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JASH
I closed my eyes as I mediated to keep my mind active so I didn’t start to dream. Sleep was a foe that was constantly trying to undermine me. Hunts like these were not the ones I liked the most. Though they seemed to be the ones that truly made a difference to the world. Whether that world be Nirn or Earth.
My eyes opened quickly as the sounds of the door opening came to my ears. The girl that entered was burned into my mind since I appeared in the garage. Logan carefully closed the door as if making sure I didn’t wake up. Did she know I was awake yet? Or did she just not want other adults to know where she was? I’m sure Alex and Saga made sure that no one disturbed me.
“Are you supposed to be here?” I asked.
I watched her reaction as she turned around. There were no signs of fear or surprise on her face. So she hadn’t been trying not to wake me. Had she known I was awake or was she just too excited to talk to me?
“The clown ran away.” Logan complained in a way that only hatchlings can. “Now there is no one to sing.”
Clown…those existed on Nirn, though it was a rare sight to see them in Skyrim. It always seemed to me like they hid a dark side. Cicero, blessed Cicero, acted the part of a jester and was one of the cruelest people I knew. He had dedicated himself completely to the Night Mother.
It would be better for me to continue to lie on the bed and regain my strength. I guess even Daedric Princes had their limits. But the look on Logan’s face was too much for me to bear. Though it was not ours to raise a child, there was an innocence to them that always made me throw caution to the tides.
“What is a party without a bard?” I replied with a sigh. “I just need an instrument to play and I can be your bard.”
“Yeah!” Logan said and clapped. “Do lizards play guitars?”
Guitars…that night on the shores of Cauldron Lake the Anderson brothers had played guitars. They were similar enough to a lute that I should be able to replicate my skills to this strange instrument.
“I don’t know about the rest of my kind, but I will be able to play a guitar.” I answered.
“What songs do lizards play?” Logan asked eagerly.
Logan was a kind soul to these eyes, but her constant need to call me a lizard was grating. Though she had no idea the hurt the slur caused me, it still caused me discomfort. If she continued I might lose my mind.
“Saxhleel. Not lizard, Logan.” I said kindly. “Where I come from, lizard is a word used to demean my people. I am sure you have heard slurs related to your skin.”
As I spoke, Logan’s eyes turned from me to the floor. I had tried to be gentle but she was hurt. Like her mother, she cared more than most. Would the hurt be enough to ruin her special day?
“I don’t mind when you call me Lizzie, though.” I said and she looked at me with a smile on her face. “But I need you to promise me that you won’t tell others I am anything but a human.”
“Why?” Logan asked.
“They don’t see as you do. The rest of them see me as nothing but a man. So if you tell them I am a creature that isn’t from Earth then they will think you’re crazy.”
“Mom says not to worry what others think.”
“Things are different when you could be locked away for what you think.”
“But you could just show them.”
Logan made the angriest expression a hatchling could when I chuckled. When she grew up I’m sure that any expression of rage would be sure to temper the fiercest of souls. But, for now, it was merely amusing.
“Remember how your mother reacted when she saw me in the garage?” I asked and Logan nodded angrily. “She saw me as just a man. Yet she screamed and pulled you from there. Imagine if I was to appear as myself in a room of people. I doubt Saga would do anything but fight me and the rest would flee the scene.”
“Why would she hurt you?” Logan asked, the anger now out of her features.
“Because I am nothing to her while you are her entire world, Logan.”
“Mom trusts Alex. And hasn’t he seen you? So he probably told Mom.”
“While I revealed myself to him, Alex is a rational man and he knows Saga. She would need to see me which she hasn’t. Not yet.”
“Wait. Alex didn’t panic when he saw you.”
“We met each other years ago. He’s had time to digest who and what I am. No one else here has.”
“I didn’t panic.”
“I can’t take the risk that everyone will react as you did. Now, will you promise me?”
Logan looked at me but eventually nodded. She had given me her word and I would hold her to it.
“Come on, Lizzie.” Logan said and pulled my hand.
