This chapter has been edited due to content. I edited a sex scene to plot relevant dialogue. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
"I was worried while you were gone." Sansa said.
We were walking through Winterfell again. Each of us made sure that things were going smoothly, but that was hardly the reason we talked. We enjoyed each other's company. With each talk we gained a better understanding of the other. Luckily we liked each other more and more with every talk.
"I am sorry that you will experience more of that." I told her. "Until this war is over we will have to leave your presence. At least afterwards you can be assured we are safe."
"When the war ends there will just be new dangers." Sansa retorted.
There had been no need to clarify who I meant by 'we'. She was well aware that 'we' meant Jon and myself. Anyone else didn't matter in this conversation. I agreed with her that the war wouldn't mean the end of dangers. After the time of peace that came after every war, dangers would turn more political. Political assassinations might be attempted. It was good that Sansa would be on my side in such affairs.
"If we can deal with the dead, we can deal with anyone." I reassured her.
"Jon can't." Sansa replied. "He has too much of a kind heart. Even though he has learned much, that is still a weakness."
"I will be by his side to make sure he doesn't stumble. Tyrion won't be far from our sides."
"It would be better if I were there."
"The North will need a Warden. Who better than you?"
Sansa was silent but nodded in agreement. After the time of peace the Northerners might become unstable. It would take a very strong leader to keep them in line. While Jon had bent the knee to a Targaryen, Sansa had remained firm in her loyalty to the North. Those loyal to House Stark would more than trust her.
Her face was strong but saddened. Her heart beat for both Jon and me. She cared for both of us as family. During the War for the Dawn we would need to leave for long amounts of time. And each absence would be filled with the uncertainty of seeing each other again. After the war Jon and I would leave for King's Landing while Sansa would stay in Winterfell.
"Everything has changed." Sansa said softly. "If only we had never gone South. If only I hadn't begged to marry Joffrey."
"Civil war would've still broken out and the dead wouldn't have changed their plans." I said. "At least you have the abilities needed to make you strong."
"I can't swing a sword or use a bow and arrow."
"You have an equally important set of abilities. You are able to keep the peace and to keep people focused on the true enemy. It isn't the ability to fight that will help us win this war, it is the ability to keep us all united. Jon has that ability while you have the nuances that help flesh it out."
A few children rushed out in front of us. I laughed as I nearly lost my balance. Sansa was able to keep herself upright without any help from me. She smiled at me. House Stark had allowed people to find safety in the walls of Winterfell. Unfortunately there wasn't enough space to allow everyone in. When the limit was reached, people sometimes had to be forcibly turned away.
Arya had been the most ardent supporter to allow everyone in. But even she eventually agreed that wasn't a possibility. Hard decisions had to be made and she was a strong woman. I noticed that Sansa had stopped walking and so I turned to look at her.
"You choosing Jon does not bother me." Sansa said with a sad smile. "He has been leading a hard life longer than me. He deserves as much happiness as he can find. The thing that bothers me is that neither of you will be able to bear a heir."
"No we won't." I agreed.
Having a child hadn't been on my mind lately. So far there were heirs from House Stark. Sansa was the most promising one. Arya was wild but there was a chance that she could be trained. If Bran was able to feel even remotely human anymore, he could be a powerful leader of his House. There hadn't been a need to look for someone to bear children for Jon.
"Have you thought of bearing children?" Sansa asked. "About who you will use?"
"There has been no need." I replied and ignored her hopeful tone. "You, Arya, and Bran can act as heirs. If all of you do die Lyanna Mormont can be my heir."
"I understand how I could rule the Iron Throne. As you have pointed out before, I have a keen ability for politics. Arya is a good fighter but isn't calm enough to rule. Bran isn't himself anymore. Lyanna, I will agree, would make a fine ruler. But what if we all die? What then?"
"Who would you suggest?"
"Me. At least if I survive this war."
The offer was pure insanity. It wasn't right to her honor. Yet it would allow me to make love to her without being disloyal to Jon. While my heart was his and no one else's, I still found Sansa attractive. And to find out she wished to **** me with the excuse of a shameful plan, excited me. It excited me to the point I nearly went beyond reason.
"You shouldn't shame yourself so." I told Sansa. "You deserve a man who will love and respect you. You don't deserve to be used like a common whore."
"I highly doubt bearing your children won't be respected." She complained.
"The position will be beneath you."
She started to speak and then stopped. I wanted to embrace and reassure her. Yet I couldn't. If I did so she might take it the wrong way. The choice between who I loved more was impossible to make. So I had chosen one of them that I loved. She was the path not taken and that would end up making all the difference. One day she would be comfortable with another man and we would laugh about this conversation.
"You are right, Jorah." Sansa nodded.
