I review the next three episodes in Season 1. Derek Reese finally appears!
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Inbetween: The Darkening 8
Dedicated to Jordan who is a great roleplayer and friend
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I was back in my house and it felt different. Everything felt different now so the fact that my house felt less like a home didn't worry me. My dogs, who it seemed used to be connected to my very soul, were now nervous around me. They must be able to tell that their owner had gone through a transformation. While they were scared now, they'd soon realize that I had changed for the better.
I had arrived home after a hectic work day. Luckily Jack hadn't called me to help with a new case. I felt like I could take on any case without resorting to madness, but I had other things to worry about. It had been a few days and Beverly still walked.
For some reason there was a hate that grew within me whenever we talked. I kept seeing her destroying my relationship with Hannibal. I had finally found peace in a man and yet she kept trying to get in the way.
Subtle things. Little things.
Beverly asked about my therapy sessions with Hannibal and I was kind yet distant in my replies. If she noticed anything, it wouldn't matter soon. It wouldn't matter that she was flirting more openly with me. No woman was as kind as she was without reason. I should've seen that sooner.
I walked to my fireplace and leaned against it. The feel of it meant something more to me now. It was now a way to kill and not just something that provided warmth Thoughts flashed through my mind as I finalized what would happen to Beverly. While her dying inside my house would be fitting, I didn't want any evidence linking me to her death. And Jack's prying gaze would then end up on me sooner than later.
I took out my cell and looked at it. An idea was forming in my head and I was nervous about following it to its conclusion. Not because I thought killing Beverly was wrong, but I was worried I'd mess up and disappoint Hannibal.
Gathering up my courage I called Beverly.
"Hello?" She asked.
"Hi, Beverly." I said, my voice sounding pained.
"Are you doing okay, Will? You've seemed a little...different lately." Damn that prying bitch.
"Alana's death has hit me hard. But I have been getting better." I had to hold back any mention of Hannibal, the man who was saving me from madness. I didn't want to give her any indication that she was going to be walking into a trap. Beverly was clever and would take any reference to Hannibal as confirmation that I could now see her true colors.
"I don't know if being able to solve cases means you're getting better."
"It means I have something to cling onto. To distract me until I get over her death."
"And are you getting over her death?"
"It doesn't feel like it did when she died." I replied truthfully. "But I still don't feel comfortable being alone tonight."
"Will, I-" Beverly replied, obviously confused.
"Not like that." I said and gave a half-hearted attempt at a chuckle. "I'm just worried what I will do to myself. I've been having these thoughts lately. I don't think I'd ever do anything, but it'd be good to have someone that I trust to make sure I stay safe."
Someone I trust. That wouldn't be Beverly. But I needed her to worry about me so she wouldn't see her death coming. She wouldn't know that I could see her now.
"I'll be able to come over in a little under an hour. Will you be safe until then?" She asked.
Good, she was worried. She wouldn't see anything coming.
"Yes." I said.
"Goodbye." Beverly replied.
"Goodbye."
After I hung up I felt some relief. The first stage of the plan was over. I hadn't messed up and all I would have to do is continue the performance when she arrived. Beverly would put on her face of actually caring about me, but that would be a lie.
I had only a short time to prepare for her.
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I quickly finished putting on my clothes as I heard Beverly's car. It would be a short time until she knocked on my door and then the plan would be close to completion. I glanced at my dogs who looked more nervous than normal, but Winston still walked up to me.
He lifted up his head and I scratched behind one of his ears. He knew everything was fine, or else he was a very good actor. In either case, he wasn't going to alert Beverly. Winston cared about me and wouldn't want to see me leave.
Beverly knocked on my door and I opened it for her. I quickly made sure that my face was pained as I was opening the door. I had done it right since my victim's face showed concern. I stepped out of the way so that she could enter. Winston sniffed her and then wagged his tail.
"That's Winston." I said as she bent down to pet him.
"He's a good boy." She said, taking on the sweet tone that most people use to talk to dogs. Treating dogs like they were children and not creatures with feelings. "Where did you get him from?"
"He's a stray, figured a home was better than living on the streets."
"You're a kind man." Beverly said as she stopped petting Winston and stood up. "And I am here for you while you try to figure everything out."
"I know." I said and knew that she was lying. The only reason she cared was to learn more about me and put me under a microscope. I was an oddity and only Hannibal saw me for what I truly was: a person that needed privacy. "And I am glad you are here when Alana can't be."
"It isn't your fault Alana is dead." She replied.
"I know." I said, trying to pretend that I had gotten over Alana's death. I pretended that I was recovering so that Beverly wouldn't be more worried than I wanted her to be. "I thought we could go on a walk."
