The Eternal Heart: Fragile Package 4

The night had seemed longer than normal. Maybe because it was the first time I was basically on my own. Or maybe it was the fact that I was having to defend Katherine from any Terminators that stopped by. I had looked for better weapons in the building and hadn’t found anything useful.

All that was useful were a few items that I used to set up an elementary alarm system. Of course the Terminators could easily avoid it if they wanted to, but at least it was there. Maybe it was my human side that wanted a sense of false reassurance.

Did that make me weak?

When the sun rose I didn’t feel any safer. Hell, I felt even more like I was in a cage with Skynet able to walk in any time that they wanted to. I held my handgun and watched over Katherine’s sleeping form. The rise and fall of her chest which hopefully meant the twins would be born.

As Katherine awoke I took care of her needs even as she kept continuing to confuse me for John Connor.

“I’m not John Connor.” I finally told her. “I’m Jash. You know, the person you hate and never want John to be with.”

“Stop trying to avoid yourself, John.” Katherine said and reached for my hand. “I believe in you.”

I realized why John would admire this woman. Even while she was in so much pain she still found it in her to encourage me. Well…to encourage John. But right now we were really the same person. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it.

“Yeah, I just don’t believe in myself. The war is hard which is why you can’t die.” I told her and she tried to squeeze back.

I then let go of her and started to feel her stomach. I didn’t know what to look for. It wasn’t like Skynet was interested in raising or killing pregnant women. Unless you counted killing them like other people. I wanted to scream in frustration. I should be able to do this for John, but I couldn’t.

I couldn’t tell if Katherine was still pregnant. I should be able to. Why didn’t I try learning more about how humans worked as much as I learned about how machines worked?

Looking down I remembered. Oh, yeah, because then I would have to deal even more with Katherine. And dealing with Katherine was hard.

But, as I looked at her, I realized that dealing with her was worth all the pain and heartache. I had never really cared when someone died. However, if she died then I would have to deal with John and I didn’t want that. So did my caring for Katherine’s life have more to do with John than me actually giving a shit about his wife?

Probably.

“I’m going, aren’t I?” Katherine asked weakly.

“No, no.” I said and stepped away from her. “You’ll live to torment me but I’m not certain about the twins.”

“I feel like I’m going. I’ve thought of what death feels like. This is it.”

“You are not dying. Not today. Not here.”

“You’ll find someone to love you, John, you’ll find someone to put your trust in. You’ll find another me.”

“Unlikely, you’re…you.”

“You have a lot of strength and if you don’t find someone you can always carry on. I know it’ll be hard for you, but you’ll be able to do it.”

“You’re not dying. Just stop talking like you’re going to go any moment now.”

“Do you know why I decided to be with you?”

“No.” I said, generally curious.

“Because I couldn’t stand to see you alone.” Katherine explained. “I saw you on Judgment Day and didn’t think you could handle things on your own. I thought that you needed to have someone to lean on. Please prove me wrong. Prove me wrong.”

“I will.” I said and her breathing slowed down.

Katherine really did love John Connor. It was in no way because she felt she would have more power or anything of the like. I didn’t expect that. I expected her to be a mean bitch. But she wasn’t.

I was lost. Everything I had thought about her was wrong. How could I think such cruel things of her? She was a human being. She deserved kindness and respect. Not only because she was John’s wife, but because she was a person.

I sat down and felt weak. I had hated her for so long that I didn’t know why I was feeling like I was losing someone I cared about. I should be able to just carry on fine. I should be worried about John’s reaction, of course, but I shouldn’t be frightened of her dying body so close to me.

Slowly I stood up and made sure I was still capable of standing. Nothing would be right once John heard the news that his wife was dead. He would never fully recover. Would he heed Katherine’s dying words? Would he take the chance to be with me?

I admit that I felt a little bit happy with the thought that John Connor and myself would finally be able to be together. I could do nothing more for Katherine, so I wouldn’t be the one to blame once she died. John and I could finally live a life together.

Katherine started screaming loudly and I looked over. Whatever was happening, she was not dying at this moment. It didn’t sound like a death cry and she wouldn’t yell out now that she was so close to death. She continued screaming and I finally knelt down beside her.

