Inbetween: The Darkening 11

Dedicated to revrezner, Crysy, Pancake, and Grayce for being there when I felt worthless and I thank for helping me be alive today
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Hannibal Lecter. He had been my doctor and lover. Now things were different. My eyes had been opened by him and then to him. I didn't know what to think, but that was okay. I only had to act and then there would be peace.

The chair I had sat in during my appointments with Hannibal felt different today. I tried to ease my discomfort by looking around at the familiar room. He would be here soon and then the day's events could begin.

I let the rage course through every part of my body to prepare me for what had to be done. I couldn't have gotten into this mindset before Hannibal and that hurt the most. I had learned so much from the doctor, but it had all been dark and twisted. He had helped me, but it had all been a lie.

I heard the familiar footsteps coming nearer and tried to relax before he entered the room. Getting too nervous would mean this plan would fail. I had to think clearly while letting my rage out. When Hannibal opened the door and entered the room I knew there was no turning back.

"Will, you know you don't have to come to our sessions anymore." Hannibal said calmly as if nothing was wrong. But I knew he noticed something was off and he might've even known last night while we tossed and turned in his bed. He knew me and he was observant to those he didn't know.

"You know that's not what I'm here about." I replied and tried not to let my anger come out. I didn't want to let him know how much he had hurt me.

"I know that right now you're angry at me for some perceived wrong."

"Some perceived wrong?" I said and laughed. "You lying to me about Alana Bloom is just a perceived wrong? You making me think Beverly Katz was an enemy is just a perceived wrong? You taking away two women that could've helped me is a perceived wrong?"

"Will, I don-" Hannibal began.

"You're smart, Hannibal Lecter, that's what makes you so good at your job." I replied. "You're good at 'helping' people and then killing others. You know I figured it out. You know I figured it all out."

"Then you know what I did was to help you." He replied and, were I naive, I'd have thought he'd sounded worried and hurt. But those must be more lies. This monster that wore human form could not have any feelings.

"You made me think I had nothing to do with killing Alana. You made me think killing was a way to honor her." I said as my voice started to rise. "When evidence came in you told me, and the FBI, that I had killed Gideon with his own gun. You didn't tell me that I had been to your house earlier."

"Wi-"

"You had me kill and eat Beverly. You needed to make sure I could be your little plaything and remove the last person that could keep me sane."

"But you are sane now."

"I am not sane. I'm worse than I ever was and you're too blind to see that." I shouted and stood up. I walked to Hannibal and stood right in front of him. "You can't make a friend from manipulation and lies, Hannibal. All you created is a monster like yourself."

The seconds that went by passed quickly but I felt the importance of each one. I was a monster that had become bloodied and worn. That now couldn't recognize himself in the mirror. And now this monster would do what it must so the world wouldn't end up in flames.

The predictable happened and Hannibal made the first move. I dodged his punch and blocked his knife with my own. I watched as he pulled away his arm and was surprised when he kicked my legs so that I fell down.

I rolled over and quickly got up before he could kick me in the chest. A few seconds went by as we countered each other's moves. Moves that we had memorized and would never forget. But either of us could mess up and give the other a chance to win.

I slipped up and I yelled as Hannibal's knife went into my shoulder. The look he gave me was not his usual lack of expression, but a look of sorrow. He was sorry that his pet wasn't following orders and not because he had done the unthinkable.

I waited as the knife went deeper and then punched Hannibal in the face. The shock would be momentary and so I had to act quickly. I pushed him away from me but left the knife in my shoulder.

More moves were made and the atmosphere in the room took on an even darker tone. I was a monster but I liked being a monster. I liked killing and that wouldn't change. If Hannibal died, the thirst for blood would  not go away. It couldn't go away since the addiction had been given to me. Since I had allowed my mind to function in ways that it shouldn't in any situation.

I took a blow to my face and Hannibal fell down from a kick of mine. We were both getting worn out and the knife in my shoulder was causing me more pain than I had imagined. All I wanted to do now was say sorry to Hannibal and have him embrace me and tell me he forgave me. I would live a lie, but it was better than the confusion I was now facing.

Should I give up the thrill of the kill or join Hannibal?

I stabbed Hannibal in the shoulder and he didn't cry out. That didn't surprise me as he was too strong and proud. His student could hurt him but never see him in pain. I looked at him and knew what I was about to do was unforgivable, but it had to be done.

I pulled the knife out of my shoulder and felt each second of the motion. It was painful but I had to do it. Looking in Hannibal's eyes I stabbed him in the heart. For a few seconds I thought he wasn't going to die, he was a monster after all, but his eyes became vacant. I had done it. I had killed the great Hannibal Lecter.

"I love you." I said solemnly and immediately regretted saying those words.

I then quickly got a tape recorder Hannibal had in his desk. I took all the time I needed to explain the mess I had found myself in. How the doctor had fooled me and turned me into a creature of Hell.

The emotions I had shut myself off from came pouring into me. I felt the pain of knowing I had killed Alana and was fooled into using her death as the basis of my killings. I felt tears come down my cheeks as I realized Beverly was the last friend I had and I...and I had killed her for it.

I had no one. I, Will Graham, was friendless. There was no hope to turn me back into the man I once was. The man who knew killing was wrong and felt disgusted at even feeling happy when him killing saved someone's life. Any friend I would have would always be thinking of me as a serial killer. No one could love me like Alana or Beverly. I would just be something to observe.

