my shoulder. The look he gave me was not his usual lack of expression, but a look of sorrow. He was sorry that his pet wasn't following orders and not because he had done the unthinkable.

I waited as the knife went deeper and then punched Hannibal in the face. The shock would be momentary and so I had to act quickly. I pushed him away from me but left the knife in my shoulder.

More moves were made and the atmosphere in the room took on an even darker tone. I was a monster but I liked being a monster. I liked killing and that wouldn't change. If Hannibal died, the thirst for blood would  not go away. It couldn't go away since the addiction had been given to me. Since I had allowed my mind to function in ways that it shouldn't in any situation.

I took a blow to my face and Hannibal fell down from a kick of mine. We were both getting worn out and the knife in my shoulder was causing me more pain than I had imagined. All I wanted to do now was say sorry to Hannibal and have him embrace me and tell me he forgave me. I would live a lie, but it was better than the confusion I was now facing.

Should I give up the thrill of the kill or join Hannibal?

I stabbed Hannibal in the shoulder and he didn't cry out. That didn't surprise me as he was too strong and proud. His student could hurt him but never see him in pain. I looked at him and knew what I was about to do was unforgivable, but it had to be done.

I pulled the knife out of my shoulder and felt each second of the motion. It was painful but I had to do it. Looking in Hannibal's eyes I stabbed him in the heart. For a few seconds I thought he wasn't going to die, he was a monster after all, but his eyes became vacant. I had done it. I had killed the great Hannibal Lecter.

"I love you." I said solemnly and immediately regretted saying those words.

I then quickly got a tape recorder Hannibal had in his desk. I took all the time I needed to explain the mess I had found myself in. How the doctor had fooled me and turned me into a creature of Hell.

The emotions I had shut myself off from came pouring into me. I felt the pain of knowing I had killed Alana and was fooled into using her death as the basis of my killings. I felt tears come down my cheeks as I realized Beverly was the last friend I had and I...and I had killed her for it.

I had no one. I, Will Graham, was friendless. There was no hope to turn me back into the man I once was. The man who knew killing was wrong and felt disgusted at even feeling happy when him killing saved someone's life. Any friend I would have would always be thinking of me as a serial killer. No one could love me like Alana or Beverly. I would just be something to observe.

I looked up and saw Abigail through my tears. She looked at the scene and I realized I still had her. We would help each other recover from the darkness known as Hannibal. After looking horrified at Hannibal's corpse she turned to look at me.

"You killed him!" She shouted with hatred in her voice and I realized she was not a person to turn to. She had admired him and thought of him as her father. Maybe she had even thought of him as a potential lover. She would be an enemy to me for the rest of my days.

The daughter I had wanted wasn't mine anymore because I had killed the one she actually loved.

"I'll kill you!" She screamed and took the knife from Hannibal's heart and ran towards me.

I had only moments to act and only one person left to kill. And I couldn't kill Abigail even though that was the smartest option.

I pulled out my gun, that I hadn't used in a fight that was better done with knives, and pressed it against my head. Only one person left to kill.

"This was his design." I said and smiled.

"No!" Abigail yelled in agony. That was the last word I heard before I pulled the trigger and the world turned dark. I knew it wouldn't be long until I was embraced by the fires of Hell.

-THE END-
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All Chapters of Inbetween: The Darkening

Inbetween: The Darkening 10

Killing, I found, was best done at night. Your victims couldn't see you and people tended not to be as active during the night. It was also best to have your victim not suspect that they were about to die as that caused problems. Minor ones, but any slight changes to the plan would mean that the victim could escape. Not likely for my victims, as Hannibal was usually with me and I had his training to back me up, but I couldn't take any chances.

Hannibal and I had been keeping track of Rick Carver for a week. I decided Carver was suitable to kill as his treatment of his family made it likely that their lives might one day be in danger. There were signs such as his wife flinching at small sounds and his son was distant. Hannibal had agreed to Carver dying as the man had annoyed him in some manner.

At the current moment, Hannibal's car was out of view of the road while we were kept out of sight by some bushes. Because it was winter they were barren, but they still would keep us hidden long enough to surprise Carver. It was cold but the excitement of the hunt kept me warm. Hannibal seemed to have his usual inner warmth working.

Finally headlights could be seen coming towards us. I took out my gun and Hannibal nodded. We had both recognized Carver's car soon after the headlights had come into view. The now usual thrill was coming to me. The thrill that would calm me soon after I killed Carver.

When Carver's car was close enough I shot the front wheel and Carver had to stop due to his car going out of control. Carver got out and started waving at us.

"Hey!" Carver shouted angrily to Hannibal and me. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

 I was first to get to Carver and Hannibal was close behind. Carver was like most of my victims in that he didn't think he was about to be killed. That his death had been decided a few days earlier. He merely thought I was a man playing a prank on him.

When he could see my face he saw a killer. He saw a killer and tried to run away but Hannibal was there to stop him. Carver turned to look back at me and I saw the loss of hope. One of the perks of killing was seeing the evil people of the world lose hope.

I went to slice his throat, my preferred method of killing, when I found myself somewhere and somewhen else.

It was night like it was in my dreams. But I could tell it wasn't a dream as I couldn't choose my actions. I was in a memory. A memory I didn't remember doing. But it was still a memory.

I was driving to Alana to make sure she was okay. To make sure that Gideon didn't get her. I didn't trust those who were there to protect her. I didn't trust anyone with her safety but myself.

No, that wasn't true. That was what I wished I had been thinking.

I was going to kill Alana Bloom. I had just been to Hannibal's house and he had said to kill Alana. Not in a straightforward manner, but I was sure that's what he meant. Gideon had been in the room and so I had to move quickly. Gideon was also going to kill Alana and her life was mine to do with as I pleased. And right now I wanted to make Hannibal proud.

The scene changed and I was entering Alana's house. She looked at me with such trust and I felt nothing. I only was concerned with when I could kill her. Alana talked to me but I wasn't listening. I guess my face made the right expressions, but I felt none of them.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. Gideon broke through the window and we looked at each other. I turned to look at Alana and knew I had to act now. I shot her in the head. Alana had had enough time to have a look of betrayal on her face be her final expression. Gideon looked at me and went back out the window as those protecting Alana rushed in.

I chased after him.

I ran after him for many minutes but he finally gave up. Gideon stopped and looked at me.

"You did it." Gideon said right before I shot him in the head.

Carver's blood sprayed on my face and my usual happiness wasn't there. It was me who had killed Alana Bloom. I had killed the woman I loved and had felt nothing while doing so. I just wanted to please Hannibal and nothing else had mattered.

"Something wrong, Will?" Hannibal asked and I shook my head.

"Blood doesn't taste good." I replied and spit some of Carver's blood out of my mouth. I smiled and Hannibal focused on how to clean up the scene.

As he did his work I thought about the memory that had just come to me. I had killed Alana and Hannibal had known. He had made me kill her and afterwards he hadn't told me the truth. He was truly a monster to lie to me and then make me into his protege.

But I liked killing and it was a drug to me now. It had become more than just a way to honor Alana.

So did I really want to admit Hannibal had abused me or lie to myself so I could keep on killing and be with the man I loved?
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Animorphs Re-Read: The Andalite Chronicles (Chapters 20-27)

Chapter 20

Elfangor stops like I used to stop at stop lights (only reason I don't now is because I'm not supposed to drive) and is thrown across the deck. But Arbron doesn't waver as his many Taxxon legs keep him stable.

Arbron manages to shoot all three Bug Fighters down like more experienced Andalites would have trouble doing! Arbron says it's because that's what Taxxons are good at. Only problem I have with this is it seems the number of Bug Fighters chasing them has changed.

Elfangor and Arbron are both able to now really think about what it means that Arbron is a nothlit. When Elfangor turns the ship around and talks about getting Alloran, Loren, and Chapman back, Arbron panics. He brings up the Time Matrix but Elfangor tells him about the heat signature. Arbron doesn't care and attacks Elfangor. Arbron seems to do this in the hope that Elfangor will kill him and end his pain. Elfangor disarms him (literally) instead. I really want to talk about this scene more in depth, but there's no time for that now.

