This chapter has been edited due to content. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
JASH
As I danced in the cool evening air with music heightening every sensation, I looked over the harvest festival. I looked as everyone was lost in the arms of another or enjoying the company of friends. Or at least in the company of those that could help further their own ends.
I then turned my attention back to Sissel of Rorikstead, my dance partner. She was a beautiful young woman who would one day make someone very happy. For now, though, she was my shield against the world. But she couldn’t fill up the hole inside of me.
It had been a year since I was torn away from Alex Casey. A year since the other part of my soul had been denied me. Maybe in a few decades he would die and we would be reunited on the Mountain. But I didn’t want to wait that long.
I couldn’t wait that long for a maybe.
So instead of time healing my wound, it had only deepened it. Made it fester.
To try and ease the burden on my soul, I had decided to grow coffee on Goldenhills Plantation. In nearly the blink of an eye, Saxhleel Vigor Coffee had become the most sought out drink in all of Skyrim. Now each cup of the brew tended to end up in a noble’s house or in court.
A few shipments of Saxhleel Vigor Coffee did end up in the hands of the downtrodden. Those few instances were with the help of the Thieves Guild. As I gave those few shipments away for free, my fellow thieves were able to make a hefty profit no matter how low they sold it for.
I remembered last year when Alex, myself, and Alan had been discussing growing coffee in Skyrim. It had been right before everything had gone horribly wrong. It had been the last moment of true peace with my love.
A jagged breath left my maw as Sissel wiped a tear that had barely formed. I had become too lost in my memories at such an important event. What if someone had seen? What if someone decided to spread rumors on how I had become weak?
“I’m sorry, Sissel.” I said once I had composed myself.
“For crying?” Sissel replied with a laugh that made me feel better if only for a moment. “I know you, Jash, it would be odd if you didn’t shed a tear.”
“I know it is not ours to apologize to you for letting my guard down.”
“Then why?”
“For using you.”
We were silent for a moment and tried to lose ourselves in the dance. It felt good to be embraced by someone and to pretend that I could fill the void inside of me. It was good to see people feel safe enough to let down their guard. I had earned their trust after many decades to the point that they didn’t consider me an outsider any longer.
“I know how upset you got when suitors came for your hand before.” Sissel finally replied. “I wanted to ease that burden as best I could.”
“Does that excuse me for ******* you in the futile hope that I would feel better?” I asked.
“Are you more concerned about ruining my reputation if others find out or not finding a balm for your pain?”
My eyes looked deep into hers to find a sign of feeling betrayed. But there was no such sign. Our bodies had become one and there was no hint of regret that such an encounter would never happen again.
“If not for the pain of losing Alex Casey, I would have written songs about that night.” I said with a sad grin.
“I’ve had practice.” Sissel said and winked at me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a Dark Brotherhood Initiate. The Khajiit moved silently and I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t trained to do so. So her prey, a nobleman who was becoming increasingly physical with one of my farmhands, had no chance to spot her.
Sissel noticed I was distracted and followed my gaze. She grimaced at the sight of the nobleman.
“You know him?” I asked and we turned to look only at each other.
“He’s the oldest of seven.” Sissel replied. “Thrud has grown more confident each harvest festival.”
“I assure you that he will answer for his crimes soon. His touches are unwanted and I’m certain he will feel emboldened to rape. Or at least attempt such an act.”
“Will you…will you kill him?”
“Thrud won’t die this night and not by my hands. This festival is a celebration and a chance for us all to escape our pains.”
Sissel just nodded. She had never shown much support to my bloodthirsty nature, but remained by my side nonetheless. If I ever decided to marry, she would be a good choice. Someone who never strayed but pulled me back from transforming into a truly unrecognizable monster.
“Why didn’t you choose Elisif?” Sissel asked.
“For what?” I replied.
“You could have chosen her to deter suitors from stepping forward.”
“She is High Queen and the hunt she participates in is a delicate one. Unlike you, a temporary suitor could have a devastating effect on her rule. Some could see her growing close to a suitor and then turning them away as a sign she is unfit to rule.”
“Why?”
“Some still think she is too young and weak to rule. Though such voices have grown nearly silent, they are still in court.”
“So her turning away a suitor would mean she hasn’t outgrown casual sex. But noblemen have their whores for *******.”
“Unlike Elisif, their flings are seen as either a sign of their strength or are laughed at with no larger ramifications. It’s easier for them to escape rumors with their power intact.”
“That isn’t the only reason you chose me, is it.”
I chuckled. Sissel was young but already she had the growing talent of seeing things beyond the obvious. Once she became a student at the College of Winterhold, such a talent would help her in her studies.
“I don’t need a political marriage.” I said as our bodies twisted and turned as if controlled by the music. “There is enough to deal with as is.”
“But I thought you weren’t going to marry anyone?” Sissel asked with a hint of hope in her voice.
“Like Elisif, I have all of Skyrim watching my actions. There might come a day when the only way for me to retain my power is through marriage. Some might see my disinterest in pursuing a deepening relationship with my partner as a sign I’m unfit for any seat of power.”
“They’ll see you not being married as a sign you’ll be indecisive at just the wrong moment.”
The various songs the bards played hadn’t attracted my attention. Their mastery was only there to help everyone take part in this celebration. But as their last song flowed into their next, I took notice as my heart somehow broke even more.
I didn’t have the energy to dance any longer.
How could I dance to ‘That Part’ anymore? Why had they chosen that song when all my versions of the songs from Earth were considered too low class for most bards to play? Especially bards that were fresh out of the Bards College in Solitude.
While originally laid claim to by Lauren Spencer-Smith, it had been the first song me and Scouts-Many-Marshes had changed to fit into Skyrim. We had smoothed and perfected the song while also translating different parts into Jel.
I felt him in my arms once more.
Those bards needed to be punished for their insolence! They deserved to feel their skin burn and their ashes blow away in the wind. Unbound Flames? Elemental Blast? Or Fire Breath Shout so that once one died the Fire Wyrm would kill the others!
Sissel didn’t try to stop me when I walked away from her and to the bards. Did she do so out of fear? Or did she believe I wouldn’t kill the bards?
As the crowd parted for me and the bards looked at me, their hands and voices faltering, I stopped. There had to be a reason that these bards were playing this song. Perhaps they felt s shifting in reality and were responding to it the only way they knew how: in song.
Could it be that Alex had somehow found his way to me?
I started to turn around and did my best to control the hope threatening to burst out of my chest.
Poor
ReplyDeleteSissel! I think she'll be heart-broken if Jash leaves her BUT I hope Alex has found his way to Skyrim. That way, they can get their happily-ever-after, even if it is a brief one. :D