This chapter has been edited due to content. A graphic sex scene has been cut and a torture scene has been edited down. I also made smaller edits throughout the chapter. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
I put my head in my hands as I sat on the edge of my bed.
Sam was out with Eyrie while Eve was training. She trained as hard as her young
body would allow her to. It made me proud that I could produce something that
had such strength. If she had had my upbringing she would have done well. Maybe
one day Eyrie would show the same need to fight. Or maybe he would take after
his father and have the brains of the family.
Them being gone left me alone with my thoughts. Thoughts
that attacked every part of me. The memories of Alex’s death were the hardest
when I was alone with no distractions. The memories would produce such anger in
me that I didn’t know how to react. Every day I looked for a battle I could
fight in or an execution I could help with. But each time I was restrained by
the rest of the Kaari. Each time I would allow them to restrain me as some
waning part of me knew they were right. I hated that they were right but I was
not one to deny the truth.
Someone had to pay for what had happened to my husband.
Someone would have to die horribly for what had been done to him. For what had
been done to my triplets. Tears went out of my eyes and through my fingers. I
stopped when I heard someone knocking on my door. I recognized the man’s scent.
I wiped my face to help hide the tears before opening.
“Chris,” I said. “Do you need something?”
My voice had broken a few times while asking that simple
question. While just making conversation with a friend. Chris Redfield had been
the father of Alec Isaacs, though sometimes I would forget that fact. Since
arriving back at Winterfell we had hardly talked. I had hardly talked with
anyone that wasn’t part of the Council or my family.
“I wanted to check up on you.” Chris said as he closed the
door behind him. “I…I…you’ve seemed different ever since you came back. I get
why but it still worries me. I’m wondering if there is anything I can do to
help.”
“Help?” I asked with a laugh as I took my previous seat.
“You can’t bring Alex back and you can’t bring my children back. No one
can help me.”
My former lover sat on the bed next to me. He looked as
worried as I felt. Nothing could bring back the dead, not with the state they
were in, but I needed to do something. I needed to harm those who
had wronged me. That
seemed to be the only way I could get closer. The only way I could start to
feel again.
“You have your husband’s clone.” Chris pointed out. “You
have Eve and Eyrie. You have Khaleesi, Rain, and their child. You have K-Mart
and me.”
“I’m not going to replace Alex with substitutes.” I argued.
“I’m not…I’m not asking you to replace him. I’m asking you
to realize you’re not alone. You’re not the only one to experience loss.”
“I’m sure that Khaleesi is extremely sad over my loss.”
“What about Eve, then? You lost a
husband but she also lost a father that day. Her father is never going to
return. You ever think that is the reason she is training so hard?”
Eve. My daughter. Alex’s only remaining offspring. I felt as
if I had been slapped by the wing of a dragon. Viserion, if he weren’t under
the control of the Night’s King, would be annoyed at me. My own dragon would be
more than ready to show her anger. She knew my limits and how not to go too
far. I looked up at Chris and he put a hand on my shoulder.
“I know this is hard for you.” Chris told me gently. “But
you aren’t the only one fighting this war. You aren’t the only one that suffers
from it. I know it isn’t fair but since you’re the leader you have to support
the rest of us. Since you want to get more aggressive you’re going to have to
show the people that you are there to support them. That even though you are
asking them to risk a lot, you will always have their backs.”
A leader. That’s the role the gods had made for me. I had
been part of a simple direwolf pack and now I was extremely powerful. In one
reality I controlled the group known as the Mormonts while in the other I was
the queen of Westeros. Humans followed gods, not fellow humans. If at this
moment in the Nightmare I broke down those that followed me would find someone
else. Maybe they would even follow Alice if they found a semblance of hope in
her words. Possibly they would side with her if they found her stronger than
me. Humans and direwolves had their differences but they were similar in many
respects. One way they were alike was that they followed the strong.
“I will be strong.” I said and nodded. “It’s just not easy.
Every time I can think I see them dying.”
“You can do this, Rin.” Chris promised me. “It won’t be easy
or fun, but you can do this. When I saw you that day-“
“You saw what you would call ‘a nice piece of ***’. Don’t
try to tell me a story about how you saw how strong I truly was or some such
nonsense. You’re not a good storyteller.”
Chris laughed at that. He knew he was no wordsmith and would
always fail at telling grand stories. But that didn’t matter as he was here for
me. He had been with me for so long that I trusted him completely. Before I
could become totally relaxed I heard another knock on the door.
“Come in.” I said standing up and breaking my moment of
calm.
Jane Doe, one of the three Alice clone spies, bowed. She had
been the easiest one to convince to completely leave her fellow clones behind.
She had seen the truth of how this war was going. Alice might have been noble
at first but after ordering children killed…Jane had quickly figured out how
things were changing. Rebecca and Aria had been slightly harder to convince.
