The Pull of Fate Chapter 16: The Search Continues

This is a Game of Thrones/Resident Evil fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE. 

Daenerys Targaryen

I leaned on the railings on the Red Keep and looked briefly at my bedroom. Jorah was there at a table looking at qualifications of various tutors. My eyes went back to looking over King's Landing as I couldn't think about who would teach our daughter for another moment. The search seemed more than hopeless for me. Better to focus on some happier memories before going back to my duty.

It had taken all my strength, both as a conqueror and politician, to secure the Iron Throne for my House. It had taken even more strength to garner the favor of all those who thought me a monster. Whether by Cersei Lannister's manipulations or their own prejudices.

If only ruling and motherhood had become easier after that. But now Sarisa wasn't taking to any of her tutors which would affect her destiny. She needed to learn about Westeros so she wouldn't make any mistakes. Or as few mistakes as possible. Advisors and husbands could only help a queen so much.

Sarisa wasn't the only problem I was experiencing. There was also the nightmares that were plaguing Jorah. He had been my most loyal friend and supporter. If not for him I would have died shortly after Khal Drogo passed away. He had risked his life various times even when I was cruel towards him. Though I'm sure he would not think I had ever been too cruel to him.

He was too kind for me and now he woke up nearly every night screaming. He had done everything for me and now I was unable to help him. It was a terrifying feeling to love someone so deeply and be unable to help. He couldn't begin to describe why the dreams had started or what could make them stop.

Even more disturbing, at least to me, was the fact that Jorah kept having nightmares of me going mad like my father. I wouldn't deny that there was madness waiting just beneath the surface of my mind. But I had kept it at bay for many years and it hardly had any presence in me now. After being a mother and queen for so long, I had built up a calmer center than before.

"The wine you requested, Your Graces." A servant said as she entered the room.

I kept my gaze out on the city. If I entered the room then there would be no avoiding talking about Sarisa. So, even though it was rude, I didn't turn to acknowledge the servant's presence. She would have to understand that being a ruler gave me more stresses than she could imagine. She would have to understand why I would sometimes be rude. When I was less stressed I would do something good for her. If there was ever a day I didn't experience stress.

"Thank you." Jorah replied as I heard the servant put the wine glasses on the table.

Once I heard the servant shut the door I realized there was no avoiding this. The more time spent avoiding my duties, the less time Sarisa would have to get the tutor she needed. If I would not risk being uncomfortable for my daughter, did I even deserve to be a mother? So with a heavy sigh I turned and went back into my room.

"The wine is good." Jorah said and glanced up at me while sipping his wine.

"Does it make tutors suddenly appear?" I asked.

"No, but it does take away from the worry."

Unfortunately it was only by remaining sober that I could complete the task at hand. There were so many things to consider when choosing a tutor. The person needed to show our daughter the way to live and not take her down any undesirable path. Sarisa needed to be better than me in every way. That was the only way for our House to rise from the ashes. The other main thing to consider was that my daughter had to respect the tutor.

I needed to remain sober, but a little wine wouldn't affect my judgment. Not that much at least. So I sat in a chair beside my husband and started to drink. In a few minutes the stress did indeed disappear so I put my wineglass back on the table. Now it was back to thinking about the impossible.

Jorah handed me a few tutors he hadn't yet looked over. Though he tried to hide his emotions, I could still see the tired look in his eyes. This was wearing him down too, but he wasn't going to give up. Even though she was Jon's daughter, he loved her like his own. There was no doubt in my mind that he would even die for her as if she had his blood running through her veins.

The names of the various possible tutors ran into one another. As did their qualifications. We had seen such stunning recommendations before only for Sarisa to drive them away. Did my daughter just want to grow up stupid and bring the Targaryen legacy crashing down? Was I more mad because my House might go into ruins or that Sarisa's future might be in danger?

"I shouldn't have drank anything." I said and resisted slamming my head on the table.

"We have to keep trying." Jorah replied though his voice had an echo of hopelessness to it.