"No wine?" She joked with a disappointed expression. Of course she wanted to seduce me.
"You're a friend, I didn't want you to get the wrong impression." I had to stop myself from screaming at her that she wasn't Alana. That she could never be Alana or take her place.
"I understand." Beverly said and looked out the window. It was dark and there was a very light snowfall starting.
I picked up a flashlight and opened the door for Beverly. As she went out of my house I looked to my dogs. I was warning them, with my eyes alone, to not bark or warn her that something was amiss. That all wasn't like it had been before.
I closed the door after I had exited my house. I locked it merely from habit and not because I was afraid anyone would try and break in. I wouldn't be gone long, anyways.
"So where to?" Beverly asked.
"I figured a good walk in the woods would be refreshing." I answered.
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"Just means that when we get back we'll feel better to be alive."
I turned on my flashlight and my victim followed me into the woods. There was no moon tonight and so the woods were darker than they had been in my dreams. As I wasn't dreaming, I knew where and when I was. I knew what I was doing and so I'd make Hannibal proud. I'd prove to him that I was recovering and becoming a better person all at the same time.
"So you're scaring yourself to feel better now?" Beverly finally asked.
"Yes." I replied and noticed her walking had become slower. "Don't tell me you're getting too scared now. We're already deep in the woods."
"I'm not scared about myself, I'm worried about you."
"We're just taking a walk in the woods. There's no danger to us."
"You've been different lately." She stated. I turned to my left to look at her face. She didn't appear afraid, just determined.
Beverly Katz knew.
I swung the flashlight to her head and she moved just in time. In the precious few seconds it took to pull out my gun, Beverly had gone out of view. I didn't want to pick up the flashlight as she could use that time to attack me. I doubt she'd kill me since she thought too much for that.
"I've been myself!" I yelled out. Turning around I tried to think of where she would go. I once knew her as a friend and I could empathize with anyone. That is why I would be the one to win this fight.
Upon realizing that I couldn't hope to find her without the flashlight, I bent down and she kicked my side. I rolled over and pulled out my knife as my gun left my hand. I preferred a knife anyways. Better to slice open necks with.
I pretended to hesitate about my decision to kill Beverly so that I would have a more solid plan of attack. I couldn't rely on surprise any longer.
"I'm trying to help you, Will!" Beverly said as she pointed her gun at me. Not at my head, but at my shoulder. She wanted to wound me, make sure I wasn't a danger for a long time, and let me be ruled by her.
"You're trying to control me. You're trying to keep me away from Hannibal!" I hissed.
Beverly's look of confusion and wavering of her hands gave me just enough time. I leapt up, pushed her against a tree, and slit her throat.
If I was the man I was before, I'd have thought her last look at me was one of betrayal. But I knew it to be one of regret because she had lost.
I didn't react outwardly to the blood splattering onto my face. It felt refreshing and I felt proud of myself. I had made Hannibal proud and now Alana could be at peace. If Hannibal wanted to continue this form of therapy, I would allow it. It had opened a part of me that I had been afraid of before.
I was free. I was my own design.
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Inbetween tumblr
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I was back in my house and it felt different. Everything felt different now so the fact that my house felt less like a home didn't worry me. My dogs, who it seemed used to be connected to my very soul, were now nervous around me. They must be able to tell that their owner had gone through a transformation. While they were scared now, they'd soon realize that I had changed for the better.
I had arrived home after a hectic work day. Luckily Jack hadn't called me to help with a new case. I felt like I could take on any case without resorting to madness, but I had other things to worry about. It had been a few days and Beverly still walked.
For some reason there was a hate that grew within me whenever we talked. I kept seeing her destroying my relationship with Hannibal. I had finally found peace in a man and yet she kept trying to get in the way.
Subtle things. Little things.
Beverly asked about my therapy sessions with Hannibal and I was kind yet distant in my replies. If she noticed anything, it wouldn't matter soon. It wouldn't matter that she was flirting more openly with me. No woman was as kind as she was without reason. I should've seen that sooner.
I walked to my fireplace and leaned against it. The feel of it meant something more to me now. It was now a way to kill and not just something that provided warmth Thoughts flashed through my mind as I finalized what would happen to Beverly. While her dying inside my house would be fitting, I didn't want any evidence linking me to her death. And Jack's prying gaze would then end up on me sooner than later.
I took out my cell and looked at it. An idea was forming in my head and I was nervous about following it to its conclusion. Not because I thought killing Beverly was wrong, but I was worried I'd mess up and disappoint Hannibal.
Gathering up my courage I called Beverly.
"Hello?" She asked.
"Hi, Beverly." I said, my voice sounding pained.