I looked up and saw Abigail through my tears. She looked at the scene and I realized I still had her. We would help each other recover from the darkness known as Hannibal. After looking horrified at Hannibal's corpse she turned to look at me.

"You killed him!" She shouted with hatred in her voice and I realized she was not a person to turn to. She had admired him and thought of him as her father. Maybe she had even thought of him as a potential lover. She would be an enemy to me for the rest of my days.

The daughter I had wanted wasn't mine anymore because I had killed the one she actually loved.

"I'll kill you!" She screamed and took the knife from Hannibal's heart and ran towards me.

I had only moments to act and only one person left to kill. And I couldn't kill Abigail even though that was the smartest option.

I pulled out my gun, that I hadn't used in a fight that was better done with knives, and pressed it against my head. Only one person left to kill.

"This was his design." I said and smiled.

"No!" Abigail yelled in agony. That was the last word I heard before I pulled the trigger and the world turned dark. I knew it wouldn't be long until I was embraced by the fires of Hell.

-THE END-
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All Chapters of Inbetween: The Darkening

Inbetween: The Darkening 10

Killing, I found, was best done at night. Your victims couldn't see you and people tended not to be as active during the night. It was also best to have your victim not suspect that they were about to die as that caused problems. Minor ones, but any slight changes to the plan would mean that the victim could escape. Not likely for my victims, as Hannibal was usually with me and I had his training to back me up, but I couldn't take any chances.

Hannibal and I had been keeping track of Rick Carver for a week. I decided Carver was suitable to kill as his treatment of his family made it likely that their lives might one day be in danger. There were signs such as his wife flinching at small sounds and his son was distant. Hannibal had agreed to Carver dying as the man had annoyed him in some manner.

At the current moment, Hannibal's car was out of view of the road while we were kept out of sight by some bushes. Because it was winter they were barren, but they still would keep us hidden long enough to surprise Carver. It was cold but the excitement of the hunt kept me warm. Hannibal seemed to have his usual inner warmth working.

Finally headlights could be seen coming towards us. I took out my gun and Hannibal nodded. We had both recognized Carver's car soon after the headlights had come into view. The now usual thrill was coming to me. The thrill that would calm me soon after I killed Carver.

When Carver's car was close enough I shot the front wheel and Carver had to stop due to his car going out of control. Carver got out and started waving at us.

"Hey!" Carver shouted angrily to Hannibal and me. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

 I was first to get to Carver and Hannibal was close behind. Carver was like most of my victims in that he didn't think he was about to be killed. That his death had been decided a few days earlier. He merely thought I was a man playing a prank on him.

When he could see my face he saw a killer. He saw a killer and tried to run away but Hannibal was there to stop him. Carver turned to look back at me and I saw the loss of hope. One of the perks of killing was seeing the evil people of the world lose hope.

I went to slice his throat, my preferred method of killing, when I found myself somewhere and somewhen else.

It was night like it was in my dreams. But I could tell it wasn't a dream as I couldn't choose my actions. I was in a memory. A memory I didn't remember doing. But it was still a memory.

I was driving to Alana to make sure she was okay. To make sure that Gideon didn't get her. I didn't trust those who were there to protect her. I didn't trust anyone with her safety but myself.

No, that wasn't true. That was what I wished I had been thinking.

I was going to kill Alana Bloom. I had just been to Hannibal's house and he had said to kill Alana. Not in a straightforward manner, but I was sure that's what he meant. Gideon had been in the room and so I had to move quickly. Gideon was also going to kill Alana and her life was mine to do with as I pleased. And right now I wanted to make Hannibal proud.

The scene changed and I was entering Alana's house. She looked at me with such trust and I felt nothing. I only was concerned with when I could kill her. Alana talked to me but I wasn't listening. I guess my face made the right expressions, but I felt none of them.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. Gideon broke through the window and we looked at each other. I turned to look at Alana and knew I had to act now. I shot her in the head. Alana had had enough time to have a look of betrayal on her face be her final expression. Gideon looked at me and went back out the window as those protecting Alana rushed in.

I chased after him.

I ran after him for many minutes but he finally gave up. Gideon stopped and looked at me.

"You did it." Gideon said right before I shot him in the head.

Carver's blood sprayed on my face and my usual happiness wasn't there. It was me who had killed Alana Bloom. I had killed the woman I loved and had felt nothing while doing so. I just wanted to please Hannibal and nothing else had mattered.

"Something wrong, Will?" Hannibal asked and I shook my head.

"Blood doesn't taste good." I replied and spit some of Carver's blood out of my mouth. I smiled and Hannibal focused on how to clean up the scene.

As he did his work I thought about the memory that had just come to me. I had killed Alana and Hannibal had known. He had made me kill her and afterwards he hadn't told me the truth. He was truly a monster to lie to me and then make me into his protege.

But I liked killing and it was a drug to me now. It had become more than just a way to honor Alana.

So did I really want to admit Hannibal had abused me or lie to myself so I could keep on killing and be with the man I loved?
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Animorphs Re-Read: The Andalite Chronicles (Chapters 20-27)

Chapter 20

Elfangor stops like I used to stop at stop lights (only reason I don't now is because I'm not supposed to drive) and is thrown across the deck. But Arbron doesn't waver as his many Taxxon legs keep him stable.

