For many years I had been living alone. And why would I want to be with anyone? Anyone I would travel with, or form any kind of attachment to, I would have to keep in the dark. I couldn't tell anyone the true version of events. If I did, then there would be a chance my secrets could be found out.
While this went through my mind I looked over at the Jedi Master. Helped with the Force, he was able to use his powers in minor ways to speed the process along. If I had wanted to I could've told Qui-Gon where the Heart of the Darkness was located. But then I'd be giving up the lives of my friends. Not good friends, but friends nonetheless.
"You having better luck than me, Master Jedi?" I asked after feeling the silence getting to me. Silence when there was no one around was one thing. But when a person was a few feet away from you and there was no conversation, that was different.
"I think we're doing the same amount of work." He replied, sighed, and then turned to look at me. "Such an ancient ship, full of dark side energy, is impossible to find. I don't know why I continue to seek it. Even when the Council gave me the mission, they knew there was a possibility I wouldn't be able to find it. They gave me a way out if I wanted."
I sensed something and pretended not to notice. Instead I started looking through a new batch of files. "Maybe you have something to prove?" I said casually.
"I'm a Jedi, we don't let our personal lives affect us on missions."
"You're also a living and feeling being." I said as I turned to him. "I think even Jedi are affected by emotions like the rest of us."
Qui-Gon was quiet and slight signs showed his composure starting to falter. After a few seconds he gained full control of himself and replied, "You are right. I failed to train my former Padawan Xanatos."
"Did he die?" I asked.
"No, he turned to the dark side and left the Jedi Order."
"So you trying to find the Heart of the Darkness is you trying to redeem yourself?"
Qui-Gon turned back to looking through the files and didn't answer my question. Many more minutes of silence filled the time we both spent looking through even more files. Even though my attention was focused on the task at hand, I found myself glancing at the Jedi Master from time to time.
I had felt a small amount of attraction towards him when we first met, but I didn't feel anything strong. I couldn't feel emotions like a normal human anymore, so I didn't know for certain that attraction is what I was feeling or how it would affect me.
"Do you know anymore about the Heart of the Darkness other than the Sith are afraid what it contains?" Qui-Gon finally asked.
In my early days I wouldn't know how to answer him without giving away the truth. But I was much older now.
I replied, "Yes, I do. The Sith built a ship to contain the Dark Side. Well, at least a high density of the Dark Side. This feat was done better than expected. Five of the Sith were chosen to fly the Heart of the Darkness, but they never arrived at their destination. Some say those Sith repented and destroyed the ship. Yet others say that the dark side overtook them and decided to take the ship into hiding until a later point in time."
"At which point the Dark Side will attempt to take over the Republic." Qui-Gon finished. "You know your history."
"I know legends." I said and realized I had fooled a Jedi Master. It wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last, but something felt different this time. Something felt wrong about fooling such a strong and wise being. He should've been just another human Jedi, but he wasn't. Not to me.
I realized the feeling of attraction and noticed that they were stronger than they had been in a long time. I also realized that I didn't know how to resist them. Most likely because I didn't want to. I wanted to feel a real emotion again.
"But that history is a lie." I finally said. "I planted it and let it flourish."
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