This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
Khaleesi and I were enjoying a simple breakfast in our room. She wore a plain nightgown that covered her up just enough if someone was to come in. I wore just enough clothing to cover up my nether regions but left my chest uncovered as the room was warm enough without a shirt. My wife ate her breakfast slowly and I could tell that something was bothering her. Something that was tearing away at her. I would talk to her in a moment but I wanted to bask in my own successes just a little while longer.
It didn't seem possible to get used to the fact that I had been forgiven by the North. For so many years I had lived with the reality that my name would never be spoken kindly by those in Westeros. Those of House Mormont would always loathe me for how I had shamed my House. To the Iron Throne I had been a trusted spy that had turned away from my duty. Yet after all of that I had been forgiven by my fellow Northerners.
Not only had I been forgiven for my past sins, my fellow Northerners didn't mind the thought of me being King. Maybe they thought that my presence by Khaleesi's side would make her treat the North better than the Iron Throne had before. Years into her reign those who doubted my queen would grow to learn just how great of a ruler she is.
"The fruit doesn't taste as sweet." Khaleesi said as she bit an apple. "I want to leave for King's Landing tonight."
"Northern fruit has a different kind of flavor than those found in the South." I replied. "Going South won't give you better food as many things are out of season. Apples will have their own unique flavor in King's Landing."
I highly doubted that my love was disturbed by what she was eating. She was taking her fears and finding ways to easily solve them. It was much easier to complain about food rather than the things that really bothered her. But I couldn't be direct in calming her down or else she would become even more disturbed than she already was.
"How long do you think winter will last this time?" Khaleesi asked.
"I'm not sure," I admitted. "But since the Night King is defeated it will be shorter. Winter may fade away quickly as the creature's death may create some magical imbalance."
"Magical imbalance?"
"I'm not a maester, no matter what you think of me."
We both chuckled and I kissed her gently on the lips. Our solitary breakfast was due to some...celebrations that didn't leave us in good shape to talk to our subjects. So we had decided to eat breakfast in our room so we didn't have to clean up afterwards. Our hair alone was not befitting of royalty. At least how royalty liked to be perceived in the public eyes.
"What will I do if you can't answer a question?" Khaleesi asked.
"Trust your own wisdom." I told her. "It wasn't just myself, Selmy, or Tyrion that made you into a great conqueror and worthy queen. You made your own choices and shaped yourself into an experienced woman from a naive girl."
"Then why am I so conflicted about how to attack King's Landing?"
"Because you have a kind heart."
Varys had slowly managed to rebuild his old spy network. Though it was not nearly as reliable as his old one. But that was to be expected since he had traveled to Essos and abandoned it. What we had found out was that while Khaleesi had been fighting the dead, Cersei had been preparing in case the dead didn't kill all of her enemies. Specifically she had lured the commoners into King's Land by promising safety from Khaleesi.
"That is something Cersei lacks." I continued. "She has no concern except for her own wants and needs. She will use any means possible to keep herself in power. There is no one that she is loyal to. You are different. You care about people that aren't you. You would never trick innocents to go into King's Landing in the hopes an enemy won't attack you. So the easy solution is not something you would ever do."
"And what if after everything I do, innocents still die?" Khaleesi asked.
It took everything for me to continue looking into her eyes. There was such despair there that it made me want to come up with a battle strategy where only Cersei and those who sided with her died. But that wasn't something I could do for her. The only thing I could do for her was remain by her side and offer my advice.
"You will have done everything in your power to not massacre bystanders." I reassured her. "At least you will not take Drogon and Rhaegal to burn King's Landing to the ground."
"And what will my intentions matter if Cersei finds a way to escape?" Daenerys asked.
She had a point. What would it matter if she was the more morally justified and Cersei escaped? Yet her intentions were everything and not just because Daenerys had to appease her people. If she started deciding not to be honorable for a few things, eventually she would never be able to break the wheel. I had decided to stain my House's name all in the name of showing my wife that I loved her.
"Cersei is just playing games with me." Daenerys said with sadness in her eyes. "I shouldn't find myself dragged down by her. She just wants me to make a mistake and then gloat over my corpse. If I die then House Targaryen dies with me. She would have history remember me as nothing but a spoiled child that didn't get her way."