Arbron reveals both he and Alloran had eaten the Taxxon that had fallen. Poor Arborn, he has to be stuck with that hunger forever now.

Elfangor threatens to stun him and Arbron fools the aristh into putting the Dracon beam on full power. Luckily Elfangor doesn't hit Arbron, but ends up sending the ship crashing down. I'm just stuck wondering why Elfangor trusted Arbron. The trick shouldn't have worked because Elfangor knew Arbron wanted death and so whatever Arbron said about the Dracon beam shouldn't have been trusted. Knowing the trick had zero to do with knowing about the technology at hand.

Chapter 21

Elfangor wakes up from the crash and doesn't remember where he is. He remembers events but the thing he remembers best is Arbron tricking Elfangor into killing him.

Elfangor looks for Arbron and explores the wreckage. Some things seem to be off.

Elfangor finds the Time Matrix and is in awe at the sight of it. He remarks that it looks so unremarkable and you couldn't tell how powerful it was by merely looking at it.

Elfangor is still worried about Arbron but looks around the ship some more. He finds a photo album from Earth. He delights in the pictures. He thinks of being on Earth with Loren because his current situation is so horrible. He falls asleep looking a photographs and wakes up when there is daylight.

Elfangor realizes that Taxxons have taken Arbron and thinks it's more likely the Mountain Taxxons (aka the rebel Taxxons) took the nothlit.

Elfangor decides not to go after Arbron because he's probably dead anyways. He decides to go find Alloran. I really am pained now as Elfangor is in so much pain and now he has to go after the one who hates him instead of the one who he feels friendship for.

My fiance, revrezner, really likes Mustangs and now there is one in this book. Was this series predicting not just my fandom life but my real life to? Or is it just a weird coincidence?

Elfangor learning how to drive is amusing. Makes me feel better about my driving abilities and shows that Andalites aren't confused about primitive technology. I remember from the Animorphs tv show, the few episodes that I did watch, an episode where Ax doesn't realize how doors on cars worked. Either Elfangor is smarter than his brother, or the tv show was being disrespectful to the books.


Chapter 22

Elfangor is just reveling in the feeling of driving a convertible (I'm assuming that as Elfangor doesn't know that much about human technology at this point and so can't tell the reader) across the Taxxon home world. He does remark that all isn't right but he's still enjoying. This little bit of happiness pleases me so much.

Elfangor had collected some of the human objects from the Skrit Na ship. He's drinking Dr Pepper and I so wish he was drinking beer. Both are brown liquids. But, then again, this is a kids book.

Elfangor remarks that he is never going to morph into a Taxxon again even if it's a smart option. And who can blame him? He had horrible experiences in the morph and his friend is now a nothlit in that morph.

A hole opens in the ground and Elfangor and the Mustang go down it. Applegate chose to say "slid and rattled and rolled" when she could've used "shook and rattled and rolled".

Turns out Elfangor has fallen into a Taxxon cavern system thing. The mountain is alive and talks through thought-speak. Elfangor remarks that it sounds like a planet talking which makes me wonder how really awesome the Animorphs universe is if planets can speak.

Arbron turns out to be alive!

Arbron also turns out to be serving the Living Hive (aka the mountain creature). He says it's the mother and father of the Taxxons. Elfangor, understandably, thinks Arbron has gone nuts. Arbron replies that the Living Hive saved him and tells Elfangor about the vast tunnel system.

Arbron says that the Living Hive is angry and Elfangor just about shits his britches. Well, that would be true if he wore pants. Arbron reassures him by saying that the Living Hive is angry and mad at the Yeerks and is going to launch an attack. It couldn't do so before now but now it has Arbron. Elfangor asks about that part and Arbron seems sad when he remarks what better option does he have. Arbron has accepted that he is now a Taxxon.

Arbron's reasoning for it makes me want to break down in tears. He remarks that since he didn't successfully die he finds that he is glad for life. He remarks that there is always hope. As someone who thinks, sometimes on a daily basis, about killing herself this hits me so hard. Yes, Arbron is going on a suicide mission, but he isn't without hope now and his reason for going isn't to end his own life. Instead, he's doing it for a greater good.

Elfangor doesn't understand about Arbron accepting life as a Taxxon or thinking that Taxxons are good creatures, but he decides to help because they are opposing the Yeerks.


Chapter 23

Again Elfangor is left with only his thoughts (and this time no Loren). Arbron is busy being a general and he has changed emotionally. I believe it's because of his new found outlook on life and finding a worthy cause to fight for.

Arbron tells Elfangor the plan. He reminds Elfangor that getting the Time Matrix to safety is the most important thing. He says that rescuing the humans and finding Alloran is secondary. Elfangor offers to tell Arbron's parents about his fate. But Arbron insists to lie to his parents and say he died in battle. So I guess that Arbron is fine with his situation but it'd be embarrassing to his parents. Or he doesn't want his parents' pity. Arbron ends their talk by saying that the spaceport will be absolute chaos and Elfangor won't be able to tell which Taxxon is on what side. Arbron, therefore, gives Elfangor the okay to kill whichever Taxxons get in his way.

Elfangor blasting down the tunnels in the Mustang feels very different to him than driving the Mustang previously. Before it was fun and now he's more concerned about not hurting himself.

Elfangor arrives on the scene of the spaceport bloodbath by hitting a Taxxon and having it burst open (yes, blood does get on the Andalite). He remarks that he can hardly think with all Hell unleashed in one spot.

Elfangor spots the humans and Arbron. He asks the nothlit which side is which.

Arbron replies, [There's no difference anymore, Elfangor! Don't you see? Blood has been spilled. The hunger...the hunger! Stop me, Elfangor! Stop me!]

After he gives that heartbreaking bit of dialogue, he can't help himself and goes after the two humans.

Elfangor gives this description of it: And with that, Arbron, aristh of the Dome ship StarSword, lost his last shred of control.

Why the hell am I attracted to such heartbreaking series?


Chapter 24

Elfangor goes into panic/savior mode. Before he thought of the bloodbath, but now he's only concerned about Loren's safety. Elfangor is able to stop Arbron by reminding the nothlit that he's an aristh and has a duty.

Some Hork-Bajir Controllers approach Elfangor and Sub-Visser Seven is among them. The sub-visser remarks that he is glad that Elfangor escaped so he could use the Andalite as a host.

Arbron ends up standing beside Elfangor in this hopeless fight.

Elfangor makes a speech that would normally work in fiction, however it doesn't hear. The classic "In real life it doesn't work that way" line. That kind of line is both funny and problematic. Funny in that there's the whole "oh shit, this isn't going the way I planned" element. But it's also problematic as it's a line in a work of fiction.

Sub-Visser Seven sends his Hork-Bajir Controllers after the arisths and humans. Since only two Hork-Bajir Controllers can attack at a time Elfangor thinks he can deal with the situation. However, the fighting quickly escalates.

Suddenly Alloran appears in Hork-Bajir morph and threatens Sub-Visser Seven. Loren rushes over to check on Elfangor's wounds.

Again Alloran makes mention that he was involved in what happened on the Hork-Bajir home world.

Arbron demands to stay on the Taxxon home world and help with the Taxxon rebellion. This part is so heart breaking as Elfangor basically begs the nothlit to come with him. Elfangor didn't begin liking Arbron, but through all the pain and confusion he formed a friendship with the Andalite. Alloran ends the debate by calling Arbron a Warrior. To get Alloran's admiration and approval seems to be a VERY rare thing.


Chapter 25

The Jahar is able to leave the Taxxon home world without problems. Elfangor is relieved when he sees Alloran demorph. Alloran seems arrogant when he comments on the aristh thinking that he had become a nothlit like Arbron.