She grabbed my shoulder and I realized what was happening: Katherine Brewster wasn’t dying, she was giving birth.

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Sayings Sundays (May 11, 2014)

Animorphs is a very dark children's series. It deals with topics such as that people on the opposing side aren't all evil, children changing due to the war and not always for the better, and the David Trilogy just to name a few.

But this was a children's series so there were also little gems like this in there to lighten the mood from time to time.

So I was watching a few Supernatural fanvids one day and came across one that dealt with Sam and had a nice song. I listened to the song about...never you mind how many times and each time I thought of Bruce Banner.

The song is Monster by Imagine Dragons and I HIGHLY suggest you give yourself a few hours to listen to it on repeat.

I think of Bruce Banner because he LITERALLY deals with a monster inside of him and LITERALLY deals with the possibility of becoming a monster at any given time. I chose the lyrics for this graphic because it's Bruce asking if the listener would accept him once they knew that he could turn into the Hulk and that he doesn't like that's what he is.

Sorry for it to be covered in words, but it was hard limiting myself to just the lyrics shown this time around.

Wrapped and Strapless Tops in the Clothing Rack

Info From HERE

There are now new items in the clothing rack. There are wrapped and strapless tops. Perfect for the spring weather.

I really am liking this top just because of the red color. I love colors that remind me of fire.

Here are some more of the new items:

So go to the Clothing Rack and make your HAs all stylish!

Tobias and Bruce Banner

This is a blog post I have been meaning to make for a long time. I didn't find the time before and  I needed to find the right way to word it. Of course now I'm writing it as I'm recovering from being sick so I guess wording it correctly might not happen.

Some of the Animorphs fans on tumblr like to play around with the idea of an AU/Crossover where they match up an Animorphs with an Avengers. Such as Marco becoming Tony Stark. I don't mind most of the choices but I'm always annoyed when people say Tobias should be Hawkeye and no one else.

Is it the HAWK part of HAWKeye? Is it?

But no one says that Tobias should be Bruce Banner. This infuriates me as I tend to see them as being highly similar. And it's one of the reasons I won't ever make an rp tumblr for Bruce Banner (another being that there are already so many good rpers for the character that I wouldn't want to intrude).

Before I begin I'll state that I'll be going with Bruce Banner from the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). I think I've heard his backstory is different if you look at different stories.

Let's start off with the simple fact that both of how their bodies are changed.

Tobias gets stuck in his red-tailed hawk morph by the end of the first Animorphs book. I go with the theory that Tobias purposefully got himself stuck in morph and used the situation to cover that up. He then learned being trapped in morph had bad consequences. So it was his fault that he got stuck in the body of a hawk.

Bruce Banner ends up creating the Hulk, aka his alter ego, because he was so sure of what he was doing would work. Things go wrong and he ends up having to go on the run because the man he worked for thought Bruce was now a piece of property. So it was his fault that he now has the alter ego of the Hulk.

Tobias is treated differently from the rest of the group. The others don't know how to treat him now that he's a hawk. The others in the group are reserved of how to address him and make it harder for him to take control of his current situation. Marco is the one who picks up the quickest of how to treat Tobias. Rachel loves him but there is always the thought in her mind of Tobias being human. Even when Tobias tells her differently.

Bruce Banner is treated differently from the rest of the group. A lot of them are afraid of Bruce losing control and fucking shit up. They know the Hulk side of him is unstoppable and so are always on the look out. The three people that I see as treating Bruce as human are Betty Ross, Tony Stark, and Steve Rogers. Besides that he has to deal with people seeing him as a monster which really hurts his self-esteem.

Tobias has to deal with a different personality alongside him. He has to deal with still being a boy but also allowing the hawk mind to take hold. This happens very violently in #3 The Encounter where he nearly kills himself due to him making his first kill. He eventually does make a home in the 'I'm not quite a boy and not quite a hawk' place.

Bruce Banner has to deal with a different personality alongside him. Bruce only wants to help but he finds himself with the Hulk who is a brutish alter-ego who will start attacking anything moving. And even seems to threaten lighting and thunder at one point. Because of Bruce not liking the Hulk he tries to kill himself. The Hulk takes over and spits the bullet out. Bruce does seem to be more comfortable controlling the Hulk than he was when the accident first happened.

