This chapter has been edited due to content. I did edit two sex scenes to only plot relevant dialogue. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
DAENERYS TARGARYEN
Viserion was dead and I might have to kill him. I might have to kill my own son because he wouldn't be my son anymore. He would wear my son's body but his mind would be that of the Night King. The thought made me sick and I had to get away from everyone. Currently I was walking around Dragonstone lost in my mind. I couldn't turn to Jorah for help as what I wanted was to get lost in him.
But that wouldn't be good for the plan.
My feet lead me to where my dragons were. I remembered Jorah and I finally consummating our love here. It was a good memory to think back to. His body smelling of me and my body smelling of him. I had asked him to pick a dragon and he offhandedly replied with Viserion. The dragon that had died. Had he known or had it only been a coincidence? Had a small part of him known what had awaited my now dead child?
Drogon and Rhaegal were lying out in the sun. They hadn't flown much since we had gotten back. I could understand why as we were all suffering the same pain and the same loss. Right now both had their eyes open but they didn't seem to be looking at anything at all. Drogon turned his head to look at me and a pained sound came out of his mouth.
"I'm so sorry." I said softly. "I can't bring him back. I can't turn back time and save his life."
I wish I could, though. I wish I could make Viserion alive once again. I wish I could make it so he was here celebrating a victory. If only I had planned for one of them to die then maybe my child would be here now. Maybe if I took others seriously when they said that one of my children could die then my child would be flying with his siblings.
Or maybe it was all Jon's fault that Viserion was gone. Maybe it was his fault for not running to Drogon when he had the chance to do so. But the Night King...he could've aimed for Drogon and yet he had aimed for Viserion. Did that monster see something that I did not?
"I will make sure you don't die." I told Rhaegal as he let out a loud cry. "Nor will I let Drogon die. That mistake won't happen again."
I wondered if they were aware that they would have to kill their sibling. That they would have to dig into the flesh of a body that was once their kin. Maybe that was why they were in such a state of mourning. It could be that they were looking into the future to see perils that they couldn't avoid. If they didn't know I would remain silent on that matter. Better for me not to guess wrong so that they could remain sane until all this was over.
I stayed with my children late into the night. I did not feel hungry and I could do my business a short distance away. No one tended to come here as they saw my children as nothing but senseless beasts. I thought about leaving half-way through the night and then I fell asleep.
I had dreams of Drogo and Jorah. I had dreams about ******* both of them as Viserys died in the background. I had dreams of Viserion surviving and him being with me at Dragonstone. I had dreams of being on the Iron Throne with Jorah as my king.
When my eyes opened again it was morning. The wind had a slight chill to it as winter had come and was slowly spreading across the land I wished to rule. The land that I would rule with Jorah's help and Jon as king. I rolled over and saw that Drogon had used one of his wings for my benefit. He had opened it so that I was kept warm for the night and none of the elements touched me.
Quietly I got up and walked out from under Drogon's wing. I saw him pull it back towards his body subconsciously as he didn't wake at all. Before I started to walk away from them I looked. They were my children and I would do anything to protect them. Anything to make sure that they didn't die as I would have no other children than them.
"Your Grace," Missandei said once I approached the castle. "We were worried about you. Jon came looking for you and couldn't find you. Jorah reassured him that you were most likely by your dragons."
She looked as if she had been doing her own thinking last night. Jorah had told me, briefly when we finally had the chance to talk, that she had approached him. He was unsure of what kind of relationship she wanted and I had given him my blessing. I trusted him to do the right thing much more than I trusted myself.
"Jorah was right." I replied. "I didn't realize how long I spent with them. Before I knew it I was asleep."
"I was surprised you didn't spend the night with Jon." Missandei said.
"Viserion died...I had to be by myself. I remember when he was born and how he grew. I remember having to lock him and Rhaegal up after Drogon killed that boy. I can't stand the memory of his death. I needed some time to just grasp what had happened."
"Jon will understand. He's a good and noble man."
