To Die For You If Need Be Chapter 23: The Winter Chill

This is a Game of Thrones fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.

Sansa Stark

Winter was here and the wind reminded me constantly with its fierceness. It was never warm like in the South, but it became even colder in the winter. The cold made me feel like I was truly home. Even though the childish girl I had been before was dead and gone.

"Thank you, Meera." I said to Meera Reed as we walked.

The woman had been through a lot ever since protecting Bran Stark and returning from beyond the Wall. Whatever horrors she had faced would be encountered soon if the Night King was able to conquer Westeros. Or at least if he tried.

"Without your help Bran would have died a thousand times over." I continued. "I thought the only family I had left was Jon. I'm glad to be proven wrong."

The moment the guards had alerted me to Bran's return, I felt a great sense of relief. Whether Jon lived or died didn't matter as much. Even if he died the Stark line would continue. It was a great feeling not to have to put my entire faith in just one person. People could fail you when you most needed them by your side.

"Isn't Jon married to that Targaryen now?" Meera asked. "Is he still loyal to the North?"

"He married Daenerys with the promise of the throne passing to House Stark once she passed." I replied. "He hasn't abandoned the North, he has made us stronger."

I would not mention to her that Daenerys was barren. If she could still bear children, it was unlikely the Iron Throne would ever pass to House Stark. She had made a strategic political move to gain power. Though I had to admit that declaring herself to be barren took a lot of courage.

"I don't know if you should be praising me for returning Bran." Meera said with a sigh. "It's like he's a different person."

"I'm a different person than before." I argued as we continued to walk through Winterfell. "That girl loved Joffrey Baratheon and believed knights were as noble as they were in songs. That girl couldn't survive what I did."

"So your hardships made you stronger?"

"Yes, they did. But I wish they didn't. I'm sure girls and boys learn about the world without their family being slaughtered or being raped by a madman. There has to be an easier way than to experience the worst of the world."

We became silent as a guard and a few of the smallfolk passed us. The winter would take a toll on us all. But at least I had a castle to keep me warm as well as the best I could ask for. I was ruling the North instead of Jon until he got back. If he didn't return in time for the darkest part of winter, it would be my duty to keep our people safe.

"I'm glad you came back before the full force of winter came to Winterfell." I said. "You had to pull my brother back which would not have been easier if you had to wait longer."

"No matter what he is now, I would have died before I failed." Meera replied. "But I'm also glad I didn't have to walk through a storm. Though with the Night King having such an interest in Bran it made me think he would have given more of a chase."

"House Stark is in your debt. Though you don't seem like the kind of person who cares about such things."

"I will send your thanks to my father. He cares about such things more than me. I care only that Bran is now with his family."

A smirk came briefly to my face. Meera had a lot of fight in her. Not an expert swordsman, but someone with more subtle power. If Westeros survived the White Walkers, Meera had a grand future in front of her. My test had shown that this woman was not one to be messed with.

Something I should have guessed since she had survived an encounter with the White Walkers.

A group of children ran past me screaming and yelling while in the middle of a game. They were too chaotic for me to be able to figure out the point of the game. But, whatever it was, they were enjoying themselves. At one time I was like them, not a care in the world about what actually was. Hopefully they would never have to grow like I had. Hopefully they could live in blissful ignorance long into adulthood.

But the world we lived in wasn't like that. It tore us apart and spit us out. If we were strong, we would continue to live. If we were weak, we would be granted a quick death. If the gods were kind, that was. A merciful god would have let me die after my father. I had been standing so close to him and yet had been too far away to help.

"What were the White Walkers like?" I asked as we continued our walk. "If they make it through the Wall then I'll need to know how to fight them."

"You don't fight them: you run." Meera replied with a shiver. "Only a few are needed to be deadly."

"How many is a few?"

"Three or four wights. Five at most."

"And I doubt the Night King will send only five wights and one White Walker."

"Your brother was smart to get the aid of Daenerys Targaryen. They'll be no match against her dragons' flames."

"Unless they possess a power we're not aware of."