"Are you doing okay, Will? You've seemed a little...different lately." Damn that prying bitch.
"Alana's death has hit me hard. But I have been getting better." I had to hold back any mention of Hannibal, the man who was saving me from madness. I didn't want to give her any indication that she was going to be walking into a trap. Beverly was clever and would take any reference to Hannibal as confirmation that I could now see her true colors.
"I don't know if being able to solve cases means you're getting better."
"It means I have something to cling onto. To distract me until I get over her death."
"And are you getting over her death?"
"It doesn't feel like it did when she died." I replied truthfully. "But I still don't feel comfortable being alone tonight."
"Will, I-" Beverly replied, obviously confused.
"Not like that." I said and gave a half-hearted attempt at a chuckle. "I'm just worried what I will do to myself. I've been having these thoughts lately. I don't think I'd ever do anything, but it'd be good to have someone that I trust to make sure I stay safe."
Someone I trust. That wouldn't be Beverly. But I needed her to worry about me so she wouldn't see her death coming. She wouldn't know that I could see her now.
"I'll be able to come over in a little under an hour. Will you be safe until then?" She asked.
Good, she was worried. She wouldn't see anything coming.
"Yes." I said.
"Goodbye." Beverly replied.
"Goodbye."
After I hung up I felt some relief. The first stage of the plan was over. I hadn't messed up and all I would have to do is continue the performance when she arrived. Beverly would put on her face of actually caring about me, but that would be a lie.
I had only a short time to prepare for her.
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I quickly finished putting on my clothes as I heard Beverly's car. It would be a short time until she knocked on my door and then the plan would be close to completion. I glanced at my dogs who looked more nervous than normal, but Winston still walked up to me.
He lifted up his head and I scratched behind one of his ears. He knew everything was fine, or else he was a very good actor. In either case, he wasn't going to alert Beverly. Winston cared about me and wouldn't want to see me leave.
Beverly knocked on my door and I opened it for her. I quickly made sure that my face was pained as I was opening the door. I had done it right since my victim's face showed concern. I stepped out of the way so that she could enter. Winston sniffed her and then wagged his tail.
"That's Winston." I said as she bent down to pet him.
"He's a good boy." She said, taking on the sweet tone that most people use to talk to dogs. Treating dogs like they were children and not creatures with feelings. "Where did you get him from?"
"He's a stray, figured a home was better than living on the streets."
"You're a kind man." Beverly said as she stopped petting Winston and stood up. "And I am here for you while you try to figure everything out."
"I know." I said and knew that she was lying. The only reason she cared was to learn more about me and put me under a microscope. I was an oddity and only Hannibal saw me for what I truly was: a person that needed privacy. "And I am glad you are here when Alana can't be."
"It isn't your fault Alana is dead." She replied.
"I know." I said, trying to pretend that I had gotten over Alana's death. I pretended that I was recovering so that Beverly wouldn't be more worried than I wanted her to be. "I thought we could go on a walk."
"No wine?" She joked with a disappointed expression. Of course she wanted to seduce me.
"You're a friend, I didn't want you to get the wrong impression." I had to stop myself from screaming at her that she wasn't Alana. That she could never be Alana or take her place.
"I understand." Beverly said and looked out the window. It was dark and there was a very light snowfall starting.
I picked up a flashlight and opened the door for Beverly. As she went out of my house I looked to my dogs. I was warning them, with my eyes alone, to not bark or warn her that something was amiss. That all wasn't like it had been before.
I closed the door after I had exited my house. I locked it merely from habit and not because I was afraid anyone would try and break in. I wouldn't be gone long, anyways.
"So where to?" Beverly asked.
"I figured a good walk in the woods would be refreshing." I answered.
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"Just means that when we get back we'll feel better to be alive."
I turned on my flashlight and my victim followed me into the woods. There was no moon tonight and so the woods were darker than they had been in my dreams. As I wasn't dreaming, I knew where and when I was. I knew what I was doing and so I'd make Hannibal proud. I'd prove to him that I was recovering and becoming a better person all at the same time.
"So you're scaring yourself to feel better now?" Beverly finally asked.
"Yes." I replied and noticed her walking had become slower. "Don't tell me you're getting too scared now. We're already deep in the woods."
"I'm not scared about myself, I'm worried about you."
"We're just taking a walk in the woods. There's no danger to us."
"You've been different lately." She stated. I turned to my left to look at her face. She didn't appear afraid, just determined.
Beverly Katz knew.
I swung the flashlight to her head and she moved just in time. In the precious few seconds it took to pull out my gun, Beverly had gone out of view. I didn't want to pick up the flashlight as she could use that time to attack me. I doubt she'd kill me since she thought too much for that.
