This chapter has been edited due to content. I made minor edits throughout the chapter. If you want to see the unedited version GO HERE.
JON SNOW
"What do you need to tell me?" I asked Bran and Sam.
The heaviness kept gathering in the room and I worried about knowing the truth. Sam was usually a very joyful man and when he had a stern look to him something serious was going on. Bran directed me to a chair to sit down in. After following his direction I looked at them again.
"You won't believe it at first." Bran finally replied. "You won't want to believe it. It will be painful for you."
"How close are you to Daenerys Targaryen?" Sam asked.
"What does she have to do with anything?" I snapped back.
Was there some horrible truth about her? Had I overlooked some flaw because of my love for her? No, no. She was a deadly force of nature but only to those that deserved it. She wouldn't cause any harm to me as she loved me. Before either could reply Arya barged into the room with a smile on her face.
"I figured you'd be here." Arya said and hugged me again.
She was beautiful. Daenerys might be a deadly force but Arya was something more that I couldn't name. Her body called out to me and so I gently pushed it away. She looked at me with an expression that couldn't be defined. Maybe she did desire me but I wouldn't allow it to flourish. Arya nodded at me. I wondered if she had been having the same dreams as me. The dreams where our bodies intertwined in a rush of passion.
"So what do you have to tell Jon?" Arya asked as she caught the glances of the other two. "Can it wait until later?"
Later? Why would sh-no. We had been close growing up and that was the reason. Of course she wanted to spend more time with me now that she could. There was much more to go over than what had been discussed in the Great Hall. So much more. Things that neither of us would admit with others present. Daenerys had been right, I needed time with my family.
"It can't wait until later." Bran said sternly. "You're not a bastard, Jon Snow."
"But father had sex with a random woman." I replied in shock. "He took me home after the war. I was conceived and born out of wedlock."
"Does that seem like the father we know?"
No, it didn't. Ned had been the most honorable man while he was alive. He had judged all of his actions by what would be the most honorable. But I had lived long enough by now to believe he could've done something without honor. Maester Aemon had told me that there were some things that would make a man back away from doing the honorable thing. However, my father having a child out of wedlock didn't seem like him at all.
"Are you telling me that Ned isn't my father?" I asked with a forced laugh.
"That is what we're telling you." Sam replied slowly. "Your true parents had a secret marriage ceremony which means you're not a bastard at all."
I was very glad that I was sitting down. It seemed like the world was beginning to collapse on me. All my life I'd been told I was a bastard. All the problems that came my way were overcome despite my bastard status. To think that if that small bit of truth had been revealed my life could've been easier. The many pains of my upbringing came to me and were made worse by this new knowledge.
"So who are his parents?" Arya asked.
"Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark." Bran answered. "I've seen your birth and heard my aunt name you. You are Aegon Targaryen and the rightful ruler of the Iron Throne."
"Kings and queens are decided on the male side of the family." Sam clarified. "If you ever wanted to, not that I think you would, you could claim the Iron Throne."
"So Daenerys would be my aunt." I said.
I felt bile form in my mouth. If this were true, I had just committed incest. I had been running away from committing that sin and yet fell right into its arms. In part of my mind there was trust for Bran but it was a trust that needed to be silenced at the moment. The fact that I had...that...she had felt so good that night. But it had been a sinful union. If what Bran and Sam said was true.
"Do you have any proof of this?" I asked.
"Sam has found written proof of the union." Bran replied calmly. "What he found allowed me to find out the whole truth. Without him I would still think you were a bastard."
"And the problem is that he's a bastard?" Arya asked.
"No, I would not say Aegon's heritage would ever make me think poorly of him. However, it is good to know the truth."
My father was Rhaegar Targaryen and my mother was Lyanna Stark. Now my mind wouldn't let me escape from the reality. Ned had always valued his sister so of course he would take her son. He wouldn't care who my father was as my mother was all that mattered to him. He had kept me secret and safe so that I could live. He knew how demeaning being a bastard was but at least I would live.
"Do you think it was right for him not to tell me the truth?" I asked. "He should've told me sooner."
"Father couldn't have predicted his death." Bran pointed out. "He planned to tell you once you were in the Night's Watch. Once you took the black then it would be safe to tell you. King Robert Baratheon wouldn't have been able to lay a hand on you at that point. Ned planned this without knowing of his death."
