A Marriage of Convenience Chapter 5: Before the Cold

This is a Game of Thrones fic. All rights belong to the copyright holders.

This chapter has been edited due to content. There were some major sex scenes which were cut down to only plot relevant dialogue. I did make minor edits throughout the chapter. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.

DAENERYS TARGARYEN

After the meeting was done with I felt lost. More than lost. It was as if my heart was breaking and I could feel each crack coming into being. Jorah was risking his life to go beyond the Wall for the plan suggested by Tyrion. A plan I wasn't sure would work. It could be that all of them died before capturing a wight or that Cersei was not convinced. So many things could go wrong and Jorah would have risked his life for nothing. Nothing at all.

As for Jon...I needed him to solidify my hold on the Iron Throne. Without him my victory might not mean as much. Without him I would not have the North in my grasp. Besides that he was a good and noble man. I had never met his father but, from all accounts, Jon was a good representation of that man. He didn't need to die on such a foolish mission. He was probably only going because he wanted to **** me and was trying to impress me. Did he feel so threatened by Jorah that he would risk his life? Was the facade Jorah and myself putting on failing or was Jon just overly jealous of any hint of friendship?

Everything was too confusing. I was losing my conquest and I might lose the man I loved. The man who had awakened feelings in me that I hadn't felt since Khal Drogo. My heart had been opened again and it might quickly shatter. But there was nothing to do now except watch as people slowly left the Room of the Painted Table. Missandei entered once everyone else had left. Besides Jorah, she was the only real friend I had here. A friend I also didn't talk to as much as I should.

"Jon and Jorah are going." I told my friend as she sat close by. "They're going North of the Wall to get a wight."

"I thought going beyond the Wall was suicide." Missandei said. "From the way the Northerners talk about it, no one has survived."

"Jon survived as have others. The wildlings actually lived beyond the Wall. But it's still more than dangerous. At least the wildlings never sought out danger."

"So you believe in Jon's stories now?"

"No, I just think people would make up stories for a reason."

Unless I saw a wight with my own eyes I wouldn't believe. It could be that if they captured a wight that more people would believe and turn to my side. But why would Tyrion suggest trying to convince Cersei? I had an odd feeling that she would not believe the truth if it threatened her power. However, my Hand knew his sister better than I ever would.

"You're worried about them." Missandei said and I nodded. "Both of them are mad. Both of them going to die just so that you'll give your heart to them."

"They are men." I said and we grinned at each other.

Jon had decided to go on the mission to impress me, but Jorah hadn't. Our glances and his few words had alerted me to his true reason for going. He had known that whether he said anything or not, Jon was going to go. My sweet bear was more than protective of the plan and wanted to protect what he saw as the key to my happiness. So he had volunteered first so that rumors could start around him wanting to win me. That he had never moved on while I had and that I still cared for him as a friend.

Jorah was risking everything for the plan and I could do nothing to stop him. I could do nothing because I knew that he was right. I knew that this was the only way to make me happy. I couldn't tell Missandei any of this as she might tell others. And if others were told...things could go wrong.

"If Jon dies on the mission I'll never be able to **** him." I said, pretending that was my worry.

"You could go to his chambers tonight." Missandei said with a smile. "Give him something to remember you by."

"I can't just do that. Last time I tried to **** him he went away. I don't want to scare him off and yet I want him."

"With some men it takes awhile. It doesn't mean they don't want you, it's just they have their own things bothering them. Sometimes they'll tell you and other times it'll remain a mystery."

I knew she had gained this knowledge from being a whore. She would have to know how to pleasure people. She might have even had to convince a nervous customer to ****. I had sometimes wondered how often she was used for that as she was a valuable translator. It might be that with that talent she had avoided most physical contact. Or maybe not.

"It took Grey Worm and I a little while to ****." Missandei said with a shy smile. "As an Unsullied he was somewhat repulsed by sex. Though I think he was more ashamed of how they butchered his nether regions than actually fearing sex. But eventually he did open up to me that way and so will Jon to you."

I didn't need to know if the Unsullied was missing all of his parts or just a few. That was something only Grey Worm and Missandei should know. I understood how they could still have sex even without that information. Even though I had never bedded a woman, I had heard about how women did it to each other. From how Missandei had smiled at me the day after, he was skilled enough.

"So I shouldn't worry?" I asked her.

"You have no need." Missandei said with a smile. "He's going to risk dying for you affections. I think he will be more than eager when he returns to show you how much he loves you. Don't worry, Daenerys."