"I need to see Jon." I said. "I will see you later, Sansa."
With that we went our separate ways. I knew where Jon should be. When I found him we would **** for the first time. After we had arrived back at Winterfell, I had felt conflicted. I was both nervous and excited. Today I would **** him and allow my arousal to consume me. Daenerys had told me to move on and I would. I would allow her to leave my mind for a short time.
"What do you mean?" Arya asked Jon with a mischievous look in her eyes.
Jon and Arya were both in the courtyard. By the fact they both had their swords out I could assume they had been sparring. Arya had a calm look in her eyes which meant she had enjoyed the fight. Jon had a look of exhaustion which meant his younger sister had been more successful in the session.
"Jorah," Arya said and looked at me. "Do you want to spar? Jon's gotten tired."
"I can see." I replied. "Sadly I need him for something else."
Jon looked up at me and all of his exhaustion went away. He gained new strength as he realized lovemaking would be happening soon. Arya's expressions took a different set of turns. First she was disappointed that she had to stop fighting for the time being. Then she seemed more amused than anything else.
"You need my brother for something else?" Arya said, feigning indifference. "What do you need to talk with him about?"
"If he wants to tell you later that is his decision." I replied.
"I am sure he won't."
"Then you already know the reason for secrecy."
The girl looked at me and I hoped she would give up this argument. We all knew what would happen between Jon and myself soon. There didn't need to be any discussion on the matter. The only thing that needed to be debated was why it had taken me so long. It had been much too long since I had initially said yes to Jon's proposal. Arya's attempt to argue was merely her letting out frustration. It was both understandable and annoying.
"Arya, we can spar another time." I reassured the girl. "For now, though, I must attend to my husband."
The woman nodded and I left with Jon. There was heat between us. A heat that was in danger of burning the very snow we walked on.
"I shouldn't have taken so long." I apologized.
"You lost the woman you love." Jon replied. "And she still visits you. Plus you still have an ingrained fear of sleeping with other men. I understand, my love."
My hand eagerly opened the door. There was a proper bed that Jon started to move towards. Once I shut the door I grabbed his arm. With a slight pull he was pressed up against me. We kissed each other and I felt the last doubts leave my mind. This was right.
For an hour in time there was nothing but me and him.
"You're not that old." Jon said after we had finished. "I have never had a lover like you."
"You haven't had many." I replied. "I'm not that impressive."
"My lovers have all been younger than you and have never left me so exhausted."
I breathed in the sweet scent of lovemaking and my husband's heavy breathing. My fingers found their way to the scar just above his heart. He had told me that it was due to his men killing him. He had wanted peace with the Wildlings but some of the Night's Watch disagreed. They still held onto old beliefs.
"Maybe I am as impressive as you say." I replied. "Or maybe I am just more experienced."
"I don't think I could ever equal you." Jon said.
"Give yourself time."
The Stark put his head where my greyscale used to be. It was good to know that the disease didn't frighten him. It didn't make him show me pity or regret. Instead he merely treated my greyscale scars as a part of me. He looked so young as if the world would kill him with ease. Yet that had never been the case. He was one of the strongest and bravest men I had ever met.
"What will we do after the war?" Jon asked. "We'll have to make heirs."
"I have not given it much thought." I replied. "Right now we have the dead to worry about. Everything else can wait. If we die during the war there is already Sansa, Arya, and Bran Stark to pick as heirs. If they all die then Lyanna Mormont would make a good queen."
"But what if you gave it some thought?"
Should I tell him about what Sansa had offered? She was a beautiful woman that would be easy to make love to. Yet a challenge to make her see sex as a good thing instead of as a tool. The image of Ramsay Bolton raping her made my blood boil. She did not deserve all that had happened to her.
"I am sorry." Jon said.
"It isn't your fault." I replied. "Sansa offered herself to me for such a purpose. I will not use her for something beneath her. That isn't what made me angry, though. I imagined Ramsay raping her."
"I wanted to kill him once I won the Battle of the Bastards. I enjoyed every blow I gave his pathetic face. But she deserved to be the one to kill him as she would. She had more than earned the right to torture her tormentor. Sansa fed the creature to his own dogs."
"You wanted to watch?"
Jon didn't reply for awhile and then nodded. He was a good and honorable man, but he wasn't perfect. He still felt the same emotions and desires as everyone else. He was just better at controlling himself than most. So for him to admit to such a wicked thought wasn't something he liked doing.
"I more than understand." I told him. "You are not a bad man for feeling such anger."
"I shouldn't be feeling wrath." Jon retorted.
"You are feeling such anger because of caring. Ramsay violated your own blood. You aren't feeling anger because wrath has consumed you."
"I wish I could believe that."
No comments:
Post a Comment