Chapman is "unusually quiet" but Elfangor doesn't pay attention to this as he hates Chapman and figures the human is just afraid of what will happen to him.

Alloran starts talking how now Elfangor wants orders when he disobeyed flushing the Yeerks into space. Alloran then talks about doing the job and finishing it this time. Elfangor reminds him that the Time Matrix is their first priority. Alloran replies that he's spent all his time on the Taxxon home world watching the ship that held the Yeerks. Alloran turns to Elfangor and the aristh can see that the war-prince is mad. Alloran says the most important thing in war is to destroy the enemy.

Alloran may have gone mad, but the point of war is to win. However, how far you should go to win is a whole 'nother discussion.

Alloran says to throw the Sub-Visser into space. Elfangor makes mention of how it seems Chapman and the Yeerk seem to talk to each other through glances and signals. He then thinks he must be imagining things. The Hork-Bajir that the sub-visser is in seems to relax. That seems to be a huge warning signal to me. Elfangor obeys Alloran's orders but doesn't look as he does the deed. He isn't relieved when the ordeal is over because he knows that they still have to destroy the Yeerk transport ship.

Alloran is cheerful as he'll finally get to destroy the ship he's watched for the past few days and be able to also get the Time Matrix. Elfangor is too tired to argue after everything that has happened.

Elfangor asks why Chapman agreed to come with them. They get into a short discussion where Chapman tries to defend his actions.

Alloran aims the shredder but orders Elfangor to take the shot as it'll erase the aristh's act of cowardice.


Chapter 26

Elfangor makes his choice and decides not to shoot. Alloran berates the aristh as he believes that war should be won at any costs. And says that Elfangor is one of those people that doesn't mind if immoral things are done in war as long as other people do it. Elfangor brings up the point that the Yeerks are helpless. Alloran counters by saying that the Yeerks are the enemy and that Elfangor is a hypocrite. He goes on to say it was wrong for him to be disgraced and to be sent on missions with arisths.

Alloran continues by saying that it doesn't matter how you kill an enemy and brings up that he had used a quantum virus on the Hork-Bajir home world. A quantum virus is something that breaks down something on a subatomic level and a species affected will be in agony as it slowly dies. This type of virus is highly illegal and the high ups in Andalite hierarchy had denied it. The common Andalite had been told that the Yeerks had lied about the Andalites using a quantum virus. So this is a real big shock to Elfangor to say the least. So we finally find out why Alloran is disgraced!

At this moment Chapman goes to attack Alloran. Now Elfangor can attack Chapman as obviously the human is now controlled by the sub-visser now! But, nope, the aristh knocks the mad war-prince out. Chapman is very happy about this and Elfangor still doesn't get it. What the bloody fuck? Elfangor, honey, I love you but sometimes you are really dense.

Elfangor is shocked about knocking Alloran out and decides to pick up the Time Matrix and then leave the Taxxon home world for good.

Elfangor makes a joke and Loren remarks that's a first for him. He then talks about Arbron. I need to give both of these heroes a hug! Loren asks about him driving a Mustang and Elfangor remarks that it was primitive but fun to drive.

Elfangor goes to get the Time Matrix and while he's getting it he realizes that he's been a dumb ass. He FINALLY realizes how much luck was required for their mission to succeed. And that it was TOO MUCH luck to happen by chance.

Loren had been a controller! I forgot about that particular reveal. Chapman being a controller I had guessed but...maybe I hadn't wanted to imagine her having a Yeerk in her head. But, yeah, she being a controller makes a shit load of sense and it would've been odd if she hadn't been one.

And now Alloran has Sub-Visser Seven controlling him. Shit!


Chapter 27

Was thinking of ending this post on Chapter 26 as I'm staying up later than I should to do this but I just have to read this tonight or I'd die in anticipation...or any period cramps that decide to say hi tonight (and I had some that lasted for five or ten minutes last morning).

Elfangor had to remind himself that Alloran is now really Sub-Visser Seven. The sub-visser reveals that another Yeerk had been in the Hork-Bajir host, he had really been in Chapman all along, and another Yeerk had been in Loren. The sub-visser compliments Elfangor on knocking Alloran out. Elfangor is in utter shock and horror that it was him that allowed the sub-visser to take an Andalite body.

The sub-visser says that it was lucky that the Mountain Taxxons had attacked when they did because the Andalites hadn't been very suspicious. Sub-Visser Seven also remarks that if Elfangor had decided to shoot the transport ship then he and the Yeerk in Loren would have been forced to reveal themselves. The Yeerk remarks that it's one thing to sacrifice one Yeerk life for the mission, but another to risk ten thousand Yeerk lives. So Yeerks do have some form of morality.

Elfangor threatens to kill the sub-visser, but the Yeerk mocks Elfangor's morality. Sub-Visser Seven even brings up the fact that the young Andalite won't kill a helpless foe. Can I just ask why mock this as it's what allowed Sub-Visser Seven's mission to succeed? But, then again, Yeerks hate Andalites beyond reason so that's probably the reason why.

Elfangor doesn't kill the sub-visser but stuns him. He drags Loren's body into the Jahar and reluctantly drags Chapman too. Before he can drag the sub-visser in there are Bug fighters. Elfangor hopes to fool the Yeerks by assuming the fact they can't tell one Andalite from another. He pretends to be Sub-Visser Seven and leaves the sub-visser to die. I am loving seeing Elfangor pretending to be a sub-visser!

While I enjoy this scene I must say that it shows that Elfangor has it in him to be cruel. Maybe not Sub-Visser Seven or Alloran cruel, but cruel nonetheless.

Sub-Visser Seven realizes instantly what Elfangor had done and immediately starts to run away.

Elfangor's bluff lasts long enough for him to escape into Zero-space.
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Animorphs Re-Read Table of Contents

Pretty Little Liars "The Guilty Girl's Handbook" Review

I review the latest Pretty Little Liars episode!

Inbetween: The Darkening 9

Killing used to make me feel unclean. I thought the act of taking a life was something only a god should do. The fact that it made me feel so powerful sickened me because I used to think killing shouldn't make someone feel good. But now I knew better.

I watched as Hannibal made dinner. It wasn't a normal dinner, though, it was a celebration. I had killed Beverly and, in doing so, had begun a new part of my life. My life would now become richer as I had broken out of my cage.

Though this dinner was a special one, I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of what I would be eating. What was even more surprising was the fact that Abigail didn't have any problems with eating it.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" I asked Hannibal.

"You're still having doubts?" He replied without a hint of annoyance in his voice. I had learned, shortly after I had killed Beverly, about how he mostly stuck to killing the rude. So I knew that all the moments I had been rude he had restrained himself because he loved me. And I also knew that he was restraining himself right now.

"I don't mind killing, but eating a person just seems wrong to me."

"If Beverly was not worthy to keep her own life, why should she get any say as to how her body is used now?"

I thought about Hannibal's words. He didn't kill without reason and hated killing to keep himself safe. I now understood killing was not always wrong and you shouldn't feel bad because you took a life. I had been naive to fear killing before.

But it being okay to eat another human being and becoming a cannibal? That was too much for me to understand. Was it because I was weak or that I was right?

"Beverly didn't deserve her life and I took it." I replied, trying to form my thoughts into words. "Her threat is gone and eating her would be going a step further than we need to go. Eating her won't stop a threat that has already been stopped."

"While eating won't give you the same sense of release, Will, it does have another use that killing doesn't."

I looked at him and asked. "What is that?"

Hannibal found a point where he could pause in his art. He met my gaze and I knew that I had failed him in my lack of understanding. But as he wasn't making any indication he was going to kill me, I realized that he was willing to take the time to help me understand.

"Killing gives you a sense of release that you can't get anywhere else." Hannibal explained. "But eating another human makes you realize that people are just animals. They can be as easily manipulated as a pig. Being a cannibal gives you strength."

"Is there another reason?"