"I've been myself!" I yelled out. Turning around I tried to think of where she would go. I once knew her as a friend and I could empathize with anyone. That is why I would be the one to win this fight.
Upon realizing that I couldn't hope to find her without the flashlight, I bent down and she kicked my side. I rolled over and pulled out my knife as my gun left my hand. I preferred a knife anyways. Better to slice open necks with.
I pretended to hesitate about my decision to kill Beverly so that I would have a more solid plan of attack. I couldn't rely on surprise any longer.
"I'm trying to help you, Will!" Beverly said as she pointed her gun at me. Not at my head, but at my shoulder. She wanted to wound me, make sure I wasn't a danger for a long time, and let me be ruled by her.
"You're trying to control me. You're trying to keep me away from Hannibal!" I hissed.
Beverly's look of confusion and wavering of her hands gave me just enough time. I leapt up, pushed her against a tree, and slit her throat.
If I was the man I was before, I'd have thought her last look at me was one of betrayal. But I knew it to be one of regret because she had lost.
I didn't react outwardly to the blood splattering onto my face. It felt refreshing and I felt proud of myself. I had made Hannibal proud and now Alana could be at peace. If Hannibal wanted to continue this form of therapy, I would allow it. It had opened a part of me that I had been afraid of before.
I was free. I was my own design.
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Inbetween tumblr
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Cult (Season 1)
Show: Cult
Season: 1
Episodes: 13
Created By: Rockne S. O'Bannon
Released: 2013
Rating: 4/5
Basic Plot: Tracks the investigation of a string of mysterious deaths and disappearances surrounding the show-within-a-show.
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Not Given a Chance
I have seen a great show not get a second season (Last Resort) and I have seen a decent show get renewed (Elementary). Cult was one of those shows that its network didn't seem to care about. That its network didn't like airing even one episode because it might do well enough to earn a renewal. After its second episode it was moved to the Death Slot (aka Friday Nights where shows go to die). Then the CW held up its hands and acted surprised that a new tv show was getting bad ratings on Friday Nights! Never mind that Cult was already struggling with ratings on Tuesday nights. After a few more episodes aired the CW pulled the plug and said it wouldn't air the rest of the episodes of Cult's only season. Luckily they decided to show the final episodes, but it doesn't erase my feelings that this was a show that was cancelled before it even begun.
A TV Based Cult Makes Sense
In the beginning of Cult it seems insane that Nate (Jeff's brother) seriously believes that the cult of Cult (aka True Believers) are murderous psychos. But what Nate says isn't only proven to be true, but also that it is much more complicated. Nate isn't in the majority of the show, as for the earlier parts he is captured, and Jeff searches through the twists and turns (with the help of Skye, someone who works on the show and whose father went missing because he was getting too close to the truth of Cult) to find out what is really going on. As this show wasn't given warning of cancellation soon enough, by the end of the series you are left at a big cliffhanger as you realize that the scope of the True Believers (and Steven Rae) is even bigger. And, really, a cult giving out messages in a tv show makes sense in this day and age.
Legacies
Something that fuels the plot (and sub-plots) of Cult is figuring out what happened to someone's father. It's what is the driving force behind the True Believers and it's a reason why Skye helps Jeff in the first place. To find out what lead to a father's disappearance and left a child all alone. For one person it lead to an obsessive quest that left a large body count. For Skye it lead to a healthier interest in finding out questions that she didn't know before as well as getting a boyfriend.
Final Thoughts
This show is the cancelled show I miss the most this year. At least Last Resort was given enough time to wrap everything up (albeit some subplots did feel rushed). Cult wasn't even given a chance and that's really sad for a show like this. A cult that sends out messages through a tv show seems relevant to today. It's such a crazy idea that no one would believe it was happening. Those who figured it out would be labeled as crazy and ignored. In Cult, not even the police are there to help Jeff and Skye because they don't believe there's a cult that sends out clues through a tv show. I admit fans getting so crazy that they'd kill sounds insane unless you go on sites like tumblr and Twitter and see the insanity inherent in fandoms as a whole. There is a gigantic cliffhanger that raises unanswered questions, but the ride is well worth it. And to all the True Believers out there: Hey, these things just snap right off.
Labels:
Cult,
Season 1,
Season Review,
The Final Season
Monday, July 15, 2013
Let's Play Dead Space: Extraction (Parts 4 & 5)
I continue on with the nightmare...
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Let's Play Dead Space: Extraction (Parts 1-3)
I begin to delve into the Dead Space Universe.
