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My feet hit the ground as the wind continued to rush through my fur. This morning the winter air was warmer than usual, a brief reprieve from the harsh weather. I stopped and looked at Bear Island. It had been years since Cersei Lannister had been executed and Khaleesi had given the Iron Throne to Jon Stark. In that time him and Sansa had ruled the Seven Kingdoms wisely. In that time Khaleesi had been left alone, for the most part, and we had been married. I turned my head back to the small cabin we called our home. After all the struggles we had found peace with each other.
I heard his breathing and inhaled his scent. It had taken Khaleesi and myself many months, but we had finally found the perfect man's body for me to use. He looked similar to me but there were slight differences. Most importantly, he was a Northerner who had fought during the Battle of Winterfell. His loyalty was not in question. Usually he lived his own life but there were days we needed him. My feet quickly carried me to the cabin as anticipation gripped me.
In the time I had been running around, Khaleesi had gotten up. Her smile had never been more beautiful than it was now. Ever since living on Bear Island she was happier and relaxed all the time. She would have been the greatest queen Westeros had ever known, I would always be certain of that, but she had chosen her own path. A path I would never dissuade her from. After seeing her happy for so long I never wanted her to feel any pain. We both looked toward the sky and saw Drogon flying with Rhaegal. Jon must be visiting Winterfell again, that was the only time Drogon saw his brother.
"You're early." Khaleesi said when the man arrived.
"I could see I was needed last night." The man said. "I would have offered myself but I needed rest. You two have a tendency to be...very active."
"That we do."
My wife smirked as the man stood still. He had told me before how unnerving the sensation of not existing was. So I gave him a few minutes to gather up his courage. He nodded at me and I was in his body. Over the years it had become easier to enter different bodies. Sometimes I even was in Drogon when Khaleesi rode him.
"You go on and play." I told Ghost. "I'm sorry about how loud we are."
I knew too well how clearly he could hear us. Now I didn't need to be in his body to imagine what he heard. But Ghost, as always, merely shrugged and ran to be with his own family. He had a wolf mate and a few cubs to raise.
"Does it still bother you?" Khaleesi asked.
"What?" I replied.
"Living in his body. Not being human most of the time."
"His body is my body. It bothers me sometimes to be in a human body. All my senses are limited when I am like I was. Your sense of hearing and smell are nonexistent. I don't know how I survived for all these years with my body hardly functional at all."
Khaleesi's eyes were suddenly full of worry. This wasn't the first time I had mentioned how much I had preferred Ghost's body. It had become impossible, even when talking with a human mouth, to hide how little I liked my former people. She thought that I would one day refuse to enter any human to be with her.
"I'm not going to stop loving you." I told her and took her hands in mine. "I need you for more than just your mind. I can't give that up."
"So I'm the only thing keeping you sane?" Khaleesi replied with a sad smile. "And what happens when I die?"
"The most important part of me will be gone. I don't know what will happen if I outlive you."
It was entirely possible for me to outlive my wife. She was confined to the short life of a human and could not go into another body. She would grow old but I could choose a younger body. I couldn't continue to use this man as he deserved to finish the last of his days on his own terms. But maybe I could pass into the next realm when she did. Maybe we could go hand in hand to the great unknown.
"I shouldn't have brought that up." Khaleesi apologized and kissed my lips. "Not this morning. I need this morning to be happy."
"I am sure I can make you forget your worries very easily." I replied with a grin.
"I am sure you and your mouth can make me forget everything."
I ran my hands up her arms and stopped at her neck. One day she would age and the beauty of youth would fade away. Her face would become wrinkled but she would only become more beautiful to my eyes. My desire for her would never fade, of that I was absolutely sure. The fire in her eyes would go away when her last breath left her lips. We were more than just flesh and blood after all.
"What are you thinking, my love?" Khaleesi asked as she lead me inside. "Something naughty I hope."
"It depends what you earned." I smirked.
"I helped destroy the Night King and remove Cersei from the Iron Throne."
"That was years ago, my love, don't you have a more recent accomplishment to use?"
"I brought stability to Bear Island and plan to make this House Targaryen's home. As soon as you give me children."
Khaleesi wanted to remove all ties to power from her life. Though Dragonstone would remain for her future children if they ever wanted to claim it. She could turn from her former path, but she would not disgrace her House by abandoning such a place seeped in memories.
"I think that is worth something." I said as she shut the door.
"What is it worth?" Khaleesi replied with a smile.