Hannibal paused as if lost in a memory. I realized that he wasn't as strong as I thought. While he could stand up against things others would crumble from, he was still human. He still felt. For some reason that both humanized him and made me afraid.

I was about to ask him what the memory was when he came back to reality and returned to cooking. Thinking that the conversation had come to an end, I started to walk out of the kitchen. Abigail must be getting lonely sitting all alone at the table.

"The other reason is that we're making sure the meat isn't wasted." Hannibal said and so I took up my former position in the kitchen. "Beverly's body would just be hidden in the ground and the only use it would have had would be to be found by the police or FBI."

"Which wouldn't be good." I replied. "But you don't cook every piece of a human's body."

"Every person has certain parts that are actually good to cook. Though the cheek is the exception as every one's cheeks make a good meal." Hannibal said. "So to eat an entire human body would also be wasteful as you would be making time for parts that are better left uneaten."

"So we're eating Beverly just to have a meal?"

"We're eating her as to not waste her most precious parts."

As the smell of Beverly's flesh drifted into my nose I started to get hungry but tried to push the feeling away. Hannibal was trying to make me eat another human and, at the same time, make me think that it was a good idea. Not just a good idea but a noble one. He was beginning to look like a monster.

But then I started really looking at my own thought process. Why was it disgusting to me? If someone killed a deer it wouldn't be wrong. If someone killed a deer it was to provide food and hunting it was a reward in itself. So why would eating a human be all that bad?

I had hunted Beverly and the hunt had been its own reward. Eating her, like one would eat a deer, would just be a celebration of the hunt. Hannibal was right, she hadn't deserved her life so why should I empathize with her now?

When Hannibal finished making the meal I helped bring out the food to the table. We brushed lightly against each other at one point before sitting down. Hannibal, Abigail, and myself were happy as we ate together.

I took my first bite of Beverly and smiled as the taste and smell combined itself into one exotic feeling. Hannibal looked me in the eyes and we both smiled. I had pleased him by being a good student. After I ate the meat of Beverly Katz, there'd be a different kind from the man I loved.
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Previous (and Current) Inbetween: The Darkening Chapters

Inbetween tumblr

Fifty Shades Darker (E.L. James)

Title: Fifty Shades Darker

Series: Fifty Shades Trilogy

Author: E.L. James

Released: 2012

Rating: 1.5/5

Basic Plot: Ana learns more about Christian Grey and their love deepens.
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The Abuse
My hate for this book doesn't come from me being a prude and only doing the missionary position in bed. Instead, my hate for this book comes from the fact that it shows an abusive relationship as the ideal relationship. Christian Grey is controlling of Ana to the point that he buys the company she works for. While he is able to tell Ana to put his past relationships to the back of her mind, lord help the man who even glances at her. Other people have pointed out the fact that he is taking away her connection to people piece by piece. Those more familiar with abusive relationships will be able to point a lot of things out. I don't think any reader, even the younger ones, will get fooled. The fact is that the less mature you are, and the less experience you have with the real world, the easier the mindset that 'being in a relationship with someone like Christian is okay' is to get into. That is what scares me about books like these getting published.


The Sex Is Meh
If you are thinking of checking out this book because the sex scenes are awesome, don't bother. Even though Ana and Christian have sex like rabid rabbits, it's not really as extreme as people talking about it say it is. The sex scene in the elevator at a restaurant is really the only one I was interested in (and that due to the fact that having sex in public is interesting to me). There are maybe two other scenes, at most, that would be worth talking about.

There Is No Real Conflict
Yes, things happen in this book. However, nothing really horrible lasts for long. If there is some conflict being hinted at, it's resolved quickly. The biggest betrayer of conflict comes near the end of the book when Kate finds out about the contract that Christian wanted Ana to sign in the first book (Fifty Shades of Grey).  Don't get your hopes up about it progressing logically or even lasting more than a few pages. This is what happens with any real conflict in the book. By the end of the book I knew that any conflict would be quickly resolved, but I wanted Kate to react to the news better. Well...better meaning she'd react to it worse but it'd be better because there'd be conflict.

Final Thoughts
I am glad to have finished this book. Though I know that one day I'll get to reading the final book in this trilogy. On my twitter I was tweeting last night about some of the comments I saw about this book. One of them said that since Fifty Shades Darker (as well as Fifty Shades of Grey and Freed) were originally fanfiction that of course it was going to suck. As a writer and reader of fanfiction I can promise you that there is some good stuff out there and that Fifty Shades is just one of the worst pieces of fanfiction out there. If you are one of my less mature (maturity and age being different) readers and are thinking of checking this book out: just remember that if you ever find yourself in a relationship with someone like Christian Grey you should get out!

GetGlue Stickers (7/30/2013)

I go over the latest stickers I've gotten from GetGlue!

Animorphs Re-Read: The Andalite Chronicles (Chapters 8-12)

Chapter 8

I like how Z-Space travel (imagine hyperspace from the Star Wars series) works. In that there is a reason why you can't always use it. So that's why Elfangor and company aren't using it in the start of the chapter.

Arbron's character is being expanded. He can take things seriously and that surprises Elfangor. Of course Elfangor realizes that he is biased because Arbron never was serious around HIM. Arbron is 'unraveling a mystery' and won't tell the egotistical Andalite aristh about it.

Elfangor is bored since Arbron is researching, Alloran is brooding, Chapman is brooding, and so the only one he's really talking to is Loren. He remarks that sitting looks very odd. So Andalites don't sit?

Loren and Elfangor talk about Earth and the talk quickly turns to Loren's mother. Then talk turns to war. It is saddening to see Alloran just starting to pay attention to Loren because of how she said her father couldn't cope with life after fighting a war. From this action it is safe to assume that Alloran can only really connect to fellow veterans since only they can understand his pain. The war-prince connects to Loren and even goes so far as to defend her from Chapman.

I like how Loren singles out Elfangor as a memory she's worried about losing.

Loren asks why Andalites don't have mouths and Chapman tells her that her question is stupid (fucking asshole) and tries to bribe Elfangor with money from Earth. When Elfangor laughs at Chapman's offer the asshole then tries to offer the aristh with power. Elfangor replies he's an Andalite and his species isn't bent on ruling others like the Yeerks are.

Before Chapman can embarrass himself anymore, Arbron calls Elfangor over. The suspense is killing me as neither character will say what the images means. No, they have to call Alloran over as the suspense is about to kill me. And whatever this master weapon is it was hidden in Egypt under a Pyramid. I'm guessing it's the Time Matrix.

IT IS THE TIME MATRIX!

So the Skrit Na picked up the Time Matrix or the humans first?

Now the mission has changed to getting the Time Matrix first since that is the higher priority.


Chapter 9

So now Elfangor and company is going to the Taxxon home world! And, of course, it's going to be full of butterflies and ponies!

The general consensus among the three Andalites is that the Skrit Na don't know what they have since they are going to the Taxxon home world and not to the Yeerk home world.

Chapman interrupts the discussion and demands to be noticed. He criticizes the Andalites because they are just dragging him and Loren across the galaxy. Elfangor reminds the asshole human that there is an emergency in progress.

So Loren didn't guess that there is danger involved in her trip now? Or is it her only trying to be kind to Elfangor (aka asking Chapman's question in a more polite manner)?

Alloran allows the humans to know what is actually going on and it appears that Loren is more naive than Chapman. This can be assumed when Chapman knows how a time machine can be used as a weapon while Loren doesn't.

Chapman pushes Alloran's big button and says that maybe the Yeerks are the better ones because 'they sound like winners'. This causes Alloran to bring up what he got disgraced for: something involving the Hork-Bajir home world.

Alloran says that they are now on battle alert and the two arisths appear nervous at the thought of an actual mission. This is caused by them having to morph into Taxxons (whenever you morph into something you get a bunch of whatever's instincts).

Elfangor remarks that his daydreams of being a warrior always went well but the reality wasn't like he expected. I feel like this is the same theme that happens with the Animorphs (although they weren't warned before they became warriors).