Tobias has a reserved personality. He will joke and get angry, but he's a mellow character. He's not a person you'd expect to like to be in the spotlight. Hell, when the war ends he flies away into nature. Though that's more to do with Rachel's death than anything else. Tobias also wants to help as he was one of the first Animorphs to really be passionate about fighting the Yeerks. If it wasn't for him, Jake might have not even begun to fight the Yeerks.

Bruce Banner has a reserved personality. If the Hulk wasn't a part of him he would spend his time helping people. Even while on the run he, at one point, takes up the role of a doctor. Bruce is also very smart. Some of his shyness might be due to how the majority of people treat him. Why would you feel comfortable with people who only see you as a monster? Hence people like Betty, Tony, and Steve are a blessing.

Tobias doesn't feel like a worthy member of the group. This deals with him prior to #13 The Change more than after. I'll need to get further along in my re-read to decide on how Tobias evolves as a character. Anyways, before he regains his ability to morph he hates the fact that he can't join the others on certain missions. He feels bad about this because he doesn't feel useful or that he's an actual part of the team. The other reason he feels bad is because he has to watch his friends risk their lives while he remains safe. In #3 The Encounter he joins in the final battle of the book because he can't stand being in the background anymore while in #4 The Message he doesn't want to vote due to him not being able to participate in the mission.

Bruce Banner doesn't feel like a worthy member of the group. In The Avengers Tony and Bruce have a little chat. Tony is more compassionate with Bruce than he would be with another person. Some things about both characters are revealed at that point. Bruce says that he feels exposed in comparison with Tony being able to put on his Iron Man suit. Bruce feels like the Hulk is dangerous and when he fights there's no armor backing him up. Unlike the other members of the team, he has to abandon a part of his own mind to fight. He is exposed both mentally and physically. When Nick Fury reveals where Loki is being held it's revealed that even Fury doesn't trust a member of his own team so much that he'd try to kill him if things go wrong.

So that is why I see Tobias and Bruce Banner as nearly being the same character. I hope I have explained my points well and you're free to debate any of them with me. Though if you just say Tobias should be Hawkeye with no reason why...

Animorphs Re-Read: #6 The Capture (Chapters 1-4)

Chapter 1

This book is narrated by Jake.

And the book starts off with a recap of what we already know. This is, again, a great thing for people who pick up this book at random without reading any of the other books beforehand. The recap ends with recounting that Tom is a Controller and that the book begins during Saturday morning at breakfast.

Tom announces he's going to The Sharing to do a cleanup in the park and have a barbecue afterwards. He invites Jake to join the organization. Jake is, of course, creeped out as he knows what The Sharing really is and that it isn't really Tom speaking. It's the Yeerk inside of Tom's head who wants Jake as a host for another Yeerk.

That's really one of the worst parts of the war for Jake, the fact that he's fighting for his brother's freedom which seems out of reach. And Jake having to imagine how tormented his brother must feel.

Jake keeps up appearances and says that he might join someday. Tom will be gone for awhile and Jake has to keep back from yelling at the Yeerk that he knows what's up. Jake stops thinking about what he'll do to the Yeerk right before he thinks of killing Tom.

After Tom leaves, Jake makes sure no one else is home. Turns out he's going to try acquiring and then morphing a cockroach. Why not just acquire the roach beforehand?

As Jake recaps the morphing ability he mentions the ant morph. Dear lord, Jake! Do you have to start off this book with reminding me about the ant morph?

Turns out that Jake is practicing morphing a cockroach to use to infiltrate The Sharing headquarters building.

Jake's mind again wanders to the thought of killing Tom. He decides that that decision can come later since it doesn't have to be made now.

Jake puts Homer outside and makes it as dark as possible before morphing a cockroach.

Jake decided not to tell any of the other Animorphs about him practicing cockroach morph since they all have had a rough time. Hell, just last book they nearly got killed as ants and they met Visser One. So Jake decides that since the others deserved rest and Tom was his brother, that he had to do this himself.

Jake realizes his first mistake was standing in front of a mirror. This means he can see himself morph which isn't a pleasant sight. Just morphing a falcon can be disturbing and a cockroach isn't as beautiful as that bird.

