Chapter 17
Tobias lands on the perch outside of Rachel's window. It's night but she isn't asleep and is instead reading. I like to think that she's up because she's worried about him and has been doing this since the day at the mall.
When he gets her attention she throws the book and quickly opens the window to let him in. Rachel asks if it's him and he says 'more or less'. It's like he can't admit to her what happened or at least doesn't want to start the conversation out on a bad note.
Rachel mentions that the rest of the Animorphs have been worried about him since they thought he was killed. Tobias says he's okay and then Rachel allows herself to get angry at him. Tobias says that makes him smile since it's so Rachel. I admit that I am worried if someone I love is in pain but once I know they're okay I'll let emotions like anger out.
Rachel asks, angrily, what Tobias thought he was doing going away like that. Her anger shows that she cares for him as she probably hates him for making her feel pain. Tobias explains that it's hard to talk about what happened. I admit that the previous chapter was a little odd and it would be hard to tell someone about that experience. However, I think his pride has been hurt and he thinks he's weak for doing what he did and so that's why he said it's hard to explain.
Tobias goes on to explain about his first kill and how it made him feel. Tobias says that he had lost control of himself and had started living his life like a hawk with no room for his human mind. He had started to lose his sense of identity. His sense of self. Tobias then says something happened.
If I didn't know what happened I'd wish that he'd say it was his love of Rachel that brought him back. I'm a big romantic, though I tried to hide it in my early years. But what really happened is much better.
We finally find out what happened to the random guy! Tobias thought-spoke to him and lead him to safety.
I like how Rachel reprimands Tobias since now the random guy knows about him and the Hork-Bajir and Tobias' reply is how stupid the guy's story would sound to other people. Rachel laughs and agrees with him, adding that if the guy does talk about what happened he'd be silenced. Tobias replies to that by saying he warned the guy what the consequences of speaking out would. Rachel says that Tobias saved the man and his reply is very showing of his character.
While Tobias likes to help and was the strongest supporter of fighting the Yeerks in the beginning, he's reacting to Rachel telling him he saved the guy like a Hork-Bajir realizing it can use its blades for killing.
Tobias says that he never thought of it that way since the Hork-Bajir was the predator and the human was the prey. He points out it's the same thing that's going on with him hunting rats. Rachel points out that it's different since he's hunting out of the need to live and they're hunting because of power. Tobias' reasons for hunting are good, the Yeerks' reason for hunting isn't.
Tobias said he never thought of it that way. Rachel continues to say that what Tobias does is natural for a hawk, what the Hork-Bajir do isn't natural for them since they are controlled by Yeerks. And Yeerks only want control and domination.
Tobias says that he knows, however that's not true. It appears that Tobias is agreeing since he likes talking to Rachel. Rachel comforts him and holds him steady. This is sort of like some friends I have: we don't always see eye to eye, but I still love them and know when to not push certain subjects.
Rachel says that he's human but Tobias disagrees. He doesn't have the body of a human and so it's hard to convince himself that he is a human. Tobias is surprised when he sees Rachel about to cry as she's not someone who usually does.
Tobias then goes to saying he's sorry about ruining her exhibition the other day. Rachel replies that it's okay since she doesn't like doing exhibitions anyways. Tobias then asks if anyone was hurt by the falling glass and Rachel says no.
Rachel then asks Tobias what he would have done if Marco hadn't been there since Tobias would've hit the glass and most likely killed himself. Tobias doesn't know what to say and I can understand. I self-harm and I can't really explain the reasons to others for doing so nor can I explain why I pick my cuts. This is because there's not a good enough reason to explain why and also the fact that I am ashamed.
I feel very connected to Tobias in this scene.
Rachel pets Tobias and tells him that as long as he has the rest of the Animorphs he isn't lost. Even Marco. Rachel says that someday the Andalites will come and that reminds me of the ending of one of the books.
Tobias agrees and says that he has to go to Jake as the mission is supposed to happen tomorrow. Rachel says he doesn't have to and Tobias' reply is important.
The first five books are each of the Animorphs finding a reason to fight. Not just because the Yeerks are trying to invade Earth, but because they each have a personal stake in the war. Except I can't really remember Cassie's reason.
Tobias' reply is his reason for continuing to fight against the Yeerks and not retreating into the hawk part of his mind: he knows what it's like to feel trapped. He knows what it's like not to be in control of yourself. Freeing humans from the enslavement of the Yeerks is what he needs to do to stay human.