Chapter 10

So the first part of the plan is to capture a Yeerk ship and get morphs from that ship. Luckily there is a ship that's just arriving.

I am happy to see Elfangor abandoning his pride when he puts the mission first. He abandons his pride by telling Alloran that Arbron is the better shot. Elfangor, instead, pilots the Jahar and remarks that boarding the Yeerk ship will be different than the Skrit Na. He appears more afraid of the Yeerk ship because he doesn't know what will be waiting for them.

In his panic, Elfangor tries to recall everything Sofor had taught him.

The description of a Taxxon just makes me think of 'killer space worm'.

Elfangor's first real fight! It has been revealed that Taxxons will eat any fresh meat. This includes eating their own kind. So cannibalism was in my first fandom and now I'm a fan of Hannibal.

Arbron thinks there has been victory but Elfangor and Alloran have guessed that there is even bigger trouble coming.

Arbron makes a joke before he and Elfangor fight Hork-Bajir.

A lot of mention has been paid to saying how Elfangor doesn't think when he uses his tail blade, but now it's being mentioned like this is the first time it has happened?

Whatever is different has Elfangor going into super tail blade mode. Arbron is just shocked and Alloran seems to have respect for him. Elfangor is freaked out and finds comfort in Loren (no, they don't have sex).


Chapter 11

Elfangor becomes ashamed quickly. He feels he is not acting in the right manner. Pride?

Elfangor doesn't react kindly to Loren asking if he's okay. It's a rude action but his pride has been hurt badly (running into someone's arms after his first battle).  Loren is shown to be kind as after Elfangor says he doesn't need help she goes to help Arbron who had been injured in the fight.

Alloran gives Elfangor and Arbron orders but neither moves. Alloran is at first annoyed, then he realizes that this has been their first battle. He is harsh, but he is caring when he can relate to others. This is one of those instances as he tells them they did a good job but they still have work to do.

Loren first has Elfangor promise that she and Chapman will be taken back to Earth. She then warns the aristh that Chapman is trouble.

Loren says, "Chapman doesn't trust you."

And Elfangor replies sassily with, [I got that impression,]

It's almost like Alloran is telling Elfangor to get away from his girlfriend and focus on the mission. Love it!

Aw! Elfangor is worrying for Loren's safety!

I like how Elfangor defends Loren from Arbron's little rant.

Arbron compliments Elfangor's fighting skills. Elfangor is torn as he doesn't like to remember killing but his pride loves being complimented for his actions.


Chapter 12

Elfangor, Arbron, and Alloran have every one locked up. Alloran tells the Taxxons to not eat each other, but they don't listen. The war-prince then says the Yeerks have left them as they're acting like Taxxons in their natural state. Elfangor wonders where the Yeerks went but his question goes unanswered.

I like how the Yeerks are revealed. It is very well done. Alloran states that the Yeerks are being transported to the Taxxon home world so they can get hosts.

Alloran and Elfangor have a debate whether or not to kill the Yeerks. Elfangor argues that it's murder because the Yeerks are helpless. Alloran argues that the point of war is to kill. Arbron stops the argument, at least for now, by saying it wouldn't be a wise move to make at this time.

I like the line "I had made an enemy of Prince Alloran." as it is sort of foreshadowing later events.

Before Elfangor acquires his Taxxon morph Alloran jokes that doing so will breach Elfangor's 'high moral code'.

And the chapter ends with Elfangor starting to morph.
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Animorphs Re-Read Table of Contents

Animorphs Re-Read: The Andalite Chronicles (Chapters 4-7)

Chapter 4

I love the description of the Skrit Na. All they want to do is collect stuff and don't involve themselves in wars (like the one between the Andalites and Yeerks). Hell, it sounds like they don't really have a culture of their own. And their species name of Skrit Na indicates their two phases. Starting with the Skrit and then metamorphosing into the Na. Those in the Na stage go to peaceful planets and kidnap the native species and either take them to a zoo on the Skrit Na homeworld or just travel around with them for a little bit.

Okay, I've decided, I'd totally like to be a Na. Elfangor ends his description of the Skrit Na with, "Personally, I don't think they understand themselves."

Elfangor is still showing pride as he describes "boldly" entering the ship.

The description of entering the Skrit Na  ship is eerie. I am imagining a xenomorph popping out of nowhere for some reason.

Elfangor describing a human, "OMG! It stands on just two legs! Arbron, look at this weird creature! OMG! And it has this thing I read about called a 'mouth'!"

Of course the human language (in this case English) isn't translating for Elfangor's translation device. I like when it's made mention in science fiction that the whole universe doesn't speak the same language. I like the added edition here of the Andalite translation device not working on every language.

I like that the human WOMAN was the one to take control of the situation.

Am loving Arbron telling Elfangor to "use his charm" on the human woman.

And the woman is calling bullshit on Elfangor and Arbron being the good guys. Good that she doesn't immediately trust them. It'd make things unrealistic.

I like how Arbron describes the Dracon beam and ends by saying, "Which is why we'd really prefer it if you didn't fire it."

And we get the woman's name, Loren, and Elfangor is seeming to be attracted to her. I would say it's weird to think of two different species being in a relationship with each other (mind you I'm talking in a sci-fi setting involving aliens), but it isn't creepy with Elfangor and Loren. Plus this isn't the last time in the series that two different species will be attracted to each other.


Chapter 5

For some reason Elfangor and Arbron are both grossed out by human blood (aka red blood). I don't mind comments about mouths and legs, but I don't get what is so gross about red blood.

I like how Elfangor describes it being okay to not help fix the Skrit Na ship because it was their fault anyways.

And Elfangor takes an immediate dislike to Hedrick Chapman. Chapman treats Elfangor as a new zoo animal rather than an intelligent being. Loren also doesn't like Chapman since he reacts like an ungrateful bastard. Chapman soon provokes Elfangor into having a reaction and I'm not liking him already (I'd make a joke that I wish he'd die first but he's a sort of villain in the main Animorphs series).

I do disagree with Elfangor's anger about Chapman being ungrateful. This is a human who didn't know aliens existed before and isn't aware of the power structure involved among each species.


Chapter 6

And one of the reasons I might have trouble with traveling in the Animorphs Universe: the weird thing about gravity in ships that travel through space. While watching Let's Plays of the Dead Space Games and Prey I always start feeling a little sick when the gravity changes and you're walking on the walls like they were the floor.

I like Loren's wonder at the Dome Ship. How the flora is different amazes her and that makes me happy. Why am I imagining her as a good companion for the Doctor in Doctor Who?

The discussion on how each species eats was amusing. Would love to hear Chapman's story in full.

And now something I ended up not liking about aliens in sci-fi: Yes, be amazed that the clothing isn't actually part of their bodies. You were supposed to be an advanced species, right? Then again the rest of the alien species in the Animorphs Universe don't really seem to wear clothing.

But I do like that when Elfangor learns about shoes and human feet his first reaction is of pity. And of course the, "Humans are an amazing species!" is well played here and doesn't seem forced or talking down to its audience.

Good thing Elfangor and Arbron didn't rescue me or else I would go on what I think about the meaning of clothing to human society.

Point for Chapman: he talks about the will of the human spirit and how we won't be kept out of a place just because it's harsh.


Chapter 7

Arbron gives Elfangor the news that they're leaving the Dome Ship and our lead is very distressed. I can understand as he wanted to fight, but I don't get any attachment to home. I admit I never, throughout childhood to adulthood, found home to be an important concept. As long as I can live comfortably, I don't care if I'm living in a different solar system.

We are introduced to another character, only by reputation at this point: Alloran-Semitur-Corrass.

For now he doesn't have a good reputation because of events that Elfangor doesn't know about. All Elfangor knows is that going on a mission with a disgraced war-prince isn't a good thing at all.

Elfangor is also worried about the war being over when he gets back. He admits that'd be a good thing, but he's still young and wants to fight.

It's like Elfangor had a fangasm when he saw the Jahar (Alloran's ship).