Arya looked at the floor and it was as if I could feel the sadness radiating off of her. She had been there when father had been executed. That day when those of House Stark couldn't turn back and had to face the future. I put a hand on her shoulder and she put a hand over mine. Being with her evoked feelings in me that Daenerys never did. I had a connection with Arya. Yet even though we weren't as closely related as I had thought, bedding her would still be wrong. In my mind she would always be my sister.
"That's why he would never talk about Jon's mother." Arya said once she calmed down. "Of course he would never want to say what Lyanna had done. He would never want to bring shame on her. People would say Lyanna had betrayed House Stark."
"Would that have been better than being a bastard?" I asked.
"You would be dead if they knew who your father really was. Robert was more than insistent in killing every last Targaryen."
I would have been dead and my mother would have been forever shamed. At least I would have died but Ned would have had to live out his life with that shame. He had chosen the best option for me. I didn't want to believe that this was all true. That Ned wasn't my father and my true lineage was something strange. That I had ****** my aunt. Targaryens practiced incest but not Starks. At the end of the day I was more Stark than Targaryen. Maybe I would find peace with my Targaryen side but I would never practice incest.
"Is there anything else?" I asked.
"Nothing else." Sam reassured me. "You know all we know now. Your name is Aegon Targaryen. You are the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. You are no bastard and are, instead, the true heir to the Iron Throne."
"You're lying. You must have misread something."
"When have I ever misread something?"
Sam had always been both intelligent and honest. I knew he wasn't lying to me but I couldn't admit that. Not yet. The moment Sam knew I believed him then it would all be so much more real. My mind was reeling with the information that the North wasn't my home. My blood was of the North and yet the fire of Old Valyria burned inside of me.
"There is always a first time." I replied.
There was no hurt on Sam's face as he knew how much pain I was in. He knew that my mind was reeling with the information I had been given. It was good he was my friend so that his feelings weren't hurt in my moment of weakness. When I stood up Arya put a hand on my arm but I pushed it away. It was a sickening thought that my sexual union with my sister could be without sin. A part of me should have been happy for this moment, but it wasn't. My whole world, everything I knew, was a lie.
"You're lying to me." I said as opened the door to see Ghost waiting for me. "For the first time you're lying to me."
I pet my direwolf and felt my heart steady itself. Soon I would tell them I believed them. After that Sansa would decide how, or if, I should announce the truth. There could always be problems and I trusted her the most in the political arena. She had grown into a deadly player in the game of thrones. If she said the truth of my heritage should remain a secret, then it would be so.
My walk with Ghost took us into the Godswood. We were far away from anyone. Here no one could interrupt my thoughts as they tried to destroy me. The only thing that was certain was that my relationship with Daenerys Targaryen had to end. She loved me just as I loved her, but that was not enough. Not for me. The fierce Targaryen blood may flow in my veins, but I would always be a Stark.
Ghost howled and raced. I laughed at the sight of such a powerful creature acting like a dog. The powerful creature, the direwolf, was the symbol of House Stark. Before father died, he had allowed us all to keep one direwolf pup each. The symbol of my mother's house was now my constant companion. That was a sign for where my loyalties lay.
Besides that, I had been raised a Stark. Those many years of believing a lie had shaped me. Had made me into the former King of the North. To abandon my upbringing seemed more than disrespectful. Even if I wanted to live as a Targaryen, the North called out to me. It cried to me that it was home. The South was not for me, a lesson I had learned when I went to Dragonstone. Not even King's Landing, the center of the Seven Kingdoms, had impressed me.
The trees around me echoed my own thoughts. Their leaves blew in the breeze and little bits of snow fell to the ground. Snow. Jon Snow. That was my name. Aegon Targaryen was someone else that I could've been in another life. The few leaves that remained on the trees would soon fall down. They would change so that they could survive one of the harshest winters we ever had.
I would have to adapt. I would have to change. But no matter what happened I would remain who I'd always been.
Ghost ran up to me and then went back a few feet. He was playing with me. When he saw my smile he repeated the action. He didn't want me to get lost in my own thoughts. He didn't want me to lose focus at such an important moment. If my focus faltered then everyone could die. I'd been brought back to life for a reason. That reason had to be to defeat the Night King. If I failed in that purpose it was very likely that everyone would die.