One of the biggest things Jake notices when he becomes a cockroach is the eyesight. Jake also notices that the roach mind is very calm. He gets comfortable in the roach morph and thinks that the others will agree to it when he tells them how easy it is to control.

But when there are vibrations the roach mind's calmness dissolves.


Chapter 2

The chapter opens with the cockroach mind losing its shit. Jake describes how fast it feels like his roach body is going as being strapped underneath a race car. That is just...I don't like to do speed so it seems cool but not exactly for me.

It seems that someone is home. What will that person think of Jake's discarded clothing?

The cockroach mind thinks that person is chasing it.

It is amazing how differently a roach moves. Humans can just go forwards, backwards, left, right, and sometimes up when jumping. But a cockroach can move in any direction it wants to. They look disgusting but they are amazing creatures nonetheless.

As Jake is fleeing he runs into another cockroach. I had to stop and laugh a little bit before continuing. I had to catch my breath because Jake is grossed out by the real cockroach and has to remind himself that he's also currently a cockroach. Jake and the real cockroach greet each other and then go their merry way.

Jake realizes it was stupid to morph cockroach in his room where someone could've seen him mid-morph. He then thinks to go to the garage to demorph. I can get that he needs somewhere to demorph but, really, is a garage somehow more private than his room? And why not lock his door before morphing?

As he starts to head out from behind the refrigerator he sees a barn-like structure. He thinks it's just a matchbox. He goes in to the old matchbox.


Chapter 3

Turns out that Jake had gone into a roach motel at the end of last chapter. Marco, being Marco, says that in the most sarcastic way possible. He ends with saying that Jake should do commercials about how well roach motels work and call himself 'Roach Boy'.  I would love to see that commercial happen.

Everyone is amused about Jake's story. Well, except for Cassie who is totally not in love with him or anything. Cassie goes over to Jake to berate him and everyone knows he's in deep shit now. She doesn't buy his argument and Tobias tells him to just agree with her. I am laughing my ass off right now. You go, Tobias!

Rachel and Marco both comment on how Cassie is tougher than she used to be. I want to laugh and cry because they have no idea what Cassie is capable of yet.

Cassie and Jake give looks of understanding that they care for each other.

Jake talks about how great Cassie is to him and how he considers her more beautiful than Rachel. Jake also remarks on how Rachel may look like a model, but that she's also a deadly fighter. Jake then goes on to say that Marco treats nearly everything as a joke and that they disagree about everything. But him and Marco would do anything for each other.

And finally he gets to Tobias...

Jake recounts how Tobias is now stuck in morph and reminds the reader about the two hour morphing limit.

Jake gets to how he wasn't stuck in morph as him deciding to demorph since his parents, the vibrations he had heard, were in their room. However, his Mom walked in on him demorphing. Everyone gets a good laugh out of the conclusion of the story.

Marco then goes into serious mode and asks Jake to tell them why he was REALLY morphing a cockroach. So Jake tells them the truth.

The Yeerks are using a hospital. Marco figures out quickly that the Yeerks are going to use the hospital to make a shitload of new Controllers.

Chapter 4

Tom arrives home smelling like the barbeque he was at from The Sharing and there is dinner going on. I don't know how Jake spends the majority of the series eating dinner with him. I'd be too creeped out to look normal. Maybe after awhile I'd be okay with it, but not as quickly as Jake has adapted to his new situation.

It turns out the cleanup The Sharing did was on the news. Wow. Though it was probably local news so meh.

I connect to Jake's dad so much here. His dad isn't a cook and he says microwaving is a valid form of cooking. My hero!

Tom insulting his dad's cooking is cut short when his dad brings up dessert. Yes, even Yeerks cannot fight the power of dessert.

Jake comments on the scene saying that it is so normal that no one would guess that Tom was actually a Controller. Well, if they knew about Tom already they would of course know. There is then exposition about how a Yeerk fits inside a human brain.

Tom notices Jake starring at him. At this point I would have pissed my pants. But Jake is ready with a joke about how Tom's head is just empty space. Then Jake's stabs get slightly meaner, at least to my understanding. He seems to hint that he knows Tom isn't really himself anymore. Not that Tom's Yeerk could tell that.

