Inbetween: The Darkening

(Dedications for Chapters 8 and 11)
About the Inbetween Series:

I have some ideas for stories that I don't usually write because my four main series take up so much time (that and other blog work). So I decided that between writing sections of my main series, to write short little fanfics.

These fanfics will be HIGHLY self-indulgent. Because I work so hard on my other series that I deserve a little break.

Sometimes some of these "Inbetween Fics" might be samples of later works (that might turn out to be either a fanfic series OR original series).

About "The Darkening":

I have recently become obsessed with NBC's new show Hannibal. The show is a prequel to Red Dragon (by Thomas Harris) and yet is also a sort of Alternate Universe of the movies and books that have come before. The series focuses on Will Graham (the one who catches Hannibal Lecter in the very beginning of Red Dragon). The series also focuses on Will and Hannibal's relationship.

One thing that a lot of Fannibals (fans of Hannibal) are interested in is Will going dark. Will becoming a killer. I decided to put my own spin on this idea. I promise you, faithful readers, that as much as this story makes you hurt: I will also be hurting beside you.

Where It Takes Place in the Hannibal Timeline:

This takes place during Roti (1.11) and breaks off from it. Well...taking place during might be a little misnomer as some things from that episode are mentioned, but I don't follow it exactly up to the point I fully break away from the episode.
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I gave my lecture that I had practiced a few hours before. I had to practice harder than normal because the Ravenstag and Garret Jacob Hobbs were always close by in my mind. Jack Crawford had been pushing me lately, but I had also been pushing myself. I told myself to stop, but every time I saw a new victim I knew I couldn't.

I could either have my sanity or save lives. I couldn't have both and I knew which one I would choose. I knew which one I would always choose. Maybe someone else could choose sanity, but not me. Not Will Graham.

As the lecture reached its close, I had grown less than interested in it. I was more interested, no worried would be the correct term, that I would lose time and be somewhere else. And not just be somewhere else, have no recollection of how I got there.

I finished the lecture with everything going as planned. As the students left, I quickly packed my things. I had something to look forward to after class today. I had a little meetup with Alana Bloom. Not an actual outing with her, not even a date, but hopefully I would have better luck this time of arranging one.

Making my way to where she was, I had known her long enough to know her schedule, I prepared myself. The very kissable doctor walked down the hallway and I went to walk beside her.

"I'll be fine, Will." Alana said, a slight smile gracing her face.

"I know you will." I replied. "But once Gideon is in custody again, I thought maybe you could come to my house and look for a hurt dog again."

She smiled and said, "Or else we could go on a real date and get coffee?"

"What about me being unstable?" I grinned as I asked her.

"I'm deciding to see what it's like not being a doctor for once."

"After Gideon is in custody, then?"

"Yes." Alana replied and we kissed.

I wished it went on longer but she had to go somewhere and I had to prepare myself. Gideon would be captured soon and I would go on my first date with Alana. Something good to look forward to as Jack kept dragging me deeper into my madness.

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Getting back to my house I greeted my dogs and lay down on my bed. My one place of calmness against the madness of the world. I closed my eyes just for a second and I found myself in a nightmare.

I was now in the woods during a winter night. Snow was covering everything. The ground and trees were cloaked in white. The wind blew the snow around, but everything was white. I looked closely at the tree trunks and saw that antlers were part of them.

The wind blew. The snow moved a little. The scenery didn't change. I heard a Ravenstag's breath behind me. I turned and saw nothing. I heard the Ravenstag's breath and I turned around again. This was repeated several more times until I saw a human running through the woods.

It was too dark to tell who it was, but I felt something sinister about him or her. I heard the Ravenstag's breath behind me and decided that, if nothing else, the other person would provide some company.

I tried to yell at the figure, but a voice didn't come out of my mouth. However, the figure seemed to hear me and it stopped. When I got close enough to it I felt more frozen than the landscape. The figure was the man who I blamed the most for driving me into madness. The man that after I killed him, my insanity increased to the highest levels it had in a long time.

The figure was Garret Jacob Hobbs. I raised a gun that had suddenly appeared in my hands.

Hobbs raised his hands. His face showed fear. It showed either betrayal or surprise. I didn't pay too much attention. I had to kill Hobbs. Again.

I aimed for his head and he fell down. I lowered my gun and walked slowly over to him. Something felt wrong about killing him. Not the usual wrongness, but something far worse. But why should it feel worse to kill Hobbs again? Hobbs was a cannibal that had killed innocent young women.