I like how Elfangor remarks about erasing Loren and Chapman's recent memories and bringing them back to their home world as "transport work". Loren reacts like, "WTF?!" Chapman seems to think it's some kind of joke.

I like how the difference between Loren and Chapman is shown: Loren is reveling in the beauty of new discovery while Chapman is just interested in function.

Chapman makes a comment saying the Andalites are just hogging all the technology and that's a bad thing. Alloran replies saying that sometimes sharing technology can be a bad thing (remarks on  how the Yeerks got technology).

Why would a technologically advanced species hate those who are good at technology?

Seems Alloran goes off into his own little world as he rants about the Electorate wanting a bloodless war. While I don't like bloodshed in war, the fact is it's going to happen. But trying to not get too into the violence should be a good thing.

Sorry, not ever going to get over the fact that Arbron, who is good at technology, is looked down upon.
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Animorphs Re-Read Table of Contents

Shipping Confessions: Charlie Matheson x Miles Matheson (Revolution)

You read the title correctly, today's ship is an incest ship. Some of you might feel disgusted and dirty about just reading the title. You might even now start to hate me because incest is wrong and all that jazz. Whatever your feelings are at the moment, know that I really have no limits when it comes to shipping because it's fiction. The laws of fiction don't govern the laws of real life (there are some instances where life imitates art, but that's not a given).

So when I ship something, it doesn't mean I'd agree with it in real life. Shipping incest is one of those instances. So, rest assured, that I don't support incest.

I started to watch Revolution because J.J.Abrams was part of the team and I enjoyed Fringe. The fact that it was also a post-apocalyptic series was a huge bonus. That sub-genre is one I am in love with because our horrible tomorrows reflect what we consider important in today's world. In Revolution there was an event referred to as 'The Blackout' that caused everything electronic to stop working. This works well as today's world is dependent on electricity.

The ship from the show that I am talking about today is Charlie Matheson and Miles Matheson.

Charlie Matheson is the character the audience is supposed to relate to the most. She is there to ask questions that the audience is asking. Her character is important in the science fiction genre as a whole. When you're introduced to a new world having someone to ask what you're thinking is very useful.

Charlie looks after her brother Danny (who has asthma), uses a bow and arrow, and lives in a little village so she doesn't know much about the world beyond. Nor is she really shown wondering about leaving the home she knows. It seems having her family (made of her brother and father) there is what matters and so she has no need to wander.

Her village, however, still feels the grips of the Monroe Republic. The event that starts the show is Tom Neville (who is a Captain in the Monroe Republic) killing Charlie's father, Ben, and then taking Danny as a hostage. In order to get her brother back, Charlie goes to find Miles Matheson (her uncle). The two bond quickly and they go after Danny.

As the Season progressed, Charlie's knowledge of the world expanded and her connection to Miles grew.

While Charlie is the mouthpiece for the audience, Miles Matheson is already immersed in the world of Revolution. He is my favorite character on the show and has done some dark things.

Miles formed the Monroe Republic with his friend Sebastian "Bass" Monroe. Miles, it is implied, did some very dark things in the events prior to the show. While Miles did initially support Bass, he ended up changing his mind. He changed his mind so much that he attempted to assassinate Bass. Upon failing, he ran away and hid from Monroe's sights.

When Miles first meets Charlie he doesn't want to help her (think of Han Solo helping the rebellion in the original Star Wars Trilogy). He does end up joining her and it seems like he enjoys her company more than an uncle should. Through the Season he takes risks that go beyond one family member helping another.

Charlie and Miles, of course, don't see eye to eye. Especially in the beginning when Charlie still has her innocence. This is what bugged me, and many other viewers, when the show started. Charlie is supposed to be our speaker, but she didn't act how we acted. Luckily, she quickly evolves into a fierce little fighter.

Now in the show Charlie's canon relationship is with Jason Nevile (though when he first appears he goes under the alias Nate Walker), but I don't see as great a bond between them as I do with her and Miles. Especially when Jason is first introduced.

Miles has charm to him, even when he doesn't believe in himself, and you can tell that he deeply cares for her. He cares for her beyond what any uncle would. I believe it is his love for Charlie that made him go back into the open again. It is his love for Charlie that, close to the Season 1 Finale, had him risk his life and react more than a little angry to someone threatening her.

Because it would be highly uncommon for a show like Revolution to delve into incest, both Miles and Charlie have their love interests. I don't believe either character having feelings for a different person means that their love is lessened. All of us can love more than on person in our lifetime. I love my fiance, but that doesn't mean I didn't love a past boyfriend.

Charlie and Jason, as mentioned previously, don't share that much chemistry but that does change later.

Miles' relationship with Rachel, Charlie's mother, is one that the audience doesn't know how it went down. All we know is that it was a short affair before The Blackout. There is a group of fans that go with the theory that Miles is actually Charlie's father. I agree with this theory since there have been so many hints that I'll be surprised if that isn't the case.

So does the thought of a father-daughter ship make me want to drop it? No. This is because it is fiction and the emotional bond they have is so great. It is always the emotional center that draws me into any ship. Sex is secondary when I decided who I think should be together. This isn't to say that I feel clean, but that I won't stop shipping Charlie and Miles if this theory ends up being true.

If you don't like the Charlie and Miles ship merely because it's an incest couple, congratulations with getting to this point. As I stated in the beginning, I don't agree with incest in real life situations but this is fiction. And my shipping heart won't be stopped!

What is up for the next Shipping Confessions? We stay in the world of Revolution and I talk about the pairing I started shipping in the first episode and my love for it grew as the series progressed.
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Shipping Confessions Table of Contents

Animorphs Re-Read: Introduction

I'm deciding on an Introduction to this Re-Read as I think you should know where I stand on the Animorphs series and why nostalgia is probably going to cloud my judgement.

Animorphs was my first fandom. It was the first thing I really gave my heart, mind, and soul to. Well...at least how one does so with fiction. It was the series that provided me with which point of view I now use when writing (first person) and with my first fictional character crush (Tobias). My obsession with this series got so bad that the books had to be taken away from me so that I'd branch out into other areas.

I was first introduced to the series when I got a Scholastic pamphlet thing that showed books you could order. I saw Animorphs #1 The Invasion and it looked interesting. Since this event happened way back when I was in Fourth Grade (so around 1996 when I was 10), I can't remember exactly what drew me to the book. Why I made the decision to buy it and thereby get pulled into my first fandom, I can't recall with certainty. Hell, it might've just been that the book was the most interesting one on the pamphlet.

But once I started to read The Invasion I was consumed by it. I was very interested to see what would become of Jake, Marco, Cassie, Rachel, and Tobias since they would determine the fate of the world. Their actions would determine if the Yeerk invasion of Earth would be successful (I'm not including Ax here since he didn't appear until book #4 The Message). Since I was around the Animorph's age I could also think about the fate of the world depending on me.

From the time I started to read The Invasion until I finished The Beginning, I was enveloped in the world of the Animorphs. I read every book in the main series as well as all the books that took place outside of it (such as The Ellimist Chronicles). When it was over I felt...I guess the best way to explain it would be fulfilled and yet still longing for more. The series ended on a killer of a cliffhanger (K.A.Applegate explained she wanted the gang to go out fighting just like they started, but not Cassie since she stayed on Earth with a boyfriend who I'll call NOT JAKE until we get to that part). The funny thing about the series ending on a cliffhanger is that some of the later series I followed (and that also consumed my life) ended on unresolved cliffhangers.

I don't know how exactly I'll tackle the whole Animorphs series (if I'll go chapter by chapter, every two to three chapters, book by book, ect.). I just know that I'll find a way and it might change along the Re-Read, so no promises.

I will be using THIS LIST to decide in which order I'll go through the series. I hope to revisit some fond memories, rediscover some forgotten ones, and realize things I didn't notice before. I'm highly excited about doing this (as I've been dreaming about finding the books, my memory of them is so good my dreams were able to accurately recreate some of the covers) and yet scared since I might not like them as much. Or if I'll hate the series by the end of this re-read.