Chapter 18
The next day the Animorphs go on the mission. Tobias flies overhead while the others go as wolves. Marco is the first to speak and complains about going into a bear cave. He mentions grizzlies. A lot of the time it seems Marco complains just to complain, but I can understand his worry. Bears aren't Controllers, but they can be deadly.
Cassie reassures him by saying that there would most likely be black bears which are much smaller. Marco, being a normal human being, basically says that doesn't reassure him.
Tobias tells Marco that he's seen animals, like skunks, in the cave. Marco doesn't like the sound of skunks. Goddammit, Marco, at least skunks aren't bears!
Jake tells Marco that they won't be hanging out with skunks and Tobias says that the skunks only go in there to run away from predators. When no one asks for Tobias to explain how he knows that, it seems the reasoning is that the others are nervous about triggering him. Nervous that Tobias will lose himself again. A sort of pity towards the nothlit.
Tobias explains his reasoning for choosing the cave. He says that it is is close to the lake and sarcastically replies that there wasn't a convenient hotel close by. I feel like Tobias' reply is him saying, "Goddammit, Marco!" in a polite way.
Marco, of course, replies in a sarcastic manner. Saying that the cave has to have cable as there's a game on that night.
Tobias is carrying a small pouch of luggage. It's light enough for him to carry and not noticeable to any possible Controllers. However, it does slow him down some.
They arrive at the cave entrance and Marco makes a comment. Three guesses if it's a sarcastic remark or not. First two guesses don't count.
Tobias replies that he hasn't been inside before. Makes sense since a hawk can't exactly enter through foliage. I admit it's a point that should've been looked at, however it's a little unimportant in the long run.
Tobias remarks how easy it is for the others to go into the cave in their wolf morphs and remarks that he hopes there isn't a bear in there. What? Tobias, you said there weren't any bears!
Rachel says that there is only a spider and a scared mouse in the cave. Tobias decides to tell a joke, at his own expense, and asks Rachel to chase it out since he's hungry. Only Marco laughs and bird-boy thinks he said something bad.
This is sort of how I feel about Politically Correct language (which I separate from 'the words you shouldn't use so you aren't an asshole') being about censoring things because they MIGHT offend people.
So Tobias makes a joke which shows he's trying to come to grips with his new life and the rest laughing would show support. It would give him confidence in himself. Instead only Marco shows support because the rest are too frightened about possibly hurting Tobias' feelings. This, in turn, makes Tobias get ashamed of how he's choosing to deal with his own situation.
Add this to the moments that I will use once I really start shipping Tobias and Marco.
Marco then suggests they demorph and Tobias flies away. He uses the excuse that he's going to look around since he doesn't like watching the others demorph.
When the others exit the cave, Marco complains about the shoe situation. I wish Applegate had used aqua shoes at one point as some fans pointed those out to her.
Jake says, with hands on his hips, that they should gather firewood. If it wasn't for his stance I would question Rachel's remark. However, I agree with it and love how Jake gets defensive. Aw!
Turns out the plan is for the group to catch a fish and have the group acquire it. So when is either Cassie or Marco going to morph an Osprey?
Jake says there shouldn't be a problem catching a fish but Cassie knows better. Jake admits to only fishing once. For those who haven't fished: it's a long and boring process that I have given up because I can't catch anything. Except for three fish in maybe five years.
Tobias goes to look around again because that's the only help he can offer. He watches as the other Animorphs continually fail to catch a fish. Marco, of course, is the one to break down and ask how a fish can outsmart them. This is the question everyone who fishes asks themselves. That and, "Why am I fishing?"
Cassie tries to calm the group down and Jake points out how little time they have until the Yeerks show up. Rachel and Tobias both say that the group should try again later. Jake points out waiting is a bad idea as the Yeerks can't keep using the same lake forever. They need to do the mission today or risk having to search awhile to find the next lake the invaders are using.
Again, I like the realism in this series.
Tobias continues to argue with Jake until Cassie catches a fish. Marco doesn't like it since he wanted to morph something like Jaws.
The chapter ends with Cassie acquiring the trout and Tobias reflecting on the ability to morph. That it is both a gift and a curse.
Chapter 19
Tobias is suddenly against the plan that Jake had put into play. Jake brings up the point that Tobias was in on the plan since the beginning and Marco asks why bird-boy is getting cold feet now. Tobias explains that he's not worried about himself, he's worried about the others. He'll be safe while the others will be in danger.