I still had to **** Jon. I still had to follow the plan. The thought of ******* him only pleased me because I'd finally be able to find some release. I needed to **** and badly right now. As Missandei and I walked we saw Jorah. His face was that of a fine sculpture. It was as if the artist had put hard work into showing the realism of a man. The worn out look as if the sculpture had been through the afterlife and back.
I wanted to run into his arms. But I couldn't do that or else risk everything. I think it bothered him at times how he had to hide his love for me. I think it hurt him and dug into his very sense of being. He was willing to make sacrifices and so was I. In a moment we passed for each other's sight.
"I can't wait to be alone with him." I lied with a grin on my face. "I hope he doesn't stay good and noble while in bed."
"No man can." Missandei replied. "I've seen my share of men who profess to be true and noble. Men who are gentler than most and promise to treat me kindly. Even they lose control at one point or another."
Jorah was a good and noble man. He was the rare man who was gentler than most. But when he ****** me he was not so noble. He was still kind and caring for me, but it was as if a veil were lifted. It was as if he were fire given form. He was a wild animal when he made love to me. I hoped Jon would be the same as I had my needs. I needed my release.
"What will you be doing as I have my own enjoyment?" I asked my friend. "I think Grey Worm is still set to meet up with us. He won't be with us again for some time."
Missandei was quiet for a few moments. I knew she would try to get into Jorah's bed and yet couldn't say the words. If I did she would either think I was spying on her or that Jorah told me. Jorah and I were only supposed to talk when need be. I wasn't supposed to normally talk to him about such personal things. So I had to be silent until Missandei decided to talk.
"It hurts when he's away." Missandei finally said. "I don't know if he'll be alive or dead when I see him next. I also want to give him a gift."
"Do you have an idea for the gift?" I asked her.
"I do and yet...I don't. I know what I want and I've discussed it with him, but I don't think he understands it."
"If he loves you he'll adore whatever you get him. Is there any way I can help?"
"I think I should get him the gift myself."
Missandei seemed nervous and I could understand why. Her relationship with Grey Worm had changed and now she had to deal with going forward. I wondered if the gift involved Jorah in some manner. Maybe she would get pregnant or maybe want to add him into her relationship too. All three of them...no, I didn't need to think of that. Especially as my ideas for what made up Grey Worm's nether region was very disturbing.
* * *
In a short amount of time I found myself walking to the Room of the Painted Table. We were finally going to discuss what would happen next. I found it rather obvious that we needed to go to Winterfell. This would allow us to better fight the Night King as well as allies that knew the area. When I entered the room everyone stood up until I took my seat. Jorah was in a seat close by to me. Far enough to show others I didn't love him and yet close enough to show his ranking in my rule.
"Now that we have Cersei Lannister's support, I suggest we focus all attention on winning against the Night King." Tyrion started. "I agree with Jon that unless the dead are defeated, who sits on the Iron Throne doesn't matter. You can't rule, Daenerys, if you are dead."
The dead who had killed Viserion. The dead who had killed my child. I didn't need to survive to rule the Iron Throne. The reason I needed to survive now was to make sure Viserion's murderer was killed. If I was dead I would be unable to make sure that that happened. I was the only one to ride a dragon which meant I'd be the only one to take on the Night King. But would I be strong enough to kill one of my children? Would Drogon be strong enough to kill one of his siblings?
"I suggest going to Winterfell, Tyrion." I replied. "It's in the North which is closer to our main goal of stopping the dead. If they move too far south then it'll most likely be too late to make a victory. The more they kill, the stronger their army will be."
I glanced briefly to Jorah and saw an approving smile on his lips. With him by my side I would become a conqueror once again. He would be my strength just as I would be my people's strength. Tyrion was a good advisor, but I could tell more to Jorah without risk of embarrassment. There were walls that existed between everyone but Jorah and myself.
"I agree," Jon said. "Winterfell is the best choice right now. We won't be able to fight a war against the dead while on Dragonstone. We're wasting time here. We need to focus on the real enemy."
I could tell that the bastard hadn't said that for my benefit. He had said so because he missed his family and the North. He needed to go back to retain any of his sanity. We were on the same side for two very different reasons. Maybe we could work together if given time.
