Hunter Chapter 12: Forgotten Tomes

This is a Skyrim/Alan Wake 2 fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.

JASH

“This is why you should be weary of anyone that has a Black Soul Gem.” I said as my lecture came to a close. “The chances of finding a good person that regularly carries one of those gems is not high.”

I looked around the Hall of the Elements where young mages with confused expressions on their faces stood silently. Since most came to the College of Winterhold to have a look at the Dragonborn, I had made the decision to lecture only in Jel. The native language of my people was not widely known which meant anyone that wanted to learn from me would need to do hard work for that privilege.

Only using Jel for my lectures also helped me spread the culture of my people.

As I continued to give my lecture on Black Soul Gems I tried to avoid my memories of the Soul Carin. In all my journeys I had never been to such a hellish place as that. The most terrifying part of that adventure was the fact that that realm would always linger in my soul.

My focus went back to the group gathered before me. Sissel of Rorikstead looked at me with perfect understanding. It helped that she had known me since she was a child and so understood Jel perfectly. Though her lack of certain appendages and Saxhleel senses meant she would never be able to speak it as well as she understood it.

“I expect your essays on the topic of today’s lecture by tomorrow morning.” I said in the Common Tongue. “You may leave now.”

I let the students leave before walking towards the Arcanaeum. Sissel’s familiar footsteps joined mine as she walked beside me. She had been a comforting presence since I arrived. She knew when I needed to talk and when it was better for me to be left alone.

“It has come to my ears that your father died, Sissel.” I said and held back my hatred for the man. “I will understand if you need to take time away from the College to attend his funeral.”

“You wanted to kill my father.” Sissel pointed out. “It Is only because I couldn’t stand the thought of him being murdered that you held your hand, Jash. Unlike him, you never abused me or let others abuse me.”

“In your eyes am I more important than your father?”

“I don’t want you to go without telling me of your departure.”

In her eyes there was such love and devotion for me. It was the kind that didn’t require me to feel the same. A rare thing that I wished I could repay in full.

“The High Queen commanded me to find Alex Casey and not stop until I do.” I reassured the young woman. “It is our to obey Elisif without fault.”

Sissel touched my arm and we stopped walking. There was no one else on the stairs and so we had a moment to reflect on the moment. She hadn’t touched me as a friend. Instead her touch had the hidden warmth of a lover. The love in her eyes shone even brighter with that same devotion.

In that moment I wanted to take her in my arms and carry her to my bed. I wanted to announce to all of Tamriel that my heart had found another to love. A shiver went down my spine as I wondered if such love for her would mean I’d give up my search for Alex.

And what if I did give up my search in favor of her? Would she only make me feel more broken? Would she be able to heal the hole in my soul?

The moment passed as her hand parted from my arm. We finished our walk to the Arcanaeum in silence. I sat at a table while Sissel wandered somewhere else. Most likely she would find a quiet corner in the College of Winterhold to practice her newly learned Restoration spells.

The moment my hands started to turn the pages of a book and my eyes read the words, time became a foreign concept to me. As a Saxhleel, I was raised to think of a version of time outside the normally understood linear concept. So when I lost the concept of time it tended to be more extreme than a dryskin would experience such things.

After much study I had figured out the connections between Aleksi Kesa and Saga Anderson. It didn’t ease my mind when I could finally understand why they had appeared when they did. Both had been signs that Alex Casey’s presence in Skyrim was degrading the veil between realities.

The thinning of the veil between realities had happened before. Kaoc, it had happened before I formerly met Alex. A tear went down my face when I recalled that moment in Bloodchill Manor when we had made love. The shiver that went down my spine at the memory when he disappeared as we had found our release shook me back to reality.

Alex had been privy to my every memory. The barrier between realities was nothing to him and he kept breaking it. He could have stopped at any time but he had loved me too much. Even when he thought me merely a dream.

My Potion of Sobriety, the reason I hadn’t needed to wait a few months to sober up before returning to the College of Winterhold, had been found on Earth. That was the reason Alex had eventually realized I wasn’t just part of his imagination. If something of that caliber had made it to Earth then my love hadn’t just created small cracks in reality.

He had torn down walls to get to me.

“Kaoc!” I hissed in frustration.

I now knew that Alex’s presence here caused him to be erased from existence. I knew that if you messed with reality then things could shatter. Reality could be stretched and bent only so far before things broke. Hence forcing reality to conform to your desires should only be done when a practitioner fully understood what they were doing.

But while I understood the how clearly, I didn’t understand the timing of the situation. Alex had seen my memories and encountered the Potion of Sobriety on Earth without his existence being in danger. He had lived nine years in Skyrim without incident.

What had pushed us past the point of no return?

If I didn’t understand what exactly caused Alex to be torn from me then there wouldn’t be any point in finding his echo. I would merely find the echo and then lose him again.
* * *
I ate my Sweet Roll with a grimace on my face. My meager breakfast did nothing to dampen the pain radiating throughout my body. Not even the Spiced Wine had any hopes of dulling my senses. Especially since I had to remain sober enough to read the scroll in front of me.

Even though I was in my quarters in the College, various mages would enter to ask my advice. Or, even worse, they would ask me to approve their dangerous experiments. Most of the time I would advise them where in Skyrim to perform such feats of idiocy so innocent bystanders wouldn’t be hurt.

“Arch-Mage,” Tolfdir said as he entered. “You’re reading another scroll?”

“The last one didn’t have the answers on it.” I retorted. “Is there some College business I should be made aware of?”

“The only business you need be made aware of is the fact that you have read all the books in the Arcanaeum. Not even Urag gro-Shub can claim such a feat.”

“I’m sure Urag has read every book in his library at least four times.”

Though my tone had been harsh, Tolfdir wasn’t moved. He knew that I posed no danger to him. He knew that sometimes I needed a harsh hand from those I respected. And he wouldn’t have attained his position if I thought him a fool.

“Is there anything else?” I asked and drank some of my Spiced Wine. “Perhaps answers about Alex Casey.”

“You’ve been holed up in this place for months.” Tolfdir said and crossed his arms. “I do appreciate your expertise and the fact you have kept a grip on the other factions you rule. But I think it far from wise for you to remain tied to the books here.”

“Why is my research a bad thing to pursue?”

“Because you’re too focused.”

“And that’s wrong?”

“If you’re too focused then you could miss important information. You should go to one of your properties for a month or so and then come back here.”

I wanted to yell that Elisif had commanded me. But I sighed as I knew she would agree with my Master-Wizard. She hadn’t made me pursue Alex because she thought I would succeed. She had commanded me as she didn’t want me to lose myself in addiction.

And my obsession with reuniting with Alex was stronger than any Skooma. I had found a way to quell my addiction with the drug and so I could do the same with my second husband.

“You’re right, Tolfdir.” I said. “I’ll leave with J’zargo.”

“And I’ll make sure there is a carriage for you.” Tolfdir replied with a bow. “Do you know which of your properties you’ll go to?”

“Lakeview Manor. I want to visit Scouts-Many-Marshes’ grave. I don’t know how I would manage during this time without you.”

“I’m not in the same torment you are.”

When Tolfdir left, I ate the rest of my Sweet Roll and ignored the scroll in front of me. Maybe he was right and with my head cleared, I would find something I had missed.