I go for the gold yet again!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
Inbetween: The Darkening 5
It was cold in my dream. The cold made me shiver until a coat suddenly appeared on me. It made me warm and took away all the cold. My feelings of worry, doubt, and pain all evaporated. I nearly fell asleep until I realized what the coat was made out of. I screamed and quickly took the flesh coat off of myself.
I began shivering, but not from the cold. Why did that coat appear in this dream? Why was I thinking of human made clothing? No past cases would explain it. Jack's elusive killer was a cannibal, not a fashion designer. So that couldn't be the reason.
I stood up and tried to not let the shivering affect me too much. I looked up to the sky and saw the moon providing me with light. Realistically, the moon was providing me the same amount of light as it would in reality. However, it didn't light the scenery up as much as it should have.
The snow was pure white and I decided to explore this dream further. Not because I was scared, but because some feeling pulled me to do so. Taking my first step forward on the snow, I heard it crack. Not like snow normally would, but almost like it was flesh.
Looking down at where I had stepped, I saw that the snow was bleeding blood. But it wasn't human blood, it was something else. It held the same poignant red color as human blood did, but it also had black and grey in it. With more grey than black.
I felt vomit about to come out of me, but I held myself together. The feeling was telling me to go forward. I didn't want to, it felt like the wrong decision to make, but I walked forward. I tried not to think about what was happening to the snow as I walked. It was hard. Very hard.
Every few footsteps I could hear a voice telling me, "No. Don't. Stop."
The voice was so vague, but it still sounded like someone I knew. Luckily it was vague so I was able to ignore it. I put it in the background of me mind and continued forward. I stopped when I saw the Ravenstag on fire.
The Ravenstag's fire consumed its whole body but allowed its form to be unaffected. It looked at me with a glance that reminded me of Hannibal. I should've been scared at the Ravenstag imitating Hannibal, but it was comforting. Something normal in this Hellish dream.
I looked at a form that was close to it. I walked over to the form and touched it. Suddenly the form lit up and I could hear a scream. The Ravenstag brought me a bowie knife and I took it without question. I looked at the burning form and slashed its neck.
Blood flew out and I stared at its beauty. I shouldn't think the action was beautiful, but I did. It was a dream after all. It didn't mean I'd think it was beautiful when I was awake.
As the blood flew onto my face I rolled over and vomited. The road under my face felt much different than anything in my dream had. I realized I was awake and opened my eyes to look at my surroundings.
I couldn't look long as more vomiting distracted me from figuring out where I was. While I felt horrible I could still feel like part of me had been satisfied. It felt like part of myself had been allowed release and I felt so much better than I had before the dream.
When the vomiting finally stopped I looked again at where I was. I barely managed to hold back a scream as I recognized the burnt corpse.
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I began shivering, but not from the cold. Why did that coat appear in this dream? Why was I thinking of human made clothing? No past cases would explain it. Jack's elusive killer was a cannibal, not a fashion designer. So that couldn't be the reason.
I stood up and tried to not let the shivering affect me too much. I looked up to the sky and saw the moon providing me with light. Realistically, the moon was providing me the same amount of light as it would in reality. However, it didn't light the scenery up as much as it should have.
The snow was pure white and I decided to explore this dream further. Not because I was scared, but because some feeling pulled me to do so. Taking my first step forward on the snow, I heard it crack. Not like snow normally would, but almost like it was flesh.
Looking down at where I had stepped, I saw that the snow was bleeding blood. But it wasn't human blood, it was something else. It held the same poignant red color as human blood did, but it also had black and grey in it. With more grey than black.
I felt vomit about to come out of me, but I held myself together. The feeling was telling me to go forward. I didn't want to, it felt like the wrong decision to make, but I walked forward. I tried not to think about what was happening to the snow as I walked. It was hard. Very hard.
Every few footsteps I could hear a voice telling me, "No. Don't. Stop."
The voice was so vague, but it still sounded like someone I knew. Luckily it was vague so I was able to ignore it. I put it in the background of me mind and continued forward. I stopped when I saw the Ravenstag on fire.
The Ravenstag's fire consumed its whole body but allowed its form to be unaffected. It looked at me with a glance that reminded me of Hannibal. I should've been scared at the Ravenstag imitating Hannibal, but it was comforting. Something normal in this Hellish dream.
I looked at a form that was close to it. I walked over to the form and touched it. Suddenly the form lit up and I could hear a scream. The Ravenstag brought me a bowie knife and I took it without question. I looked at the burning form and slashed its neck.