Inbetween: The Darkening 7
I opened my eyes and looked around my room. For some reason I had slept naked and I felt sore. I never did any exercising before bed, so the feeling of being sore was different. For some reason I started remembering a dream of waking up next to a corpse. As I looked around my room I realized that the dream was real and that this wasn't my room.
The room had the same design as Hannibal's house. Then it hit me. Hannibal had helped me hide the corpse, we kissed, and then we had made love. The feelings I had for him last night, that I still had, made the word 'sex' useless to describe what had happened. No wonder I was sore.
My search for my clothing was short as I saw that Hannibal had hung them up on the door for me. I must have been asleep for a few hours at least. I put my clothes on and realized, even though I had killed an innocent man, my now lover would protect me. He would be strong as I fell down.
I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. There was something different in my eyes. Something that scared me for a reason I might've been able to know before, but not now. Whatever it was wouldn't consume me or ruin me. I was Will Graham and I was not afraid.
As I was reassuring myself, a beautiful aroma came into my nose. I smiled as I realized what the meaning behind the smell was. Hannibal was making breakfast for me. I forgot what being in a relationship could be like. How good it could get. That you could wake up one morning and your lover would make you breakfast. If only I could've experienced that with Alana.
Walking into the kitchen I looked at Hannibal. There would always be something mysterious and dark about him, but it was calming to me.
"Are you feeling better, Will?" Hannibal asked as I realized he had heard me enter.
"Last night did help." I replied and I saw a small grin appear on his face. It was subtle, like everything else about him, but it was there. I could see that he wasn't sore from last night or maybe it didn't bother him. He must be stronger than I expected for a simple shrink.
"The act of sex does release endorphins."
"So you had sex with me merely to help release tension?" I asked, not worried that what I had said was the full truth. That he didn't have sex with me merely to help his patient.
"I had other motives." Hannibal answered.
I walked to the table and sat down with hope finally back in my heart. He did love me and I would have a breakfast made for me personally by the famous Doctor Lecter. The day was beginning much better than yesterday had ended. I wasn't feeling as confused as I was then. I was, more or less, stable.
Hannibal finally finished making breakfast and brought it out. He did his usual speech on what everything was and then we started to eat. At first we ate in silence. Not because there was tension, but because there was peace in doing so.
"Did you dream about the burnt corpse?" Hannibal asked as he casually put another bite into his mouth.
That was an odd question. Especially since the morning had begun so different from the events of last night. But I was still his patient and he still had a drive to make sure of my mental stability.
"I didn't dream of anything." I replied and then paused. I was remembering the utter bliss of being in a void so I didn't have to feel anything. "It was calming. I haven't felt a sleep like that in a long time."
There was more silence as we continued to eat. It seemed that Hannibal was happy about my reply and so I felt I was on a slow path to recovery.
"How do you feel about the man now?" Hannibal asked.
Before I would have to think how to word things because of how I thought Hannibal would judge me. I didn't have that problem now.
"I feel like killing the man gave me some release. Like there was part of me that was trapped that has now been set free. That what I feel about him now isn't bad." I paused. "Is that wrong?"
"No, it isn't." My lover reassured me. "Nor do I think that you are coping. You have finally found yourself and need to let your true personality out."
"But killing is wrong?" I asked, the last bit of the Old Will vainly trying to cling on. To deny the truth of Doctor Lecter's words.
"All killing is not wrong, Will, there are people who are better dead than alive. That if they breathed another breath more harm would come to this world."
"Like Gideon." I said softly. If I had killed Gideon sooner then Alana would still be alive. Then Alana and I would be together having coffee, having sex, and making breakfast the morning after. Now she was just a lifeless corpse in a grave.
"You could make up for Alana's death by killing someone else who causes harm and is therefore undeserving of the life they have."
"Killing someone won't bring Alana back."
"No, but you will be able to save someone like you couldn't save Alana." Hannibal countered.
"Do you have anyone in mind?" I asked.
"Do you?"
I thought about the question. Did I? There was Jack Crawford who wasn't dangerous, but had driven me into madness. That had ignored the signs of me being unstable. And since Jack had ignored the signs, I had killed an innocent man. Someone whose name I didn't know and wasn't connected to me at all.
But did I really want to kill Jack?
My cell buzzed and I looked at a text from Beverly.
"Beverly Katz." I said and looked into Hannibal's eyes. There seemed to be a perverse pleasure brewing behind them and I didn't mind. "She is too close. She is trying to find things out that don't concern her."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. She is trying to take Alana's place and will find out about your unorthodox methods." This was the truth. I had leaned on Beverly for support since Alana had been murdered, but being with Hannibal showed me her manipulations. They had been very subtle.
"Why?" Hannibal asked and the question seemed like he was trying to keep me from making a mistake. But, by his tone, I knew he thought I was doing the right thing.