Arbron manages to shoot all three Bug Fighters down like more experienced Andalites would have trouble doing! Arbron says it's because that's what Taxxons are good at. Only problem I have with this is it seems the number of Bug Fighters chasing them has changed.

Elfangor and Arbron are both able to now really think about what it means that Arbron is a nothlit. When Elfangor turns the ship around and talks about getting Alloran, Loren, and Chapman back, Arbron panics. He brings up the Time Matrix but Elfangor tells him about the heat signature. Arbron doesn't care and attacks Elfangor. Arbron seems to do this in the hope that Elfangor will kill him and end his pain. Elfangor disarms him (literally) instead. I really want to talk about this scene more in depth, but there's no time for that now.

Arbron reveals both he and Alloran had eaten the Taxxon that had fallen. Poor Arborn, he has to be stuck with that hunger forever now.

Elfangor threatens to stun him and Arbron fools the aristh into putting the Dracon beam on full power. Luckily Elfangor doesn't hit Arbron, but ends up sending the ship crashing down. I'm just stuck wondering why Elfangor trusted Arbron. The trick shouldn't have worked because Elfangor knew Arbron wanted death and so whatever Arbron said about the Dracon beam shouldn't have been trusted. Knowing the trick had zero to do with knowing about the technology at hand.

Chapter 21

Elfangor wakes up from the crash and doesn't remember where he is. He remembers events but the thing he remembers best is Arbron tricking Elfangor into killing him.

Elfangor looks for Arbron and explores the wreckage. Some things seem to be off.

Elfangor finds the Time Matrix and is in awe at the sight of it. He remarks that it looks so unremarkable and you couldn't tell how powerful it was by merely looking at it.

Elfangor is still worried about Arbron but looks around the ship some more. He finds a photo album from Earth. He delights in the pictures. He thinks of being on Earth with Loren because his current situation is so horrible. He falls asleep looking a photographs and wakes up when there is daylight.

Elfangor realizes that Taxxons have taken Arbron and thinks it's more likely the Mountain Taxxons (aka the rebel Taxxons) took the nothlit.

Elfangor decides not to go after Arbron because he's probably dead anyways. He decides to go find Alloran. I really am pained now as Elfangor is in so much pain and now he has to go after the one who hates him instead of the one who he feels friendship for.

My fiance, revrezner, really likes Mustangs and now there is one in this book. Was this series predicting not just my fandom life but my real life to? Or is it just a weird coincidence?

Elfangor learning how to drive is amusing. Makes me feel better about my driving abilities and shows that Andalites aren't confused about primitive technology. I remember from the Animorphs tv show, the few episodes that I did watch, an episode where Ax doesn't realize how doors on cars worked. Either Elfangor is smarter than his brother, or the tv show was being disrespectful to the books.


Chapter 22

Elfangor is just reveling in the feeling of driving a convertible (I'm assuming that as Elfangor doesn't know that much about human technology at this point and so can't tell the reader) across the Taxxon home world. He does remark that all isn't right but he's still enjoying. This little bit of happiness pleases me so much.

Elfangor had collected some of the human objects from the Skrit Na ship. He's drinking Dr Pepper and I so wish he was drinking beer. Both are brown liquids. But, then again, this is a kids book.

Elfangor remarks that he is never going to morph into a Taxxon again even if it's a smart option. And who can blame him? He had horrible experiences in the morph and his friend is now a nothlit in that morph.

A hole opens in the ground and Elfangor and the Mustang go down it. Applegate chose to say "slid and rattled and rolled" when she could've used "shook and rattled and rolled".

Turns out Elfangor has fallen into a Taxxon cavern system thing. The mountain is alive and talks through thought-speak. Elfangor remarks that it sounds like a planet talking which makes me wonder how really awesome the Animorphs universe is if planets can speak.

Arbron turns out to be alive!

Arbron also turns out to be serving the Living Hive (aka the mountain creature). He says it's the mother and father of the Taxxons. Elfangor, understandably, thinks Arbron has gone nuts. Arbron replies that the Living Hive saved him and tells Elfangor about the vast tunnel system.

Arbron says that the Living Hive is angry and Elfangor just about shits his britches. Well, that would be true if he wore pants. Arbron reassures him by saying that the Living Hive is angry and mad at the Yeerks and is going to launch an attack. It couldn't do so before now but now it has Arbron. Elfangor asks about that part and Arbron seems sad when he remarks what better option does he have. Arbron has accepted that he is now a Taxxon.

Arbron's reasoning for it makes me want to break down in tears. He remarks that since he didn't successfully die he finds that he is glad for life. He remarks that there is always hope. As someone who thinks, sometimes on a daily basis, about killing herself this hits me so hard. Yes, Arbron is going on a suicide mission, but he isn't without hope now and his reason for going isn't to end his own life. Instead, he's doing it for a greater good.

Elfangor doesn't understand about Arbron accepting life as a Taxxon or thinking that Taxxons are good creatures, but he decides to help because they are opposing the Yeerks.


Chapter 23

Again Elfangor is left with only his thoughts (and this time no Loren). Arbron is busy being a general and he has changed emotionally. I believe it's because of his new found outlook on life and finding a worthy cause to fight for.