As I bent down Hobbs sat up. His eyes locked onto mine and an evil mirth was in his eyes.

"You did it." He said and I stood upright. Afraid.

How could a dead man talk? What did he mean?

Going through my fear, leaving it behind me, I shot Hobbs in the head again. Again he died. All went black.

I opened my eyes and saw I was in a hospital room. What happened? Why was I here? I turned my head and saw Hannibal by my bedside.

"What-?" I began and his look stopped me from continuing.

"Gideon is dead." He said simply and I nodded. "It is likely that he killed Alana."

"Why am I here, then?" I asked. A combination of annoyance, worry, and fear seeping into my voice.

"You were found near the scene." Hannibal replied.
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I was hardly concentrating on my surroundings. My thoughts kept going back to Alana Bloom being dead. The woman that had helped to hold me close to reality was gone. What would happen now? Would I be able to continue to help Jack or would I become less than useless? Would people die because of me?

"Will." Hannibal said and I came back to the present. His eyes were the same as his voice. Able to show so much while expressing so little. It was comforting to me.

"I'm able to do my job. There's no reason to be here." I replied curtly.

"There is every reason to be here." Hannibal said, not reacting to my momentary rudeness. "You were close to Alana."

I wanted to lash out at Hannibal for bringing that up. How dare he bring up Alana. He had no right to bring up a relationship that had been shot down as soon as it had started. I tried to control a perverse chuckle but Hannibal's confused look was enough to tell me it had escaped. Of course any look Hannibal had was controlled and sometimes hard to decipher.

"We weren't as close as you think." I finally said.

"How close did you feel you were?" He countered.

"Very close." I said and grimaced. There was no way to escape telling Hannibal the truth and no reason to hide what I felt.

"There is a reason you are here." The doctor waited a moment. Whether he was thinking of what to say or only testing my nerves, I couldn't tell.  "You felt close to Alana and now you have lost her."

A pained smile kept trying to escape onto my face. It tried a few times but always was forced to recede back into nothingness.

"Yes." I said, not wanting to go any further with my explanation. I knew I'd see her face when I slept. I'd always regret not having that chance to have coffee with her. I'd always regret not getting to kiss her more. I'd always regret not having her take me on my bed or anywhere else she'd want to.

"You killed Gideon, Will. Even when you didn't know reality, you were still able to protect Alana." Hannibal said and there was briefly a strange expression on his face. I couldn't begin to try and describe it. Nor could I tell if it was ever actually there.

I had killed. That was a fact. I hoped that I had only killed Gideon. That I wasn't the reason that Alana was dead.

If I had just killed Gideon that was an acceptable sin. I didn't like killing, at any time or for any reason, but killing him was justifiable. It wasn't good justification, as I had still killed someone, but he had killed Alana and she deserved to be avenged. Gideon had signed his death warrant the moment he decided to go after her.

He was the reason I wouldn't have coffee, a relationship, and sex with Alana. I had made the decision if he would live or die and I had carried Gideon's punishment to the fullest extent I could. I had been powerful. In that brief moment I had been extremely powerful. It had felt good.

"I didn't save Alana. It doesn't matter if I killed Gideon or not." I said, realizing the dark paths my mind had been going down.

"The fact that you were able to act without knowing what was really happening is to be commended." Hannibal tried to reassure me.

But he couldn't reassure me. I had been thinking, mere seconds ago, that killing Gideon had been some sort of righteous act. I shouldn't be glad that I had saved Alana when she was already dead.
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I paused while eating the dinner Hannibal had prepared for Abigail and myself.

I didn't like going to normal functions, such as dinner, but with Hannibal it was different. Plus Abigail Hobbs was with us. It almost felt like we were a family. Hannibal and myself being the fathers and Abigail being the daughter. I had a feeling that she preferred Hannibal over me and who wouldn't? He was sure of himself and I was a mess. I felt bad that she didn't adore me, though, as I felt so connected to her.

I continued on with eating the meal that Hannibal had prepared for us.

"Jack doesn't have me doing anything this weekend." I said. "He doesn't have me doing a lot lately."

"He's trying to help with the grieving process, Will." Hannibal said, trying to comfort me.

"I am not grieving and letting me do my job will help me better than any therapy session."

"I don't think Jack understands you." Abigail said. "I don't think Jack trusts you."

"I don't blame him." I said with a pained grin on my face.

"You're being too hard on yourself." Hannibal replied.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not. If anything, I'm being too kind. I just lost Alana and I was already fading before then. If anything, Jack is the sane one."

