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JASH
There are two times. The time that is and the time we feel. The first can't change no matter how we wish it to. It is steady like the fiercest tide. You can't bargain with it. You can't appease it. The second can stretch a single moment into an eternity. You decide how long the second time takes. The only problem is that it is never a conscious decision.
The time it took to open the door to Frostflow Lighthouse took less than a blink of an eye and yet...yet it felt like an eternity. If I opened the door too slow then Lokir would kill the man I loved above all others. Scouts-Many-Marshes' blood would be on my hands and I couldn't stand the thought.
As my blood slowly heated up from the warmth inside, I had a second to look at the scene before me. Lokir had heard me and held Scouts before him. My husband looked weak already and a few bruises indicated there had been a struggle. The Nord held a dagger to my love's stomach.
There was no time for me to act before Lokir made his decision.
Lokir brutally stabbed Scouts in the stomach all the while holding the Saxhleel like a lover. Only when Scouts fell down did the former Dark Brotherhood Initiate stop. He wiped his blade before returning it to its scabbard.
Scouts was still able to breathe but I knew he wouldn't be alive for much longer. I wouldn't be able to breathe at all if he died. There was nothing else in this world for me but him.
"You found me, Listener!" Lokir said in the same excited voice Cicero used. "You are a great and mighty Listener, Jash! You took the Dark Brotherhood from the ashes and let Sithis' darkness spread!"
There was such conviction in Lokir's voice that I would've vomited if I wasn't so exhausted. He truly thought he had done something to be proud of. He truly thought that he and he alone knew my wishes. And Scouts was paying the price for my involvement with the Dark Brotherhood. I could've killed the faction and he would have lived to see another day.
"I saw what you really wanted, Listener." Lokir continued, saying my title with utter devotion. "I see you for who you truly are and I am proud to serve Sithis alongside you."
Lokir stepped over my husband as if it he was just another corpse. Just another corpse that was convulsing in a desperate bid for survival. As if moving would prolong death for a few more years.
"With this creature's death, I am ready to shed my title of Initiate." Lokir said, grinning with his eyes. "I am ready to become a member of the Dark Brotherhood and serve Sithis. In this life and in the Void."
Everything stopped. Time itself seemed to give me a moment to rest. A moment to think. To plan. To do something. But eternity wouldn't help me do more than my base desires dictated. I could keep a person alive for years just to hear their screams of torment.
But that kind of patience was foreign to me now. I needed to hear Lokir's final breath and feel his warm blood. Nothing else would ease my soul.
"Wuld Nah Kest!" I Shouted as I took out my sword.
I could have easily used just one word of the Shout but it felt so much better to use all three. It had taken a lot of practice to pull off this maneuver and I was glad I had wasted my time learning it. With the Shout's help I covered the distance to Lokir in less than a blink of an eye which meant I didn't have much time to act before reaching the Nord.
With muscle memory more than conscious thought, I swung my blade the moment I reached Lokir's side. The man didn't have anytime to react before his head was rolling along the floor. His face still looked ready to receive my praise.
Hopefully Sithis would put the man in his place as Lokir's fate was no longer ours to decide.
I turned my gaze from Lokir's head to Scouts-Many-Marshes. Before I knew what I was doing, I had knelt down by my husband's side. I propped his head up and felt my blood stiffen from a horrible truth. I was the Arch-Mage of the College of Winterhold. I was one of the most powerful magic users in all of Skyrim. With my blade and magic, not much could stop me.
Not much but this.
Even though I was powerful, I was still a mortal. There were still limits to what I could do. While I had mastered all of the schools of magic, there was only so much Magicka my body had in it. There was also only so much stress my body could take before I needed to rest so my Magicka could be restored. Those limits had been reached.
And I didn't know if Serena was alive or still fighting the vampires.
Scouts was going to die and there was nothing to live for without him by my side.
I gently picked my love up and he was barely able to respond to me taking him outside into a storm. Just as I went through the door I felt him put his head on my shoulder. This shouldn't be happening. But at least we would die side by side.
The storm still raged. It made it impossible for me to see more than a few feet. It made it impossible for me to hear anything but the wind. If Serena could see me, she would be rushing to my side.
She wasn't.
Either the fight still raged or she had died.
I sat down with my back against the lighthouse and put Scouts next to me. We leaned against each other as our blood froze and the storm raged on.
"It is ours to love you, Jash." Scouts struggled to say.
"If not for me, you would see many more sunrises." I replied, unwillingly to accept his forgiveness.
"And I would not have lived a life. Not one that would have felt true to me."
"You nearly ended your life because of me."
"You were able to change and become a better man. You made our love strong again. You became the man I had married. And now we leave Mundus together. If it was ours to live together longer, I would eagerly welcome it. But I don't regret this end."
"You're right as always, my love. It is ours to have our time cut short. But it isn't ours to mourn the time lost."
I leaned down and we shared a kiss as our blood froze.
As our lips parted I wished we would find each other in Hircine's Hunting Fields. I wished that we would open our eyes there and hunt as one. Our large wolf forms sinking teeth into the most admirable prey. Prey that would send most into fits of despair but sent Hircine's faithful into fits of euphoria.
I wished so desperately for that as it meant this wouldn't be our last moments together. But wishing so deeply for that meant disrespecting Scouts. And in my last moments I couldn't do that. I accepted that my husband's soul would be embraced by the Hist and emptied for a future Saxhleel.
I went to lean in for another kiss but felt Scouts' last breath leave his lips. At least my blood was now mostly frozen and Mundus wouldn't mean much to me soon. At least hunting by Hircine's side would eventually make this everlasting pain fade with time.
For a few minutes, though, the pain would be all there was. The tears that rained from my face froze quicker than my blood.
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