I could finally breathe without Rachel by me. It wasn’t that
I hated her now, it’s just that we had spent so much time together recently.
Even normal couples needed breathing room so that they could both live their
lives. It had taken awhile to convince Rachel to let me go to the mall alone.
But once I had hinted that I’d get that dress she wanted since she got back,
she had let me go.
“Dude, that color? She really wants that?” Marco asked
beside me as we both looked at the dress.
I was in my usual human morph and had invited Marco along. I
needed to see him again, but it pained me to be conflicted about what to do
while he was with me. How was I supposed to look at him? Was I looking at him
too long? How long could my touches linger?
“It’s probably some high end fashion thing.” I said,
grimacing at the dress. “I mean…say what you like about her, she’s very into
fashion.”
But I didn’t know what kind of fashion this thing was. I
guess the design was good but the colors were all wrong somehow. There was a
nice white color to it and the blue was great too. But there was this strange
orange color that was wrong. I can’t explain how, but it was just ugly. It was
like the orange was covering everything else up.
“Well, she’s your gir-“ Marco started and then stopped.
“Yeah,” I said as I felt guilty also.
Rachel was my girlfriend again so Marco was just a friend.
When I looked at him I couldn’t help but remember our short time together. If
we had both been more open with each other, we would have had more time
together. But we hadn’t. We had wasted our time together. Or had we?
“Rachel wants it so I have to get it. Sort of promised her.”
I said as I checked the price tag. “I’m glad I can actually get stuff for her
now. Dead rats can only get you so far with a girl.”
“Xena Warrior Princess accepted dead animals from you?”
Marco asked. “So I guess the dress isn’t the oddest thing she’s ever liked?”
“Well she liked you.” I said and Marco just stared at me. “I
don’t know if she was messing with me or not, but she did bring it up a few
times.”
“Probably messing with you. So are you really going to buy
it?”
“If I want to not sleep on the roof I am.”
“Then don’t and you can sleep in my bed. You seemed to like
cuddling even though hawks aren’t usually into that.”
As I had the dress halfway off the rack I thought about
putting it back. If I put it back then Marco and I could go back to doing what
we had before Rachel came back. We could be lovers again and everything would
be right in the world.
But Rachel?
I couldn’t leave her. I had the chance to be with her again
so why was I conflicted? I would always love Marco, but I should not have
trouble deciding between the two. But I was having trouble.
“I can’t just leave her.” I said as I walked towards the
check out register. “I’m finally able to be back with her again. I’m not
messing that up.”
“But look how sad you are.” Marco replied. “You don’t want
to be with her. Don’t you get worried that she’s keeping you away from me?”
“She’s keeping me away from you because she’s afraid I’ll
choose you over her. Once she realizes that’s not true, we’ll see each other
more often.”
“Don’t you ever get the feeling that there’s something
suspicious about her?”
“Coming back from the dead?” I asked and then paused the
conversation as I bought the dress.
“Yeah,” Marco said as we walked out of the store into the
mall. “People just don’t come back from that kind of thing. Why didn’t Elfangor
come back and say hi?”
“I don’t know. Maybe the Ellimist brought her back as a sort
of ‘I was a dick, please forgive me’ thing?”
“You really think the Ellimist is that kind of guy?”
“I don’t know what kind of guy he is, but maybe he’s giving
me a gift in her. I did help fight against the Yeerks so maybe he’s giving me a
thank you.”
“Besides it being totally suspicious that she got back:
don’t you ever think she’s acting odd?” Marco asked and looked at my blank face
before continuing. “She’s keeping you away from me which is…not really Rachel.
I don’t think she’d ever do that. And she is just…odd. Has she told you how she
got back?”
“I don’t really question her. If she doesn’t want to talk
about something so personal, she doesn’t have to. It was probably really
traumatizing.”
Marco just shook his head and I sighed.
“We’ll find out soon, okay? I promise I’ll start asking her
more about it in maybe a month or two. So she has time to calm down with the
whole ‘I am alive’ thing.” I finally said.
“Okay.” Marco said, knowing that I wouldn’t budge on the
issue. “So want to head over to the food court?”
“If you’re going to suggest fried…” I said and then stopped
myself.
Why not ask him about it? He wouldn’t judge and maybe he’d
be happy for it. What would I lose in just asking?
“Marco,” I said, gathering my courage. “I love you. I never
thought I’d love someone after Rachel. At least in the sense that I’d care so
deeply about a person. But I also love Rachel the same as before she died. I
can’t leave her.”
“So is this leading anywhere?” Marco asked and I could tell
he was more curious than annoyed.
“Maybe. But I want to ask you first before I bring it up to
Rachel.” I said.
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