I had been accepted into the Resistance but that didn't mean much when my fellow comrades didn't trust me. Every day, sometimes every hour, it seemed there was a new rumor about me. The rumors usually focused on how I was secretly still working with Skynet. I assumed once John got things under control I'd be free to do what Resistance Fighters usually did.
For now I was doing simple jobs like kitchen duty.
"Sorry," I replied and stopped chopping up the vegetables.
"Do you know how rare these things are?" The cook asked me. Her voice seeming to tremble even before it left her throat.
"Really rare." I told her and tried to limit the sarcasm I put into those words.
"Yes, rare." She agreed. "Three days ago some soldiers came back with these and I'll be damned if you make it so that they're served wrong."
I held back a comment about how you couldn't really mess up chopping things. Well...I did for a few seconds.
"I'm chopping up vegetables, I think Skynet covered the chopping part in my programming." I replied.
"Maybe the human part of you didn't allow that part of the programming take hold." The cook said and I was silent. "Jash, you're a hybrid. I have heard talks about how you things are made."
"I'm sure when I was human I was very smart." I finally countered.
The cook just laughed.
"I'm sure and then you allowed yourself to be captured by Skynet." The cook said as she showed me how she wanted the vegetables to be chopped up.
"Well, maybe I gave my body to science because I thought Cyberdyne was a trustworthy company." I said and now she was silent as I started chopping as she had shown me.
While I didn't fully understand the cook, I knew enough to allow her what she wanted in the vegetable manner. Vegetables were extremely rare as Judgment Day had destroyed the ability of people to have a lot of successful harvests.
So finding a place you could farm at and get out even one successful harvest was a big deal.
"I didn't mean to-" The cook started.
"No, you didn't, cook." I said. "All of you just see the metal side of me, the side that Skynet used to control for a short time."
"I'm sor-" She tried again and didn't remark on the fact that I didn't call her by her name.
"No, you're not. You think you're sorry but you're just feeling momentary guilt that will go away when I leave."
The rest of the cooking was done in silence and even when she gave me instructions she didn't speak. Maybe she was feeling guilty. Maybe her view on me had changed after the many meals we had prepared together.
But that was too much to hope for. She would most likely tell the others that the metal she had worked with had frightened her and that maybe it was still working for Skynet. Then the others would congratulate her like she had taken on Skynet all by herself.
The smells had become thick when the cook gingerly tapped me on my shoulder. Her head and hand movements indicated that I was to go now. I didn't know why, but took the opportunity to leave anyway after cleaning up.
Leaving the kitchen I ran into two Resistance fighters that were recounting their latest battle. Like the majority of fighters, they weren't happy about fighting. They understood that in war you lost friends and that not everyone survived.
Some of them had even encountered that lesson first hand.
The Resistance fighters looked at me and I looked away. I didn't have a friend here. No one treated me like an actual person that had been hurt by Skynet. Only John Connor understood me. It was only by his word that I had lived this long.
But I feared that a Resistance fighter would get it into his or her head that it was safer if I was dead.
The only thing that was protecting me was John Connor and the fear the others had of me.
If only I could talk to John and have him help me with my confusion.
Was it good that I now lived or was it better if I had died?
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