JORAH MORMONT
Winterfell. I would be going to the home of the person who would've murdered me so long ago. Eddard had a justification for killing me, but it felt no less awkward going there. However, there was nothing I would do to change that fact and would instead focus on what to do next.
"I would suggest going on Drogon, you'll be safer that way." I suggested. "The King's Road is dangerous and a random arrow may kill you."
I had said that partially because I believed it but also to spur on Jon. I knew he would see such a suggestion as me trying to take Daenerys away from him. He was very protective of her which would be good as long as he allowed reason to guide his actions. When I had cared for Daenerys in the early years I had made a few mistakes. If not for her convincing me otherwise, she wouldn't have raised her dragons.
"I suggest riding to Winterfell together." Jon suggested. "It will show the people of the North that they should trust you. That we will do well as allies. It will show them unity."
Jon's suggestion was born out of lust and to counter my move. It was risky taking the King's Road and yet it should be safe enough for Khaleesi. It was safe enough to lure Jon into another trap. It was a move that had to be risked. I looked at my queen and saw she was uncertain about continuing to play with the bastard's heart. The look in her eyes was sorrowful and full of mourning. If people knew what emotions to look for, I doubted they could miss it.
With my own glance towards her I tried to convey that I didn't like this but it was necessary. That his reply, added with how he had acted in the Dragonpit, showed that he was fully under Daenerys' spell. Whatever had stopped him before was gone and so the plan needed to continue. Khaleesi gave me one final look before making her decision. One final look of regret.
"I agree with Jon Snow." Daenerys decided and I could feel the lust radiating off of Jon. "We need to show unity at this time."
* * *
"So this should be a lovely experience for the great Ser Jorah." Tyrion teased as we boarded the ship. "Generations from now it will be talked of how you made the smart decision to ride in this ship. There are places where you won't hear them, you know. I've made sure you have a cabin far away from that commotion."
"I think I might be more worried about the sounds that come out of your mouth." I replied dryly.
I knew Daenerys loved me and so Tyrion's taunts didn't make me upset on that account. The problem was that he would not shut up. He constantly made jabs about me choosing to ride in the same ship that my love was. I think it was his way of warning me but it came off as annoying. He had a good heart but he didn't always have a decent way of showing it.
"You should listen to the sounds that come out of my mouth, you'd be able to avoid a lot of problems then." Tyrion retorted.
The Imp had warned me before I boarded the ship. He had tried to warn me that I shouldn't torture myself by being close to where Daenerys would be making love to another man. What he didn't know was that it had been planned out. I could remain comfortable on the ship no matter what I heard. I would also be close by in case Khaleesi ran into trouble. I could be right by her side to protect her in an instant.
"Or are you coming on this ship because Missandei is on it?" Tyrion asked as we made our way to my cabin. "I don't think I should have to warn you about possibly angering an Unsullied."
"I do not plan to anger Grey Worm." I replied curtly. "You might not think much of my intelligence, but I am not a foolish man."
"Then what kind of man goes through Valyria?"
I looked at him and my glare didn't phase him. Instead it seemed to give him power. He was, unfortunately, right. I hadn't been wise when I had decided to go through the Doom of Valyria. A place that would only bring me pain. In my hubris I thought I could make it out unscathed. Going there had nearly cost me serving Daenerys. It had nearly cost me helping her to greatness. I had been a foolish man then.
"I believe we both know the answer." I retorted.
He was thankfully silent as people passed us by. Most of the people on this ship were Northerners, though there were a few Dothraki. The air in this place seemed to spell the end. It seemed to say that whatever happened now, it would spell the end of my story. I might be living my last few moments or it might be the end of Daenerys' life. Maybe someone would manage to kill my love.
"Are you sure about this?" Tyrion asked. "There is still time for us to get another cabin for you on another ship."
I shook my head.
* * *
We had been sailing for a few hours now and I hadn't left my cabin. My cabin was far away from where Daenerys' was and so I couldn't tell if she had begun to fuck Jon yet. I hoped Jon would treat her well in bed. That his lust would transform itself into something worthy of my queen. She deserved to be driven over the brink of pleasure to something more than pleasure. She deserved to be treated as a queen even in bed.