Cersei would erase all the good my queen had done for the world. She would take Daenerys' destruction of slavery in Essos as nothing more than something done to satisfy her ego. Everything I loved about my queen would be twisted to serve the wicked Lannister's story.
"Are you considering killing countless innocents, Khaleesi?" I asked and kept the shock out of my voice.
"And why not?" Daenerys asked. "It is just another strategy to consider like any other."
"You're talking about killing people who are not even a part of your conflict. Most people in King's Landing are going to be those fleeing to the safest location they can find. Women will be in there along with their children. People with no other option will be hiding behind the city's walls."
I had not been the most honorable man, but at least I had tried. While honor could be forgotten in some moments, in others it was unshakable. Her having killed the Tarlys after capturing them was dishonorable, but at least they had been combatents. At least they had faced off against her forces. The innocents inside King's Landing's walls would not have such a chance. They would be slaughtered thinking that the world had betrayed them. Maybe they would even cry out to the gods for mercy in their last moments.
"Those who have fled to King's Landing for safety see no other option." I continued. "And those who live there...they have no choice on who to serve. All they can do is live their lives and pray the rulers keep them out of their games. So they focus on what they can do and don't concern themselves with who sits on the Iron Throne."
"If they cared about their lives being better, they would pay close attention to who ruled the Seven Kingdoms." Daenerys argued.
How to explain the politics of the smallfolk? They were so unlike those of any king, queen, lord, or lady. It had been hard for me to come to terms with the reality of someone of a lower class than myself, but I had. Yet my life had provided time to learn without the worry of being the center of any great event. I would fight battles and rebellions, but nothing close to the things I'd been a part of since I met Daenerys.
"The smallfolk aren't afforded such luxuries like keeping track of who sits on the Iron Throne." I tried to explain. "They have to worry about things that would seem insignificant to lords and ladies. Why would they choose caring about their ruler over seeing their wife survive childbirth? Why would they choose caring about their ruler over making sure they survive an illness? Why would they choose caring about their ruler over making sure they have enough money so they don't starve? Rulers can make great changes, but the smallfolk have to focus on their own survival before they can even consider the bigger picture."
Daenerys stayed quiet but I could see the storms raging behind her eyes. She was being tempted with what was easy even though she understood what was right. Nothing in her life had been easy and this battle for honor was no different. She knew I would ignore the honorable solution if I had to, would she use that as a reason to burn King's Landing to the ground?
"What if not everyone in King's Landing is innocent?" Daenerys pointed out. "I'll agree that some people are in situations they can't change, but that hardly holds true to everyone. There has to be those that care very much that certain kinds of rulers hold the Iron Throne. There must be some that want me to overthrow Cersei so that House Targaryen can reign strong again."
"What makes you think so?" I asked and worried where her thoughts would lead.
"Before Cersei took the Iron Throne, she was harassed by the commoners. They did not like her and would even talk behind her back. I can understand them not attacking her directly as the chance never presented itself to them. But at least they rebelled in any way they could. It wasn't like they never harmed her during her walk of shame. So why did the smallfolk not contest her when she blew up the Sept of Baelor and claimed the Iron Throne?"
My queen had a valid point. The smallfolk had seemed to support Cersei even though they loathed her. To someone like Daenerys who had control of her life it wouldn't make sense to act against her wishes. She would die all in the service of her wants, so why wouldn't someone else do the same thing?
"You would have a point if the commoners knew what we did." I countered. "But they, unlike us, don't have the ability to know the truth about Cersei. You can't judge them like you do yourself."
"I thought your opinions of the smallfolk was high." Daenerys said. "Are you saying that none of them realized that the woman who was about to be put to trial would have reasons to blow up the Sept of Baelor?"
"I am certain that many realized what she had done. It wouldn't escape all of them how the destruction of that building killed a good portion of Cersei's enemies. But those commoners would still be powerless to dethrone the Lannister. And now they would have new fear for her. How could they expect to reason with her if she was willing to use dragonfire inside of the city?"
"Then it falls to them to face their fear. I shouldn't reward them for cowardice."
I held back a smile that wanted to break through my stoic expression. The fact my queen had retained her idealism even after everything she had gone through was to be commended. Her hope had not been lost just like Jon's honor. Yet I couldn't smile at her answer as it would only appear like I was agreeing with her.