Arbron tells Elfangor the plan. He reminds Elfangor that getting the Time Matrix to safety is the most important thing. He says that rescuing the humans and finding Alloran is secondary. Elfangor offers to tell Arbron's parents about his fate. But Arbron insists to lie to his parents and say he died in battle. So I guess that Arbron is fine with his situation but it'd be embarrassing to his parents. Or he doesn't want his parents' pity. Arbron ends their talk by saying that the spaceport will be absolute chaos and Elfangor won't be able to tell which Taxxon is on what side. Arbron, therefore, gives Elfangor the okay to kill whichever Taxxons get in his way.

Elfangor blasting down the tunnels in the Mustang feels very different to him than driving the Mustang previously. Before it was fun and now he's more concerned about not hurting himself.

Elfangor arrives on the scene of the spaceport bloodbath by hitting a Taxxon and having it burst open (yes, blood does get on the Andalite). He remarks that he can hardly think with all Hell unleashed in one spot.

Elfangor spots the humans and Arbron. He asks the nothlit which side is which.

Arbron replies, [There's no difference anymore, Elfangor! Don't you see? Blood has been spilled. The hunger...the hunger! Stop me, Elfangor! Stop me!]

After he gives that heartbreaking bit of dialogue, he can't help himself and goes after the two humans.

Elfangor gives this description of it: And with that, Arbron, aristh of the Dome ship StarSword, lost his last shred of control.

Why the hell am I attracted to such heartbreaking series?


Chapter 24

Elfangor goes into panic/savior mode. Before he thought of the bloodbath, but now he's only concerned about Loren's safety. Elfangor is able to stop Arbron by reminding the nothlit that he's an aristh and has a duty.

Some Hork-Bajir Controllers approach Elfangor and Sub-Visser Seven is among them. The sub-visser remarks that he is glad that Elfangor escaped so he could use the Andalite as a host.

Arbron ends up standing beside Elfangor in this hopeless fight.

Elfangor makes a speech that would normally work in fiction, however it doesn't hear. The classic "In real life it doesn't work that way" line. That kind of line is both funny and problematic. Funny in that there's the whole "oh shit, this isn't going the way I planned" element. But it's also problematic as it's a line in a work of fiction.

Sub-Visser Seven sends his Hork-Bajir Controllers after the arisths and humans. Since only two Hork-Bajir Controllers can attack at a time Elfangor thinks he can deal with the situation. However, the fighting quickly escalates.

Suddenly Alloran appears in Hork-Bajir morph and threatens Sub-Visser Seven. Loren rushes over to check on Elfangor's wounds.

Again Alloran makes mention that he was involved in what happened on the Hork-Bajir home world.

Arbron demands to stay on the Taxxon home world and help with the Taxxon rebellion. This part is so heart breaking as Elfangor basically begs the nothlit to come with him. Elfangor didn't begin liking Arbron, but through all the pain and confusion he formed a friendship with the Andalite. Alloran ends the debate by calling Arbron a Warrior. To get Alloran's admiration and approval seems to be a VERY rare thing.


Chapter 25

The Jahar is able to leave the Taxxon home world without problems. Elfangor is relieved when he sees Alloran demorph. Alloran seems arrogant when he comments on the aristh thinking that he had become a nothlit like Arbron.

Chapman is "unusually quiet" but Elfangor doesn't pay attention to this as he hates Chapman and figures the human is just afraid of what will happen to him.

Alloran starts talking how now Elfangor wants orders when he disobeyed flushing the Yeerks into space. Alloran then talks about doing the job and finishing it this time. Elfangor reminds him that the Time Matrix is their first priority. Alloran replies that he's spent all his time on the Taxxon home world watching the ship that held the Yeerks. Alloran turns to Elfangor and the aristh can see that the war-prince is mad. Alloran says the most important thing in war is to destroy the enemy.

Alloran may have gone mad, but the point of war is to win. However, how far you should go to win is a whole 'nother discussion.

Alloran says to throw the Sub-Visser into space. Elfangor makes mention of how it seems Chapman and the Yeerk seem to talk to each other through glances and signals. He then thinks he must be imagining things. The Hork-Bajir that the sub-visser is in seems to relax. That seems to be a huge warning signal to me. Elfangor obeys Alloran's orders but doesn't look as he does the deed. He isn't relieved when the ordeal is over because he knows that they still have to destroy the Yeerk transport ship.

Alloran is cheerful as he'll finally get to destroy the ship he's watched for the past few days and be able to also get the Time Matrix. Elfangor is too tired to argue after everything that has happened.

Elfangor asks why Chapman agreed to come with them. They get into a short discussion where Chapman tries to defend his actions.

Alloran aims the shredder but orders Elfangor to take the shot as it'll erase the aristh's act of cowardice.


Chapter 26

Elfangor makes his choice and decides not to shoot. Alloran berates the aristh as he believes that war should be won at any costs. And says that Elfangor is one of those people that doesn't mind if immoral things are done in war as long as other people do it. Elfangor brings up the point that the Yeerks are helpless. Alloran counters by saying that the Yeerks are the enemy and that Elfangor is a hypocrite. He goes on to say it was wrong for him to be disgraced and to be sent on missions with arisths.

