This chapter has been edited due to content. I made small edits throughout the chapter. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
I sat on the edge of my bed. No one was here as I was to
have a few minutes of calm before announcing my departure. Everything was
peaceful after the final battle as everyone had agreed to a truce. I hoped the
peace would last many years before breaking, but I couldn’t be sure. Nothing
was for certain in this life. I had done all I could for this world and yet I
yearned to do more.
Hail Ocampo and Robert needed me so we could all heal
together. Khaleesi had meant a lot to all of us. But I would have to leave her
wife and child to heal without me. The Mormonts would have to help them heal as
I could do nothing else. I had done all I could. I imagined Alex next to me now
asking me if I still thought leaving after all this time was worth it. I would
still reply the same. If he were here now he would be going with me to
Westeros. But he wasn’t as he was one of the many loses I had incurred in my
time here.
Finally I found the strength to leave my room. The
cleanliness of Winterfell made me feel as if this wasn’t real. That this place
I had made so many memories in was nothing but a dream. It didn’t feel as if I
were actually moving my own legs. It was as if I was just a passenger in my own
body. My feet walked through empty hallways which just heightened my feelings
of this not being real. My rational mind, my logical mind, knew that everyone
was waiting in the park under the noonday sun. But another part of my mind was
using the hallways as proof that this was all I dream.
Where would I wake up? Would it be in Westeros, Essos,
Asshai, or the Nightmare? Would I wake to the arms of Jorah or Alex? Was
leaving this place the right thing to do? Was there actually a right choice or
had I just been fooling myself this entire time?
In some of the hallways there were windows and the light
felt blinding. It was as if the sun was telling me to leave this place. I
walked and wished that I had agreed to someone walking with me. Someone to give
me a few last words of encouragement. But I had told them that it would give a
better image to everyone if I came out alone. It would show the Mormonts that
their leader was strong. Their leader that would be going away today.
I went to a door that lead to the park and stepped outside.
I breathed in the unique aroma of the Nightmare’s air. It was a scent that I
wouldn’t smell again after today. After today this would become a mere memory.
Eve and Eyrie came running to me. My son was slowly growing and his feet seemed
to barely propel him forward. I chuckled as they were supposed to wait for me.
“Eve and Eyrie, you are unbearable.” I said as I embraced
them, tears going down all of our cheeks.
“Don’t go, Mommy.” Eve said. “I don’t want you to go. Why
can’t you stay here?”
“I don’t want to miss you, Mommy.” Eyrie added.
I didn’t know how to explain my decision to my children. I
wanted to spend my life raising them and seeing them grow up. I wanted them by
my deathbed as I passed on. But that couldn’t happen. I had duties to Westeros
and to keeping the fabric of reality intact. I had children in Westeros that
were just as dear to me as Eve and Eyrie were. I didn’t want to lose anymore of
my children and yet the gods loathed me. They played with me only to ask more
than I was willing to give.
“I don’t want to miss you either.” I replied. “I love you so
much and I don’t want you to ever doubt that. But I have children in Westeros
too. I can’t abandon them.”
“And you can abandon us?” Eve asked angrily.
“I don’t want to. Sometimes making the right choice is
impossible because one doesn’t exist. If there is ever a time I can see you
again I will.”
Eve nodded, her anger fading. She could see the pain in my
face. I turned to look at Eyrie and he was in tears, not able to comprehend
anything at the moment. She looked at me and we shared a look. She would take
care of him now that I couldn’t. She would make sure he didn’t hate me as she
knew how much pain I was in. I smiled as I forced my tears to stop, she would
become very powerful in the years to come.
“Come, let’s go.” I told them. “The others are waiting for
us.”
Walking with my children by my side was the hardest part so
far. Their minds could understand a lot and yet some concepts were beyond them.
Too soon we passed by the first ring of Mormonts. They looked at me with confusion.
I hadn’t explained to my organization yet what I was about to do. They were all
running off a victory high and were confused by my sudden announcement.