DAENERYS TARGARYEN
It had taken a little time to clean up from making love to Jorah. I had done what I had that morning on Dragonstone. Luckily there was less to clean up this time. There were servants that could be called upon but servants could also talk. The fact the queen was ******* Jorah could bring the whole plan crashing down. Now I was on my bed allowing thoughts that had been pushed away to come back.
After making love to Jorah there had seemed to be something new about our connection. Something had deepened between us to the point it felt like we were married. It was a connection that I had last felt with Drogo. Though Jorah and him were completely different. That wasn't a bad thing. Not in my mind at least.
But the thought of Jorah being my husband, if only in my mind, was not something to think about. If I thought about my feelings too deeply the chance that I'd push Jon away would become greater. Jon who I was betraying by creating an illusion of loving him. It was a horrible thing to do and yet there was no other choice.
Jon was raised in a House that didn't like polygamy. Even House Targaryen, my House, had abandoned the practice years ago. It wouldn't be good to risk the bastard's affections by asking. He was extremely jealous towards Jorah and to ask him to share me with him? To ask Jon if he would mind sharing me with Jorah was more than insane. It would never work.
I got off my bed and started to walk around the room. It was different than those in Essos as it was made to stand the harsh cold. The people here lived a harsh life and yet came out stronger. The North had produced Jorah. He was a man that changed when the need arose. He had changed from a man desperate to get back home to one who had a purpose. He had become more noble because of me and I had grown stronger because of him. We needed each other to stay alive.
Outside there was a light snowfall starting. Snow amazed me with how strange it was. Never in my life had I seen such a thing. It was so cold and fragile. My skin and snow had the same color. If I had wanted to, I could hide in it. Maybe after I had taken the Iron Throne, I could try that trick with Jorah. It would be fun and more than a little relaxing.
And Jon...I would only bed him when the need arose. While he had been fooled so far, I was under no illusion that he would always be fooled. He hadn't gotten as far as he had by being stupid. The question was how long he would be fooled. How long until he figured out the truth.
"Come in." I said as someone knocked on the door.
In came Jon who shut the door quietly behind him. It was disturbing that he had left Ghost behind the door. For a moment I feared the bastard had figured out the truth. No, he hadn't. He was looking ashamed and not angry. The memory of breaking things off with Daario came to my mind. He hadn't reacted like Jon was now.
"I need to tell you something." Jon started and looked at me.
The face he was making made me feel even more guilty. It was so innocent of all the things I was capable of. All the things I would do in the name of gaining the Iron Throne. Yet I wouldn't risk the plan even to be a more moral person. After all this was over I could explain to him and he would see I was right.
"You can tell me anything." I told him.
"I know." He replied and looked away from me for a moment. "It's just hard saying what needs to be said."
Bran had had to tell Jon something. The boy was more than a little creepy. He had what was called greensight though no one knew exactly what that meant. Jon's younger brother most likely had said some disturbing information unrelated to me. Something that made the bastard feel more than guilty.
"I'm not a bastard." Jon said and recoiled when I tried to put a hand on his arm.
"Are you asking me to remove your bastard status?" I asked.
He had recoiled from me? While he had run away from intimate moments, he had never done something like that. Because of Ygritte there was always a battle within him. Part of him wanted to move on while another part didn't. One day he would decide which part to silence.
"No, I'm not." Jon replied. "I'm not a bastard. Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark had a secret marriage. Ned found his sister right before she died in miscarriage. My father kept my heritage a secret from me, Catelyn, and everyone else. He planned to reveal the truth to me once I joined the Night's Watch."
"But he died before then." I finished.
My nephew could only nod in response. It was strange that the thought of incest would scare him so. If I had been born earlier it could've been me that married my own brother. The thought of marrying family didn't scare me at all. Incest was acceptable to me and only added a need for me to marry Jon. It couldn't be mere coincidence that my own nephew would fall in love with me. If the child in my womb was proof I could bear children, then having children with Jon would strengthen my dying House.
"What is your real name?" I asked.
"It will always be Jon Snow." Jon replied. "But my mother named me Aegon Targaryen."
