Courting of Lillith 4

Days passed and we stayed in the cave. I know that Lillith was staying so her leg could heal. Why was I staying? I looked to the sleeping form of Lillith. She was the reason to stay here. She was the reason to stay here in the cave trying to get her to join the Resistance.

Why was I in the Resistance? John Connor was the reason. But now he was gone, for the second time, and I couldn't impart those emotions on Lillith. No matter how hard I tried. And I had tried for a few days.

Once we were eating breakfast I decided to try a different tactic. Something I hadn't said in a long time. Something that should've been said to Lillith long ago.>
"I'm sorry." I said and Lillith just looked at me. For the moment, the crazed look in her eyes was gone. "I'm so sorry for what I did. I betrayed myself, I betrayed John, and I betrayed you."

"You said we were going to be together forever." Lillith said, as if in a daze. Well, we had been. Lillith and I had been married at the end of the first war. But we weren't a couple now. Maybe we would never be.

"Yeah, that's how it was supposed to turn out." I replied. "The thing I am most ashamed of is how my actions twisted and turned you."

I thought I had said something bad when Lillith remained silent. But, when I thought all was lost, she nodded. Though I admit there was a bit of surprise in her nod.

"You know it wasn't entirely your fault." Lillith said and I just looked at her. "The hospital was, but what happened to me wasn't. I could've made different choices but I didn't. And now I can't change back."

"Once you choose one way of life you can't ever go back." I replied.

"And did you ever go back?"

"I've made myself look stable but I'm not. I can't go back from that night.">
We continued to talk until that night when we built a fire and just sat near each other. I felt so connected to her and my eyes drifted over and through her. On the outside I saw her damaged body radiating a different type of beauty. It wasn't pure or clean but one of strength.

Inside I imagined myself. Well the reverse of myself. I was a damaged soul in a perfect body while Lillith was a damaged soul in a damaged body. So not quite the reverse of myself.

I realized something then: I loved her still. Truly loved her.