Alloran continues by saying that it doesn't matter how you kill an enemy and brings up that he had used a quantum virus on the Hork-Bajir home world. A quantum virus is something that breaks down something on a subatomic level and a species affected will be in agony as it slowly dies. This type of virus is highly illegal and the high ups in Andalite hierarchy had denied it. The common Andalite had been told that the Yeerks had lied about the Andalites using a quantum virus. So this is a real big shock to Elfangor to say the least. So we finally find out why Alloran is disgraced!

At this moment Chapman goes to attack Alloran. Now Elfangor can attack Chapman as obviously the human is now controlled by the sub-visser now! But, nope, the aristh knocks the mad war-prince out. Chapman is very happy about this and Elfangor still doesn't get it. What the bloody fuck? Elfangor, honey, I love you but sometimes you are really dense.

Elfangor is shocked about knocking Alloran out and decides to pick up the Time Matrix and then leave the Taxxon home world for good.

Elfangor makes a joke and Loren remarks that's a first for him. He then talks about Arbron. I need to give both of these heroes a hug! Loren asks about him driving a Mustang and Elfangor remarks that it was primitive but fun to drive.

Elfangor goes to get the Time Matrix and while he's getting it he realizes that he's been a dumb ass. He FINALLY realizes how much luck was required for their mission to succeed. And that it was TOO MUCH luck to happen by chance.

Loren had been a controller! I forgot about that particular reveal. Chapman being a controller I had guessed but...maybe I hadn't wanted to imagine her having a Yeerk in her head. But, yeah, she being a controller makes a shit load of sense and it would've been odd if she hadn't been one.

And now Alloran has Sub-Visser Seven controlling him. Shit!


Chapter 27

Was thinking of ending this post on Chapter 26 as I'm staying up later than I should to do this but I just have to read this tonight or I'd die in anticipation...or any period cramps that decide to say hi tonight (and I had some that lasted for five or ten minutes last morning).

Elfangor had to remind himself that Alloran is now really Sub-Visser Seven. The sub-visser reveals that another Yeerk had been in the Hork-Bajir host, he had really been in Chapman all along, and another Yeerk had been in Loren. The sub-visser compliments Elfangor on knocking Alloran out. Elfangor is in utter shock and horror that it was him that allowed the sub-visser to take an Andalite body.

The sub-visser says that it was lucky that the Mountain Taxxons had attacked when they did because the Andalites hadn't been very suspicious. Sub-Visser Seven also remarks that if Elfangor had decided to shoot the transport ship then he and the Yeerk in Loren would have been forced to reveal themselves. The Yeerk remarks that it's one thing to sacrifice one Yeerk life for the mission, but another to risk ten thousand Yeerk lives. So Yeerks do have some form of morality.

Elfangor threatens to kill the sub-visser, but the Yeerk mocks Elfangor's morality. Sub-Visser Seven even brings up the fact that the young Andalite won't kill a helpless foe. Can I just ask why mock this as it's what allowed Sub-Visser Seven's mission to succeed? But, then again, Yeerks hate Andalites beyond reason so that's probably the reason why.

Elfangor doesn't kill the sub-visser but stuns him. He drags Loren's body into the Jahar and reluctantly drags Chapman too. Before he can drag the sub-visser in there are Bug fighters. Elfangor hopes to fool the Yeerks by assuming the fact they can't tell one Andalite from another. He pretends to be Sub-Visser Seven and leaves the sub-visser to die. I am loving seeing Elfangor pretending to be a sub-visser!

While I enjoy this scene I must say that it shows that Elfangor has it in him to be cruel. Maybe not Sub-Visser Seven or Alloran cruel, but cruel nonetheless.

Sub-Visser Seven realizes instantly what Elfangor had done and immediately starts to run away.

Elfangor's bluff lasts long enough for him to escape into Zero-space.
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Animorphs Re-Read Table of Contents

Pretty Little Liars "The Guilty Girl's Handbook" Review

I review the latest Pretty Little Liars episode!

Inbetween: The Darkening 9

Killing used to make me feel unclean. I thought the act of taking a life was something only a god should do. The fact that it made me feel so powerful sickened me because I used to think killing shouldn't make someone feel good. But now I knew better.

I watched as Hannibal made dinner. It wasn't a normal dinner, though, it was a celebration. I had killed Beverly and, in doing so, had begun a new part of my life. My life would now become richer as I had broken out of my cage.

Though this dinner was a special one, I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of what I would be eating. What was even more surprising was the fact that Abigail didn't have any problems with eating it.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" I asked Hannibal.

"You're still having doubts?" He replied without a hint of annoyance in his voice. I had learned, shortly after I had killed Beverly, about how he mostly stuck to killing the rude. So I knew that all the moments I had been rude he had restrained himself because he loved me. And I also knew that he was restraining himself right now.

"I don't mind killing, but eating a person just seems wrong to me."

"If Beverly was not worthy to keep her own life, why should she get any say as to how her body is used now?"

I thought about Hannibal's words. He didn't kill without reason and hated killing to keep himself safe. I now understood killing was not always wrong and you shouldn't feel bad because you took a life. I had been naive to fear killing before.

But it being okay to eat another human being and becoming a cannibal? That was too much for me to understand. Was it because I was weak or that I was right?

"Beverly didn't deserve her life and I took it." I replied, trying to form my thoughts into words. "Her threat is gone and eating her would be going a step further than we need to go. Eating her won't stop a threat that has already been stopped."

"While eating won't give you the same sense of release, Will, it does have another use that killing doesn't."