The water was surprisingly calm or maybe I wasn't a good sailor. Any Greyjoy would be able to tell me if there was something strange about these waters. As I started to think about the waters there was a knock at my cabin door.
"Come in." I said and Missandei walked in. "What is it?"
She walked over slowly and stood by my bed. Her eyes observing it which meant this was not a visit where we would talk. At least we wouldn't just talk. I was sure that in a few minutes I would find myself on her. Or maybe, I was very wrong on what she wanted.
"Grey Worm." Missandei and paused briefly. "I'm afraid for him and I'm glad we'll be reunited soon."
I stood up from my bed and took her hands in mine. She had always seemed a lovely woman but I had not been attracted to her. Now, though, I pulled up any feelings of desire I held for her. She was desirable with her curves and her willingness to fuck me.
"He will be safe." I told her.
"I'm sorry to do this to you." She told me. "I want to have a child with Grey Worm but he has no ****. So I sought out another man. A man who was pleasing to my loins. Daenerys is going to **** Jon if she hasn't already. I know what that idea can do to a man."
"Don't be sorry."
With my hands on her waist I kissed her deeply. I did so for the plan, her, and myself. I would find my own release while Daenerys found hers. It had been too long since I had been with Daenerys that while I could push my desire to the back of my mind with some self-pleasure late at night, I still had needs that had to be met.
After I had helped Missandei find her release, I stood up and removed my clothing slowly. I allowed her to stare at each piece of skin she was able to see.
"Your greyscale..." Missandei whispered in pity.
"It is gone now." I reassured her and put her palm onto my chest. "I have been cured and given a chance to serve Khaleesi yet again."
"She doesn't deserve you, Jorah, with the way she has tossed you to the side."
"That's not the point and never has been for me."
I was telling part of the truth. Her love had never been the point, serving her had. I needed to end this conversation or the vast amount of longing I had built up would go away. So I hushed the former slave with a kiss and picked her up.
Over the course of the next few minutes Missandei helped me find my own release.
I breathed hard as I caught my breath. Sweat was dripping down my body as it was Missandei's. In this moment she looked truly divine. She was without worry or fears. She was more than hopeful that our coupling tonight would mean a child for her in the future. I decided to lay by her side.
"You don't need to do that, Ser Jorah." Missandei said shyly.
"No, I don't." I agreed. "But I want to make sure you feel loved."
Soon enough she was situated in my arms with her head on my stomach. Her hand kept straying to my **** and I knew if she touched it I would **** her again. She was a good **** and I wanted to help her. I didn't know which of the two was true or if both of them were. What I did know was I hoped that she got pregnant from this one coupling.
"Daenerys doesn't know what she has lost." Missandei said and kissed my chest. "I knew you looked attractive but I didn't expect you to make love like a younger man."
Her hand finally brushed my ****. She looked at me and we smiled. I would allow her to take me as she would. I would let her make the decisions this time. At least most of them.
"You are not an old man." Missandei said. "Not if you can become hard after what we just did."
Within a few short minutes she helped me find my release yet again. Afterwards she got off me and lay beside me.
"Have I slain the bear, Ser Jorah?" Missandei teased.
"I think you have." I replied with a light chuckle.
"So you do have other emotions than just a scowl."
"My dear Missandei, I would think after our lovemaking that you would know I don't just scowl."
We looked at each other. If Daenerys had never given me any of her love, Missandei might have been a decent lover. Though I think my judgment was very clouded by her skill in the bed. The way her body was able to move. Lovemaking was only a minor part of a relationship. It was not the full extent of what a loving relationship should be. I had made the mistake of thinking beauty was enough to marry by and that had cost me everything. Even after all I had done for Daenerys, that still didn't make up for the sins I had committed.
"I will keep this quiet." Missandei said. "I don't think people would understand. They would think I actually loved you."
"Tyrion suspects something was going on between us and he might have been those footsteps from earlier." I pointed out. "I hope it was him because at least he won't go telling everyone."
