This chapter has been edited due to content. I made minor edits in this chapter. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
JON STARK
Only my eyes moved to follow Arya's movements. This was always the hardest part of our meetings. While ******* I could put reality out of my mind. But once my body calmed down the harsh light of day made it impossible to believe any illusions.
"The offer still stands." I said and tried to keep the begging out of my voice.
My sister, lover, and cousin scoffed. There was no one else I wanted to have by my side. Many had come to offer themselves to me but none seemed worthy to share my bed, much less to share the responsibility of ruling the North. Only Arya had caught my eye. Yet unlike other suitors she had no interest in becoming Queen of the North.
"I am no lady." Arya said once she finished getting dressed. "I do not find enjoyment in having dresses or commanding others. I'd much rather be in the mist of battle. I'd rather ride Nymeria across the North and make sure no enemies dare think of causing problems."
"There hasn't been a rebellion since Daenerys Targaryen overthrew Cersei Lannister." I pointed out. "You won't find the battles you want in the North."
"Anything is better than sitting in Winterfell. You're the only thing here that matters to me anymore."
For a moment her eyes reflected all the hurt and loss that haunted her still. She had had a purpose when seeking revenge and when fighting the dead. Afterwards she had only her own thoughts and nightmares that wouldn't let go. When she slept with me she would sometimes cry out. We had talked about them at first and then had stopped. It hurt both of us too much to continue with honesty.
"Sansa is a much better queen than me." Arya continued. "She likes dresses and can stand the boredom. She can stay in the same place for months."
"You're afraid, I understand that." I replied. "It wasn't easy for me to adapt to people trusting me. I did, though."
It had been strange to have people trusting in me. I had been raised a bastard and no one cared about me. There had been nothing that my family expected me to live up to. Except for Father who had been one of the few people to know who I really was. If Lyanna and Rhaegar had lived how would I have changed? Arya was of the opinion that I would still have the same nobility while Jorah wasn't certain.
"You were always a king." Arya countered. "You always had the need to protect people. You would always do what was necessary to protect those you cared about."
"You do care about people." I replied.
"Not in the same way. I couldn't go beyond my comforts to do more than seek revenge."
"Even if Sansa interested me, you know why I can't have her be my queen."
Instead of replying, she was silent. I got dressed as we avoided each other's gaze. Sansa had married Gendry Baratheon. The union was a sound political maneuver to make sure House Baratheon rose again and was loyal to House Stark. For now both of our Houses were allies, but that could change in the future. It had taken some wise words from Davos for me to understand. It wasn't that the concept was impossible to understand, but I knew how much it'd hurt Arya.
Both loved each other but both knew their lives weren't supposed to intersect that way. Arya was much too wild to settle down now and Gendry needed someone to ground him in his new position. It had hurt her and him. From all accounts he had settled into his role as Lord Baratheon and taken quickly to the Twins as his new home.
"You could've stopped Sansa." Arya said quietly once I had finished getting dressed. "You could've-"
"I couldn't." I replied. "You wouldn't have been happy being a Lady."
"Are you sure that's the only reason?"
My sister walked to me and I leaned my head down to meet her lips. After I looked into her eyes I saw confusion there. Was she more happy with me than him? Had she secretly hoped that Gendry would marry someone else? All I knew was that a part of me had agreed with Sansa just so my sister would be mine. At least as much as anyone could lay a claim to her.
"Why can't our lives be like before?" Arya said. "We've won a war and it's like it never stopped."
"I don't know." I replied and sat on the edge of my bed. "I sometimes feel that it would be better if I had died during the war. Politics doesn't suit me and yet if I give it up then the North would be in chaos."
"Your heart is too kind."
Arya stood in front of me and the wind blew her hair softly across her face. The wildness in her eyes would never go away nor would the kindness inside. Years from now she would find a place to call home and I only hoped it would be with me.
"You should find someone else." Arya said. "I will never be able to be a queen."
"A better suitor is possible just as much as the Kaari rising from the dead." I retorted.
"You've been keeping in contact with Daenerys."
"I have a daughter in the South."
The correspondence I had with my former lover could stray from being formal. I had never heard of House Kaari but she had. The only thing I knew about it now were the phrases Daenerys would sometimes use when she was frustrated. Kaari seemed to be a curse word and it made me wonder who this hated House really was.
"Do you still love her?" Arya asked.
"No," I replied. "I don't know what I was thinking. She is a good friend but we are too different to ever be anything more."