I looked at him and asked. "What is that?"

Hannibal found a point where he could pause in his art. He met my gaze and I knew that I had failed him in my lack of understanding. But as he wasn't making any indication he was going to kill me, I realized that he was willing to take the time to help me understand.

"Killing gives you a sense of release that you can't get anywhere else." Hannibal explained. "But eating another human makes you realize that people are just animals. They can be as easily manipulated as a pig. Being a cannibal gives you strength."

"Is there another reason?"

Hannibal paused as if lost in a memory. I realized that he wasn't as strong as I thought. While he could stand up against things others would crumble from, he was still human. He still felt. For some reason that both humanized him and made me afraid.

I was about to ask him what the memory was when he came back to reality and returned to cooking. Thinking that the conversation had come to an end, I started to walk out of the kitchen. Abigail must be getting lonely sitting all alone at the table.

"The other reason is that we're making sure the meat isn't wasted." Hannibal said and so I took up my former position in the kitchen. "Beverly's body would just be hidden in the ground and the only use it would have had would be to be found by the police or FBI."

"Which wouldn't be good." I replied. "But you don't cook every piece of a human's body."

"Every person has certain parts that are actually good to cook. Though the cheek is the exception as every one's cheeks make a good meal." Hannibal said. "So to eat an entire human body would also be wasteful as you would be making time for parts that are better left uneaten."

"So we're eating Beverly just to have a meal?"

"We're eating her as to not waste her most precious parts."

As the smell of Beverly's flesh drifted into my nose I started to get hungry but tried to push the feeling away. Hannibal was trying to make me eat another human and, at the same time, make me think that it was a good idea. Not just a good idea but a noble one. He was beginning to look like a monster.

But then I started really looking at my own thought process. Why was it disgusting to me? If someone killed a deer it wouldn't be wrong. If someone killed a deer it was to provide food and hunting it was a reward in itself. So why would eating a human be all that bad?

I had hunted Beverly and the hunt had been its own reward. Eating her, like one would eat a deer, would just be a celebration of the hunt. Hannibal was right, she hadn't deserved her life so why should I empathize with her now?

When Hannibal finished making the meal I helped bring out the food to the table. We brushed lightly against each other at one point before sitting down. Hannibal, Abigail, and myself were happy as we ate together.

I took my first bite of Beverly and smiled as the taste and smell combined itself into one exotic feeling. Hannibal looked me in the eyes and we both smiled. I had pleased him by being a good student. After I ate the meat of Beverly Katz, there'd be a different kind from the man I loved.
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Previous (and Current) Inbetween: The Darkening Chapters

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Animorphs Re-Read: The Andalite Chronicles (Chapters 13-19)

Chapter 13

Elfangor talks about morphing training. How every Andalite is first given the djabala to turn into and, if the Andalite passes that test, then a kafit (a type of bird). Elfangor says that he had fun morphing into a kafit but how horrible morphing into a Taxxon is going to be. This reminds me of when one of the Animorphs (probably Marco) comments on the fact that they used to morph pleasant creatures.

Elfangor decides to morph into a Taxxon because he wants to show Alloran that he's a "good soldier" and that he's brave. Again with the pride. He could've said that he was morphing because the mission required it, but instead he said it was to please Alloran. I don't remember Elfangor being this prideful, or maybe it just means more to me now.

And the first morphing sequence of the book!

Elfangor comments on the loss of his vision and this surprises me. I thought that he would spend more time talking about how he doesn't have a tail-blade anymore, as an Andalite's tail-blade is his/her life. But the talk about sight is more important, story wise, as it allows an easy transition to comment on the Taxxon's compound eyes.

Holy fucking shit! Elfangor is commenting about Taxxon hunger and it's creepy. Creeps me out badly as an adult. Yeah, kids, read this and sleep well!

(got picture from HERE)

The only reason Elfangor doesn't attack Alloran and Arbron is because the Taxxon instincts know that they are more likely to win the fight. Whenever you morph into something, the creature's instincts can be overpowering. This is the reason why the Animorphs decided on the fact that they always had to test out a morph before a battle. Because if the morph was like a Taxxon, whose instincts are overpowering, they had to learn how to control it.

Elfangor warns Alloran and Arbron to be VERY careful when they morph.

[What, are you afraid I'm gonna morph and try to eat you?] Arbron asks jokingly.

[Yes, Arbron. I am afraid.] Elfangor replies because he knows that the reason he was able to control himself won't work when Arbron morphs.


Chapter 14

Taxxon hunger is really the defining characteristic of the species. So it makes sense that Elfangor begins the chapter by commenting on it. Adding that it never goes away.

It's terrifying that Elfangor doesn't know if he could've resisted eating Loren if she was there. The Elfangor x Loren feels are overpowering in that one sentence!

Elfangor comments on the fact that if they escape in the Yeerk ship that Alloran will order the Yeerks to be slaughtered. As the Yeerks can't immediately gets hosts, they'll have to wait a day, this is a real possibility. I like that this issue of morality is being dealt with. Honestly, I agree with Alloran here but I like seeing the hero choosing the moral choice while knowing its faults.

Well, they can spot the Skrit Na ship easily enough. Now if getting to it is just as simple.

And Alloran reminds Arbron and Elfangor what they are supposed to be. Cannibalistic Space Worms!

