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ALEX
My odd dreams tended to always be the same. I would be somewhere in Tamriel and Jash would appear. I would learn more about him and fall even more in love. But sometimes my dreams would take an odd turn. Jash's memories would become mine but instead of being in Tamriel, I was in a tornado or some kind of storm.
It was very hard to explain. And, unfortunately, there wasn't anyone I could talk to about my dreams. Not unless I wanted to find a new career path. At my age, that wouldn't work out well. It would just become another hardship I didn't have time for.
I was being blown around and yet standing still. Vast amounts of memories were swirling all around me and yet I was experiencing them. It was uncomfortable and exhilarating at the same time. I preferred seeing Jash with my own eyes but I would never pass up an opportunity to learn more about him. There was a certain thrill to feeling like I was him as he killed a dragon. That was the closet I could ever get to him as touching him was not possible.
Not like I wanted to.
Like what happened in these kinds of dreams, I was thrown down to the ground. It also felt like I had just appeared there but my body hurt like some entity had used me as a child's toy. I slowly got up and looked around to figure out where I was.
I was on the shore of Lake Ilinalta during the day while a storm was starting. The thunder sounded foreboding in a place like this. It was miles before you found another person and even longer until you reached a village. Or, if you were lucky, a city. You couldn't just go into a local bar and wait things out. You had to hope that you weren't killed before finding any kind of shelter.
"Lok Vah Koor!" Jash Shouted and the skies cleared.
As a Dragonborn, the last one in existence, he could Shout like a dragon. The sound of a dragon was mixed with the faint sounds of a Saxhleel. Not that I was close enough to hear his voice. I looked and saw both Jash and Scouts-Many-Marshes racing towards the shore.
I stepped out of their way so they wouldn't pass through me. Jash looked happier than ever as he raced towards the shore. Scouts, though I was sometimes loathed to admit it, balanced his husband well. Jash thought of everything as a hunt and had even become a werewolf in his devotion to Hircine. Scouts was more tame and preferred running a small shop over adventuring.
Their colors also highlighted their different tempers. Jash looked covered in blood at all times while Scouts looked like the ocean in Saxhleel form.
Jash laughed and quickly discarded his clothing on the shore. As each piece of clothing was flung on the shore, I admired his muscles. He traveled and fought nearly constantly which meant he kept in shape. Though the muscles never took away from the lithe look from his body. He could walk into a tavern and people would underestimate what he could do when he decided to fight. Though as his fame grew, less people decided to randomly challenge him.
"You cheated!" Scouts chuckled as he discarded his clothing as quickly as Jash.
"The door was open." Jash said with a smirk as his eyes roamed the other Saxhleel's body.
"Because Rayya decided to come in."
Jash shrugged and I tried to see what he saw in Scouts. At least sexually. The other Saxhleel was not as fit but there was also no fat on his body. With how wealthy Jash had become, Scouts could've become fat with all the food he now had have access to. Yet he loved helping out around the house and running his shop which meant he was usually doing something.
Their marriage had been a very small affair. As was usual in Skyrim, they went to the Temple of Mara in Riften for the ceremony. Jash hadn't yet built up the reputation he currently held and so few people littered the pews. Scouts hadn't been able to get his fellow dockworkers from Windhelm and so none of his friends were there.
Jash could now afford a full set of whatever armor he wished. Or he could personally make any type of armor. But back then he didn't have many options. So his outfit had been random pieces of armor that he admired at the time. Scouts had looked more dignified with his old dockworker outfit. I wouldn't like to wear my FBI uniform to a wedding but I guess he didn't have a choice.
Yet Jash and Scouts' wedding had brought me to tears. Their love was all that mattered. Their utter devotion to each other could tear down kingdoms.
And for a brief moment I didn't feel jealous.
The storm pushed me through a vast series of memories until I was standing at Goldenhills Plantation. It took a minute for me to make sure I wasn't about to fall over. Once my breathing steadied I looked around at the workers around me. Jash had freed the souls of the slain family and had then been given the deed.