He was annoying but he was also extremely smart and intelligent. He would know that right now was no time to spread rumors about me. The North wouldn't be pleased about Jon bending the knee nor would they like a disgraced knight being at Khaleesi's side. Northerners, like myself, were hardy people and we didn't trust Targaryens. Negotiations with them would have to be done carefully. With them there was no room for mistakes.
"Are you scared about going to Winterfell?" Missandei asked.
"Yes," I replied. "Lord Eddard Stark was from there. He was sent to kill me because of what I had done."
"I can see why anyone would want to kill you after that."
"You had the perfect chance to end my life. Why did you spare me?"
"Whatever man you were, you aren't now. Daenerys must have changed you."
Missandei ran her fingers up and down my chest. She smiled at me and I smiled back. I had changed much since I had been exiled. If Daenerys was able to convince my fellow Northerners, they too would admit that I was not the same man that I had been.
JON SNOW
"She would understand if I don't visit her now." I told Ghost. "Daenerys would understand why I decided to stay. No, she wouldn't."
Ghost looked at me and then returned to his former position of pretending he was asleep. He was not much help and so it was up to my own thoughts to calm me down. Ygritte was gone and while I would return to her someday, she shouldn't hinder me bedding Daenerys. I would never forget her no matter what happened, but that didn't mean I should never move on. I should erase the heartache some way.
"Ghost, why don't you like her?" I asked him and he looked at me. "I know you're trying to tell me something. Are you worried about her? I know she seems cruel and manipulative, but she's a good person. She freed slaves in Essos and ruled Meereen. She isn't perfect but what could she have done that makes you so angry?"
Ghost got up and walked to the door. He was telling me to go. He was telling me that nothing he told me would make me change my mind. It felt wrong to contradict him so I went out of the room and shut the door. It felt scary exploring the ship without Ghost beside me. I knew the men in this ship and yet...yet the knowledge that tonight was the night scared me.
I saw Tyrion who looked disgusted at something as he walked by. He talked so softly and angrily that I couldn't make out what he said. As my footsteps took me closer to Daenerys I stopped. I realized all I had thought about was ******* her and none of the foreplay. I hadn't thought of any phrases to use on her. She was a queen and deserved royal treatment in her bed.
"Nervous?" Davos asked with a smile.
His eyes were heavy and I didn't bother wondering why he was out. He was most likely guarding the ship even though it wasn't likely we were going to be attacked now. And if we were it wouldn't be by Euron Greyjoy. I trusted my advisor to easily drive away any enemies.
"A little." I admitted. "Ever since Ygritte other women..."
"She's dead, Jon." Davos replied.
"And I came to terms with that. I'm going to move on but it's hard."
"Your body will know what to do. Just go to Daenerys and you'll quickly get any fears out of your mind."
I nodded and I went past him. Now my footsteps were more sure of themselves as I went to Daenerys' cabin. I thought of finally being able to **** her and how much I'd enjoy it. Ygritte was in the past and there she would stay. Once I found her after I died I would explain to her. For now, though I would enjoy in the flesh of my queen.
Upon approaching the Daenerys' door I took a deep breath. There would be no turning back once I knocked on her door. No way to turn away. I knocked once and waited. There was not long to wait as she quickly opened the door. Her eyes were full of lust and I stepped into her cabin. I prepared myself to give a speech about how much I loved her but she didn't let me.
Instead she took my face in her hands and kissed me. She pressed her body against mine as her fingers went through my hair. I felt my pulse racing and this time there was no fear. This time I was able to enjoy the moment. I was able to enjoy her.
After an intense coupling I lay on my back. What that experience had been was something I would always remember. I looked over at Daenerys who was still beautiful despite her hair being out of place and the sweat dripping down her body. She put a hand on my chest and I looked at her. She ran a finger down the scar where I had been stabbed through the heart.
"What happened?" Daenerys asked.
"I was stabbed through the heart." I replied. "A Red Priestess brought me back to life."
"A Red Priestess came shortly before you did."
Had it been the same woman? Had Melisandre been trying to help me even though I had banished her? If she had made sure I met with Daenerys, was that a good or bad sign for this union?
