This chapter has been edited due to content. I made minor edits in this chapter. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
It took awhile for there to be a moment of calm after the battle. Jaime had suggested to move a distance away from the battle by nightfall. Jon had agreed and so it wasn't until the stars came out that I could visit my husband. I was tired and my body just wanted to go to sleep. Yet I needed to check on my husband.
His tent was near the center and I felt nervous. How badly injured was he? Would this be the first night we spent together? Should our initial fucking take place in a mere tent? Should I worry about silly questions like that?
Jaime nodded and I went into the tent. Candlelight left most of the tent in shadows and cast my husband in a chilling light. It was as if he wasn't a man but something out of legends. My eyes went over his body before my feet took me closer. No large scars were on his body but his face showed he was shaken. Something had been broken though his body wouldn't show the wounds.
"Jorah," Jon said and sat up. "I wasn't sure if you were alive."
"Didn't Jaime tell you?" I asked.
"He did but I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. For a moment near the end I thought I saw you with the Greyjoys. I don't like to believe I nearly killed you."
"You weren't in control of Rhaegal. None of the dragons were in control of themselves."
I stood by him and he put a hand on my arm. Even though there was clothing between us, I felt as if his hand was touching my skin. He gripped my arm and I could feel his fear. He had not liked the idea of getting on a dragon and then Dragonbinder had been used during battle. it wasn't a move anyone could have anticipated. The horn was a thing of legend. It was a piece of history that hadn't been remembered for some time. There had even been myths about what Dragonbinder did.
"I hope you can forgive me. I should have anticipated what happened. I should have known about the trap." Jon said. "Euron Greyjoy played to the fact we would trust you to help with strategy. He anticipated what you would do. I should have seen that."
"I will not forgive you, Jon." I replied and put my hand on his. "For there is nothing to forgive."
"Aren't you even the tiniest bit angered?"
"No. You are alive and that's all I care about. Drogon and Rhaegal are free and that is good. With Yara Greyjoy in charge of her House, we have a strong force on the sea."
"White Walkers can't swim. Unless you think we should flee if the Night King gets too strong?"
"We don't even know if the dead can swim or not. It wouldn't surprise me if the Night King lured Daenerys and her dragons into a trap."
Jon looked away from me in shame. It was him who had told Daenerys to come rescue us. He had decided on that course of action and played into the Night King's hands. It was more than possible that my love's actions had caused Viserion to become an enemy of the living. At least Khaleesi was no longer alive and wouldn't have to worry about killing one of her children. That was a pain I never wanted her to experience.
"You weren't the only one at fault." I told him. "Tyrion came up with the plan of capturing a wight. None of us thought there could be a trap. The idea should've come to us sooner when all of us had reached Eastwatch because of visions."
"Bran would've known it was a trap." Jon replied and turned his head back to me.
"Greensight is a powerful ability." I started to explain. "It allows a person to see all of time. We don't know how powerful the Night King's powers are. They could be strong enough to alter Greensight."
"How powerful are your powers?"
"I wish I knew."
If all of the Azor Ahai Prophecy were true then the Night King couldn't hope to defeat me. It was my destiny to kill him and stop the dead. But what if the only parts of the prophecy were true? What if it was only destined that I was powerful enough to fight the Night King, not that I was destined to defeat him?
"I was almost convinced I was Azor Ahai." Jon said as I sat on the edge of his bed. "It made me afraid. I want to fight the Night King, but I don't want the fate of Westeros depending on me. And, if they can swim, it could be the fate of the world depended on me."
"And now that responsibility rests on my shoulders." I added grimly.
"I wish I could take that burden from you."
Jon put his hand on my leg and I leaned down to kiss him. With each kiss I tried to take his sorrow away. A low growl started forming in the back of my throat. Our kisses depended and for a moment I was lost from the world. All that existed was me and Jon. When we stopped Jon was breathing hard. One of my hands traveled down his chest to between his legs.
I took my hand away as our first time couldn't be like this. It couldn't be in a tent. It needed to be in a proper bed. Jon more than deserved proper lovemaking for our first time. His eyes looked up at me and begged me to continue. He must not care and I could understand why. His young body hadn't yet learned how to push those urges away. Nor had he learned how to wait for a proper first time.
"You need to rest," I half-lied. "If there are dangers along the road we'll need to be ready. You don't-"
"You're lying." Jon said.