"Why? Why not let another House sit on the Iron Throne?"

"Because you've fought too hard to give up now. You gave up a life in Meereen where you would have won the people over. You freed all of the slaves and could've continued to fight for their well-being. You could've died a hero over there. Yet you decided to come to Westeros and fight to earn yourself a new legacy."

Yes, I couldn't stop fighting. Not now. There had been so many sacrifices along the way. Some necessary and others because of mistakes made. My line would not end with Sarisa. She would build a greater legacy than I had. Bards would sing songs of her accomplishments and the commoners would speak her name in awe. So we would find a tutor for her. We had no other choice.

"I might have fought too hard." I replied with a sigh. "Jon is ruling well in the North. Better than me."

"Jon was born in the North." Jorah reassured me. "He only seems to be ruling better because his fellow Northerners trust him as one of their own. You have accomplished much in the South. It isn't just anyone that can rise up after House Baratheon and Lannister ruled the Iron Throne. Cersei marked you as an outsider and a villain. Yet you showed the people your kind heart."

I smiled at the memory. Just because I felt like the world was crumbling around me now didn't mean I was a failure. My eyes shouldn't look somewhere else as that only served to make me feel worthless. I needed to focus on all that I had accomplished and what wonders would happen to me in the future. Sarisa would get a tutor and become a great queen to rival the mightiest Targaryen rulers.

"If we can't find tutors, there is always Bronn. He would know of potential tutors that we wouldn't think to look at." Jorah said. "We gave him a castle, he does owe us."

"He also owes us because we are Queen and King of the South." I retorted. "If we wished we could take his castle from him. Though, I admit, that could have unforeseen consequences."

"If you went back on your word then, yes, the people would doubt you."

"The people follow me without question and there would be more than a few that would do anything to have Storm's End. But that decision reeks too much of what my father would do. If Sarisa sees me taking such an action, no matter how justified, her rebellious streak could turn deadly once she's older."

It was shameful that such a violent outburst had exited my lips. Those had been the rantings of a girl who didn't yet realize how the world worked. Bronn had been a great help battling the Night King's Army and the castle was his reward. He was a man that didn't want to be involved with any great moments in history and yet he had fought against the dead.

Was Sarisa the only person keeping me in check? If she died would I plunge into insanity? No. No that wouldn't happen. Over many trials and tribulations it was me who had remained sane. It was me who had remained a kind and just ruler. If one of my loved ones were to die, I would not break. I had become much too strong for that.

"You don't think I would kill Bronn as a show of power, do you?" I asked as a lingering doubt remained in my mind.

"Once it would have been a possibility." Jorah admitted. "But you've been through so much now that it is impossible for you to be like your father."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're worried about your grasp on reality."

"What if these are just the final moments before I burn cities to the ground?"

"It would take much more than being angry at one man for you to turn cities to ashes."

Yes, it would take so much more for me to become like my father. My love was right in that there was nothing to worry about on that front. The only thing I need worry about was finding a tutor for Sarisa.

"Bronn is not a person I like being around." I mused.

"Which is why I will go for you." Jorah replied and put one of his hands on mine. "There's no need for you to disturb yourself when you're already so stressed."

"I'm the Queen of the South, the only peace I'll know is death."

"You have a King that loves you, Khaleesi, and one that is here to ease your pain. Besides that, it's more important that you remain in King's Landing than me. You're the face everyone bows to. I'm merely the man who is important because of you."

"You're important because of what you've done. You can't seriously have forgotten that you're a hero."

"No, but I'm not one of the last remaining Targaryens."

I nodded. He was giving me an out and there was nothing for me but to take it. If it was a more important matter I would debate him. But it was just another in a long list of things we had done to try and find a tutor for Sarisa. He would be gone for some time and hopefully his return would spell an end to our search. Once and for all.

"I wish we knew someone that was more pleasant to be around." I said. "The fact he knows a good teacher is the only reason I'm sending you into the mouth of madness."

"I would go anywhere if you only asked." Jorah teased.