Blood flew out and I stared at its beauty. I shouldn't think the action was beautiful, but I did. It was a dream after all. It didn't mean I'd think it was beautiful when I was awake.
As the blood flew onto my face I rolled over and vomited. The road under my face felt much different than anything in my dream had. I realized I was awake and opened my eyes to look at my surroundings.
I couldn't look long as more vomiting distracted me from figuring out where I was. While I felt horrible I could still feel like part of me had been satisfied. It felt like part of myself had been allowed release and I felt so much better than I had before the dream.
When the vomiting finally stopped I looked again at where I was. I barely managed to hold back a scream as I recognized the burnt corpse.
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Friday, July 5, 2013
Inbetween: The Darkening 4
I walked slowly down the hallway to Hannibal's door. Going to these sessions wasn't something I looked forward to. That wasn't fully true, of course, as seeing Hannibal helped me calm down since I'd be able to get some of my thoughts out. I don't know how I'd describe my feelings for him, especially with Alana having been murdered not too long ago.
I knocked on the door and Hannibal opened the door quickly.
"How are you feeling today, Will?" He asked and I entered.
"How should I be feeling?" I asked.
"Every one handles grief differently." He replied and we went to sit in our usual places.
"Yeah." I replied and tried to think about which direction I wanted this session to take. "But what about me specifically?"
"You are pure empathy and so Alana's death will linger on you more than another person."
"You mean someone normal and stable?"
"There is nothing concrete that can be said to be normal and you are stable enough to work on cases."
"Nothing concrete." I said and looked around Hannibal's office. So different from my house, but it felt like a type of home to me recently. It was orderly and I needed order in my life right now. I had lost track of time recently and that scared me. But not enough to want to tell Hannibal as he could tell Jack. And the last thing I needed was Jack to stop me from doing my job. I needed to help people, that's the only way I could keep up any pretense type of normality. "But there must be a way to measure insanity."
"There is a way to tell if someone poses a threat to others." Hannibal replied stiffly. "But insanity is much harder to define."
"What about being social?" I asked.
"Many sane people just don't like the company of others. Introverts are not less sane than extroverts purely because of their nature."
"How social are you?"
"I don't have many friends as I don't see them as being interesting. I don't find the need to be with others merely to give myself worth."
"And you find me interesting?"
"Very interesting." He said and a slight grin graced his face for a second. Some part of me was intrigued and I didn't know which part or why. "Do you keep up with friends since Alana died?"
I felt like slumping down but kept my posture. Not out of fear of disrespecting Hannibal, but I didn't want to admit to myself how broken I felt now.
"I spend time with you and Abigail. I communicate with Jack enough for each case." I paused thinking of her face. The face that didn't provide stability like Alana had, but was all I had right now. "There is also Beverly Katz."
"What is special about her?" Hannibal asked. I attributed his odd tone to concern for me. I was both his friend and patient. He'd also have to tell Jack if he messed up with me.
"I don't know. She treats me like an actual person and not just an oddity."
"And you don't have enough of that from people?"
"No." I said and smiled sadly.
"Are you sure Beverly has the best of intentions?"
"What do you mean?" I was confused. "It isn't like Beverly to seek something from me."
"When did you start noticing how important Beverly was to you?"
"I've always noticed, but after Alana died she-"
"Was someone to replace Alana." Hannibal leaned forward. "Beverly is not Alana, nor will she ever be. You can't be with someone just because you lost someone else."
"Have you ever lost someone close to you?"
Hannibal seemed to look past me to long before he went to medical school. For the first time I saw real pain in his face. Something that his strong exterior had never let break through.
Finally he composed himself and said, "I made sure those who were in the wrong were repaid with justice. And I can tell that you going into the arms of Beverly isn't going to help you."
"Because it's not going to bring Alana back." I said. "I killed Gideon but couldn't save Alana."
"You can help her now, even though she's dead."
"By breaking ties with Beverly?"
"By making sure you don't let your pain cloud your judgment."
"If I killed her that'd break all ties, right?" I asked and before I could let out a chuckle I realized what that thought could mean. How could I even let the thought form, much less speak it? The thought that killing Beverly could stop all this confusion was beyond sinful.
"You're thinking of murdering?" Hannibal asked.
"I don't know." I said honestly. "I keep thinking of Alana. When I close my eyes I can see her. When there is silence I can hear her. But she's not really there. And I keep thinking that if I killed someone to save another person that murder wouldn't be so bad."
"How would you decide if someone posed a danger to another's life?"
"I couldn't trust myself. Not fully, at least. I'd need to have someone decide for me." I looked Hannibal in the eyes. More than I had anyone else before. "I'd trust you to tell me."