I guess "tall trees" is a form of measurement. I can't tell measurements when you say something like "ten feet". But "tall trees" is just lazy.

Ah...so the Gedds was the first race enslaved by the Yeerks. They're humanoid but are always hunched over so that there's always a limb to help them walk. Humans are still the only species to walk on two legs.

Elfangor is not liking the scenery at all. He comments on the fact that the average Andalite is being lied to about how well the war is going. He's used to being told that the Andalites are winning hands down when that is not the case.

And, oh God, I thought that since I was older this scene would be less terrifying. It isn't. Basically a Taxxon falls off of a train and Elfangor runs to eat it. After eating some of it, the Andalite backs away and is frightened of what he just did. Yeah, nightmare fuel.

A Hork-Bajir Controller (Yeerk's title is Sub-Visser Seven) notices Elfangor and says that he's interested in any Taxxon that will not eat fresh meat.


Chapter 15

Elfangor comments that Andalite Morphing technology (he uses the term "Morphing power") is wonderful and allows Andalites to be the "greatest spies in the galaxy". However, if you stay in a morph for over two hours you become stuck in the morph (aka become a nothlit like Tobias). This is what worries Elfangor as the sub-visser takes him on the mag-lev train car.

A sub-visser is a high rank in the Yeerk Empire. At the top is the Council of Thirteen (one member of the Council is emperor but it's never revealed in the Animorphs series who it is, yeah I looked), then the Vissers, and finally the sub-vissers. The lower number of the rank (aka two is lower than three), the higher the position is.

The sub-visser seems to realize that Elfangor is an Andalite in morph. The Andalite aristh decides to speak in gibberish to fool the Yeerk. What is interesting here is that the translator can detect what language another is speaking. That is highly useful. But the translator is able to work even in morph, so where is it located? And how does it work?

The sub-visser asks for Elfangor to speak in Galard (the language that's basically like common in Star Wars) and the Andalite doesn't as he fears a trap.

The Yeerk also brings up that there's a rebel force of Taxxons (called Mountain Taxxons). Elfangor files this info under 'news my superiors need to hear ASAP'.

Elfangor hopes that Alloran and Arbron will complete the mission as he doesn't think he'll be able to.

Sub-Visser Seven says that any rebel Taxxon is fed to loyal Taxxons. He says "idiotic regulations" but it's clear that he's trying to prod Elfangor into telling him the truth. The sub-visser gives Elfangor the choice of a painless death if he confesses to being an Andalite. The young Andalite mourns over the fact that all his dreams of becoming a great warrior had just been dashed. I admit I like seeing this happen as his pride has been thoroughly dashed by reality in this scene.

Sub-Visser Seven says that Elfangor doesn't have to die if the Andalite will become his host. I'm getting the feeling I've just been introduced to Visser Three.

Sub-Visser Seven comments on the fact that no Andalite has been taken alive because they commit suicide via tail-blade. Those Andalites are bad ass! It's one thing to fight in a battle and another thing to decide your cause is more important than your life.

When the Yeerk is done explaining, Elfangor feels revulsion and tells the Yeerk to remember his name. Also stating that he'll never be taken alive. Yep, it's safe to say we've met Visser Three.


Chapter 16

Elfangor is falling and is demorphing as he wants to die an Andalite and not a "disgusting, cannibalistic worm". He doesn't demorph before he hits the ground and Taxxons start eating him. How could I forget how really disturbing these books were?

Luckily Elfangor's tail-blade forms in time to save him out from being eaten alive. Elfangor manages to injure some Taxxons and so the other Taxxons figure the Andalite is worth too much risk to eat. The Yeerks fire at him and he hides in the crowd of Taxxons.

I guess the Hork-Bajir Controllers aren't translated all in English to show that they're speaking a combination of languages?

Elfangor decides to morph into a kafit so he can escape. It's brought up that once you acquire a morph it's yours forever. He's so scared he couldn't tell if he had morphed which is really REALLY weird. Of course he has morphed and he flies away.

Elfangor sees that the Jahar has been captured. All I can think is: GODDAMMIT, CHAPMAN, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TIME?

It was Chapman's fault, goddammit! He has Loren tied up and is offering to trade humanity for I don't want to know. Power? Whatever the bloody fuck he thinks he can get? Arg!


Chapter 17

So Andalites have more than one heart? Looking on Seerowpedia it turns out they have three hearts.

The beginning of this chapter is mostly recap as, at this point in the book, it has come to Part 2. If you're wondering, there is more of Elfangor talking about his bromance with the Jahar.

Elfangor worries about Arbron (his "fellow aristh") and Alloran. He talks about how Alloran should be dealing with his situation as the war-prince has experience.

Elfangor then accepts the fact that the fate of his entire race rests on him (remember, the Time Matrix can make it so the Yeerks can stop the Andalite race from existing). It's adorable that he has to remind himself that rescuing Loren can't be his first priority now.

However, Elfangor does tell her not to talk about the Time Matrix and promises to save her. Though he knows that she has no reason to believe him.

Doesn't Elfangor think of the possibility of a Yeerk being put into Chapman and so the Time Matrix will be revealed?

Elfangor demorphs in sewage but doesn't mind since he's back in his own body. However, that happiness is short lived as he has to resume his Taxxon morph. Arbron comes while Elfangor is mid-morph and Elfangor is relieved just to see another Andalite. Elfangor notices Arbron acting oddly but just writes it off.


