G and R Base, the base that was considered John Connor's home base and the one I'd been at since being saved by John, was dull again. Every day it was dull when I wasn't about to go on a mission or talking to anyone.
I did talk to people, but they weren't really friends. And they weren't talks most of the time, just people judging me. However, humans are social creatures and I took whatever social interactions I could. Even if they weren't what I considered friendly.
I had worked with someone else but now I was fixing the jeep on my own. It was odd for me to repair a machine, even if it wasn't a Terminator. The fact that every motion that I made to it and everywhere I looked on the jeep I imagined what was under my skin.
The fact that coltan was supporting me instead of bones made me wake up in sweats in the middle of the night. I sometimes was eating and had to force myself not to vomit at the thought. The only thought that made me not kill myself was to know that I had been human at one point.
Whatever else Skynet had done to me: Skynet could never change the fact that I was once human.
As I finished with my repair work I heard footsteps. I hadn't gotten to recognizing footsteps, except to tell if they were hurrying on a mission or seeing if someone had survived a mission, and when I stood up no one was there.
Whoever it was had paused for a minute and then continued on his or her way, though. So had that person wanted to talk to me or just look at the Friendly Resistance Terminator?
I headed over to what was commonly refereed to as 'the showers' but the showers didn't usually run. For the most part there were containers of some overused water that people used to keep moderately clean.
When I opened the door I turned and saw John Connor taking off his clothes. My gaze lingered longer than it should and I watched every movement. I put these memories into a safe place in my head to think back on.
John noticed me and I said, "Sorry, I'll leave if you want me to."
"Why? You're just as important to the Resistance as me." John said and gave me a smile.
"Yeah, no. Don't think I could lead men like you could." I said and had to stop myself from saying the reason I wanted to leave was because of my thoughts of him.
How much I wanted to feel his touch and breath on me was overwhelming.
"Don't doubt yourself." He replied.
"It's not that, I don't think I could lead." I told him and started taking off my own clothing since the likelihood of John allowing me to leave without him having hurt feelings seemed unlikely. "I can fight, I don't doubt that. I know I can fight just as good as any other Resistance fighter."
"Even better." He said as he looked at me a little too intently but restrained himself. "You have benefits the others don't have."
"You mean being programmed by Skynet?" I said a little less harshly since I was speaking to John.
"Partly." John conceded and we walked over to a stall once we were both undressed.
I saw no water buckets and smiled.
"Yes," He said looking at my face. "Running water today."
"So that's why you're down here." I said and laughed as his smile didn't hide anything.
I started to walk to another stall when John shook his head.
He wanted me!
I quickly went into the stall he was in and then he turned on the water.
Before I knew what was happening his lips were on mine. Our lips greeted each other like lovers that had been parted for a very long time. His hands went down my back and it felt like it was enjoying every inch of me like a fine meal. My hands went into his hair and I tried to hold myself steady.
In what could've been an instant or hours I fell against the wall and he steadied me. And then steadied himself as he en-
"-it's just not true." John said as he showered and I woke up from my daydream.
I couldn't tell what he had been talking about and realized I was cleaning myself up slowly while cold water ran out of the shower. Lingering on certain place.
I was still in his stall but he had been talking about something I hadn't really been listening to.
However, I was determined to not let that show, "Everyone believes the wrong thing from time to time."
"But I'm their leader." John pleaded. "They think I know what I'm doing and don't usually question me. Hell, Kate sometimes thinks I'm more sure of myself than I am."
"And do you lie to her about your confidence?"
"She's my wife and second in command. She has enough to worry about."
"Maybe you should tell her. That's the point of a wife, right? To be a shoulder to cry on?"
John laughed sadly and replied. "I...love her, but loving someone means not stressing them out without reason. Besides, at least the Resistance fighters still think I know more than I do."
"Some of them, yeah." I said and pointed to myself while shaking my head to indicate I wasn't one of them.
As John smiled a real smile I thought about the positives of my situation. While John and I weren't lovers, at least we could still be very close friends. And, at the end of the day, wasn't seeing John happy all I needed?
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