Jake and Tom just stare at each other. Jake remarks that they both had changed. The silence goes on for awhile until Jake asks to be excused. Tom then tries to sell Jake on The Sharing. He promises Jake that Jake's life could be more important once he joins The Sharing.

Jake knows that the trick works on some people. That the Yeerks promising humans the chance to become important makes the humans into voluntary hosts. Jake replies that he just wants to be a nobody. If only he could be a nobody and not have to fight, he'd like that.

Because of Jake's refusal to join, the Yeerk allows its true emotions to show for a split second. The Yeerk shows that it thinks of Jake and the rest of humanity in the lowest regards. That it thinks humanity will fall and that they shouldn't bother resisting. Then the Yeerk starts pretending it's Tom again.
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Animorphs Re-Read

Jash Talks: Terminator Talk

Avexle and myself talk about Matt Smith in Terminator: Genesis, why Hannibal could be cancelled, and rant about Fox cancelling Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles among other things.

If you would like to send questions/topics for the next live show just comment below and they will be answered!

Also go to my twitter (@jashykins) to look for updates about the next live show!

Tobias and Me 7

I can hear! Cat shouted.

For the past five minutes Cat had been pointing out everything she could hear and do while being a hawk. I felt like I was being complimented and that was one of the reasons that I was allowing her to continue. The other was that it would be rude to tell her to stop.

This was her first time really exploring a morph and she should revel in it. It wouldn’t be like that every time she morphed, after all. Some morphs were horrifying and other times there wasn’t enough time to take delight in different morphs.

Cat had mentioned the fact that she could hear better a couple of times and I didn’t blame her.

I’m sure some of the others will tell you morphs that have better hearing than a red-tailed hawk. I told her. I prefer my hawk morph above everything else.

I don’t blame you for liking this hawk morph. Cat said.

Thank you. I replied as I couldn’t think of what else to say.

While I was paying attention to Cat, I still looked down at the ground. The alien landscape was amazing, to say the least. It was breathtaking to realize that I was flying over an alien landscape. Of course the fact was that I still had to figure out how to get back to Earth. I needed to get back home so I could continue the fight and to make sure that Cat also got back home.

Where did you live before you got abducted? I asked Cat.

England. Cat said. Wasn’t a Hork-Bajir the morph you were in when you met me?

Before I could ask her why she wanted that confirmed I saw a group of Hork-Bajir. They looked like they were on patrol more than that they were trying to find us. Maybe the Yeerks didn’t find me that important or there were others out to get me.

Probably the latter.

Yes, those are Hork-Bajir. I told her. Probably scouts.

So that means we’re close to the base? She asked.

And our way home.

I was happy. Finally the way back was looking clearer. I’d still need to figure out the right co-ordinates but I think I had a better idea of the controls of a Bug fighter now. If I didn’t, we would hopefully arrive back home before the Yeerks completed their invasion of Earth.

Do you think I could acquire one? Cat asked. If you don’t have a hang up about the whole intelligence thing.

I don’t have any problem with you acquiring one. The Hork-Bajir I acquired gave me permission. But any Hork-Bajir here will be a Controller so you don’t have that option. Plus sneaking in and fighting will be much easier while being a Hork-Bajir.

Won’t any of your friends disagree?

Cassie, maybe, but the others won’t get mad. Or at least they won’t show me that they’re mad.

So how do I go about acquiring one?

I had to think. Cat acquiring one was a necessity now since a Hork-Bajir wouldn’t look out of place at a Yeerk base. Plus the fact that if Cat decided she wanted to fight the Yeerks on Earth then that would be a good battle morph. If she didn’t worry about Hork-Bajir being intelligent, she would find the morph very useful.

Hell, if she decided she wanted to use fire arms she could. She could become more of a danger than Rachel in her grizzly bear morph. Not that any of us would tell Rachel that if Cat became that good.

We need to draw one away from the group. I replied. But that would mean that there would be a time where you would be vulnerable and they would see that you have the morphing power.

I didn’t go on to say that if the Yeerks saw one human with the ability to morph that they might assume the Andalite bandits weren’t all Andalites.

Which one? Cat asked.

I don’t know. It will be whichever one doesn’t stay with the group. I replied.

So it will be random.

Yeah.

But it will be worth getting the morph, right? Cat asked after a long pause.

Yes. I said.

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