"The only reason I wouldn't is because you'd find too much excitement in such an order."

I could tell that there was nervousness bleeding from his laughter. He was worried about Sarisa's future and yet didn't want me to feel bad. He didn't want me to feel weak because he loved me. Even in his old age his eyes held a strength that belonged to a much younger man. Unlike Jon, he had battled his inner demons and come out all the stronger. Both men were stronger than most as neither had thrown a fight when I had decided to marry Jorah instead of the younger man.

I think it was only because Jorah and Jon admired each other so much. Jorah loathed Daario because he didn't find the man worthy of me. However, Jorah thought that Jon was more than deserving of my heart and would treat me like the queen I am. Jon, in turn, ended up offering Jorah Longclaw because he saw my husband as being worthy.

If only we weren't separated by politics. The Northerners would not take kindly to Jon if he seemed too close to the Queen of the South. And my own reign could be threatened if the Southerners thought I caved into a foreign power far too easily.

Jorah and Jon were also physically desirable in their own ways. Choosing between the two was like looking at two paths that looked equally good and tossing a coin to choose which way to go. I had tried Jon but...I couldn't love him. He wasn't the one I actually wanted even though he seemed to be a perfect match. It wasn't just anyone that Jorah would trust with my heart.

And now Jorah was going to leave for Storm's End to help us find a tutor for our daughter. He should be given a gift so that when the nights got too lonely he would remember what he was fighting for. He seemed to grin with his eyes as if he were very much aware of what I was planning. Being with someone for so long tended to mean you couldn't surprise them very often.

"You ****?" I asked with a mischievous grin.

"Always." Jorah replied quickly. "You ***?"

"Always."

"What's the occasion?"

"You're going away for some time. I want to wish you good luck."

The gift I gave him was much shorter than I had expected. But sometimes I just lost myself with him.

"That was quite the gift." Jorah said and I felt his smirk on my neck.

"I should have done better." I replied.

"I'm not going to leave this moment. There is time for you to give me many gifts later today."

"Unless Sarisa decides she wants to spend time with us."

With that we were laughing. The laughter sounded like it was coming from two people that were just going through puberty. Since there wasn't anyone watching us, I didn't mind. There was no one to judge me as a queen. The only other person in the room had seen me in my weakest moments and still loved me.

"Our daughter is not that great at timing." Jorah said.

"I hope that she will still lack that timing as she grows up." I chuckled and both of us fixed our clothing. "Unless it is to keep the South under her control."

I knew he would come back to me. I knew that Westeros wasn't in the middle of a great conflict so there was no doubt he would come back. Yet I didn't want him to go away. Maybe it was because once he went away I'd be alone. There were strong allies in King's Landing, but no one saw me like Jorah did. Tyrion saw me as a queen and Sarisa saw me as a mother. They didn't know my faults like Jorah did.

"I'm sure Sarisa will become a fierce queen when the time is right." Jorah said. "You and Jon both have Targaryen blood in your veins. Both of you were able to find followers that followed you to death itself. It stands to reason that Sarisa will have the same strength."

"What if Bronn doesn't have a tutor for us?" I asked.

"He will. We have to believe that or all is lost."

I had to put all my trust in a man I didn't like. I had to do this to keep from falling into despair about Sarisa's future. I had to do this because my husband, the one I loved, believed it to be true. Or maybe he was just as unsure as me. Maybe he spoke to himself just as much as to me. That didn't make the words any less true. If I thought that Sarisa wouldn't become a good ruler then I would not care about creating a better world for her.

"When she sits on the Iron Throne the Six Kingdoms will be brought into a new golden age." Jorah reassured me. "You overcame great odds to get where you are now. Sarisa can do the same."

"Maybe she will even have a dragon of her own." I said with a smile. "Maybe dragons will become great in numbers as in the days of Old Valyria."

"You feel better?"

"Yes."

A smile appeared and then disappeared on Jorah's lips. I knew what it meant. I knew what he wanted. I smirked at him as I decided whether to wait or not in giving him his gifts.