Aegon Targaryen. Aegon the Conqueror. Even though my brother had already named one of his children Aegon, it fit Jon. Unlike our ancestor, though, my nephew wouldn't be leading the conquest. Learning the truth of his heritage and his name made me more certain a marriage with him would be best. This couldn't be pure coincidence.
"You're my nephew." I said with a smile that wasn't returned. "I can understand why you're disturbed. I also know that it may take you some time to accept the truth, but I will be here for you. I will be by your side throughout it all."
"No, you won't." Jon replied sternly. "Even though I have Targaryen blood in me, I am a Stark. My mother was a Stark and I was raised with her values. My upbringing won't be challenged by the truth of my lineage. Your House practices incest, but mine abhors it. I was taught to abhor it. I'm...I'm sorry, Daenerys, but I can't continue a relationship with you."
I was stunned. No, stunned was too light of a word. At the moment I couldn't think of a better one. Had he ever truly been in love with me? Or had he been fooling himself just as much as I had? The pain on his face wasn't one from breaking things off with me. The pain was the truth crashing down on him. I had to say something to keep him by my side!
"Jon, I'm pregnant." I said and put his hand on my belly. "On the way to Winterfell I noticed changes. At first I only imagined and later I realized the truth. It's your child. Please, stay if only for our child. I know you have a battle to win but don't leave a child without their father."
I could see confusion on his face as he struggled to decide what to do. What I had done was more than cruel to him. It was manipulation that crossed the line too far. A line I had crossed more often than was right. But the plan had to work. It had to. I had to have all Seven Kingdoms. The hold over the North would be more than strong if there was a marriage between House Targaryen and House Stark.
Jon removed his hand and his expression changed. It wasn't one of acceptance but one of anger. Of hatred. He clenched his fists and his knuckles turned white. With another man I would be afraid, but not with Jon. He wouldn't hurt me out of anger. No matter how much rage he felt.
"You used me." He said as he unclenched his fists. "This whole time you used me."
"Jon, please," I begged him. "Let me explain."
"Why should I listen to you? You've told me nothing but lies this entire time."
He was right. He shouldn't listen to me. I had used him for my own gains. I hadn't really cared about him. If that had been the case I would've never agreed to the plan. Jorah was also blameless as it was me who had agreed to the plan. If I had said no I would've lost Jorah and the North, but saved my nephew's dignity.
"I thought I loved you, but I didn't." Jon continued. "I was only running away. I wanted to...so I pretended that I loved you. But I didn't. You used me because I was too stupid to see."
"You weren't stupid, Jon." I said with as much dignity as I could muster. "You never were. You were vulnerable and I preyed on that fact."
"Jorah Mormont. Was he in on it too? Something about how Ghost acted and how I was jealous of him..."
"He came up with the plan but I agreed to it. He is blameless."
"He came up with the plan to use me!"
"But I agreed to it! Me!"
Even in the midst of his rage he still cared for me. I was under no delusion that he loved me, he was much too smart to trust me like that. A tear started coming down my cheek and so I turned away. If he saw it he would yell about how unfair it was that I would be heartbroken. The horrible part about that is he would be right. This was his moment to grieve, not mine.
"You wanted the Seven Kingdoms." Jon spat out. "You needed the North and I gave it to you. In my addled state I betrayed my people for a lying ****."
"I know this hurts you, but we have to also look at the alliance we made." I told him. "If we break off the alliance now, we could lose everything."
"You will never have me in your bed ever again, Daenerys Targaryen, but you can keep the North. That's what you wanted anyways."
After that Jon left. He slammed the door shut after him and I fell to the ground in tears. I felt every crevice in the floor. There was some comfort in being on the ground. For one thing it made it okay for me not to get up. It pulled at me and my only wish was to feel as lifeless as it was. There were many punishments I deserved.
Before the meeting with Jon I would've been glad to have the North under my rule. But now, seeing the full account of my sins, there was no happiness to be gained. There was no amount of happiness I deserved after hurting such a noble creature. Maybe the mutterings by some were right: maybe I was the Mad Queen.
No, I couldn't start thinking like that. If I did all of my sanity would fall. My only hope was that Jorah would live long enough for me to find some semblance of sanity. He might die of age or fighting against the dead. Both he and I would risk our lives for the living. And I...I would have to kill one of my children again.