I gave her the illusion that she had the strength to move me as it caused a large grin on her face. I moved as gracefully as I could even though my entire body was sore. It took nearly all of my strength to remember my years of battle experience which had taught me to not show any discomfort on my face.
She didn’t relent once we were out of the guest room. It was like she thought of me as a toy more than a person. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of anyone in the Dark Brotherhood seeing a mere hatchling drag me so shamefully.
“Why aren’t you in bed, Jash?” Alex asked as soon as we entered what was the…living room.
He didn’t show any weakness. At least he attempted to create a façade of calm. Yet I knew him well enough to see the small sings in his eyes. Everyone could feel such things. I’m sure even Sithis wasn’t confident all the time.
“It’s for one song.” I promised.
“One song.” Alex relented.
Logan lead me to a chair with a large grin on her face. I sat down and looked at a group of dryskin hatchlings. Most were confused and one child was falling asleep. This wasn’t the Blue Palace but I had to act like it was for the children’s sake.
“Lizzie needs a guitar!” Logan shouted with as much authority as her age allowed her.
“I have a guitar in my car.” A man said but didn’t move.
“Just get it.” Saga said with a shake of her head.
“I’ll just be a moment.”
I watched as the man, probably a parent of one of the children in front of me, went to get the instrument. My focus went back to Logan and I realized why Saga had fought so hard for her daughter. It wasn’t just the agent had strong maternal instincts, it was the fact that Logan would grow into a fierce hunter. If she lived on Nirn then she was sure to become Hircine’s Champion.
As soon as the parent returned, Alex took the guitar from him. It didn’t look exactly like the ones the Anderson brothers had used, but it was similar enough. My love gently placed it into my hands as if I would break.
“You can just go back to bed.” Alex whispered.
“Do you think Logan would let me?” I replied with a chuckle. “I can survive one song.”
Alex reluctantly nodded and stood with the other parents. While the children now looked very interested, the adults were a different story. They were nervous. I had to prove to them I was no threat.
I gently strummed the guitar to get a feeling of the instrument. It had a completely different feel to it than a lute did. Was it a bad thing? Would it cause problems? Was it a challenge I liked? When I felt comfortable with the instrument I focused again on the crowd before me.
“I am sorry that my entrance had such fanfare attached to it.” I said as I continued to strum the guitar. “My intention was not to ruin such a joyous day, Saga.”
“What’s your name?” One parent asked nervously. “What is Lizzie short for?”
“Lizzie is what Logan has taken to calling me. My name is Jash.”
I looked at Saga and tried for my gaze to not be intrusive. She wasn’t as tense as before and there was even the hint of a smile on her lips. I didn’t want her to hate me as that meant I had crossed a line. Scouts-Many-Marshes had always reassured me that I hadn’t crossed the final line and my soul was not too tainted.
“As a peace offering I will sing a very special song.” I said as the music from the guitar changed into a recognizable melody to these ears. “This is the first song my…my late first husband translated with me. We stayed in our house as the snow fell and music drowned out the cold.”
That Part by Lauren Spencer Smith always sent me into a spiral. It was a song that hurt in a way that reminded me how much I still loved Scouts. Nothing and no one would ever replace him as it should be. That kind of light was once in a lifetime. Even if that lifetime was eternal.
“If not for translating this song, our marriage would have ended with two broken hearts.” I said as I managed to gain control over my emotions. “I think he would have liked this place and would have wanted everyone to be properly entertained. So not only will this be a peace offering to Saga, it will be a remembrance of a very special man.”
The song flowed from my fingertips and lips. Scouts and I had turned it into a duet. The loss of his voice tore me up in the best way. The song started in the Common Tongue with light doses of Jel sprinkled in. By the end, though, it was all in Jel with not a hint of the Common Tongue in it.
The hatchlings cheered and cried for more once the song ended. Even the parents clapped though they only seemed to do so out of obligation. Alex took the guitar from me and helped me stand. I nearly passed out and realized how much the song had taken out of me.
“Will you sing again?” Logan asked.
“If I feel better then I will.” I said before Alex could respond.
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