As I walked through the thick crowd, Sam took my hand. He
squeezed it and we briefly kissed. I had rescued him from slavery so that he
could become a decent man. He had fought bravely in the final battle and all
those with him that day agreed. Everyone here wouldn’t mind following his lead
in the future. The kiss broke much too soon and I could see a yearning in his
eyes. Sam had never wanted to follow me to Westeros. Yet now it seemed he
wanted to change his mind. We both knew it was much too late for him to come
with me. We both knew that our children would have to come and that was another
set of problems. It was too late even if he did want to come with me.
Sam held my hand as we made our way through the crowd. The
people around me were reminders of how much I had accomplished since I had
arrived. It reminded me that no matter my beginnings that I had been able to
achieve so much. I had been captured by the Umbrella Corporation as nothing
more than a test subject. I had fallen in love with Alex. Then once I faked my
death I had created the beginnings of what was around me now.
K-Mart came rushing to me and hugged me tightly. Freshly
made tears were going down her cheeks. I had to stop walking so both of us
didn’t stumble over. Besides Khaleesi, this woman had helped me the longest.
She had believed in me even when I had revealed the truth.
“Double R.” K-Mart said softly.
“You don’t use that much anymore.” I replied sadly. “I’m
going to miss you calling me that.”
“I should have used it more often. It suits you.”
Her response made no sense to me, but I decided not to
counter it. This would be our last conversation together. If I said something
wrong there would be no time to correct it. Besides, she was a dear friend and
I wasn’t going to disagree with her opinion. If calling me Double R made her
happy I saw no reason to say something to dismiss her opinion.
“You have grown into a good leader and fighter.” I told her
as we ended our embrace. “The Mormonts will be in good hands. Of that I am sure
even if I doubt everything else.”
The people around us started whispering. They were trying to
be quiet and yet I was able to hear what they said. They were talking amongst
themselves about why I would be leaving. Some thought that I had been sick this
entire time and would be preparing them for my death. It meant something that
none of them talked about me abandoning them.
K-Mart smiled at me, patted me on the back, and took her
place around me. As the sun beat down on our backs we moved forward to the end.
To what I had known about all this time and yet seemed scarier than I could
have ever imagined. Each footstep seemed to last a thousand lifetimes. Each
lifetime full of nothing but anticipation for the next life. For the next
footstep. It took all my concentration to remain calm. I would not panic at the
end of my time here. I would remain strong.
“Rin.” Hail Ocampo said as she came towards me with Robert
in her arms.
Was no one going to follow the plan? Was everyone going to
insist on walking with me? But even if that did happen I wouldn’t mind. I
needed all the strength I could get. Even though the air was warm it felt to me
as if it were the dead of winter. As if I could look over my shoulder and see
the Night’s King radiating his unique chill. I closed my eyes briefly as I
gathered my thoughts. As I gathered my feelings.
“I’m sorry.” I told her as she walked with me.
“There is no need.” Hail replied with a sad look on her
face. “She made her choice and I know she’d be angry if I criticized her for
it.”
“That she would.”
If I had tried to stop Khaleesi going to the final battle,
she would’ve put up quite the fight. She loathed being stuck at Winterfell no
matter the importance of the mission. She liked going places and fighting. To
think any of us could have restrained her at such an important moment in
Mormonts history was pure insanity. She had made her choice and we would just
have to learn to live with it. No matter how much our hearts broke.
“I sometimes think she is right beside me.” Hail said with a
half-hearted laugh. “I roll over to look at her and then she’s gone. Has that
pain ever gone away for you?”
“The dead linger for me.” I replied, ignoring my men’s eyes
as I continued to walk. “The pain never goes away. It’s a terrible thing where
you think it’s gone and then it returns. I’ll spend weeks without hurt and then
a simple thing triggers my memory.”
“Do you have a way of dealing with it besides just pushing
on?”
“I don’t think there is any other way.”
Our somber talk was broken as Robert began to laugh. Such a
sweet thing to be able to not know the harshness of the world. The world I
helped create would allow him to go many years without him having to fight to
survive. He would eventually learn the depths of Khaleesi’s sacrifice, but for
now he could live in ignorance. Both of his mothers had helped him create the
kind of world he could find peace in.
We continued our way to the center of the park where there
was a rock. People would be able to see and hear me from there. I could make my
voice loud if need be so everyone could hear what I had to say. Some children
came towards me and just stared in awe at my figure. They must think me some
kind of goddess if they showed such adoration for me. I smiled and nodded at
them so that they shouted out in glee. They had no idea what was about to
happen and so could be happy. As they passed from my sight I heard them whisper
words to each other excitedly. They would have good memories of my final
moments here.