"Because if she keeps me from you I'll become even more unstable."
"Then you will find the control you didn't have before when you kill her." After he said that we both smiled, in our own different ways, at each other.
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The room had the same design as Hannibal's house. Then it hit me. Hannibal had helped me hide the corpse, we kissed, and then we had made love. The feelings I had for him last night, that I still had, made the word 'sex' useless to describe what had happened. No wonder I was sore.
My search for my clothing was short as I saw that Hannibal had hung them up on the door for me. I must have been asleep for a few hours at least. I put my clothes on and realized, even though I had killed an innocent man, my now lover would protect me. He would be strong as I fell down.
I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. There was something different in my eyes. Something that scared me for a reason I might've been able to know before, but not now. Whatever it was wouldn't consume me or ruin me. I was Will Graham and I was not afraid.
As I was reassuring myself, a beautiful aroma came into my nose. I smiled as I realized what the meaning behind the smell was. Hannibal was making breakfast for me. I forgot what being in a relationship could be like. How good it could get. That you could wake up one morning and your lover would make you breakfast. If only I could've experienced that with Alana.
Walking into the kitchen I looked at Hannibal. There would always be something mysterious and dark about him, but it was calming to me.
"Are you feeling better, Will?" Hannibal asked as I realized he had heard me enter.
"Last night did help." I replied and I saw a small grin appear on his face. It was subtle, like everything else about him, but it was there. I could see that he wasn't sore from last night or maybe it didn't bother him. He must be stronger than I expected for a simple shrink.
"The act of sex does release endorphins."
"So you had sex with me merely to help release tension?" I asked, not worried that what I had said was the full truth. That he didn't have sex with me merely to help his patient.
"I had other motives." Hannibal answered.
I walked to the table and sat down with hope finally back in my heart. He did love me and I would have a breakfast made for me personally by the famous Doctor Lecter. The day was beginning much better than yesterday had ended. I wasn't feeling as confused as I was then. I was, more or less, stable.
Hannibal finally finished making breakfast and brought it out. He did his usual speech on what everything was and then we started to eat. At first we ate in silence. Not because there was tension, but because there was peace in doing so.
"Did you dream about the burnt corpse?" Hannibal asked as he casually put another bite into his mouth.
That was an odd question. Especially since the morning had begun so different from the events of last night. But I was still his patient and he still had a drive to make sure of my mental stability.
"I didn't dream of anything." I replied and then paused. I was remembering the utter bliss of being in a void so I didn't have to feel anything. "It was calming. I haven't felt a sleep like that in a long time."
There was more silence as we continued to eat. It seemed that Hannibal was happy about my reply and so I felt I was on a slow path to recovery.
"How do you feel about the man now?" Hannibal asked.
Before I would have to think how to word things because of how I thought Hannibal would judge me. I didn't have that problem now.
"I feel like killing the man gave me some release. Like there was part of me that was trapped that has now been set free. That what I feel about him now isn't bad." I paused. "Is that wrong?"
"No, it isn't." My lover reassured me. "Nor do I think that you are coping. You have finally found yourself and need to let your true personality out."
"But killing is wrong?" I asked, the last bit of the Old Will vainly trying to cling on. To deny the truth of Doctor Lecter's words.
"All killing is not wrong, Will, there are people who are better dead than alive. That if they breathed another breath more harm would come to this world."
"Like Gideon." I said softly. If I had killed Gideon sooner then Alana would still be alive. Then Alana and I would be together having coffee, having sex, and making breakfast the morning after. Now she was just a lifeless corpse in a grave.
"You could make up for Alana's death by killing someone else who causes harm and is therefore undeserving of the life they have."
"Killing someone won't bring Alana back."
"No, but you will be able to save someone like you couldn't save Alana." Hannibal countered.
"Do you have anyone in mind?" I asked.
"Do you?"
I thought about the question. Did I? There was Jack Crawford who wasn't dangerous, but had driven me into madness. That had ignored the signs of me being unstable. And since Jack had ignored the signs, I had killed an innocent man. Someone whose name I didn't know and wasn't connected to me at all.
But did I really want to kill Jack?
My cell buzzed and I looked at a text from Beverly.
"Beverly Katz." I said and looked into Hannibal's eyes. There seemed to be a perverse pleasure brewing behind them and I didn't mind. "She is too close. She is trying to find things out that don't concern her."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. She is trying to take Alana's place and will find out about your unorthodox methods." This was the truth. I had leaned on Beverly for support since Alana had been murdered, but being with Hannibal showed me her manipulations. They had been very subtle.