I nodded and we both left the room. We walked together towards my chambers and I thought of Jorah. This night might be the least we ever spent together. If that were true I wanted to spend some time with him tonight no matter the risks. If tonight were the last time I could feel him inside of me, I would take any risk.

"Missandei, can you bring Ser Jorah to my chambers?" I asked her. "I need to make sure he knows that I merely want a friendship with him. I don't want him leaving thinking there is a chance for us if he returns."

Missandei nodded and went away as I finally reached my chambers. After I shut the door I thought of how mad Jorah might be. He would bring up the fact that we were supposed to be flawless in this plan. But I knew he wouldn't get too angry as he would want to comfort me. He also had his own urges that tugged on his mind.

I sat on my bed as I thought how I would calm him down and then make love to him. If only our couplings would produce a child that Jorah could raise. If he died beyond the Wall then at least I would still have some part of him. Some part to bring me comfort over the years.

"Daenerys?" Jorah asked.

"Come in, Ser Jorah." I said and he opened the door. "We have a few matters to discuss."

Jorah looked worried as he shut the door behind him. He knew as well as I that Missandei and the others would believe my lies. I ran at him and he stopped me with a simple raising of his hands. Like his first night on Dragonstone, I could see him straining to push back his desires. He loved me and was trying to do what was best for me. I knew whatever words came out of his mouth now would only be in the service of helping me.

"You shouldn't have called me here." Jorah said as he shook his head. "If the others hear us they will know. If they know then Jon will figure out what we are doing. He will know we were using him for our own reasons."

"And if we explain the plan to him?" I argued.

"He is the son of Eddard Stark, I highly doubt a polygamous relationship will be something he agrees with."

I nodded. How Jorah described Jon's honor confused me. In my House polygamy had been considered normal and incest was commonplace. I could've married Rhaegar if I had been born sooner. The thought didn't disgust or frighten me at all. Though I didn't think if my House had remained on the throne that I would've met Jorah. If I didn't meet him...would I really be complete? Did Jaime Lannister killing my father have some benefits?

"Then our plan has to go forward." I said.

"Thank you, Khaleesi, for letting me serve you." Jorah replied and turned around to leave.

"I didn't say you could go."

He stopped and turned back to me. Even though he wanted to storm out of here he couldn't. If he left now others would think there was a deep divide between us. If Jon, who thought I wanted him, believed Jorah had wronged me there would most likely be a fight between the two. Men tended to be predictable in their jealousy and rage. My sweet bear had impressed me to win my favor before. But now, since he was my lover, he didn't need to impress me anymore. He had no need to do any grand feats to impress me. So I knew any problems concerning jealousy would be Jon's fault.

"Jorah, I know how foolish this is." I told him. "I know what could happen if we're caught. But that doesn't matter to me at all right now. How do I know that you'll come back? How do I know this won't be the last time I see you? I love you, Jorah, and I need something to remember you by. If this is the last time we can speak freely together, I want this to be a good memory. I don't want to remember the last time we truly met as one full of worry and doubt."

I put a hand on Jorah's cheek and still he resisted. I kissed him and at first he didn't respond. But then his lips started to echo my own needs. Soon enough his arms were wrapped around me and he pulled me close. I didn't mind the cold feeling of his armor because at least he was alive. At least he was here for me.

"No." Jorah finally said and gently pushed me away. "We both know what is at risk here. I love you, Daenerys, and if it was within my power I would do this for you. I would make love to you until the sun rose and I was yelled at to leave. I would not leave your bosom unless duty called me elsewhere. But both of us have our roles to play. Both of us have things we must do."

I knew he was right. I knew that risking it all for a night of lovemaking was pure insanity. However, I was scared and needed some reassurance. I needed some way to calm my nerves as I stayed in the safety of Dragonstone while Jorah went beyond the Wall. It was selfish and yet I knew Jorah would eventually break. He wanted to **** me as badly as I wanted to fuck him. All I had to do was wait.

"And what will it matter if you die anyway?" I challenged him. "If you die then no more secrets have to be kept. Maybe Jon will be more than overjoyed that he no longer has competition. Maybe his lust for me will drive him to marry me even though it isn't the noble choice."

JORAH MORMONT

Whenever I was near Daenerys it was as if I could feel her beauty. As if it were calling out to me. So I honored it and made sure she would be happy. I loved her more than words could ever say and actions could ever prove. Now I was confused how to best make her happy. I didn't know if my mind was being overtaken by my body's desires or if ******* her would truly make her happy.