Chapter 18

Elfangor's basic plan amounts to him and Arbron just strolling into the Skrit Na ship and flying away. Again Elfangor's pride is mentioned as he talks about appearing like a fighter pilot. Not to belittle a characteristic of our lead, but I could invent a drinking game about this book and Elfangor's pride would be part of it.

Again the Taxxon hunger is mentioned. It is still creepy as ever. And this is a book for children!

There is a suspicious Gedd Controller. Elfangor attempts to speak Galard with his Taxxon tongue but the Gedd Controller asks for him to use a pad attached to his wrist (it's a translator). Arbron, being the technical genius of the two, uses it.

Oh, god, Elfangor said [So far so good] which I remember being the phrase in the Animorphs series that indicated shit was about to go down.

Elfangor demorphs as quickly as he can. It is after he demorphs that Arbron reveals he is a nothlit and not able to morph out of being a Taxxon. I knew this was coming but it still hurts like I'm reading it for the first time.

[I really wish I could, Elfangor.] Arbron says and my heart breaks again!

Chapter 19

Elfangor knows that there is no time to talk about Arbron being a nothlit, but he allows himself to feel horror at the knowledge. The reason that the Taxxon morph was painted as being so horrible now reveals itself. It's so that the reader feels utter horror, disgust, and despair at what has happened to Arbron.

Elfangor remarks that the Skrit Na ship is moving too slow. Arbron suggests using the Time Matrix, but the prideful Andalite remarks that they don't know how the weapon works. If it takes too long to start working then they'll be dead. Elfangor also remarks about how their superiors will react to them using the Time Matrix and Arbron laughs at that. Then Arbron realizes Elfangor is talking about the "mythical" Ellimists. Elfangor points out if the Time Matrix is real why not the Ellimists.

I loved the Ellimists when the species was first introduced but I wasn't happy what they turned into (basically one character, but that's a rant for another day).

A Bug Fighter is coming after our two Andalite cadets! Elfangor is shaken but decides to try to outrace the Bug Fighter and its buddy in the atmosphere. Arbron replies with the obligatory WTF.

Elfangor dives down and the two are both scared and excited. Elfangor basically commenting that the experience is amazing.

As the chase continues Arbron holds back a piece of information concerning the ship saying, [...you don't even want to know.]

A Bug Fighter explodes but Arbron tells Elfangor he can't pull the same move off in time (the Bug Fighter couldn't handle the atmosphere). The nothlit offers to shoot the remaining two Bug Fighters but Elfangor questions if he can with Taxxon abilities. Arbron is, of course, insulted and insists he can. Elfangor wants to leave the decision making to the captain, but the captain is him. He decides to let Arbron make the shot.
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Animorphs Re-Read Table of Contents

Fifty Shades Darker (E.L. James)

Title: Fifty Shades Darker

Series: Fifty Shades Trilogy

Author: E.L. James

Released: 2012

Rating: 1.5/5

Basic Plot: Ana learns more about Christian Grey and their love deepens.
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The Abuse
My hate for this book doesn't come from me being a prude and only doing the missionary position in bed. Instead, my hate for this book comes from the fact that it shows an abusive relationship as the ideal relationship. Christian Grey is controlling of Ana to the point that he buys the company she works for. While he is able to tell Ana to put his past relationships to the back of her mind, lord help the man who even glances at her. Other people have pointed out the fact that he is taking away her connection to people piece by piece. Those more familiar with abusive relationships will be able to point a lot of things out. I don't think any reader, even the younger ones, will get fooled. The fact is that the less mature you are, and the less experience you have with the real world, the easier the mindset that 'being in a relationship with someone like Christian is okay' is to get into. That is what scares me about books like these getting published.


The Sex Is Meh
If you are thinking of checking out this book because the sex scenes are awesome, don't bother. Even though Ana and Christian have sex like rabid rabbits, it's not really as extreme as people talking about it say it is. The sex scene in the elevator at a restaurant is really the only one I was interested in (and that due to the fact that having sex in public is interesting to me). There are maybe two other scenes, at most, that would be worth talking about.

There Is No Real Conflict
Yes, things happen in this book. However, nothing really horrible lasts for long. If there is some conflict being hinted at, it's resolved quickly. The biggest betrayer of conflict comes near the end of the book when Kate finds out about the contract that Christian wanted Ana to sign in the first book (Fifty Shades of Grey).  Don't get your hopes up about it progressing logically or even lasting more than a few pages. This is what happens with any real conflict in the book. By the end of the book I knew that any conflict would be quickly resolved, but I wanted Kate to react to the news better. Well...better meaning she'd react to it worse but it'd be better because there'd be conflict.

Final Thoughts
I am glad to have finished this book. Though I know that one day I'll get to reading the final book in this trilogy. On my twitter I was tweeting last night about some of the comments I saw about this book. One of them said that since Fifty Shades Darker (as well as Fifty Shades of Grey and Freed) were originally fanfiction that of course it was going to suck. As a writer and reader of fanfiction I can promise you that there is some good stuff out there and that Fifty Shades is just one of the worst pieces of fanfiction out there. If you are one of my less mature (maturity and age being different) readers and are thinking of checking this book out: just remember that if you ever find yourself in a relationship with someone like Christian Grey you should get out!