"This is all hypothetical."
"Yes." I confirmed. But it didn't feel like a hypothetical situation to me.
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I knocked on the door and Hannibal opened the door quickly.
"How are you feeling today, Will?" He asked and I entered.
"How should I be feeling?" I asked.
"Every one handles grief differently." He replied and we went to sit in our usual places.
"Yeah." I replied and tried to think about which direction I wanted this session to take. "But what about me specifically?"
"You are pure empathy and so Alana's death will linger on you more than another person."
"You mean someone normal and stable?"
"There is nothing concrete that can be said to be normal and you are stable enough to work on cases."
"Nothing concrete." I said and looked around Hannibal's office. So different from my house, but it felt like a type of home to me recently. It was orderly and I needed order in my life right now. I had lost track of time recently and that scared me. But not enough to want to tell Hannibal as he could tell Jack. And the last thing I needed was Jack to stop me from doing my job. I needed to help people, that's the only way I could keep up any pretense type of normality. "But there must be a way to measure insanity."
"There is a way to tell if someone poses a threat to others." Hannibal replied stiffly. "But insanity is much harder to define."
"What about being social?" I asked.
"Many sane people just don't like the company of others. Introverts are not less sane than extroverts purely because of their nature."
"How social are you?"
"I don't have many friends as I don't see them as being interesting. I don't find the need to be with others merely to give myself worth."
"And you find me interesting?"
"Very interesting." He said and a slight grin graced his face for a second. Some part of me was intrigued and I didn't know which part or why. "Do you keep up with friends since Alana died?"
I felt like slumping down but kept my posture. Not out of fear of disrespecting Hannibal, but I didn't want to admit to myself how broken I felt now.
"I spend time with you and Abigail. I communicate with Jack enough for each case." I paused thinking of her face. The face that didn't provide stability like Alana had, but was all I had right now. "There is also Beverly Katz."
"What is special about her?" Hannibal asked. I attributed his odd tone to concern for me. I was both his friend and patient. He'd also have to tell Jack if he messed up with me.
"I don't know. She treats me like an actual person and not just an oddity."
"And you don't have enough of that from people?"
"No." I said and smiled sadly.
"Are you sure Beverly has the best of intentions?"
"What do you mean?" I was confused. "It isn't like Beverly to seek something from me."
"When did you start noticing how important Beverly was to you?"
"I've always noticed, but after Alana died she-"
"Was someone to replace Alana." Hannibal leaned forward. "Beverly is not Alana, nor will she ever be. You can't be with someone just because you lost someone else."
"Have you ever lost someone close to you?"
Hannibal seemed to look past me to long before he went to medical school. For the first time I saw real pain in his face. Something that his strong exterior had never let break through.
Finally he composed himself and said, "I made sure those who were in the wrong were repaid with justice. And I can tell that you going into the arms of Beverly isn't going to help you."
"Because it's not going to bring Alana back." I said. "I killed Gideon but couldn't save Alana."
"You can help her now, even though she's dead."
"By breaking ties with Beverly?"
"By making sure you don't let your pain cloud your judgment."
"If I killed her that'd break all ties, right?" I asked and before I could let out a chuckle I realized what that thought could mean. How could I even let the thought form, much less speak it? The thought that killing Beverly could stop all this confusion was beyond sinful.
"You're thinking of murdering?" Hannibal asked.
"I don't know." I said honestly. "I keep thinking of Alana. When I close my eyes I can see her. When there is silence I can hear her. But she's not really there. And I keep thinking that if I killed someone to save another person that murder wouldn't be so bad."
"How would you decide if someone posed a danger to another's life?"
"I couldn't trust myself. Not fully, at least. I'd need to have someone decide for me." I looked Hannibal in the eyes. More than I had anyone else before. "I'd trust you to tell me."
"This is all hypothetical."
"Yes." I confirmed. But it didn't feel like a hypothetical situation to me.
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Thursday, July 4, 2013
Hannibal Rising (Thomas Harris)
Title: Hannibal Rising
Series: Hannibal
Author: Thomas Harris
Released: 2006
Rating: 3.5/5
Basic Plot: Hannibal Lecter goes through a terrible experience as a young boy and then seeks revenge on the men responsible.
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Why The Book Was Written
I always read up a little on whatever I am reviewing. This helps me find interesting things to talk about as well as making sure I don't make many mistakes. While I was reading this book someone, on Facebook, stated that this book was written merely to have a movie made from it. From Wikipedia (and one or two other sources that I could find), it seems that Harris might've been afraid of someone else writing about Hannibal Lecter. To make a prequel before someone else could, he wrote the novel version and the screenplay around the same time. I don't see that as a reason to hate the book, but a reason to pity the author who was afraid of losing his hold on a series he created.