She had a point that this could be our last time together. It could be that I would die where the wildlings used to live and she would have to carry on. I hoped she remained strong but I wouldn't be there for her in any case. I wouldn't be there to share her bed or give her guidance.

"I won't die." I told her. "I will come back to you as I always have. You thought you had lost me once I had been exiled, but I came back twice. I helped rescue you from the Dothraki. I found a cure for greyscale. Have no doubt, Khaleesi, that I will always return to your side."

She gave me a simple look that told me my deception had failed. She knew I was as scared as she was, even more so. She knew that I thought this to be our last meeting. If this was to be our last meeting I would serve her. If someone figured out the truth let them cry about this. I needed the memory of her soft body to keep me warm and she needed the memory of my firm body to keep her happy.

Our love making started quick and was animalistic. Finally we were both finished and in each other's arms. I knew that we couldn't lay like this for long, yet I would allow myself this comfort while I could. Even if I did survive, there might not be a moment like this for a long time. There was also the possibility that she would die during the fight. I could survive only to have my love, my Khaleesi, die. And what if she died where I couldn't see and it was only by ravens that I learned about her fate?

"You could stay the night, my sweet bear." Daenerys told me, her smile tired.

"While we were quiet as we could be, we still risked much." I reminded her. "If I stay the night people will talk. Some might even begin to suspect we are more than mere friends now. I will not risk anymore for you this night."

"I wish you could. ******* you is more than I could have ever imagined it to be and yet...yet being in your arms now makes our coupling complete. I never felt that way with Daario. Laying with Daario after fucking was always just something I was supposed to do, not something that somehow made the act even more profound."

My first wife I had married out of a sense of duty. I had ****** her because I had to. It had been enjoyable and we had enjoyed each other's company. But after lovemaking there was nothing else that could deepen the act. With my second wife, cuddling had added to lovemaking. At first, at least. When we had been happy together and loved each other's company.

"Because you never loved Daario." I told her.

"No, I didn't." She agreed. "I was afraid of having my heart broken yet again. I wanted sex and yet...I couldn't give someone my heart. I am glad that I had an excuse to get rid of him."

"Tyrion gave you that excuse."

"He is more kind than he seems."

"He is unbearable no matter the purity of his heart."

"Is that why you spend so much time with him, SER Jorah?"

Daenerys said my title in jest and I chuckled. Tyrion was a good friend and a clever ally. Someone I was sure I could count on even if I would have liked to avoid him more. When my queen took the Iron Throne I might find other people to spend time with. For now, though, I spent a good majority of my time with him. As Tyrion was not one to be underestimated, I wondered if he knew. I wondered if he was pretending not to know as he thought what I was doing was right. No, that was just me wishing that there was someone else to share my secret with.

"When you take the Iron Throne I might be able to spend more time with you, Khaleesi." I teased my queen.

"If only you could spend more time with me now." Daenerys said with a sigh.

"If it was safe to spend time with you now I would not leave this bed. I would let the hours linger until the night faded."

"You seem like you could woo any woman you chose, Jorah."

"You only say that because you're trying to trick me into staying."

Daenerys chuckled and nodded. I knew her too well as she did me. I ran my fingers through her hair and thought about staying. I wanted to spend the night with her and leave in the morning with everyone knowing the truth. But that would not be safe or wise.

"Is it working?" Daenerys asked and then kissed me on the mouth.

I mocked being in pain and Khaleesi laughed. I ran a hand down her back and knew I was being foolish. I was making the wrong choice all the while not being able to make the right one. But with her beauty near me and the scent of our lovemaking in the air, I had no choice. No choice but to serve my queen as our desires were the same.

"You will always be able to control me, my queen." I told her and we kissed again. "As long as there is breath in my lungs and life in my veins."

"I don't deserve you." Daenerys said sadly. "I have turned you away so many times. I took Daario when I could've taken you."

"You are not obligated to love me. I never thought if I saved your life and advised you that you would have to love me. I never thought if I was your most loyal servant that you would have no choice but to love me. I never thought there was any scenario where you would have to love me. A love that is done from obligation is no love at all."

"Did you love any of your wives?"

"My first wife I had to marry and my second wife I chose."

I was about to refer to Daenerys as my third wife but managed to hold back. I could never be her husband and she could never be my wife. She was destined to rule the Seven Kingdoms and so she needed a worthy husband. A husband that was worthy in mind, body, spirit, and title. I had no title and the wrong I had done to my House's name could never be forgiven. I highly doubted Lyanna would choose to forgive such a man as me and so I knew I would face the gods as a sinful man. One whose sins could never be washed away and forgiven.