Well, next time I make a post of the Animorphs Re-Read I'll be looking at

Animorphs Re-Read Table of Contents

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles Season 1 Review (Parts 3 & 4)

I review the next three episodes in Season 1. Derek Reese finally appears!

Inbetween: The Darkening 8

Dedicated to Jordan who is a great roleplayer and friend
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I was back in my house and it felt different. Everything felt different now so the fact that my house felt less like a home didn't worry me. My dogs, who it seemed used to be connected to my very soul, were now nervous around me. They must be able to tell that their owner had gone through a transformation. While they were scared now, they'd soon realize that I had changed for the better.

I had arrived home after a hectic work day. Luckily Jack hadn't called me to help with a new case. I felt like I could take on any case without resorting to madness, but I had other things to worry about. It had been a few days and Beverly still walked.

For some reason there was a hate that grew within me whenever we talked. I kept seeing her destroying my relationship with Hannibal. I had finally found peace in a man and yet she kept trying to get in the way.

Subtle things. Little things.

Beverly asked about my therapy sessions with Hannibal and I was kind yet distant in my replies. If she noticed anything, it wouldn't matter soon. It wouldn't matter that she was flirting more openly with me. No woman was as kind as she was without reason. I should've seen that sooner.

I walked to my fireplace and leaned against it. The feel of it meant something more to me now. It was now a way to kill and not just something that provided warmth Thoughts flashed through my mind as I finalized what would happen to Beverly. While her dying inside my house would be fitting, I didn't want any evidence linking me to her death. And Jack's prying gaze would then end up on me sooner than later.

I took out my cell and looked at it. An idea was forming in my head and I was nervous about following it to its conclusion. Not because I thought killing Beverly was wrong, but I was worried I'd mess up and disappoint Hannibal.

Gathering up my courage I called Beverly.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Hi, Beverly." I said, my voice sounding pained.

"Are you doing okay, Will? You've seemed a little...different lately." Damn that prying bitch.

"Alana's death has hit me hard. But I have been getting better." I had to hold back any mention of Hannibal, the man who was saving me from madness. I didn't want to give her any indication that she was going to be walking into a trap. Beverly was clever and would take any reference to Hannibal as confirmation that I could now see her true colors.

"I don't know if being able to solve cases means you're getting better."

"It means I have something to cling onto. To distract me until I get over her death."

"And are you getting over her death?"

"It doesn't feel like it did when she died." I replied truthfully. "But I still don't feel comfortable being alone tonight."

"Will, I-" Beverly replied, obviously confused.

"Not like that." I said and gave a half-hearted attempt at a chuckle. "I'm just worried what I will do to myself. I've been having these thoughts lately. I don't think I'd ever do anything, but it'd be good to have someone that I trust to make sure I stay safe."

Someone I trust. That wouldn't be Beverly. But I needed her to worry about me so she wouldn't see her death coming. She wouldn't know that I could see her now.

"I'll be able to come over in a little under an hour. Will you be safe until then?" She asked.

Good, she was worried. She wouldn't see anything coming.

"Yes." I said.

"Goodbye." Beverly replied.

"Goodbye."

After I hung up I felt some relief. The first stage of the plan was over. I hadn't messed up and all I would have to do is continue the performance when she arrived. Beverly would put on her face of actually caring about me, but that would be a lie.

I had only a short time to prepare for her.
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I quickly finished putting on my clothes as I heard Beverly's car. It would be a short time until she knocked on my door and then the plan would be close to completion. I glanced at my dogs who looked more nervous than normal, but Winston still walked up to me.

He lifted up his head and I scratched behind one of his ears. He knew everything was fine, or else he was a very good actor. In either case, he wasn't going to alert Beverly. Winston cared about me and wouldn't want to see me leave.

Beverly knocked on my door and I opened it for her. I quickly made sure that my face was pained as I was opening the door. I had done it right since my victim's face showed concern. I stepped out of the way so that she could enter. Winston sniffed her and then wagged his tail.

"That's Winston." I said as she bent down to pet him.

"He's a good boy." She said, taking on the sweet tone that most people use to talk to dogs. Treating dogs like they were children and not creatures with feelings. "Where did you get him from?"

"He's a stray, figured a home was better than living on the streets."

"You're a kind man." Beverly said as she stopped petting Winston and stood up. "And I am here for you while you try to figure everything out."

"I know." I said and knew that she was lying. The only reason she cared was to learn more about me and put me under a microscope. I was an oddity and only Hannibal saw me for what I truly was: a person that needed privacy. "And I am glad you are here when Alana can't be."

"It isn't your fault Alana is dead." She replied.

"I know." I said, trying to pretend that I had gotten over Alana's death. I pretended that I was recovering so that Beverly wouldn't be more worried than I wanted her to be. "I thought we could go on a walk."

"No wine?" She joked with a disappointed expression. Of course she wanted to seduce me.

"You're a friend, I didn't want you to get the wrong impression." I had to stop myself from screaming at her that she wasn't Alana. That she could never be Alana or take her place.

"I understand." Beverly said and looked out the window. It was dark and there was a very light snowfall starting.

I picked up a flashlight and opened the door for Beverly. As she went out of my house I looked to my dogs. I was warning them, with my eyes alone, to not bark or warn her that something was amiss. That all wasn't like it had been before.

I closed the door after I had exited my house. I locked it merely from habit and not because I was afraid anyone would try and break in. I wouldn't be gone long, anyways.

"So where to?" Beverly asked.

"I figured a good walk in the woods would be refreshing." I answered.

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Just means that when we get back we'll feel better to be alive."

I turned on my flashlight and my victim followed me into the woods. There was no moon tonight and so the woods were darker than they had been in my dreams. As I wasn't dreaming, I knew where and when I was. I knew what I was doing and so I'd make Hannibal proud. I'd prove to him that I was recovering and becoming a better person all at the same time.

"So you're scaring yourself to feel better now?" Beverly finally asked.

"Yes." I replied and noticed her walking had become slower. "Don't tell me you're getting too scared now. We're already deep in the woods."

"I'm not scared about myself, I'm worried about you."

"We're just taking a walk in the woods. There's no danger to us."

"You've been different lately." She stated. I turned to my left to look at her face. She didn't appear afraid, just determined.

Beverly Katz knew.

I swung the flashlight to her head and she moved just in time. In the precious few seconds it took to pull out my gun, Beverly had gone out of view. I didn't want to pick up the flashlight as she could use that time to attack me. I doubt she'd kill me since she thought too much for that.

"I've been myself!" I yelled out. Turning around I tried to think of where she would go. I once knew her as a friend and I could empathize with anyone. That is why I would be the one to win this fight.

Upon realizing that I couldn't hope to find her without the flashlight, I bent down and she kicked my side. I rolled over and pulled out my knife as my gun left my hand. I preferred a knife anyways. Better to slice open necks with.

I pretended to hesitate about my decision to kill Beverly so that I would have a more solid plan of attack. I couldn't rely on surprise any longer.

"I'm trying to help you, Will!" Beverly said as she pointed her gun at me. Not at my head, but at my shoulder. She wanted to wound me, make sure I wasn't a danger for a long time, and let me be ruled by her.

"You're trying to control me. You're trying to keep me away from Hannibal!" I hissed.

Beverly's look of confusion and wavering of her hands gave me just enough time. I leapt up, pushed her against a tree, and slit her throat.

If I was the man I was before, I'd have thought her last look at me was one of betrayal. But I knew it to be one of regret because she had lost.

I didn't react outwardly to the blood splattering onto my face. It felt refreshing and I felt proud of myself. I had made Hannibal proud and now Alana could be at peace. If Hannibal wanted to continue this form of therapy, I would allow it. It had opened a part of me that I had been afraid of before.