This is one thing about being trapped in morph: your morph might be useful in certain situations, but you'll have to sit some things out.
A red-tailed hawk is a good morph, but not in every situation.
Cassie understands Tobias' concern and points out that he isn't useless. Jake says that they don't have time to debate this as the Yeerks will be arriving shortly. Rachel tries to reassure Tobias that they will be alright. That she will be alright.
Tobias can't stand watching as he thinks about them nearly being stuck in mid-morph and then thinks of them being trapped in fish morph. He remarks how the others don't really understand that they could be trapped in morph. His thought process is correct because people think shit won't happen to them until it does. That people think they will get out fine because they are the exception.
Tobias, again, uses the excuse of looking around to escape watching his friends acquire the trout. He would laugh if the situation weren't dire, since worrying if your friends will be trapped as fish is downright funny. Tobias starts to think that maybe the Yeerks had moved on to another lake. I feel that Tobias is being hopeful since he doesn't want his friends to be trapped in trout morph.
Tobias then spots the female hawk. Part of him thinks that she is only watching him because he's in her territory. Another part of him, though, thinks she wants him to fly over. To become her mate. In a recent Supernatural episode Dean gets turned on by a female dog because he is sharing the mind of a dog.
Here's why the premise works in this book and not in that episode: Tobias' situation isn't treated as a throw away joke. The book has it be a sub-plot to explore how Tobias' mind is becoming unhinged. It doesn't treat being attracted to an animal as a simple thing. And getting turned on by an animal isn't a simple thing. Plus, Tobias is in the body of a hawk so I'm not imagining Tobias the human fucking a hawk.
Tobias doesn't know if hawks mate for life or a season. But he's not ready to settle down with anyone at the moment. He looks away from the female hawk and thinks how glad he'll be once the mission is over.
Tobias suddenly sees movement and mentally reprimands himself for not paying attention. He warns the other Animorphs that the Yeerks are coming. The other Animorphs are going into the cave but are going too slow.
Tobias decides on a suicidal idea and flies straight at the helicopter.
I know this is a move meant to save the group, but I think he might also be thinking this is something to help him wake up. I just noticed it isn't just the one chapter, but throughout the book he's been doing a lot of stunts.
Chapter 20
So you've probably guessed that Tobias survives, as it's too early in the series for anyone to die. For some reason the pilot of the helicopter doesn't hit Tobias. This stunt seems very suspicious for a hawk. Or else my two parakeets don't have the same tendencies as a hawk.
Tobias then checks to see if the helicopter could've seen any of the other Animorphs. He sees Rachel going into the cave and he thinks those in the chopper could've seen her. He watches her until she's safely inside the cave.
Once she's safely inside he tells the others that he doesn't think the Controllers saw them. The other Animorphs, being human, can't reply to him. He waits and watches as the Yeerks go through the familiar routine of preparing for the ship's arrival.
The Controllers seem very nervous and Tobias thinks that Visser Three had gotten angry at them. He remarks that that particular Yeerk isn't one you want mad at you. And look what we have seen of him in just the first two books plus The Andalite Chronicles: he will kill people that are on his side when he gets pissed off at the way things are.
Tobias remarks, once the Transport ship arrives, that you can never get used to the sheer size of it. He then tells the others that the ship has arrived.
Tobias keeps remarking on the extra security. There are two Bug fighters on patrol while two land. He is surprised and I know he must realize that whatever is going on isn't good.
Another cloaked ship is arriving and...it's a Blade ship and Tobias knows why the Controllers are nervous. Blade ships are special ships for the Yeerks achieving the rank of Visser.
And who is the only Visser we have met? The one in charge of the invasion of Earth?
A Controller shoots a deer that is in mid-leap. Yep, the cat loving Visser we all know and love is here.
Hork-Bajir and Taxxons exit the Blade ship before Visser Three comes out. Again it's repeated that he is the only Andalite Controller and is very creepy. He looks like an Andalite but he doesn't feel like an Andalite.
When Tobias sees that it's safe he goes to the cave. Jake wonders why Tobias is there since it's not part of the plan. Tobias just refers to Visser Three as 'he' and the rest of the Animorphs know who he's talking about. They realize that with Visser Three there shit is going to get real.
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Animorphs Re-Read Table of Contents