Revenge Makes Us Less Human
For lack of a real slow and subtle arc that leads us to the Hannibal we know and love from Red Dragon, we must become content with this revenge storyline. I didn't mind this storyline, but there wasn't a real clear descent into the monster that Hannibal became. As he got his revenge on more of the men that harmed him and his sister, it seemed he took more and more pleasure from killing them. Even remarking on the death of one that he liked killing the man, but hated allowing him even a second longer to live. And by the end he kills a guy because he had nothing better to do, basically. But there was no clear descent. He just started off innocent and then it seems he's a monster all of a sudden.
A Cannibal to His Core
Hannibal "the Cannibal" Lecter is shown to be a cannibal at a very early age. Some of his killings in this book are shown to involve him eating his victims. One theme of his cannibalism, at least in this book, is his eating the cheeks of his victims. This happens the first time after a cook talks about eating fish and that cheeks are special. Of course Hannibal's earliest human meal is a big trigger for him.
Final Thoughts
I had heard, before reading this book, that Hannibal Rising is not liked by the majority of the Hannibal fandom. I enjoy this book and I feel I fell into my usual liking of things that a lot of the fandom doesn't like. However, one complaint I do have of this book is that Hannibal becoming a monster should've been shown better. Hell, him being born as a monster would be great too. I am of the opinion that labeling Hannibal as a villain is simplifying him. He isn't good, but he does good at times. And, even when he does bad, sometimes he is trying to make a person fulfill their potential. So hearing "monster" and "villain" describing the infamous doctor annoys me as it defines him in simple terms. So a descent into what he is in Red Dragon is preferable to me. The book, overall, wasn't the worst I have ever read.
Series: Hannibal
Author: Thomas Harris
Released: 2006
Rating: 3.5/5
Basic Plot: Hannibal Lecter goes through a terrible experience as a young boy and then seeks revenge on the men responsible.
----------------------------------------------
Why The Book Was Written
I always read up a little on whatever I am reviewing. This helps me find interesting things to talk about as well as making sure I don't make many mistakes. While I was reading this book someone, on Facebook, stated that this book was written merely to have a movie made from it. From Wikipedia (and one or two other sources that I could find), it seems that Harris might've been afraid of someone else writing about Hannibal Lecter. To make a prequel before someone else could, he wrote the novel version and the screenplay around the same time. I don't see that as a reason to hate the book, but a reason to pity the author who was afraid of losing his hold on a series he created.
Revenge Makes Us Less Human
For lack of a real slow and subtle arc that leads us to the Hannibal we know and love from Red Dragon, we must become content with this revenge storyline. I didn't mind this storyline, but there wasn't a real clear descent into the monster that Hannibal became. As he got his revenge on more of the men that harmed him and his sister, it seemed he took more and more pleasure from killing them. Even remarking on the death of one that he liked killing the man, but hated allowing him even a second longer to live. And by the end he kills a guy because he had nothing better to do, basically. But there was no clear descent. He just started off innocent and then it seems he's a monster all of a sudden.
A Cannibal to His Core
Hannibal "the Cannibal" Lecter is shown to be a cannibal at a very early age. Some of his killings in this book are shown to involve him eating his victims. One theme of his cannibalism, at least in this book, is his eating the cheeks of his victims. This happens the first time after a cook talks about eating fish and that cheeks are special. Of course Hannibal's earliest human meal is a big trigger for him.
Final Thoughts
I had heard, before reading this book, that Hannibal Rising is not liked by the majority of the Hannibal fandom. I enjoy this book and I feel I fell into my usual liking of things that a lot of the fandom doesn't like. However, one complaint I do have of this book is that Hannibal becoming a monster should've been shown better. Hell, him being born as a monster would be great too. I am of the opinion that labeling Hannibal as a villain is simplifying him. He isn't good, but he does good at times. And, even when he does bad, sometimes he is trying to make a person fulfill their potential. So hearing "monster" and "villain" describing the infamous doctor annoys me as it defines him in simple terms. So a descent into what he is in Red Dragon is preferable to me. The book, overall, wasn't the worst I have ever read.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Disney Vlog: May-June 2013 (Part 7)
revrezner and I finish our trip to Disney with a few friends.
Disney Vlog: May-June 2013 (Parts 4-6)
revrezner and I continue or journey at Disney.
Disney Vlog: May-June 2013 (Parts 1-3)
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