"Why?" Hannibal asked and the question seemed like he was trying to keep me from making a mistake. But, by his tone, I knew he thought I was doing the right thing.
"Because if she keeps me from you I'll become even more unstable."
"Then you will find the control you didn't have before when you kill her." After he said that we both smiled, in our own different ways, at each other.
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Inbetween tumblr
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Inbetween: The Darkening 6
I could hardly breathe. I could hardly think. Nothing seemed real right now. Everything felt like a nightmare. Because if I was just in a horrible dream it meant that I hadn't killed anyone. It would mean that I was still the same man who risked sanity for the sake of other's living. That this man who killed randomly wasn't me. That we didn't share the same body and mind.
I felt something warm pushing itself into my hands. I looked with an uninterested gaze at the cup of tea that Hannibal was giving to me. I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to put anything into my body at this moment in time. But my friend wasn't going to take no for an answer it seemed.
I took the cup and looked around at his kitchen.
"Is this going to kill me?" I asked and looked inside the cup, deep into the tea, and all the way down to the bottom of the cup.
"No, it will relax you." Hannibal replied. "You need to be able to think clearly now."
"Why?" I asked and let out a small chuckle.
"You are in shock right now. I only want the best for you, Will."
"Yeah, thank you for taking care of the body." I said and started to sip at the tea. It tasted strange and I tried to identify what was in it.
"The FBI needs you, they won't find much use from you behind bars." He said and then looked at my face. I liked his gaze. "I gave the tea to Abigail before. It contains mushrooms."
Mushrooms? Calming tea? Was the great doctor drugging me? A smile formed on my face. It wouldn't be the first time I had gotten high, but this was the first time I'd get high to escape from myself.
"Where did you put the body?" I asked, suddenly more curious than I had been before Hannibal had suggested the idea.
"It would be best that you didn't know, at least in your current state."
"What do you mean by 'my current state'?"
Hannibal stood beside me and his presence felt comforting to me. He was my guardian and I was in a state of distress. My mind was trying not to think of what my body had done. I drank the tea.
"You killed a man without realizing it." Hannibal stated and I remembered the corpse clearly. How the man's skin had changed due to being set on fire. How his throat had looked inviting since it had been slashed open. I remembered the stranger's corpse clearly and I didn't know how to feel. "I'm worried that you'll get yourself into more problems than you intended."
"We didn't have this conversation when I killed Gideon." I retorted and I saw my friend think for a moment. Whether he didn't know what to say or he needed some time to phrase it properly, I didn't know.
"I thought, when you killed Gideon, that part of you was protecting Alana without realizing it." Hannibal said.
"And now you think part of me is a remorseless killer?"
"No, Will, I think there is part of you that you need to learn to control. I can help you with that."
"Help me?" I asked and put the empty cup of tea on the counter behind me. I had killed people and Hannibal was talking about controlling me? I didn't think I could be controlled. Maybe if I had put more importance in my sanity earlier I could have. But not now. It felt like a monster was getting out of its cage.
"There must be some ways that your dreams are alerting you to what you're actually doing."
I thought about my most recent dream and I didn't want to examine it any further than I had. Well, I hadn't really examined the nightmare in the three hours since I had woken from it. But I didn't want to. I felt that if I examined it I would finally see myself as I was tonight. That wasn't something I needed now.
"I touched a form in my dream." I said, trying to keep the bile from rising in my throat. "I touched it and it became covered with fire. I slashed its throat. Then I woke up beside what I saw in my dream."
"How did you recognize the corpse once you woke up? You never said you recognized it in the dream."
"I couldn't tell who it was in the dream but...somehow I recognized it when I woke up."
"Because part of you remembered killing the man." When Hannibal said that it seemed like he had just calmed himself down about my situation. I didn't realize he was tense but the tea was affecting my judgment. Plus, he was always good about hiding his feelings.
"You're pleased with that?" I asked, a real smile coming to my face.
"I'm glad that you can recognize what you're doing, in some way, which means that you won't always kill without reason."
"Don't lie to me!" I paused. "I am a monster and if I am not locked up soon I don't know when I'll strike next. Or who my next victim will be."
Hannibal walked in front of me and put both hands on my shoulders. I looked at his hands as I felt their warm comfort. My eyes then looked into his. Those eyes were all consuming and showed no fear. Showed no doubt. Showed me the soul of the man who cared about me.
I felt something inside of me reveal itself to my mind. I felt comfort in Hannibal not because he was continuing to help me, but because I loved him. I loved him because he had been there for me when Jack sent me into madness. And Hannibal was here, now, when I had murdered someone. Hannibal was here, now, when I was losing my grip on reality.
"I can help you, Will." Hannibal said and in that moment I made a choice. I don't know if I would've done it if not for the mushroom tea.