Soon we started to touch each other again. Soon we made love yet again. This time, though, I was left utterly exhausted and doubted I could stand another round.

"That's the final time tonight, my love." I told her and she lay her head on my chest.

"Daario always said you didn't have enough energy for me." Daenerys said with a laugh. "I'm afraid that I don't have enough energy for you."

"If we had a wedding night I would test that."

My love looked at me and we both became sad. There would never be a wedding night for us. There would never be a moment where we could openly celebrate our love. All of our sessions of lovemaking would always be in secret. They would always be away from prying eyes. I could never tell anyone how generous a lover Daenerys was. I could never tell anyone how much her love meant to me. Luckily we wouldn't have kids or else I would have to hide the truth from them. For a brief moment I pitied Ser Jaime Lannister and the fact he had never been able to tell his kids the truth.

"We could abandon this plan." Daenerys pleaded. "I don't want to hide behind a lie. If Jon finds out the truth he will be devastated. He loves me."

"He is a strong man." I said as I tried to justify myself. "He is also a noble man so that if he does find out he won't act out against you. I don't think Jon could hate you enough to wage war on you."

"If he's so noble why are we doing this to him?"

I took one of her hands in mine and squeezed it. I knew the pressure said what words could not. That what we were doing was wrong and yet victory was not won nobly. Not usually. In war there were both good and evil on either side. As long as her rule was just and noble the plan would be justified. Soon both of us went to sleep.

In my dream I was in King's Landing after the war. I was now Lord Commander of the Queensguard and it was my sworn duty to protect her, as it should be. I also had another duty that many did not know nor even guess at. Daenerys and I were now more outwardly friendly as we had convinced everyone that she loved Jon Snow. That I had stopped seeking her. Some thought my rank of Lord Commander was proof that I felt sad at the fact I had no hope of sharing Khaleesi's bed.

But what none still guessed at was the nights when Jon Snow was away, a night like this, that I would be with my love. At the moment I was walking to the Red Keep to share her bed. With every footstep the knowledge I could never be open about my affair with her cut into me. I gritted my teeth and suddenly I was naked in the throne room. Cuts appeared and blood started to splatter onto the floor.

"Jorah, is everything alright?" Daenerys asked.

I looked but did not see her. There was something very wrong about this plan of mine and yet I would not stop. Each time I reminded myself to hold true to the plan, a new pair of cuts appeared on my skin. The thought of Daenerys having what she wanted was the only thing keeping me sane in this nightmare. I would keep true to the plan until the day I died. No matter how much it ended up tearing me apart.

JON SNOW

"You can't roam anymore tonight, Ghost." I said as I shut my door. "I need my rest for when I go North."

For some reason I was beginning to think Ghost was trying to tell me something. I couldn't tell what, though. Direwolves were smart and intelligent creatures. They were wiser than a wolf and should be listened to. Ghost did not like Daenerys and seemed not to be too fond of Jorah either. I knew Daenerys was a Targaryen and that was good enough reason not to trust her. I knew that Jorah had run away to exile in Essos and that was good enough reason to trust him. But something told me Ghost didn't like them for some other reason.

My mind quickly drifted from any worries to Daenerys. Specifically how Daenerys had been worried for me. I prepared for bed and then lay awake for a few minutes. Just thinking about the future when she would be mine made me happy. That would keep my spirits up when I went beyond the Wall. There would be dangers but at least she would be waiting for me. Maybe I needn't have worried that she would want to go back to Jorah.

Still...I wanted to be certain that she wouldn't go back to him. When I returned to her alive she would know I was loyal. She would know that I risked everything for those I cared about. After I drifted off to sleep I was greeted by a very familiar setting.

I walked through the halls of Winterfell and I could feel the warm summer air. Winter was long gone as were all my fears. My feet lead me to my room and Daenerys was there. Her hair was undone and she was partially undressed. She blushed in embarrassment as she tried to hide her nakedness.

"You have nothing to hide, Daenerys." I said and gently removed the rest of her clothing. "I am your husband."

"I just..." Daenerys replied. "I don't want our relationship just to be about sex. I want the sex to mean something."

"It always has."

It was then we started the dance of lovemaking. It was calm, beautiful, and yet passionate to me.

"I love you, Daenerys Targaryen," I said as I positioned myself above her. "I love you more than I thought I would. You were a foreigner when I met you."

"And when I first met you I had to give off the act of being a queen." Daenerys said sweetly. "I had to pretend to be angrier than I was so that I could be respected. How wrong I was."