It was worth a little bit of foreplay which quickly lead to lovemaking. Afterwards I rested my head against a pillow and she rested her head against my chest.
"Don't fall asleep, Jorah." Khaleesi whispered.
"You need a break before we do anything else." I told her.
"And after that we need to **** again until the sun sets."
I didn't want to tell her that I was beginning to yearn for the body I now considered mine. The body with fur and paws. Being human after all these years had become an odd experience. Most of the time I couldn't inhabit this man's body. Yet I would push my unease away as I needed Khaleesi physically. She would live for such a short time while I could live for eternity.
"And beyond that if our bodies allow." I replied with a smile.
"You sure you won't want to howl at the moon?" Khaleesi teased.
"Not if you open your legs."
She ran her hand down my chest and started playing with my chest hair. Her body had been pleasured and yet she craved more.
"This body is good." Khaleesi said. "But yours was better. I shouldn't have denied you for so long. I could have had more memories to hold onto."
"The important thing is that you do have memories of the body I was born in." I reassured her. "You have memories to hold onto. Don't blame yourself for being a young woman. Your heart was broken and you needed to find some comfort."
"You would have pleasured me in the way I needed to be. The type of pleasure I could have escaped in."
"But you had feelings for me when we first met, being with me would risk your heart breaking again."
"I shouldn't have been so weak."
"So says every person that has ever lived."
All human bodies felt things relatively the same. But there were always differences. This body had good endurance, though the slight differences did make me confused from time to time. This man's eyesight saw Khaleesi as more than beautiful, but I would never again see my love like when I had first met her.
"Do you miss your body?" Khaleesi asked.
"I sometimes do." I told her. "Such as whenever I look at you I miss how I used to see you. But I have you and being by your side is all I've ever wanted. I have to hang onto that or risk madness."
I wanted my old body back, but I didn't truly care about being human anymore. I didn't need a body to feel a little bit of normalcy. Nothing would ever bring my old life back and I had more than accepted that fact. After the Battle of Winterfell my mind had still clung to my old life but now I found beauty in my new life. Had the Three-Eyed Raven been right? Would I eventually forget the name Jorah Mormont? Would I one day forget Khaleesi and everything that was dear to me? Would my acceptance of being mere spirit lead to my downfall?
That demigod had been horrifying and even years after his demise I feared him. He was cruel, but he cared for me in his own sick way. His words about losing myself could very well be fact. Sometimes I tried to outrun those thoughts but to no avail. Nothing could escape the truth. Not even Azor Ahai.
I might be a coward at my death and continue on living in a world that would eventually become unrecognizable. Humans changed and grew, so why would the world ever stay the same? There would come a point when I couldn't find a place for myself. A time when the name Jorah Mormont had become less than legend. I would be forgotten and so have no chance to remember myself.
The unknown future was more than frightening to think about. A world that was alien to me and that would see me become something different. If I had nothing holding me to the world and no way to go to the next life, my perception of life would change. Beauty would one day mean something incomprehensible to my present self. I might one day become something that people would worship as a god. While the world changed, people would always seek something greater than themselves.
I looked into Khaleesi's eyes and smiled. The future would come like the force of nature that it was, but it couldn't take the present moment from me. It couldn't take her beauty from me. The world would change but this moment didn't follow those rules. Whenever I felt broken and that I could never find my purpose, this memory would be my comfort. I had to believe that or risk losing hope before she breathed her last breath.
I ran my fingers through Khaleesi's hair and focused intently on every sensation. The sadness that one day this would end. The happiness of being so close to her, both physically and emotionally. The feeling of her hair and the way the morning light fell against it. My former queen knew my heart was pained but was allowing me my moment. What would I do without her? Who would I one day become?
"I'm going to live for a long time." I said slowly. "I don't know if I'll be strong enough to let myself die. I don't know if I can die."
"I miss not hearing your thoughts." Khaleesi replied with a sad smile. "It makes it harder for you to hide things in times like these. All I know is that you're hiding something, not what."
"I'm glad to have my privacy. You don't want to know the dark paths my mind takes. You don't want to know how bleak the future looks for me without you by my side."
"Then why continue?"
"You are here with me. I don't know what the future has for me, but I have this moment. I have you. And the memory of you will last me for eternity."
I kissed her deeply and she returned the gesture. Both of us kissed for reassurance and to solidify this moment in time. I loved her more than words could say and her feelings for me were just as intense. We had fought for each other and would enjoy our victory. Soon enough our reassuring kisses became something much more animalistic.
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