They were still stuck in the past. Luckily, though, they had been convinced to
move to Winterfell after a little time.
“It turns out that one of my fellow clones has been
following me.” Jane said stoically. “She wants to know if she can find peace
here.”
“The time for peace has long since passed.” I replied
bitterly. “Now one of my husbands and all my triplets are dead. All those
deaths could’ve been avoided if Alice had accepted my offer. This clone didn’t
change sides before but waited some time after.”
I looked at Chris and he seemed to be repulsed by the
darkness he saw growing in my eyes. I couldn’t help that darkness. That
darkness told me to take comfort in the torture of this clone. Torturing was
the only comfort that seemed possible at the moment.
“I understand.” Jane said reluctantly. “It would be so easy
for a clone to come in here and wreck havoc. You aren’t too prepared for what
we could do here. People are so used to peace.”
“The Rasiki are here.” Chris pointed out. “We could handle a
good amount of chaos. But we shouldn’t risk our safety for the enemy. No
offense.”
“None taken. What was done to you, Rin, was horrible and I
understand the anger. I also trust for you to restrain yourself.”
“I will not be like Alice, Jane.” I promised the clone. “I
will only kill those who harm us. I will not kill children or make wives kill
their husbands.”
* * *
“I thought you were kind.” The Alice clone said, fear making
her voice waver.
Currently we were both alone in an old lab. She was tied to
a table while I stood beside her. I focused on how she looked at me. She was
afraid and doing a horrible job at pretending to be brave. She knew she was
going to die. She knew there was no escaping death now.
“Why did you come here?” I asked her.
“I thought you could help me.” The clone replied.
“Why would I help you? You served Alice and were never
disloyal.”
“I knew no other way.”
“Lies!”
My fists slammed down a few inches from her face. I wanted to rush into the
torture and had to stop myself. Like sex, this moment needed foreplay. This
might be the only prey the Kaari would give me. I must savor this blessed
moment that the gods had given me. Once I felt calmer I walked around the
table.
“Don’t give me some ******* about how it’s hard to disagree
with a fellow clone.” I hissed. “Don’t tell me how it was more than difficult
to break away from the others. You have known for quite some time about me.
Jane Doe, Aria, and Rebecca have all proven that it is possible to change.”
“They are different.” The clone begged. “They are some of
the strong ones. They’re not like most of us.”
“So you are one of the normal ones?” I asked. “Are you one
of the weak ones? I can’t risk letting a clone in that won’t be loyal to me.”
“I’ll be loyal to you. I promise.”
“That means nothing to me now. Your time of making an
alliance with the Mormonts is long over. Lines have been crossed.”
I took the small scalpel from my pocket and looked at it. If
only Jorah was still by my side but that weapon had been lost. Besides, I
wanted this torture session to last for hours. Jorah would finish this pathetic
creature off too quickly. For hours I toyed with the clone.
It was as if I were back with
my pack. Except they wouldn’t like me playing with my prey like this as it was
pup-like behavior at best.
“Please kill me.” The clone started to beg.
Yes, it would be best to kill her now. This perverse game I
had been playing with her had gone on long enough. More than long enough. When my prey finally
went silent I stood up.
“Noah,” I said to the AI. “Have a cleanup crew come here. I
want whoever works on cleaning up this mess to stay silent.”
“Yes, Doctor Isaacs.” The AI replied.
I knew rumors would spread but I wanted to control the
information. I wanted an air of dignity placed around my actions. I might be a
monster but I was a monster in charge of saving the world. I left the room
behind as I tried to gather my thoughts.
* * *
“Was she a bad clone?” Eve asked as I helped her shower.
The communal shower was too small for Sam to join us so I
was doing this alone. While some rooms had their own showers, others were left
without that luxury. For me it was just convenient to use a communal shower
now. In any case it was good to spend time with my daughter. The only thing of
Alex I had left to comfort myself with. I could now fully understand how
important Eve had been to my late husband. I could now fully understand how
important she was to keeping my sanity. If I held onto her maybe, just maybe, I
wouldn’t be lost to insanity. Maybe the darkness would pass me by with only
minor scars.
“She was a clone that didn’t think of switching sides until
it was too late.” I told Eve. “So, yes, she was a bad clone.”
“She let Daddy die?” Eve asked.
“Yes.”
That was the simple answer. It was unlikely that one clone,
or even a group of clones, could change Alice’s mind. It was unlikely that the
clone I had tortured, ate, and killed could have stopped Alex from dying. But
there was a possibility, however faint, that if a group of clones stood up to
Alice he would still be alive today.
I finished washing Eve and wished that this moment could go
on forever. The water coming down and no worries about the rest of the world. I
wanted to get lost in this moment but I knew I couldn’t. If I left the fight
now then there would be no world to gift Eve. She would inherit the zombie
infested world she had been born into. I wanted to leave her with something
better.
