Morning After the Storm

This is an Animorphs fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This is a drabble of a fanfic I'm probably never going to write.

[From the water that gave birth to us.] I said and dipped my right forehoof into the stream.

The stream was in the middle of my scoop. I had moved here when I wasn't the scum of my people. A more pleasant time when my friends heard me laugh. But war had changed me and corrupted me. Only after the war had been won could I see how greatly my sins had consumed me.

[From the grass that feeds us.] I continued and crushed grass beneath my right forehoof.

How everyone would love if I never ate again. My people, the ones I had sacrificed for, would gladly see me starve to death. Not that they would ever admit to those silent thoughts. Only Jahar, my wife, could look beyond my atrocities. Only she could see the man before the war. It helped that she, too, had been disgraced alongside me.

Now after everything, we were the only two that could listen to each other. Everyone else, even Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, would look at me with pity or anger. I could hardly stand talking to others of my kind now.

[For the freedom that unites us.] I said and spread my arms out wide.

Freedom? What freedom? Ever since Esplin had crawled into my head I had realized how limited my 'freedom' had always been. Andalite culture was much too structured to allow any freedom. Added to that was how easy it was for us to assign blame to an innocent person. I had put the Andalite-Yeerk War on the shoulders of Prince Seerow. But it had been all of us that had allowed the war to begin.

My precious Jahar had been disgraced when I had been infested by a Yeerk. She was more than innocent and it always made me shiver with rage to think of what she had been put through.
[We rise to the stars.] I said and looked at the sun with all four eyes.

How foolish it felt to say those words. How utterly ignorant they sounded. The stars were not a destination that would save us. They contained horrors that broke even the strongest of Andalites. They had broken me.

[Freedom is my only cause.] I continued with the morning ritual. [Duty to my people, my only guide. Obedience to my prince, my only glory. The destruction of my enemies, my most solemn vow. I, Alloran-Semitur-Corrass, offer my life.]

I put my tail-blade to my throat and thought of giving a slight twitch. A twitch that would end all the pain. Would give me the end I deserved. When I had committed genocide on the Hork-Bajir that had not been for the people. It had been because I was tired and wanted to go back home. Those feelings had translated into an atrocity my fellow Andalites had never admitted happened. We lied about it being Yeerk Propoganda.

I had destroyed my enemies, but at what cost? Now that I was home doubts had started to overcome my mind.

I lowered my head and tail. If not for Jahar, I would've killed myself many months ago. But she was asleep and I wouldn't let her wake to a dead husband.