Abigail put a hand on my shoulder and I felt a calmness come over me. Abigail was like the daughter I didn't have and was always able to calm me down. I'd always be worried about her, every time I thought of her, but she was able to do what adults couldn't. Adults are all tainted and those of the younger generation aren't. The younger generation could be scarred, and who wouldn't in the Hobbs family, but they were always more innocent.

Almost the same reason I preferred my dogs to people.

Abigail removed her hand and I turned to Hannibal.

"If you have anything planned for this weekend I'll be able to go." I finally said.

"How about fishing?" Hannibal asked. After he said that Abigail and him seemed to share an inside joke.

"I do have a new fishing lure I'd like to try out." I replied. "Do you have any places you'd recommend?"

"My father took me to some good spots." Abigail said and I swear a hint of a smile came onto her face.

"Would you want to go to any of them?"

"No." She said curtly with a touch of disappointment in herself. "I won't be able to stop thinking of him. How he killed those girls and...fed them to me."

"You did nothing wrong. He killed them, not you."

"Is there something wrong with killing?"

"Yes, everything. We have to do it sometimes, but it's never admirable."

"What about you killing Gideon to protect Alana?" Hannibal asked and waited calmly for my answer.

"I don't even know if I protected or killed her." I replied and didn't say what I wanted to say. That I'd kill Gideon for eternity if it meant that Alana would still be alive. Hannibal didn't need to know that part. Abigail didn't need to hear it. But it seemed that Hannibal's eyes already knew. Another of Hannibal's strange expressions left his face before I could properly discern its meaning.

"But if you did save her, would that be different?"

I sighed and then replied, "Yes, that would be different."

"What if the person was undeserving of their life? What if they wasted it by being cruel?"

"Are you a killer?" I said and laughed. The first real laugh I had let out in awhile. Even as I was laughing I seriously considered Hannibal's joke. If Gideon had been killed sooner then Alana would still be alive.

But what if I followed that train of thought and began to think of myself as a god? I would then think it was up to me to decide if someone was worthy of life. Alana's face filled my mind and it became hard for me to think of that part as a downside.

I was woken up from my thoughts by my cellphone.

I checked who was calling me as I was afraid of continuing the conversation. I was especially scared of what I would admit to them, but even more afraid of what I'd admit to myself.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this." I said, relieved that I had an excuse to get out. "It's Beverly."

As I walked out to answer the call, I saw Hannibal look at me. He appeared angry and I didn't blame him. Leaving a dinner with the excuse of a phone call was very rude.
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I walked slowly down the hallway to Hannibal's door. Going to these sessions wasn't something I looked forward to. That wasn't fully true, of course, as seeing Hannibal helped me calm down since I'd be able to get some of my thoughts out. I don't know how I'd describe my feelings for him, especially with Alana having been murdered not too long ago.

I knocked on the door and Hannibal opened the door quickly.

"How are you feeling today, Will?" He asked and I entered.

"How should I be feeling?" I asked.

"Every one handles grief differently." He replied and we went to sit in our usual places.

"Yeah." I replied and tried to think about which direction I wanted this session to take. "But what about me specifically?"

"You are pure empathy and so Alana's death will linger on you more than another person."

"You mean someone normal and stable?"

"There is nothing concrete that can be said to be normal and you are stable enough to work on cases."

"Nothing concrete." I said and looked around Hannibal's office. So different from my house, but it felt like a type of home to me recently. It was orderly and I needed order in my life right now. I had lost track of time recently and that scared me. But not enough to want to tell Hannibal as he could tell Jack. And the last thing I needed was Jack to stop me from doing my job. I needed to help people, that's the only way I could keep up any pretense type of normality. "But there must be a way to measure insanity."

"There is a way to tell if someone poses a threat to others." Hannibal replied stiffly. "But insanity is much harder to define."

"What about being social?" I asked.

"Many sane people just don't like the company of others. Introverts are not less sane than extroverts purely because of their nature."

"How social are you?"

"I don't have many friends as I don't see them as being interesting. I don't find the need to be with others merely to give myself worth."

"And you find me interesting?"

"Very interesting." He said and a slight grin graced his face for a second. Some part of me was intrigued and I didn't know which part or why. "Do you keep up with friends since Alana died?"

I felt like slumping down but kept my posture. Not out of fear of disrespecting Hannibal, but I didn't want to admit to myself how broken I felt now.

