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ALEX
I looked at Jash as my body ached. ******* him as a woman had been good but ******* him as a Saxhleel was a different kind of pleasure. The pleasure that men had fought wars over. I rested my head on his chest and felt his heart beat.
I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have done this. I didn't deserve this kind of happiness. In a moment everything would be torn away from me.
Nothing good ever lasted.
I should be focused on solving an agent's murder, not getting off.
"Are you alright, uxith-beeko?" Jash asked and ran his fingers through my hair. "If you felt me lacking, I swear to spend eternity improving."
"I don't think I could handle you getting better." I reassured him. "I barely lasted even a minute before ******* all over your hand."
"Then what is it?"
"I came here to investigate Agent Nightingale's death. I've never ****** around while on a case. Never."
I looked up to a very concerned expression from Jash. There was such subtlety in his face that someone unfamiliar with his race would assume he was annoyed at me. But the sounds he made and the way his crest wasn't raised indicated concern.
"Do you trust Saga?" Jash asked.
"What?" I responded. "Of course I do. She's a **** fine agent and person. I wouldn't have given her lead if I didn't trust her."
"So you would agree that if she saw anything wrong with you '******* around' then she would have made our coupling much harder? Or impossible?"
I wanted to argue with him that that wasn't the point. That I had to do better in my life.
But he was right.
"She would have stopped me from ******* you." I agreed reluctantly.
"Do you know anything about me?" Jash asked nervously. "All I knew about you before arriving here is that our souls are connected."
I shook my head. I knew everything about him. All the things he shared freely with others, the things he had only told Scouts-Many-Marshes, and even the things he tried to hide from himself. I knew him better than I knew myself and still loved him.
Though that didn't mean I always remembered everything.
"I first dreamed of you when you hatched." I said as my fingers slowly ran down his chest. "Every time I dreamed, you would be there. But after you bit me I stopped dreaming of you."
"And you still want to be with me?" Jash asked and I kissed his chest.
"Yes." I said as he let out a low groan. "I don't usually go for killers but you're different. Even after the most horrible deeds anyone could commit, you protected your friends. You could still look forward to a world that didn't need you. **** it, Jash, I feel better when I'm with you."
I pressed my face on Jash's chest. It was embarrassing to be that upon to anyone. But I knew everything about him and he knew nothing about me. Since he would take me with him, he deserved nothing but absolute honesty from me.
"Scouts-Many-Marshes was right." Jash said with a chuckle. "If a stranger can see into the very heart of me and not run, am I really that much of a monster?"
I lifted my head up as he cupped my faces in his hands. I closed my eyes to better feel his fingers as they caressed my face.
"This isn't our first time." Jash said. "We've been down this road many times before."
"I've had that nagging feeling for a decade." I admitted.
I opened my eyes as I heard him begin to cry. I had seen him face the most terrible things without being moved. But he was crying now. I put a hand on his neck and his tear filled eyes looked at me.
"What is wrong, Jash?" I asked.
"I didn't want to worry you about something that might be nothing." Jash replied.
"What changed?"
"You love me while knowing all of my sins. The dryskin body is what I used to get here now and countless times before. But this must be the last time I search for you. Once this body dies I can never search for you again."
I could understand why Jash wanted to hide the truth about his dryskin body. Hadn't I done similar things countless times? Those I actually gave a **** about, I didn't want to worry. For people I hated, I didn't like to give them the satisfaction.
"I'll protect you, Jash." I said. "I'm not losing you this time."
"And I'll protect you, Alex." Jash said. "It is not ours to leave those I love behind."
Our lips met as we sealed the promise.
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