"Will you command me to **** you?"
"I have half a mind to."
We both chuckled at his joke. He lay back and looked up. I didn't bother following his gaze as I knew it lead to nowhere. He must be thinking and didn't care where his eyes looked. The last battle was his first as king. He had won back Winterfell for House Stark which had caused many to side with him. The battle against Euron Greyjoy and the Golden Company was a more harrowing battle. The Battle of the Bastards merely had to showcase why House Stark should rule the North. This last battle had to show everyone why Jon should be followed and feared as king of Westeros. it had to show why the South should bend the knee to a Northerner. It had to show why Jon was the one to lead the War for the Dawn.
"How did Euron gain control over the dragons?" Jon asked. "What could get around the magic of such creatures?"
"Dragonbinder." I replied. "In Old Valyria dragonlords would command their dragons by various means. They had magic and whips on their side to control dragons. Dragonbinder is one of the horns that I had heard about. According to Yara Greyjoy, who was captured and abused by Euron, the horn was indeed Dragonbinder. It is so old and ancient that I hadn't anticipated Euron finding it."
"How was it destroyed?"
I didn't know what words I should use. Even though it had been many hours after the battle, I hadn't begun to comprehend what had happened. It had felt useless trying to understand my powers as I didn't have a clue how they worked.
"My necklace, Lightbringer, shot a beam of light that destroyed the horn." I replied. "The beam didn't harm my armor at all. The most I felt was heat on my chest. I don't think destroyed explains how the horn was broken. After the beam of light hit, it was as if the object never existed."
"Now if only you could shoot the beam of light at the Night King." Jon said.
"If I am able to do so, I will."
"You can ride Rhaegal with me. All we need is one shot at him."
Was Jon seriously suggesting I ride a dragon? Riding Drogon had been about survival. There had been no other choice but to ride or die. Daenerys' children did not belong to me. The blood of Old Valyria did not flow through my veins. Jon was an oddity with his blood of fire and ice. Most Northerners wanted no part with those further south.
The fear of riding a dragon was more than nervousness due to my blood. It had to do with the fact I wasn't worthy to ride one. The gods had chosen me for Azor Ahai but that didn't mean I was worthy of everything. I still had to prove I was worthy of being chosen by the gods. Maybe after the War for the Dawn I would clear my name, but not now.
"Possibly." I muttered.
"So you're willing to put me on a dragon but not yourself?" Jon asked.
"You're the one with Targaryen blood, not me."
My husband decided not to argue about the subject. I laid down next to him and he didn't mind my armor. There hadn't been much time to remove it before I came. No, that wasn't true. I had needed to see Jon and so hadn't bothered to clean up. He didn't seem to care about my body's current state.
"I still don't know why you chose me, Jorah." Jon said and chuckled. "I was raised a bastard. I am the true heir to the Iron Throne but that's not what I was raised for. Sansa seems better for you. Both of you are extremely wise. She has a better grasp on politics while you know how to fight. Together you could be unstoppable. Me? After this war I don't think I'll have any focus."
"She is beautiful." I admitted. "While she might not be able to wield a sword, she has a far more dangerous skill. Sansa was trained by and killed Littlefinger. Her training has let her read and manipulate people. It isn't her heritage that makes her desirable. The same can be said about you."
"Sansa should've been queen, not me."
"Jon, everything Sansa can do now is because she was trained. Daenerys was only able to rule after she learned. It wasn't easy for her, either. She rose up from nothing and learned what she needed to. You too can learn."
I didn't know how to explain to Jon why I had made my choice. All that was clear to me was the face that gazed at mine. The heat in his eyes that echoed mine. Being so close to him made me want to disregard my plan of making the first time special. We kissed again and I felt my resolve going away. I put one of his legs around my waist and pressed against him.
"I love you." I told him as we stopped kissing for a moment. "Sansa is a good woman and you are a good man. You know I can't explain my decision. So don't bother worrying about why."
"It's hard not to wonder." Jon replied. "What if one day you seek another?"
"I won't. When I give my heart to someone I give it to them completely."
I kissed his neck and bit it gently. Even though my mind was telling me to wait, my body didn't care. Let me ravage him here. He deserved a better first time from me and yet it was hard to resist him. Finally I was able to control myself.
"What?" Jon asked as I stood up.
"You are a good man." I explained. "Your first time with me shouldn't be in a tent. You're not a common whore."