I was free. I was my own design.
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Cult (Season 1)

Show: Cult

Season: 1

Episodes: 13

Created By: Rockne S. O'Bannon

Released: 2013

Rating: 4/5

Basic Plot:  Tracks the investigation of a string of mysterious deaths and disappearances surrounding the show-within-a-show.
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Not Given a Chance
I have seen a great show not get a second season (Last Resort) and I have seen a decent show get renewed (Elementary). Cult was one of those shows that its network didn't seem to care about. That its network didn't like airing even one episode because it might do well enough to earn a renewal. After its second episode it was moved to the Death Slot (aka Friday Nights where shows go to die). Then the CW held up its hands and acted surprised that a new tv show was getting bad ratings on Friday Nights! Never mind that Cult was already struggling with ratings on Tuesday nights. After a few more episodes aired the CW pulled the plug and said it wouldn't air the rest of the episodes of Cult's only season. Luckily they decided to show the final episodes, but it doesn't erase my feelings that this was a show that was cancelled before it even begun.


A TV Based Cult Makes Sense
In the beginning of Cult it seems insane that Nate (Jeff's brother) seriously believes that the cult of Cult (aka True Believers) are murderous psychos. But what Nate says isn't only proven to be true, but also that it is much more complicated. Nate isn't in the majority of the show, as for the earlier parts he is captured, and Jeff searches through the twists and turns (with the help of Skye, someone who works on the show and whose father went missing because he was getting too close to the truth of Cult) to find out what is really going on. As this show wasn't given warning of cancellation soon enough, by the end of the series you are left at a big cliffhanger as you realize that the scope of the True Believers (and Steven Rae) is even bigger. And, really, a cult giving out messages in a tv show makes sense in this day and age.

Legacies
Something that fuels the plot (and sub-plots) of Cult is figuring out what happened to someone's father. It's what is the driving force behind the True Believers and it's a reason why Skye helps Jeff in the first place. To find out what lead to a father's disappearance and left a child all alone. For one person it lead to an obsessive quest that left a large body count. For Skye it lead to a healthier interest in finding out questions that she didn't know before as well as getting a boyfriend.

Final Thoughts
This show is the cancelled show I miss the most this year. At least Last Resort was given enough time to wrap everything up (albeit some subplots did feel rushed). Cult wasn't even given a chance and that's really sad for a show like this. A cult that sends out messages through a tv show seems relevant to today. It's such a crazy idea that no one would believe it was happening. Those who figured it out would be labeled as crazy and ignored. In Cult, not even the police are there to help Jeff and Skye because they don't believe there's a cult that sends out clues through a tv show. I admit fans getting so crazy that they'd kill sounds insane unless you go on sites like tumblr and Twitter and see the insanity inherent in fandoms as a whole. There is a gigantic cliffhanger that raises unanswered questions, but the ride is well worth it. And to all the True Believers out there: Hey, these things just snap right off.

Let's Play Dead Space: Extraction (Parts 4 & 5)

I continue on with the nightmare...

Let's Play Dead Space: Extraction (Parts 1-3)

I begin to delve into the Dead Space Universe.

Inbetween: The Darkening 7

I opened my eyes and looked around my room. For some reason I had slept naked and I felt sore. I never did any exercising before bed, so the feeling of being sore was different. For some reason I started remembering a dream of waking up next to a corpse. As I looked around my room I realized that the dream was real and that this wasn't my room.

The room had the same design as Hannibal's house. Then it hit me. Hannibal had helped me hide the corpse, we kissed, and then we had made love. The feelings I had for him last night, that I still had, made the word 'sex' useless to describe what had happened. No wonder I was sore.

My search for my clothing was short as I saw that Hannibal had hung them up on the door for me. I must have been asleep for a few hours at least. I put my clothes on and realized, even though I had killed an innocent man, my now lover would protect me. He would be strong as I fell down.

I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. There was something different in my eyes. Something that scared me for a reason I might've been able to know before, but not now. Whatever it was wouldn't consume me or ruin me. I was Will Graham and I was not afraid.

As I was reassuring myself, a beautiful aroma came into my nose. I smiled as I realized what the meaning behind the smell was. Hannibal was making breakfast for me. I forgot what being in a relationship could be like. How good it could get. That you could wake up one morning and your lover would make you breakfast. If only I could've experienced that with Alana.

Walking into the kitchen I looked at Hannibal. There would always be something mysterious and dark about him, but it was calming to me.

"Are you feeling better, Will?" Hannibal asked as I realized he had heard me enter.

"Last night did help." I replied and I saw a small grin appear on his face. It was subtle, like everything else about him, but it was there. I could see that he wasn't sore from last night or maybe it didn't bother him. He must be stronger than I expected for a simple shrink.

"The act of sex does release endorphins."

"So you had sex with me merely to help release tension?" I asked, not worried that what I had said was the full truth. That he didn't have sex with me merely to help his patient.

"I had other motives." Hannibal answered.

I walked to the table and sat down with hope finally back in my heart. He did love me and I would have a breakfast made for me personally by the famous Doctor Lecter. The day was beginning much better than yesterday had ended. I wasn't feeling as confused as I was then. I was, more or less, stable.

Hannibal finally finished making breakfast and brought it out. He did his usual speech on what everything was and then we started to eat. At first we ate in silence. Not because there was tension, but because there was peace in doing so.

"Did you dream about the burnt corpse?" Hannibal asked as he casually put another bite into his mouth.

That was an odd question. Especially since the morning had begun so different from the events of last night. But I was still his patient and he still had a drive to make sure of my mental stability.

"I didn't dream of anything." I replied and then paused. I was remembering the utter bliss of being in a void so I didn't have to feel anything. "It was calming. I haven't felt a sleep like that in a long time."

There was more silence as we continued to eat. It seemed that Hannibal was happy about my reply and so I felt I was on a slow path to recovery.

"How do you feel about the man now?" Hannibal asked.

Before I would have to think how to word things because of how I thought Hannibal would judge me. I didn't have that problem now.

"I feel like killing the man gave me some release. Like there was part of me that was trapped that has now been set free. That what I feel about him now isn't bad." I paused. "Is that wrong?"

"No, it isn't." My lover reassured me. "Nor do I think that you are coping. You have finally found yourself and need to let your true personality out."

"But killing is wrong?" I asked, the last bit of the Old Will vainly trying to cling on. To deny the truth of Doctor Lecter's words.

"All killing is not wrong, Will, there are people who are better dead than alive. That if they breathed another breath more harm would come to this world."

"Like Gideon." I said softly. If I had killed Gideon sooner then Alana would still be alive. Then Alana and I would be together having coffee, having sex, and making breakfast the morning after. Now she was just a lifeless corpse in a grave.

"You could make up for Alana's death by killing someone else who causes harm and is therefore undeserving of the life they have."

"Killing someone won't bring Alana back."

"No, but you will be able to save someone like you couldn't save Alana." Hannibal countered.

"Do you have anyone in mind?" I asked.

"Do you?"

I thought about the question. Did I? There was Jack Crawford who wasn't dangerous, but had driven me into madness. That had ignored the signs of me being unstable. And since Jack had ignored the signs, I had killed an innocent man. Someone whose name I didn't know and wasn't connected to me at all.

But did I really want to kill Jack?

My cell buzzed and I looked at a text from Beverly.

"Beverly Katz." I said and looked into Hannibal's eyes. There seemed to be a perverse pleasure brewing behind them and I didn't mind. "She is too close. She is trying to find things out that don't concern her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. She is trying to take Alana's place and will find out about your unorthodox methods." This was the truth. I had leaned on Beverly for support since Alana had been murdered, but being with Hannibal showed me her manipulations. They had been very subtle.

"Why?" Hannibal asked and the question seemed like he was trying to keep me from making a mistake. But, by his tone, I knew he thought I was doing the right thing.

"Because if she keeps me from you I'll become even more unstable."

"Then you will find the control you didn't have before when you kill her." After he said that we both smiled, in our own different ways, at each other.
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