This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
ALEX
"It doesn't need potatoes." J'Zargo argued as he continued cooking clam chowder.
"You've been off of the road for a month." Brelyna Maryon argued. "You're going to ruin the meal."
I laughed as there was no one to hear me. On the road Jash ate mainly potatoes and venison. He considered deer and elk to be the best prey. His obsession with potatoes was another matter entirely. He had never been a farmer and so that couldn't be the reason. His childhood was spent in slavery and he liked to avoid that part of his past. The large scars on the left side of his face was all that remained of that time.
So his potato obsession must be a remnant of the human he used to be.
"This one disagrees but the Arch-Mage does trust you to cook his meals." J'Zargo said with an exaggerated sigh.
"Thank you." The Dark Elf said as she put potatoes into the chowder.
I turned to see Jash sitting at the table in the main room. He was reading a book in a vain attempt to distract himself from Scouts-Many-Marshes. The Saxhleel had gotten better but he still needed more time to heal. Even I felt concern to the point of not wanting to wake up. My alarm hadn't woken me up which meant that a month hadn't really passed for me.
But it felt like it had.
I had experienced all of Jash's life but rarely had I felt like an entire week had passed. I had to endure the major events of his life. But for other moments it was like I just knew everything about him. Sometimes I was swept up into a storm of memories and other times the current dream imparted all the information I needed.
Timidly I walked over to the bedroom. Scouts looked at the ceiling and I could almost feel his pain. Meeko laid on the bed beside his owner. The dog had arrived at Lakeview Manor nearly a day after Jash had.
Meeko moved to put his head on Scouts' chest. The dog had been left running after Jash but hadn't been able to keep up. It almost seemed as if the dog felt personally responsible for nearly losing another master.
Another month passed in the dream and still I refused to wake up.
Scouts was now able to walk around with Jash who made sure he didn't fall. The couple walked around the outside to take in the heat. Meeko had been walking beside them but was now chasing rabbits. J'Zargo and Brelyna were inside discussing some obscure magical theory. Rayya kept passing us by as she made sure the property was secure.
"You didn't even have to Shout this day." Scouts said.
"The storm grew tired of fighting me." Jash said in a mixture of English and Jel . "It knows it is theirs to allow you to walk outside."
"It is ours to walk around even in the thickest of storms."
"Not when you are still recovering."
"You haven't asked me in two months."
We all stopped walking and I looked at Scouts. I could feel Jash doing the same. All of us were nervous about finding out why Scouts had tried to kill himself. What if it was something that couldn't be fixed? And without a way to divorce the only solution might be murder.
"Why did you try to kill yourself, my love?" Jash asked in English.
"Skyrim reveres you as a hero, Jash." Scouts began. "And you are. You have a good heart that sees you braving the Nordic afterlife to make this land safe. You fought in a war that wasn't your own to bring peace and to allow Saxhleel back into Windhelm. But there is more to you than just that."
Meeko came bolting towards the couple as a rabbit rushed past. Scouts and Jash shared a smile as the dog went off into the distance yet again.
"You mean the Dark Brotherhood." Jash said after a moment.
"Not just the Dark Brotherhood and the fact you're now the Listener." Scouts said. "It all started when you went to Markarth. Going to that city seemed to unlock another side of you. One that I love just as much as I endure it."
"I'm the Champion of Namira. A creature that lives to feed on another's flesh."
"I know that you consider that an aspect of your worship of Hircine."
"Eating the flesh from the hunt is only just."
"Yes. And you've gone down so many dark paths since that city."
"But, Scouts, I have never stopped loving you. My love for you has made me never fear becoming a monster of legend."
Jash took his husband's hand in his own and held tight. It wasn't just a grasp of love, it was to stop Jash from breaking down in tears. Without Scouts his life had no meaning. It had no purpose. And how could I help when the man couldn't even see me?
"Naal Dii Sil!" Jash Shouted and the purest light shone around the couple. "By My Soul, Scouts-Many-Marshes. You helped me create this. I worried that all my deeds would **** me but you showed me another way."
As always, the By My Soul Shout forced me to look at myself. To examine every dark corner of my soul as there was no longer any place for me to hide. There was a small part of me that wanted Scouts to not love Jash so that the man would be mine. Completely. Yet another part wanted Jash and Scouts to mend things as I couldn't stand to see the man I loved be unhappy.
"I know it is yours to love me, Jash." Scouts said as a tear went down his cheek. "But it is also yours to travel the width and breadth of Skyrim. It is yours to be gone so long that I sometimes forget that we are married. It is ours to fear that one day you will never return. Not due to death but because you've decided I'm not yours to love any longer."
"I will stop my adventuring ways." Jash begged. "I will just need to visit Jorrvaskr to provide guidance to the Companions in my role of Harbinger. I will just need to visit the Dawnstar Sanctuary to give instructions from the Night Mother as well as fulfilling a few contracts to keep her sated. Whenever we go to Riften I'll make sure to correct any errors made from the Thieves Guild. I will just need to give a few lectures once a year at the College of Winterhold in my role as Arch-Mage."
Jash was not lying. He was breaking apart and would hold onto anything to keep himself standing. Scouts remained silent as if he too were in shock at Jash's declarations.
"You would become less of a man if you stayed in one place for too long." Scouts said kindly. "I wouldn't want to be married to someone so broken."
"Better for me to be in eternal pain than for you to die by your own hands." Jash replied. "You are the one I love above all others. You have my heart and soul. If you were to die and it was my fault, there would be nothing left of me."
Scouts put a hand on Jash's face and the battle-hardened Saxhleel leaned into it. His eyes closed tight as he was afraid of what his husband would say. It was hard to remind myself to breathe. But did I need to breathe in a dream?
"It is not yours to stay in one place, my love." Scouts said in Jel. "It is yours to serve Skyrim."
"It is not mine to see you dead by your own hands." Jash argued in Jel, his tail moving in short and stark movements.
"I did not say it was." Scouts replied in English. "I do not want to see you stay here and loathe your life. But if you can find it in you to stay here during the winter season, it would help me stay my hand while you are away."
"The Pale is unbearable in the heat of summer." Jash agreed in English. "It is uncomfortable to journey through it in the darkness of winter, nearly breaks my sanity when I do. It is better to spend such cold in the arms of the man I love. And while we spend that time together, we can translate songs from the other reality into Jel."
Those songs were the only reminder that Jash didn't begin life in Tamriel. His connections to that old life were condensed into songs. On the road he would sometimes summon the music from reality and sing with his own voice.
It was beautiful and haunting.
"Is there a song you want to start with?" Scouts asked as the pair made their way down to the lake, Rayya following silently behind.
"That Part by Lauren Spencer-Smith." Jash said. "The whole song is based around a very limited concept of time. It will be a good challenge to translate it into Jel."
The couple stopped walking and Jash leaned down. Scouts leaned up and met his husband's lips. They kissed deeply before continuing their walk to the lake.
I didn't stop myself from falling down in relief. I was glad to be proven wrong by them. I had thought their marriage was doomed and they would have a falling out. But they had worked through one of the hardest things a couple could.
Jash would always have Scouts-Many-Marshes to lean on.
No comments:
Post a Comment