"You're more honorable than Father made you out to be."
"Eddard was an extremely honorable man. That was both a blessing and a curse. He saw the world in a very black and white manner. I had betrayed my House and so I was evil in his eyes. He didn't have the depth of vision to see any other way."
"So you hate him?"
"No, I don't. He was a great man and he didn't deserve his death."
I stood up and looked at Jon. He was Eddard's son much more than he was Rhaegar's. While his blood was both fire and ice, he was a pure Northerner. When I looked at him, I saw only Eddard's son. What would the man say about me if he were still alive? Would he protest my marriage to his son? Or would he judge me worthy of Jon?
"I will see you in the morning." I said with a bow.
"Won't it be odd to the men if you don't sleep with me?" Jon asked.
"As odd as two kings married to each other?"
My love merely smiled in reply and I walked out. Jaime was being replaced by two Dothraki. The Lannister's face seemed tired. For now he was acting as a guard to Jon. After this war we would have to find a good position for him. Something that would make up for all the hardships he had been through.
"I thought you would share Jon's bed." Jaime said.
"We haven't yet consummated our union." I explained. "A man such as him deserves to have love made to him in a proper bed."
He grinned and I answered with a scowl. He wasn't someone I could express my feelings to. If I said the wrong things then Tyrion would join in on mocking me. Of course there was the possibility that he would mock me regardless of what I did. My footsteps quickly took me to a smaller tent that I had claimed.
It was larger than any other tent but Jon's. I lit candles so I could navigate the room. The colors were dark red and bright gold. Even though the colors were those of House Lannister, I didn't mind. All that mattered to me was that I had a place to sleep.
I lay on my bed and yet sleep refused to visit me. It stayed there on the outskirts of my mind as if it were mocking me. When an hour had passed I decided to do another activity until my body decided to sleep. Pen, ink, and paper were easy to find.
Lady Sansa Stark of Winterfell,
It would not surprise me if I reach you before this letter does. Yet I want to reassure you before you worry too much. King Jon Stark survived the battle unscathed though his mind is shaken. Euron Greyjoy was able to find Dragonbinder and use it against us. The ancient horn has the ability to control dragons. Our side took a greater loss than expected because of that.
I do not bear any wound of significance. As you know, I am Azor Ahai Reborn. During the battle I used my gifts to destroy Dragonbinder. I do not know how that was done. We do know my abilities are not human and might give us a chance against the dead.
I pray that the dead have not yet reached Winterfell. If you have had to flee, you will never get this letter.
We should be back to Winterfell shortly. House Greyjoy is loyal to Yara Greyjoy who is loyal to Jon Stark. The Golden Company has all been killed.
King Jorah Mormont
It felt odd writing my new title down. Each stroke of the pen made me shiver. This should not be happening to the man who had sold people into slavery. They had been poachers and yet no one deserved the fate that had been given to them. Once I had finished writing I sat back in my chair.
I lifted my head and heard a howl in the distance. Jon hoped each night that Ghost would return. The direwolf had left shortly after Jon's return. Arya had reassured him that his direwolf had joined Nymeria's pack. Maybe the wolf had. Maybe after being separated from Jon for so long, he had chosen a different path. Two direwolves would be deadly against the dead. If legends were to be trusted.
This was the most important battle man had ever faced. It could be that the direwolves also knew how horrible the world would soon become. it could be that they had a plan of their own. Maybe it only involved their own kind, but they would protect this world as best they could. Though those thoughts could be my mind trying to show that Azor Ahai wasn't all important. That I could fail and yet the living would survive.
I took out another piece of parchment and wrote a second letter. This time to my own kin. I wanted my words to reach her if we would never see each other.
Lady Lyanna Mormont of Bear Island,
I write to you in fear that we will never meet. We do not know where or when the dead will make their first strike. I am not asking you for forgiveness as I do not deserve that. No matter how well I fight in this war, the past can never be taken back. I fully accept what I have done.
You have done a better job at ruling than I did. Yet that responsibility should never have been placed on your shoulders. If I hadn't accepted Jon Stark's marriage proposal, I would've been honored to be a simple Mormont under your rule.
Ser Jorah Mormont
For Sansa I could use my new title. She wasn't my blood. Lyanna, my cousin, was. With her I couldn't help but become too ashamed of my past. Not unless it was an official document would I use my title of 'king' with her. Not until she forgave me. If she ever did.
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