Daenerys had known fear in its purest forms and fought against it all the same. Yet she didn't realize not everyone had the ability to fight their fear. If someone's loved one would die if they fought against Cersei, they shouldn't feel like less of a person to allow their fear to stay their hand.
"Khaleesi, I do not doubt how strong you've become throughout the years." I began. "If I thought you were an unworthy queen I would've left you to die after Khal Drogo passed. You know I would die for you."
"If I doubted you, I would've chosen another king." Daenerys reassured me.
"But you began life as a weak woman unworthy of the Targaryen name. Before you met Khal Drogo and hatched your dragons, you were the plaything of your older brother. Viserys was nothing but a shadow of his great House. So why didn't you fight your fear and kill your brother earlier?"
At that moment I was well aware of the fact that if I had been anyone else, Daenerys would have had me executed. No one but me could look at her and see anything but perfection. No one but me could look at her and see the weak woman she had once been. Yet even I was afraid of what would happen next. I did not fear death, I only feared a life devoid of her.
"If you truly believe that a person should be punished for not facing their fears, then you have to give yourself the same standards." I continued and acted as if I could still breathe. "You have a kind heart and I know you would never give the commoners a higher set of standards than you give yourself."
"My situation is nothing like the commoners' in King's Landing." Daenerys argued. "They have not lost their entire heritage during a great conflict. They can only dream of facing my struggles. I will have the fate of millions in my hands. We are nothing alike."
"And when you were the victim of your brother's ire?"
"My situation is different."
There was a kind heart inside the woman who was thinking of killing countless innocents. If she was not warring inside herself then why continue arguing with me? Why wouldn't she, instead, tell me that the decision had been made? There was hope for her as long as I lived.
"Cersei and Viserys are both monsters of the vilest kind." I said after pausing to eat an apple. "They both seek power for power's sake. They care for no one but themselves. The only way to tell the difference between the two is to look at how much power they have attained. Viserys was an ambitious man without the brains to complete his plans. Cersei lusted for power and found herself on the Iron Throne. Viserys thought he could do anything to attain the power that was forever out of his grasp, but never in his wildest plans for power could he have ever thought of blowing up the Sept of Baelor."
For many minutes Daenerys was silent and I didn't interrupt her thoughts. No matter what I thought was the correct course of action, it would be up to her to decide. I didn't think she would actually burn down King's Landing, but I knew it would be hard for her not to do so. She wanted to get on the Iron Throne as quickly as possible and she was having a war with her kind heart.
In the future Khaleesi would be looking at this moment with a smile. In that future she would battle with her inner darkness only to come out stronger than anyone would have thought possible. But in the present she couldn't see that future as clearly as I could.
"I'm not going to burn down King's Landing." Daenerys said softly as if she was afraid of herself. "I've just been wondering why the commoners don't run from the city."
"Of course you were curious." I replied with a wry smile. "You haven't had much experience with the commoners of Westeros. You'll learn about how to deal with them and become one of the most respected rulers."
"Do you truly believe that?"
"If I didn't believe it with all my heart, I would have found another wife."
She smiled and the expression gave me hope. In truth I was having trouble reconciling the woman I loved with someone who had truly considered condemning innocent people to death. I was also having trouble with the thought that she still wanted to burn the city to the ground. She had burned parts of Winterfell...but that was different. She had been in the heat of battle and made a decision. It wasn't the right one but it was one made to save all of humanity.
"You'll be by my side no matter my decisions?" Daenerys asked.
"Of course." I replied.
Of course I would continue to stand by her side as she would always make the right decisions. Or, at least, the decisions that aimed to help Westeros become better than it was. Even if she stumbled and failed along the way, she would end her life being known for all the good she had achieved.
By the time her life in this world ended I would be waiting for her. Unless, as Jon believed, there was nothing after we died. It would be a sad thing not to see what she ended up achieving after I was gone. Who would she be with after I died or would she remain alone? Jon was the only one I trusted with her heart and he had refused her.
"I wish I could have children with you." Khaleesi said with a sad smile. "We'd have such beautiful children."
"I will make love to you until you're pregnant, Khaleesi." I replied and put one of my hands over hers.
"We still have a war to win."
"Once you sit on the Iron Throne, then."
No comments:
Post a Comment