If the dead weren't coming back to life, I wouldn't have given the line of thought any attention. But if something could come back from the dead, what else were they capable of? Of course wights would be weaker but White Walkers and the Night King could be capable of things long since lost to time.

"Sam will be able to find a solution if that's the case." I said. "He's studying to be a maester and, according to Jon, can find out whatever is needed. It was him who told us about what is hidden underneath Dragonstone."

There was an awkward silence and I guessed that Meera was still worried about Bran. In truth I was too. My brother was back and yet something was missing. I just couldn't figure out what. His humanity? His childhood? Something else?

"Bran has changed." I said to break the silence. "It's hard to think of him as the same person. I love him because he's blood, but I don't know who he is anymore. He talks about being the last greenseer, but I'm not sure what that means."

"He went into that tree and learned from this...man." Meera said with a shiver. "He can see any place during any time. It's as if the boy I met has died."

"He is still in there. Something of him remains. My brother is still alive."

"It's hard for me to believe that."

What if whatever Meera brought back wasn't really Bran? Was this boy masquerading as my brother a friend or foe? To ask him was both cruel and a poor strategy. If he was an enemy it wasn't good to let him know I knew. If he could see all of time then he already knew I knew so any attack would have to be somehow hidden from him. If he was still my brother it would be cruel to tell my doubts to him. He had already suffered enough.

"He's more himself when you're with him." I said. "If you were to stay in Winterfell, it might help him remain human instead of whatever a greenseer is."

A light snowfall started and I worried there was no saving Bran. There was no saving me. Both of us had been forced to change in order to survive. We were far cries from who we were before, but at least we were alive.

"I don't know if me being with him helps all that much." Meera replied with a sigh. "He...he's not the same person. How he talks and thinks has changed too much. He doesn't look at me like he once did. I'm just another object to him now. The fact I saved him isn't something he considers important. I could be brutally murdered and he wouldn't bat an eye."

"You might think so, but he responds to you better than me." I reassured her.

I kept the jealousy out of my voice. I was his blood and yet he still looked at Meera fondly without noticing when I entered a room. We had grown up together and then been separated by horrific circumstances. When we saw each other again it should have been joyous. Yet he had barely responded when I hugged him. Nowadays I sometimes had trouble thinking of him as the Bran I once thought dead.

"You're wrong, Sansa." Meera replied. "It's hard to accept but Bran is gone. He is dead."

"Maybe I am wrong." I said. "Maybe you are."

"I don't think me being here is helping. My father needs me more than Bran does."

"Why don't you just leave?"

"You're Lady Stark, at one time the Queen of the North, and I do not want to be considered rude."

"It's not me who you're not trying to be rude to."

"Bran is dead."

"But you still want to remain by his side."

Meera looked embarrassed. She could proclaim Bran was dead all she wanted, but her love for my brother would always bleed through the lies. She, like me, couldn't give up on him. For me he was blood, for her he was close enough.

Littlefinger was a monster but he had taught me much when we were together. I was now able to see people clearer. My own biases would always be a weakness, but at least I wasn't as blind as before.

"I want things to be different, but I can't continue to believe a lie." Meera said with a soft smile gracing her face. "I want him to be like when we met. I want the same look in his eyes but those will never return. It tears me apart to admit such things."

"You're not weak for wanting to stay by his side." I said. "Just as I wasn't weak for not stopping my father from being murdered in front of my eyes. Others won't understand such things, but we will. And that's all that matters."

"Do you ever blame yourself for Ned's death?"

"Every night. It hurts me but it wasn't my fault. Will you stay by Bran's side a few days longer?"

"I will have to see how the weather holds. If I wait too long then I will have to stay, whether I want to or not."

I stopped walking and Meera did the same. We turned to look at each other. Just as I was looking at her, she was trying to look at me. If there was any chance of saving my brother, it was her. If there was any chance of returning him to as he was before, it was through her.

Of this was I sure.

"There is something of Bran left." I said as the wind blew harder for a brief moment. "I know that and so do you. We can't abandon him now of all times."

"There is something of Bran left, of that I do agree." Meera replied. "But I don't think he can be saved. Whoever he was before isn't the same as who he is now."

"If you thought he was beyond saving, you would have left already."