I brought my face close to Hannibal's and then put my lips gently on his own. I couldn't tell what his reaction to it was, but it wasn't violent. A few seconds went by as I was regretting my decision, but he returned the kiss with passion.
I loved him and I knew he would help me.
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Inbetween tumblr
I felt something warm pushing itself into my hands. I looked with an uninterested gaze at the cup of tea that Hannibal was giving to me. I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to put anything into my body at this moment in time. But my friend wasn't going to take no for an answer it seemed.
I took the cup and looked around at his kitchen.
"Is this going to kill me?" I asked and looked inside the cup, deep into the tea, and all the way down to the bottom of the cup.
"No, it will relax you." Hannibal replied. "You need to be able to think clearly now."
"Why?" I asked and let out a small chuckle.
"You are in shock right now. I only want the best for you, Will."
"Yeah, thank you for taking care of the body." I said and started to sip at the tea. It tasted strange and I tried to identify what was in it.
"The FBI needs you, they won't find much use from you behind bars." He said and then looked at my face. I liked his gaze. "I gave the tea to Abigail before. It contains mushrooms."
Mushrooms? Calming tea? Was the great doctor drugging me? A smile formed on my face. It wouldn't be the first time I had gotten high, but this was the first time I'd get high to escape from myself.
"Where did you put the body?" I asked, suddenly more curious than I had been before Hannibal had suggested the idea.
"It would be best that you didn't know, at least in your current state."
"What do you mean by 'my current state'?"
Hannibal stood beside me and his presence felt comforting to me. He was my guardian and I was in a state of distress. My mind was trying not to think of what my body had done. I drank the tea.
"You killed a man without realizing it." Hannibal stated and I remembered the corpse clearly. How the man's skin had changed due to being set on fire. How his throat had looked inviting since it had been slashed open. I remembered the stranger's corpse clearly and I didn't know how to feel. "I'm worried that you'll get yourself into more problems than you intended."
"We didn't have this conversation when I killed Gideon." I retorted and I saw my friend think for a moment. Whether he didn't know what to say or he needed some time to phrase it properly, I didn't know.
"I thought, when you killed Gideon, that part of you was protecting Alana without realizing it." Hannibal said.
"And now you think part of me is a remorseless killer?"
"No, Will, I think there is part of you that you need to learn to control. I can help you with that."
"Help me?" I asked and put the empty cup of tea on the counter behind me. I had killed people and Hannibal was talking about controlling me? I didn't think I could be controlled. Maybe if I had put more importance in my sanity earlier I could have. But not now. It felt like a monster was getting out of its cage.
"There must be some ways that your dreams are alerting you to what you're actually doing."
I thought about my most recent dream and I didn't want to examine it any further than I had. Well, I hadn't really examined the nightmare in the three hours since I had woken from it. But I didn't want to. I felt that if I examined it I would finally see myself as I was tonight. That wasn't something I needed now.
"I touched a form in my dream." I said, trying to keep the bile from rising in my throat. "I touched it and it became covered with fire. I slashed its throat. Then I woke up beside what I saw in my dream."
"How did you recognize the corpse once you woke up? You never said you recognized it in the dream."
"I couldn't tell who it was in the dream but...somehow I recognized it when I woke up."
"Because part of you remembered killing the man." When Hannibal said that it seemed like he had just calmed himself down about my situation. I didn't realize he was tense but the tea was affecting my judgment. Plus, he was always good about hiding his feelings.
"You're pleased with that?" I asked, a real smile coming to my face.
"I'm glad that you can recognize what you're doing, in some way, which means that you won't always kill without reason."
"Don't lie to me!" I paused. "I am a monster and if I am not locked up soon I don't know when I'll strike next. Or who my next victim will be."
Hannibal walked in front of me and put both hands on my shoulders. I looked at his hands as I felt their warm comfort. My eyes then looked into his. Those eyes were all consuming and showed no fear. Showed no doubt. Showed me the soul of the man who cared about me.
I felt something inside of me reveal itself to my mind. I felt comfort in Hannibal not because he was continuing to help me, but because I loved him. I loved him because he had been there for me when Jack sent me into madness. And Hannibal was here, now, when I had murdered someone. Hannibal was here, now, when I was losing my grip on reality.
"I can help you, Will." Hannibal said and in that moment I made a choice. I don't know if I would've done it if not for the mushroom tea.
I brought my face close to Hannibal's and then put my lips gently on his own. I couldn't tell what his reaction to it was, but it wasn't violent. A few seconds went by as I was regretting my decision, but he returned the kiss with passion.
I loved him and I knew he would help me.
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Inbetween tumblr
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