Much too soon we were dressed and walking. Eve seemed to be
a little too excited about training so I decided to take her to the park. As
always the smell of the trees and grass provided much needed relief to me. My
daughter didn’t rush off as was usual with her but stayed by my side. I had to
talk to a few Mormonts before I could focus my attention back on Eve once again.
“Don’t you want to play?” I asked and she shook her head.
“I want to train.” Eve said. “I want to be like you. I want
to be able to protect Eyrie and Sam and everyone else.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t matter how strong you are. You can’t
save everyone. I am extremely powerful and I’ve lost the majority of my
children. I’ve lost Alex.”
Eve sat down on the ground and didn’t look happy. I joined
her. I wanted to reassure her but I couldn’t. I had to teach her how the world
was. I didn’t want her to grow up thinking she was all powerful only to find
out that she was merely a mortal. She could dream about saving everyone but she
had to be aware of the truth. A truth that wasn’t always pleasant.
“But I’m training really hard.” Eve argued.
“I trained extremely hard in my youth.” I pointed out. “I
trained harder than most humans. Yet I can’t save everyone. There are still
limits I have to follow even when I wish I didn’t.”
“What if I can become stronger than you?”
“Then I will be proud. But just because you’re stronger than
me doesn’t mean you will be all powerful. There are things that exist that make
me seem like nothing.”
Eve had a determined look on her face. She wanted to win
this argument and yet she couldn’t find a way. For a few minutes she said
nothing as she ran her fingers through the grass. I understood why she wanted
to feel like nothing could stop her. I could understand how that would be
appealing. But believing in yourself too much could get you killed. And I
didn’t want to lose yet another child.
“Your training will help you.” I told her. “Even though I
pray that you will live in a world where you won’t need to fight, I know
humans. I know how violent humans can be. If you need to fight in the future
I’m sure you’ll be a great warrior. Your name will be sung in songs for ages to
come.”
“But what if I can’t save everyone?” Eve asked. “Will you be
mad? Will other people be mad?”
“It doesn’t matter if they are. What matters is that you
will do your best.”
We smiled at each other and then I kissed the top of her
head.
* * *
“You were violent with that clone.” Sam said as he went over
data.
We were both in our room alone. Eve was playing with some of
the other children while Eyrie was with a babysitter. It was a rare moment that
we could spend time with only each other. So, of course, Sam had decided to
finish up some last minute work. That’s what Alex would have done if he were
still alive. I shook my head as I was trying to be as happy as I could be right
now.
“I am surprised you have a problem with my actions.” I
replied.
“I am surprised you did what you did.” Sam retorted.
“Usually you are the one to be clear headed. With the clone…with the clone you
were an animal. It was a sport to you.”
“Shouldn’t you be happy that I’m becoming more like you?”
Sam stopped what he was doing to turn and look at me. I
could see the disappointment in every inch of his face. I could tell that he
didn’t like what I had done. It must be that I had crossed a line he never
would have. Maybe it was the fact that I had
tortured her for so long. Maybe it was the fact that I had gathered no data
during my torment of the Alice clone.
“I have spent a long time changing.” Sam finally said. “I
have pushed back my instincts to become a better man for you. I know I’ll never
become the man you deserve, but at least I’m trying. What you did with the
clone makes me wonder if there was a reason for changing. Maybe in a few days
you’ll become like me.”
The thought made me shiver. While I loved Sam and Alex, I
knew what they were capable of. It was only because of me that Alex had changed
and Sam had joined the Mormonts. Without me they would still be the cruel
people they originally were. If I turned back into Scourge, Eve and Eyrie would
be lost. They would see their mother as something they could never have
imagined.
I walked over to Sam and kissed him gently on the lips.
“I won’t become that person, my love.” I said. “I just need time.”
“I believe in you, Rin.” Sam said. “That’s why I will never leave your side.”
Alex was gone but at least I would have Sam. At least until
I left the Nightmare forever.
“Isaacs,” Noah said. “Three people have appeared in
Winterfell. They did not enter, they just appeared. My sensors indicate Doctor
Alexander Isaacs, Alice, and a small baby are now in the city. How should this
situation be handled?”
Hisara, Alex, and Alice. I looked at Sam. My staying in more than one
reality had caused yet another tear in reality.
I blinked.
“Everyone has the ability to change.” I told Melisandre. “I
am sure that you can find a new way of life. I did. It wasn’t easy but I was
able to adapt.”
“You’ve lived only for a short time, I’ve lived for
centuries.” She retorted.
I nodded in agreement. It would be much harder for her than
it was for me. While the change from the life of a direwolf to a human had
taken me a long time, at least I hadn’t lived as a direwolf for hundreds of
years first. Melisandre had dedicated herself to R’hllor for centuries only to
find out he wasn’t even a god.
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