"My being here won't change anything."

"Prove me wrong, please. I can't let the only chance of saving one of my remaining brothers go away."

"Are you ordering me to stay here?"

"You are free to leave this moment. If that is truly what you want. It won't be me who has to live with the guilt of letting someone I love die when things could've been different."

Meera recoiled like I had hit her. At an earlier point in my life saying such things would have made me feel guilty. It wouldn't occur to me to torture someone in such a way just so they would do what I wanted. It was a cruel and callous thing to say to someone who was breaking apart before my very eyes.

But I didn't feel guilty. If there was a chance Bran could be saved I had to take it. Even if Meera became more broken for that to happen. There were few people you could trust and blood was one of the surest ways to be certain.

"That's not giving me a choice." Meera said once she recovered.

"I'm not taking away your ability to decide." I lied.

"You want me to choose having a heart or being made of ice. That's no choice at all."

"It is. I have seen those who don't listen to their hearts and they're able to live just fine."

"What kind of person do you think I am?"

"Can you ever truly know a person?"

Meera could loathe me all of her life as long as Bran was saved. The way she looked at me seemed to hint at her understanding my actions. She loved Bran and would **** herself to save him. She shivered and I didn't think it was due to the cold. It was because my cruelty wasn't alien to her.

"I'm free to leave?" Meera asked.

"If that is truly what you want." I answered.

"And what will happen to Bran?"

"No matter how much he has changed, he's still my brother. He will be treated as a Stark."

She nodded and I waited for her answer. I wanted to demand she decide to stay now. But if I rushed her decision it was very likely she'd leave. It hurt to wait but wait I did.

"I need some time to think, Sansa." Meera said. "This isn't an easy decision for me."

"I understand." I answered. "Even if you choose to go, you have done a great thing bringing Bran back to me."

Meera nodded and walked away. Her eyes pointed to the ground and I felt confident that she would stay. I just needed to give her time to come to the right decision. If not I would accept her choice. I would not become such a monster to torment people who disagreed with me.

After all she had her duties and I had mine. If she left then I would have to accept the fact that Bran hardly appeared human anymore. I had seen the worst of humanity and I would not become that.

I started heading back to my room where I could escape the world. Where nothing but the most urgent of messages would interrupt me. Talking to Meera had taken more out of me than I would admit. There was the anticipation and worry that my ploy could cost me her allegiance. But even if it had, Jon could earn that allegiance back. Right?

"You think that Meera can save Bran?" Littlefinger asked as he walked up to me.

I held back a sigh and composed myself. He would not keep away from me and there was nothing I could do about that at the moment. He had brought the Knights of the Vale to win the Battle of the Bastards. To deny him without reason would lessen my political standing in Westeros. If I lost my supporters then I would have no power to combat Littlefinger.

"She's the best chance I have." I replied. "Do you have any opinions on Bran?"

"That's not what I sought you out." Littlefinger said. "I want to discuss Jon Snow's decision about marrying Daenerys Targaryen."

"My opinions on that haven't changed."

"Maybe they should. Your brother gave up the North to an outsider."

"You are also an outsider."

I didn't mention the part about his plan to gain power for himself. If it was up to him, he would rule all of Westeros. Or maybe he would just plant people in powerful positions instead. Assassins and others would be more likely to avoid killing him as he wouldn't be wearing a crown. With Littlefinger it was more than difficult to tell his overall goal.

"Your brother fought and died for Northern Independence." Littlefinger said as he continued to walk with me. "Yet Jon has gone and thrown that sacrifice away. And for what?"

"For the North to become more powerful." I said.

"So you admit she is barren?"

"I admit nothing."

"I taught you better than that."

He had taught me better. It was no use denying what he had already guessed. While I was now clever enough to play the game of thrones, he would always be the master. He would always understand more than I could ever guess.

"And you should know better. I won't turn on Jon." I retorted. "I won't choose you over my own blood."

"I understand." Littlefinger replied politely.

Yet under his polite reply was a threat. The little grin I caught from the corner of my eye made me even more afraid. When he decided to sow his chaos, even kings weren't safe. Kingdoms could crumble and fall if he felt like it.