JORAH MORMONT
I had taken a short nap but sleep wanted nothing to do with me. So I had found myself walking through Winterfell. The snow on the ground made this place feel familiar. If only I could go to Bear Island to see the place where my childhood had been spent. The place where I hadn't known unforgivable dishonor until my second wife.
As my walk continued I saw Jon walking angrily. Ghost turned to look at me and growled. Suddenly I felt air leaving my lungs and my footsteps quickly found their way to Daenerys' room. I didn't bother knocking before entering the room. My love was there in tears on the floor. Quietly I shut the door as I walked toward her.
She was so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn't yet noticed me. Pain coursed through my body as I realized this was my fault. Jon must have found out and now she was devastated. It was my fault for coming up with the plan and making her do this. The plan didn't matter as Daenerys' happiness had always been paramount to me. If she was in tears, I needed them to stop flowing before I could smile.
"Khaleesi," I said and touched her arm. "What's wrong?"
She jumped and then looked at me. I helped her stand and she embraced me, her face pressed against my chest. As my hand ran through her hair she calmed down. I allowed her silence as whatever had happened was her story to tell. Though I could guess the main parts of it.
"Jon figured it out." Daenerys finally explained. "He found out that his true parents are my brother and Lyanna Stark."
"If he had married you, it would be more than perfect for your House." I said and she nodded.
"If he had been raised a Targaryen he would have found the marriage perfect. But he was raised a Stark of Winterfell. The thought of incest disgusts him. He broke things off with me and I tried to persuade him to stay for the child."
It was a morally corrupt move, but Daenerys had had no other move. Jon had been known to care for his family above anything else. Once he left the Night's Watch he had reclaimed Winterfell for House Stark. To bring up family to convince Jon to stay was the best strategy.
"How did he figure it out?" I asked.
"I...I don't know." My love replied. "All of a sudden he knew. He mentioned something about fooling himself that he loved me. The pain he must have gone through figuring out that he was only being used...he must have not been blinded any longer."
We had placed such a focus on the plan succeeding that we didn't know what to do now. We had never come up with a clear backup plan. I had suggested this course of events and should've planned for this. I had allowed myself to become complacent and failed my queen at such a critical time.
"Jon is allowing me to keep the North." Daenerys said to my relief and shame. "I get the North but I'm not happy. I have what I want but there's no happiness to be found."
"What we did to him was wrong." I told her. "But playing the game of thrones hardly leaves anyone blameless. What we did to him was a necessary evil. Even though we are justified, there will always be a part of us that mourns what we are."
"But isn't it the right thing to mourn what we did to him?"
"Yes, it is. By what you do for Westeros we'll show him that you are a queen to respect. You may never earn his trust back, but you may earn his respect. There must be a reason why he gave you the North after all we did to him. On some level he must respect you."
"I hope you are right, Jorah."
I hoped I was right too. To have him against us would continue to be a personal blow against Daenerys and leave him as a possible enemy in the future. Jon was currently concerned about the Night King so that should distract him for now. Possibly distract him long enough to come to peace about what had happened to him. Hopefully. Or maybe all of us would die in the War for the Dawn.
At least myself, Daenerys, and Jon might die in the war. I would not let the unborn child die in a conflict he, or she, couldn't understand. It was my duty to serve my love and that included serving the child.
"The plan has had a blow to it, but it can still continue." I reassured Khaleesi. "There are still other suitors that would be valuable to you. You having a child out of wedlock will be countered by you helping to win the war. And, after you win the war, you will go after Cersei Lannister. When that woman is dead no one will care about the child now in your womb. With the aftermath of this war, there will be many lords who would seek a marriage with you for the survival of their Houses."
"So I'll just do the same thing with another man?" Daenerys asked coldly and walked away from me. "I will not have another man suffer like Jon Snow has."
"You do not have to be as secretive with the next suitor. You can tell him what you're using him for."
"And leave out that I'm in love with you?"
She asked the question more coldly than the wind outside. What had happened with Jon had more than disturbed her and was changing my love. I loved her and served her. What would make her happy I would do. She just needed to understand the consequences of her actions. She shouldn't risk a good marriage for my sake. I was a broken man with a tainted past. I wasn't the kind of man that a queen should marry.
"That will make things easier." I replied. "Unless he is comfortable sharing you with another."