My final moments…
“Rin!” Chris shouted as he nearly ran people over to get to
me.
His face was full of worry. He had been a dear friend for so
long and later a protector. Not just a protector, the leader of the Rasiki. The
troops that I personally trained so that they could fight Alice clones when I
wasn’t available. I wondered what would become of them once they didn’t have to
fight such a formidable enemy anymore. They weren’t going to disband and for
now they would be the guardians of the Council. In other words they would
become a type of Queensguard for the Council.
“I wanted to say good-bye before…” He started and then
looked at the people around him.
All of them were staring and he realized his mistake. I
laughed and took him in my arms. We squeezed each other very tightly. I
remembered when I had met him. It was at a time when I was trying to get Alex
out of my mind. I knew my husband wasn’t good and so was trying to stop the urge
to go see him again. Chris had been instantly attracted to me and so we had ******. Afterwards I regretted using the man like that and we hadn’t slept
together since. I had conceived Alec in our one lovemaking session together.
Alec…one of my many children to die during the war. A death K-Mart had only
recently stopped blaming herself for.
“We said good-bye the other day.” I told him. “You don’t
need to give me a personal good-bye today.”
“I think I do.” Chris replied. “Yesterday it was bad but
today…today I don’t want this to end. I don’t want to see you go again.
Before…before I knew there’d be a chance I saw you again. But now I don’t. This
will be the end of my time with you.”
“It’s been an honor having you by my side. I don’t know what
I would have done without you.”
We shared a brief hug as we stretched out the minutes until
I left. The world was being built anew and Chris would help. One day far in the
future all of us here would be but a mere memory. A fantasy that no one would
truly believe. That thought made me glad that in the future no one would think
this horror could happen. And, if it did, the Mormonts would rise up to protect
the world as they had before.
After the hug I took off my shoes. A man took them and was
surprised when I didn’t want them back. He held onto them like they were some
precious jewel. There was fear in his face as I could see worry start to form.
There had been an uneasiness that had been spreading throughout the crowd for a
few minutes. It was a fear that wouldn’t be lessened by what I had to say. What
I had to say would only make them more nervous.
“Mommy!” A tiny voice said as a small child raced towards
me.
She was even younger than Eyrie and just as sad. Hisara
Isaacs. My daughter that I would have left behind even if I had stayed in the
Nightmare. I picked her up and allowed her to clutch onto me. She cried and
said words that were no words at all. They were sounds that she was making as
she desperately sought to form words.
“I love you, Hisara.” I told her through a voice that was
breaking. “I love you so much. I wish that things had worked out differently. I
love you more than words can explain.”
“Hisara!” Alex cried out in fear and then he saw me. “Rin.”
He walked over slowly. He was Alex but not the one I had
found in this version of the Nightmare. That Alex was dead while this one was
alive. I had pleasant memories with this one and I didn’t want to leave him
again, but that was my fate. The gods had cursed me with being able to love
only to lose the majority of people I gave my heart to. After I had gotten back
from the final battle him, Sam, and myself had ******. Our emotions being
reduced to nothing but physical action.
“Alex, I love you with my heart and soul.” I told him. “If
it was in my power to spend the rest of my life with you I would. But both of
us have places to go to and goals to achieve. In the afterlife I might be able
to spend time with you again.”
“You don’t have to go to Westeros.” He said and sounded like
my Alex. “You don’t have to.”
For a moment I thought of changing my decision. I thought of
going with Alex and raising Hisara. I could lead the Mormonts to victory yet
again. This time easier as Umbrella was already defeated. But then Jorah’s face
came to mind and all my children. Jeor, Alec, and my other dragons also came to
mind. They lived near King’s Landing now though they often did journey to the
Vale where dragons were starting to hatch into the world. This time easier as I
had gotten rid of the curse. Everything in Westeros flooded my mind and I knew
I couldn’t change my decision. I couldn’t leave my home. Not now.
“I think we both know the truth.” I told him and kissed him
deeply before resuming my previous pace.