Now the place was a bustling hive of activity and was Jash's assurance that he would always have enough money to pay for whatever he desired. And the desire he currently craved was Maven Black-Briar to be dead and her family losing all the power she once held. It was taking time, and shady dealings, but it seemed the once powerful woman would be less than a beggar before death.
I looked and saw both Jash and Scouts helping with the fall harvest. Scouts went over to any worker who looked tired and took over their load until they felt better. Some of the workers would have their wages increased or seek work elsewhere come the festival. The festival was a time of celebration and change for the plantation.
Jash focused on harvesting and making sure his workers knew that he was willing to do the hard work. He would do work that many in his position wouldn't even consider. Such dedication earned him the respect of his workers so that they stayed on for years.
That dedication was also the reason that sweat was dripping down his body. The only piece of clothing he had on were pants and they were wet. I couldn't turn my eyes from looking at him and I wanted to **** him here. From how he ****** Scouts, I knew how he would dominate me. It was a strange feeling for me to want to be dominated.
Utterly and completely by him.
I tended to like to be in control but now...I-it would never happen. It would always be a fantasy in my head.
Some force rammed me into the ground in front of Breezehome. The small house was one of many near the entrance of Whiterun. I quickly picked myself up once I saw Jash right beside me. He looked excited and the stray beside him had to be the reason why.
Meeko looked like one of the many stray dogs in Skyrim but he was special to Jash. The dog wagged his tail as Jash's own tail couldn't help but move in small motions. It was shortly after dawn so Scouts wouldn't yet be in his stall in the city and Jash would be able to start the day off on a good note.
Once Scouts came out Jash couldn't control either his crest or tail. Jash's own excitement was reflected in how fiercely Scouts embraced him. Meeko ran around barking as loudly as he could. Did he realize that he now had a home with a loving family?
"Where did you get that stray, my love?" Scouts asked.
"His name is Meeko." Jash said as their embrace ended. "His owner is in Sovngarde and the only place left for him was a shack. I couldn't leave him all alone like that."
"And you're afraid of sitting at Sithis' right hand when you can't even abandon a dog?"
Scouts bent down and Meeko sniffed his hand. The dog took a moment before allowing the Saxhleel to pet him. As Scouts' smile widened so did Jash's. The man was a ruthless killer and so I should loathe him. Yet there were also these moments where he thought beyond himself.
"How long will you be staying this time?" Scouts asked once he had finished petting Meeko.
"I can spare a few weeks." Jash replied. "Meeko will stay for longer. Whenever I don't need him, he will guard you."
"You don't want him to face against anything too dangerous."
"Meeko deserves a peaceful end. He shouldn't experience utter terror at the end."
Scouts kissed Jash and I was angry. Jash should be kissing me passionately. He should be losing sense of where he was standing because of me. It should be me he looked at more lovingly than he did anyone else.
It should be me his heart belonged to.
I followed Jash, Scouts, and Meeko as they walked around the city. It was easy to keep up with them as they didn't want their day to begin. Jash didn't want to remember all of the responsibilities that were his and his alone. He had defeated Alduin and yet the Skyrim Civil War still waged on. As I remembered all the horrors the Saxhleel had experienced, I...all the jealousy I felt towards Scouts slowly faded away. Some part of it might always be there, but I didn't hate the other man anymore.
Jash deserved happiness and it would never come from me. He was only a dream to me. And dreams would never become reality.
Even if Jash wasn't real, I loved him to the point I would prefer him to be happy. Even if he found happiness in another man's arms. He didn't deserve a marriage to explode in his face and reduce him to longing for someone in a dream. He didn't deserve for his actual life to feel more like a dream than his dreams did.
As Jash, Scouts, and Meeko returned to Breezehome I felt the strangest sensation. It couldn't possibly be true and the feeling would have to fade when I woke. But, for now, it was hard to deny this impossible truth.
I had met Jash before and not in a dream.
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