Even though she had brought me back from the dead, she had killed Shireen Baratheon. She had murdered an innocent girl just so Stannis Baratheon could lose a battle. If the death of the young girl hadn't sickened me so, I would mourn the man for risking everything to do what he thought was right. But Davos' face at the revelation and the images of what her death must have looked like didn't allow me to pity Stannis at all.
"We've never talked have we?" Daenerys said. "We've talked but I...you deserve to know me if you're going to love me."
"Then talk to me." I told her and kissed her forehead. "There is nothing you will say or do that will stop me from loving you."
"Before I had any power I was abused by my older brother Viserys Targaryen. He called me Dany and that name will always make me think of him. It will always make me think of the time I spent with him. He was the one to sell me to Drogo as payment for his army. He thought of me as less than human. Like I was cattle. I allowed my husband, Khal Drogo, to kill him. I didn't even look away."
I resisted shivering at the thought. Even though Catelyn hadn't treated me like a real part of the family, she was never abusive. I was a bastard and it was normal for her to not like me. I was the representation that Ned had broken his honor. That he had decided to take me home and insisting I stay was a major insult to her. So she never went farther than what honor would have her do.
Daenerys had a different family than I had. She had one that abused her. I couldn't grasp how badly she must have been tormented for her to allow her own brother to die. To allow her only family member to breathe his last breath and not look away. Viserys must have truly been a monster.
"Did you love Drogo?" I asked.
"At first I didn't." Daenerys admitted. "At first he was just a brute that I was forced to sleep with. Drogo didn't care in the beginning if I wanted sex with him or not. He raped me. But then...there was a change in him. I changed him into a better man and he changed me into a stronger woman. If not for him I wouldn't have the strength to lead and would just be another woman to be used. If not for him I would be stuck living with Viserys. Did I love Drogo? Yes and I still do. I will never stop loving him as he'll always be with me. But he's dead now and I won't let myself be stuck in the past. The past will no longer hold me as a hostage."
She was still able to love Drogo. She was still able to love him and not feel guilty about being with another man. I wished she could teach me how she did that. Even though I had move on...I still thought of Ygritte. Her face was still with me. A constant memory scarring me. But if my love could be strong, so could I.
"Did you ever have anyone else?" Daenerys asked.
"Once." I replied and thought how to describe Ygritte.
It was hard describing to anyone why I loved her. How I could develop feelings for her in such a short amount of time. How her words were as beautiful to me as her hair. How she had made me open up so much that I had ****** her. That cave...we should have stayed in it. We should have stayed in a world where we would be together. Where duty and honor were no conflict to us. But we had left that cave and she had died in my arms as a battle waged around us.
"Her name was Ygritte." I began. "She was a Wildling. I had been taught to hate Wildlings all my life. And yet she was different. From the moment I saw her I loved her. I wanted to be with her and maybe even marry her."
"Why didn't you?" Daenerys asked. "Even with people being against Wildlings, you could have convinced people to accept her as your wife. You made the Wildings and people of Westeros come together."
"That took a long time. It didn't just happen and it wasn't without a cost. I died before people fully accepted the Wildlings. As for getting married, that wouldn't have happened while I was in the Night's Watch. Getting married then would go against our vows."
"Wouldn't ******* Ygritte be breaking one of your vows?"
I smiled at that and kissed her neck and then...then I saw Ygritte below me. I saw Ygritte as she had been the night of her death. Suddenly I was holding her corpse as a battle raged around us. I knew what happened after death and that she was in a place of peace. Of so much everything that it was nothing. Yet I felt her presence still.
I got dressed quickly. The image of my first love would always haunt me. My new love was stronger than I or just had had more time to think things over. Right now I wasn't strong and needed time to be weak.
"Jon?" Daenerys asked. "Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry. Jon!"
She was in pain and yet I couldn't stay with her. I needed to be alone for now. I raced out of her cabin and swore I heard someone. No, that was just my imagination. It was just me being so frightened of the past that it was haunting my present.
The first moment I could, I lay on my bed. There would be time to explain to Daenerys about why I had run. But, for now, I had to find peace. Ghost jumped into my bed and fell asleep at my side. He was the only thing that could grant me peace right now.
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