This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
JASH
“Tolfdir thought I should have time away from the College to clear my head.” I said as I neared the end of my story. “So I came here with J’zargo.”
Once my last sentence was spoken, silence filled the night once again. Alex, Saga, and Alan all looked like they were having problems coming to terms with what I had said. But, for their sakes, I could not lie or comfort them. I hoped that they would be able to understand my current situation better than I could.
I looked at Alex and took his hands in mine. Even though he was just an echo of my Alex, his skin felt comforting like my late husband’s. The way he returned my touch reminded me how similar he was to who I had fallen in love with.
“There is nothing more that I want to do than to live my life with you, Alex.” I said. “No matter what happens, I will always love you.”
“I don’t want you to always look at me as if I’m about to die.” Alex agreed. “****, I don’t want to die like he did.”
“Something doesn’t make sense.” Alan interrupted.
“This one wonders if there is anything about this situation that makes sense.” J’zargo said as he poured himself more wine. “Alex touches Jash briefly and somehow the two are fated to always yearn for the other. And that’s only mentioning the surface.”
Alan sighed deeply and the rest of us held back laughter. The situation was dire and no one wanted the bard to be distracted. It could be that he would finally figure out how I could be with Alex without worrying that the man would be erased from existence.
Maybe he would figure out how I could marry the Alex I was touching right now.
“Jash, you said you destroyed your connection to the original version of you.” Alan said. “So why are you still connected with Alex? If you weren’t, we wouldn’t have been able to find you.”
The pain of Alex’s loss had turned me into nothing but a mere addict. I consumed more Skooma than a mortal could and then I had replaced the drug with a search for answers. Even now there was a hole in me that could never be filled. But to not feel that pain…that would be worse.
To love was always to court the fact that the one you held dear would leave. Either the relationship wouldn’t work out or one would die and find their soul where the other couldn’t reach. If one wasn’t willing to deal with that pain, one shouldn’t pursue any form of romance.
“Maybe over countless loops Jash and Alex have strengthened their bond to the point it doesn’t matter if Jash destroyed part of himself.” Saga mused.
“But something must have changed between them.” Alan argued.
“Okay, what if the connection between this Jash and our Alex has been weakened?”
Alex turned his attention away from his FBI partner to me. His eyes always had a quality of superhuman strength. Not because he was a cruel monster underneath, but because he had put a mask over himself for so long. So for me to feel that intensity layered with fear sent a shiver down my spine.
“If you don’t want me to stay, just tell me.” Alex said.
I began to open my mouth and closed it before any words came out. A terrible truth had come to me right before I told Alex I didn’t want him to leave. I still didn’t want him to leave but he would have to.
If Alex had been tense before, he achieved a new level with my silence. Rayya, Brelyna, J’zargo, Alan, and Saga also shone with worry. The dryskins from Earth must worry that their journey to Nirn had been in vain.
“Is everything alright, Arch-Mage?” Brelyna asked. “After all your time searching you’re hesitating now?”
“I am the Daedric Prince of Balance and Extremes.” I said slowly as I forced the words out. “I still think of myself as a Saxhleel but the more divine aspect of me has greatly overshadowed my simple mortal existence. Since I am the personification of my title, it stands to reason that those I marry must also enact perfect balance.”
Everyone but Alex looked as if they were examining the truth of my words. My love, on the other claw, was trying to not look even more panicked than he already was. The mask he had perfected over the years was beginning to crack due to the worry that our parting would be soon.
“I began my search for Alex Casey in the misguided belief of when our meeting first occurred.” I managed to continue. “I thought we had first met in Bright Falls and my purpose was to save him from possession. I hadn’t realized our first meeting had occurred much earlier and my purpose was much more vague.”
“You can’t marry just any Alex.” Alan said and his hands moved as if they were aching for a quill. “You need one that compliments your balance.”
Alex’s grip on my hands tightened and I loosened my own grip so the pain wouldn’t be as great. He responded to my action by removing his hands from mine. I hated how the lack of touch was even more painful.
“And it’s not just about marrying the right Alex Casey.” I said and somehow managed to control the excitement in my voice. “Since I will be marrying a resident of another reality I need to marry a resident of this reality.”
“I’m ready, Jash.” Alex said and put his hand on my shoulder.
He must know how naïve he was being now. Such hope belonged to the young and not ones like us. He would not relent his pursuit unless I was clear with the truth. But before I did I had to get past pain that felt as if Sithis was devouring my heart. While that pain went on it also felt like the Dark Brotherhood was spending decades torturing me.
“My love, I wish that I could marry you this night.” I said and looked towards the garden. “I would marry you where Scouts-Many-Marshes is buried so that we could feel his blessing. But it is ours to marry your echo from the latest loop. Saga is wise to recognize that the bond between us has been lessened and is no longer strong enough to hold us together. Your echo from the latest loop will have the strongest connection with me so that I will not have to see you die again. And if you do die you will spend eternity with me in the Mountain.”
“That is such bullsh-“ Alex began and he was stopped by a kiss.
My kiss was born out of desperation. I was not one to display such carnal affections with others around but this was different. I had to show my love how true and deep my affections ran. After the shock wore off his lips replied to mine in kind. It was as if a war was waged with our lips with two separate goals.
I had shown Alex my love while he tried to convince me to change my mind. The war was so fierce that we both began to cry. It scared me to feel his tears mix with mine as it showed how broken he was. He was a broken man and now I had managed to fill him with even more pain.
The moment the kiss ended, we turned from each other as if nothing had happened. A small glint in Saga’s eyes hinted that once this memory was far enough behind, she would tease Alex about crying in front of people.
“There is only one person that Jash would choose to marry from Nirn and Oblivion.” J’zargo said after giving me a minute to recover.
“My thane will finally marry Elisif.” Rayya guessed. “He can now take her hand and reward her with more power than a mortal could have otherwise.”
“You’re wrong, wife.” Brelyna said with a grin and rolled her eyes. “Have you not seen how he has talked of Sissel lately? The Arch-Mage will face his doubts and marry Sissel of Rorikstead.”
“You are idiots.” J’zargo scoffed. “Jash would marry Scouts-Many-Marshes but the Hist will never lessen their grips on his soul. They won’t want a Daedric Prince to be in danger of finding fulfillment. And so there is only one who Jash will choose to marry.”
“Who?” Rayya asked.
“Hircine.” Alan answered and pointed to the ring on my thumb. “Doesn’t he wear that like a wedding band already? He was able to become a Daedric Prince because he couldn’t accept becoming distant from Hircine.”
“And by becoming a Daedric Prince he would be able to remain close to Hircine even while his soul could not reunite with his Prince.” J’zargo said with a groan. “So we will have to get the attention of the Daedric Prince Hircine so Jash can propose.”
“May our hunt be a glorious one!” I shouted and raised my goblet. “Those that will join me, raise your cup in kind!”
J’zargo reluctantly raised his cup. Once Alex raised his cup, Saga and Alan followed suit.
No comments:
Post a Comment