"How wrong we both were."

We soon both lost ourselves in the moment. We soon both lost ourselves in what we were doing to each other.

Suddenly Daenerys melted into the form of Arya. No, not this nightmare again! Not again when the dream was so beautiful! Arya, now a grown woman, was underneath me and looked up at me. It had been so long since I had last seen her.

"You don't have to fight, Jon." Arya said. "**** me. We both want this. Let go."

Even though I wanted to yell out no, I didn't. Instead it made lovemaking with Daenerys seem like child's play. This nightmare disgusted me and yet I couldn't resist.

"No!" I yelled as I woke up.

Ghost jumped up and put his head on the edge of my bed. I realized I was sweating and breathing seemed to be a task. I looked over at my direwolf and wanted to pet him, but couldn't. I felt too disgusted with myself to even imagine someone loving me. This creature shouldn't love a man who continually thought of having sex with his sister. It was good that Ned wasn't here to see me now.

"Incest is wrong." I said as I pet Ghost. "Incest is wrong."

My direwolf jumped onto the bed and lay by my side. Even though I nearly fall off the side because of this, I didn't mind. He was here beside me no matter what kind of person I was. He was loyal beyond all rhyme and reason.

"I don't know why I have those dreams." I said.

Why would I think of Arya when my mind went to Daenerys? Ghost was trying to tell me something as were my dreams. Did I love Daenerys because I loved Arya? Was I using the Targaryen as an escape from my sexual love for my sister? Was Ghost merely warning me to choose my next love wisely? Then why get angry at Jorah?

Those were all questions for another day and time. For now I needed my rest. When I fell asleep this time I didn't dream of Arya or Daenerys. I didn't dream of anything and I was more than glad about that fact. I was free from the worry of the world for just a few hours.

* * *

"This is a stupid plan." Davos said. "No, stupid is giving it too much credit."

Davos, Gendry, and myself were in my room. We had decided to meet up before going. Even though Daenerys had never referred to me as King of the North, I still had the largest room out of the three of us. We had all wanted to talk before going as these were the last few minutes of calm. Possibly this would be the last time we would see each other.

"I know it is." I told Davos. "But if we can get people to believe in the White Walkers they'll be more likely to fight. If we can break through to Cersei Lannister it is possible that she will help us fight."

"And you don't think she will use any opportunity to betray you?" Davos asked.

"It will be at a time she feels safe." Gendry speculated. "So we won't be fighting the dead and Cersei at the same time."

This is how it had been for the past hour. Davos would bring up a valid point and Gendry would defend me. I had no doubt that both men knew that I had agreed to this mission only to earn Daenerys' favor. Yet Gendry had taken it upon himself to defend the merits of the plan.

"Do you think there is any hope of convincing Cersei, Davos?" I asked.

"She is a vain woman, but I think she can see reason if shown the right evidence." Davos replied.

"So you're agreeing with me?"

"No, I am not. I do think she can be swayed, just that proof of the dead isn't the way. She needs proof that she can be defeated."

Yes, proof that she could be defeated. Daenerys hadn't done well on that front and Cersei might think nothing of the danger. Or she might think that she could use the dead to her advantage. She might think that she could have her enemies killed off one by one and then she could defeat the dead. Then she would have Westeros to rule as well as those that would harm her dead.

"So are you advising me to stay at Dragonstone?" I asked.

"No, right now that would be a sign of weakness." Davos said with a sigh. "We can't change the past and can only move forward now."

Ghost was gone for the moment. At night I liked him close by as he reminded me of home. But during the day he could do what he wanted. I wondered if him staying away now meant he was angry at me going on the mission. In any case there was nothing he or anyone else could do to stop me. He might even stay away as I left.

I looked at Davos and put Ghost out of my mind. The direwolf had been nervous about something and might be trying to figure out how to tell me. Or he might have been chasing something and had forgotten about me. He knew where I was going and had no need to worry about protecting me. I had to stop thinking about Ghost so much right now. I had to focus on the mission.

"Take care of Ghost, Davos." I said. "Make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble."

Davos nodded and I stood up from my bed. I was the first one out of the room and lead us to the beach. I hadn't realized how much Dragonstone had become a new home until I was leaving it behind. Possibly for good if I died. It felt strange to be connected to anywhere not in the North. It also felt wrong. Then again, Daenerys was from the South and she was not wrong. She was of such beauty that I doubted I'd see the same anywhere else.

As I put my feet onto the beach I felt the great need not to go. But, sadly, I had made my decision to go last night and that could not be changed.