Daenerys had deserved everything she had earned, but her ferocity could never compliment my own demeanor. It was Jorah who had been able to do what I could not. He was different from her and yet the same. I belonged in the North with Arya.
"I don't know how anyone can live in the South." I said and walked to my door. "I might have Targaryen blood, but I could never ride a dragon or embrace the heat."
With one glance at Arya, I opened the door and we walked through Winterfell. It was spring and yet there was a chill in the air. It was comforting as it reminded us that another winter had passed without the White Walkers coming back. One day it would come to pass that the creatures would be myth and no sign of their existence would exist. Someone else would worry about their contributions being lost to time, but not me. All I cared was that the dead were gone.
My lover didn't seem overly concerned with the state of Winterfell. I knew in her mind as long as it still stood, there was nothing to worry about. Yet I also knew if it ever needed help, she would come racing back atop her direwolf.
"Bronn made a hard bargain." Arya said with a faint smile on her lips. "He wanted Storm's End which meant Gendry couldn't get his inheritance."
"I think that's why Bronn insisted on Storm's End." I replied with a chuckle.
"It annoyed him that Gendry didn't care."
We both had to chuckle at that one. Bronn had been ready to cause a little bit of chaos and then had found Gendry to be oblivious of the joke. As a man raised as a bastard, the fact a title had been given to me was more important than anything else. Unlike him, I had been raised to consider Winterfell home while his upbringing hadn't made him think the same about Storm's End.
I breathed in the air and smelled flowers that were close to blooming. Every Spring since the War for the Dawn had been celebrated with exotic fruits and flowers. My guards had made sure to be more vigilant during this time. There was always the fear that someone might try to kill me under the guise of giving me a gift. It was a strange way to think as no one would take that effort with a bastard.
Arya and I exited the castle where our direwolves raced towards us. Both Ghost and Nymeria were as big as horses now. The latter's pack had deserted her once she had decided to spend most days in or around Winterfell.
We mounted our direwolves at the same time. I pressed my face into Ghost's fur and was thankful it no longer felt odd to ride him. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. Arya looked as if she thought about racing away again and I worried she would. I wanted to spend all my days with her but knew that was just a fantasy. At least for now.
Ghost let out a soft growl as I raised my head and my sister shook her head. She had merely gotten on Nymeria and waited for me to lead. Sometimes it felt as if she and her direwolf were the same person. One able to be wild and the other cursed with restraints. She didn't need to pet her direwolf as they were the same. Or maybe I was insane. I was, after all, breaking Stark tradition by sleeping with a woman raised as my sister.
"What does the King of the North wish to do today?" Arya asked playfully.
"I don't know." I replied.
Nymeria ran off and I went after her. Ghost's paws crashed into the ground and pushed his body forward. I didn't know what to do for today so racing my cousin wasn't taking up time. Besides that, it was fun. It was exciting to not be a king for a few hours. It was exhilarating to feel the wind ripping at my face.
"You're getting slower!" Arya said with a laugh.
"You say that now!" I retorted as Ghost was just a few feet behind Nymeria.
"Bloody hells!"
I could see a few people stop to look at what their king was doing. I would have adjusted my posture but I wasn't going to let Arya win. After this race I could win back their respect, but for now I just wanted to be alive. The image of a burning sword entered my thoughts as I came up to Nymeria's side. What? No matter for now. Just a random image.
Arya darted to the right and into the castle. I grimaced and felt like reprimanding her. Outside its walls there was a good chance we wouldn't run into anyone. Inside, though, there were enough people to cause problems.
"To the Godswood!" I shouted. "Until then, slow down!"
"Yes, Father!" Arya teased.
I looked at my people and made a list of everything that should be focused on for the day. I remembered lists from past days and what I hadn't been able to get done then. By the time we reached the Godswood, I had finalized everything that the King of the North should work on for the day.
Nymeria started to run again and I followed. The finish line was when one of us decided to give up. Neither of us wanted that. Near the end of the race Arya started to change her strategy. She tried scaring me but Ghost held steady.
"You win." We both said at the same time and then laughed.
"You better go to work now." Arya said.
"Are you going to stay or leave?" I asked.
"I will tell you when I figure it out. Maybe I will decide to settle down."
"You will be an old lady when that happens."
Instead of focusing on the morose feelings threatening to overwhelm me, I walked away and allowed Arya to do what she would.
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