The grass was still wet from yesterday’s rain and children
splashing in streams. The last of my friends to come to me was Alice. This wasn’t
the Alice who I had tried for years to make peace with. This wasn’t the Alice
who had been comfortable ordering the death of my triplets. This wasn’t the
Alice who had caused my Alex to sacrifice himself for me. This was a different
Alice. An Alice who was more than worthy of my respect. We just nodded to each
other and walked. While she meant something to me, she didn’t mean as much as
the others nor did we have things we needed to say. We had said everything we
needed to the other night.
Finally the rock was there and so was the end. The rock was
large and yet was more than easy for me to climb up on. Alex had a little more
trouble and so Alice helped him. Hisara was carried by her adopted mother to
the top. The others also followed with varying degrees of success. At one point
K-Mart nearly fell down which caused the crowd to laugh. She laughed too as she
finally made her way up. Once everyone was around me, Chris took out a knife.
“My name is Doctor Rin Isaacs!” I shouted and my voice
echoed off the cliff walls. “I know you are wondering why I called you all out
here today. I have never done this before and I assume some worry is forming in
your minds. I figured I’d do this in public where everyone can hear me. If I
had done this to a small group of you I know rumors would form. Rumors now
would be deadly. While the war is over there is always the possibility that
peace might be short lived. I wish to extend the peace as much as I can. I have
called you all here as I have been hiding a great secret from you.”
As soon as I finished murmurs started. It was as if a wave
was going around the park. I let the murmurs go on for a few minutes so that my
men would be calm. I wanted them to let their worry out before I told them the
truth.
“I am not from your world, but from another.” I said. “We
don’t have a name for our planet nor do we know the star system it is in. Where
I come from its technology is medieval and we don’t have the knowledge that you
do on your world. My mother was Hisara Kaari and my father was Benjen Stark. I
never knew my father until I was older and my mother died before I was a year
old. The only family I knew for a long time was a direwolf pack. Direwolves are
larger and more intelligent than wolves. I was known as Scourge and
Stonebreaker. I didn’t come to your world, I was sent here for a reason I don’t
know.”
I let them talk again. I didn’t plan to tell them the whole
story now, I left that duty to the Council and Chris. They would be able to
fill in the missing pieces later. For now I wanted them to be able to know
enough of the truth to comprehend what was going to happen in a few minutes.
“I’ve been dragged from my world to this one and back.” I
continued. “Throughout this entire war I’ve spent time here and suddenly I’m
pulled back. The entire time I’ve been helping you get your planet back I’ve
been fighting another war. Today the cycle ends. Today I am going back home. I
want to stay here with you but I can’t. I have come to love and respect this
place but I’ll always yearn for home. Do not worry as during this war I’ve been
thought to have been dead and yet you have carried on. You’ve been strong.”
The Mormonts cried out as one. The tears came down quickly
and yet none argued. Alex, holding Hisara, and Alice stood right behind me so
that they were in better view of the crowd.
“The reason I can’t live in two realities at once is because
reality itself will start to collapse.” I explained and pointed to my husband,
daughter, and ally. “When Alex died I was saddened to the extent I went into
yet another reality. I eventually made my way back. Because of the tear I made
in reality they were able to come through. I will not have this happen again.
That means I must stay in only one reality. The reality I chose was my home.”
I put a hand on Alex, which touched Hisara, and my other
hand on Alice. I focused and they were gone. I swear my daughter cried out for
me one last time. I pushed back the tears as Chris stood in front of me.
“When we first met you shoved one kind of knife in me.” I
said. “Now, at the end, you shove another kind in me.”
We both chuckled as he shoved the knife in me. As I fell
down my friends, husband, and children took hold of me. I tried to form one
last sentence to calm them and reassure them. But there was no time before the
blackness overtook me and then I was in Westeros.
“Rin?” Jorah asked.
He had always been so good at knowing me. That fact made me
know I had made the best choice. Maybe I hadn’t made the right choice but it
was one I could live with.
“I’m never going back there again.” I told him with a sad
smile. “I live only in Westeros now and my only duties are ruling my realm, taking
care of my children, and being a loving wife to my husband.”
“I will make sure you won’t regret this decision.” Jorah
promised me.
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