"I don't want to be shared." Khaleesi retorted.
"House Targaryen has practiced polygamy in the past."
"And that practice has been done away with. I will not reinstate it."
I nodded. There was no arguing with her when she had made up her mind. Yet I would fight a useless battle so that she could spend many years of happiness. She deserved that after all she had gone through. After being abused by her brother and losing Drogo. Daenerys more than deserved happiness.
"Jorah, I am pregnant." Daenerys said and put a hand on her stomach. "I don't know who the father is and that doesn't matter. What matters is that I can have children again."
"What also matters is that I will be there to protect it." I replied and put my hand over hers. "It is yours and that is all that matters to me."
"Your presence will always be appreciated."
Her smile told me that no matter the size of the arguments we had, she would always love me. We had been tested and ended up stronger. There was nothing that could tear us apart ever again. She needed me as much as I needed her.
"You're selfless, Jorah." Daenerys said. "More than selfless. I wouldn't have survived without you. After Drogo died anyone could've killed me. Without your wisdom and advice I wouldn't have reached Meereen."
"You had Ser Barristan Selmy by your side." I replied as the compliments seemed too much. "Besides, it wasn't me or him that allowed your rise to power: it was yourself. If you didn't have the strength you wouldn't have become so powerful."
"You're denying your own worth, my love. There were so many things I didn't know and so many things I still don't know. Without you by my side I wouldn't have lasted to see Selmy."
She was right. I supported her and she supported me. She also had Missandei and Tyrion Lannister to guide her. If Jon ever deigned to come forward with advice again, she would also have him. And he did have good advice to give when his mind was clear. It wasn't by chance that he had gained the rank of King of the North.
"You are much too generous with your praises, Khaleesi." I said.
"Not generous enough." Daenerys replied and her smile widened. "To be as generous as I should would require our affair to be known by all."
This is what I wanted. What I had always wanted. But it was something that could never be. I was an exiled knight with no title to bring to a marriage. It made me wonder if me not wanting to marry Daenerys had more to do with my shame than her happiness. If marrying me made her happy shouldn't I do what she asked?
"Daenerys," I said and removed my hand from hers. "That would be too generous. What would the people think if you married a man without a title? If you married a man that was less than you?"
"You saved me countless times." Daenerys said and took my hands in hers. "Without you I would not be alive today. Making you my king is the least I could do. The people will see you as I see you."
"And if they don't?"
"They will realize how strong we are together and will forget all thoughts of rebellion."
She was right. If she survived the War for the Dawn then what sane man would raise a hand to her? She had two dragons and had accumulated a vast army. She could persuade people to join her. Any who dared think of rebelling would have to consider how many would side with her. Besides that fact, any future enemies would have to realize my queen had risen from nothing.
"What about your dreams of being on the Iron Throne?" I asked. "You have to think about how your actions will impact your claim to it."
"For a long time I've fooled myself into thinking the Iron Throne is what I desired." Daenerys replied with a chuckle. "Maybe because it's been the easier goal to pursue. Maybe because it's the fact I desired the power I was denied in my youth. Maybe Viserys' shadow still haunts me. But what we did to Jon has shown me what is truly important. I destroyed a man's faith in my desire for a piece of metal. He didn't deserve what we did to him and I don't want to destroy another man for power. You are more important than power, Jorah, and more valuable to me than the Iron Throne. Having my focus on you will allow me to not be consumed by the power I'll one day hold."
Daenerys had been strong enough to admit her faults and so I had to say mine. My faults that hadn't shown themselves clearly as I hadn't wanted to see them.
"I am more than ashamed of my past." I told her. "It haunts me even when I don't think about it. It's not because I care for your happiness that I decided to use Jon, it was because of my own shame. I don't deserve you and I never will. Yet here you stand by my side. To deny you my hand in marriage could become costly. Both to whoever you choose to be your king and to your heart. You suffered the loss of Drogo and you shouldn't have to suffer losing me."
"You also have to learn to forgive yourself and know you are a good man." Daenerys added.
"That will take time but with you constantly reminding me, I might manage."
With that we kissed. I put my arms around her and pulled her tightly against me. I didn't know if I could ever forgive myself but maybe I didn't need to be forgiven. Maybe I only had to be loved by her.
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