"I spend time with you and Abigail. I communicate with Jack enough for each case." I paused thinking of her face. The face that didn't provide stability like Alana had, but was all I had right now. "There is also Beverly Katz."

"What is special about her?" Hannibal asked. I attributed his odd tone to concern for me. I was both his friend and patient. He'd also have to tell Jack if he messed up with me.

"I don't know. She treats me like an actual person and not just an oddity."

"And you don't have enough of that from people?"

"No." I said and smiled sadly.

"Are you sure Beverly has the best of intentions?"

"What do you mean?" I was confused. "It isn't like Beverly to seek something from me."

"When did you start noticing how important Beverly was to you?"

"I've always noticed, but after Alana died she-"

"Was someone to replace Alana." Hannibal leaned forward. "Beverly is not Alana, nor will she ever be. You can't be with someone just because you lost someone else."

"Have you ever lost someone close to you?"

Hannibal seemed to look past me to long before he went to medical school. For the first time I saw real pain in his face. Something that his strong exterior had never let break through.

Finally he composed himself and said, "I made sure those who were in the wrong were repaid with justice. And I can tell that you going into the arms of Beverly isn't going to help you."

"Because it's not going to bring Alana back." I said. "I killed Gideon but couldn't save Alana."

"You can help her now, even though she's dead."

"By breaking ties with Beverly?"

"By making sure you don't let your pain cloud your judgment."

"If I killed her that'd break all ties, right?" I asked and before I could let out a chuckle I realized what that thought could mean. How could I even let the thought form, much less speak it? The thought that killing Beverly could stop all this confusion was beyond sinful.

"You're thinking of murdering?" Hannibal asked.

"I don't know." I said honestly. "I keep thinking of Alana. When I close my eyes I can see her. When there is silence I can hear her. But she's not really there. And I keep thinking that if I killed someone to save another person that murder wouldn't be so bad."

"How would you decide if someone posed a danger to another's life?"

"I couldn't trust myself. Not fully, at least. I'd need to have someone decide for me." I looked Hannibal in the eyes. More than I had anyone else before. "I'd trust you to tell me."

"This is all hypothetical."

"Yes." I confirmed. But it didn't feel like a hypothetical situation to me.
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It was cold in my dream. The cold made me shiver until a coat suddenly appeared on me. It made me warm and took away all the cold. My feelings of worry, doubt, and pain all evaporated. I nearly fell asleep until I realized what the coat was made out of. I screamed and quickly took the flesh coat off of myself.

I began shivering, but not from the cold. Why did that coat appear in this dream? Why was I thinking of human made clothing? No past cases would explain it. Jack's elusive killer was a cannibal, not a fashion designer. So that couldn't be the reason.

I stood up and tried to not let the shivering affect me too much. I looked up to the sky and saw the moon providing me with light. Realistically, the moon was providing me the same amount of light as it would in reality. However, it didn't light the scenery up as much as it should have.

The snow was pure white and I decided to explore this dream further. Not because I was scared, but because some feeling pulled me to do so. Taking my first step forward on the snow, I heard it crack. Not like snow normally would, but almost like it was flesh.

Looking down at where I had stepped, I saw that the snow was bleeding blood. But it wasn't human blood, it was something else. It held the same poignant red color as human blood did, but it also had black and grey in it. With more grey than black.

I felt vomit about to come out of me, but I held myself together. The feeling was telling me to go forward. I didn't want to, it felt like the wrong decision to make, but I walked forward. I tried not to think about what was happening to the snow as I walked. It was hard. Very hard.

Every few footsteps I could hear a voice telling me, "No. Don't. Stop."

The voice was so vague, but it still sounded like someone I knew. Luckily it was vague so I was able to ignore it. I put it in the background of my mind and continued forward. I stopped when I saw the Ravenstag on fire.

The Ravenstag's fire consumed its whole body but allowed its form to be unaffected. It looked at me with a glance that reminded me of Hannibal. I should've been scared at the Ravenstag imitating Hannibal, but it was comforting. Something normal in this Hellish dream.

I looked at a form that was close to it. I walked over to the form and touched it. Suddenly the form lit up and I could hear a scream. The Ravenstag gave me a bowie knife and I took it without question. I looked at the burning form and slashed its neck.

Blood flew out and I stared at its beauty. I shouldn't think the action was beautiful, but I did. It was a dream after all. It didn't mean I'd think it was beautiful when I was awake.

As the blood flew onto my face I rolled over and vomited. The road under my face felt much different than anything in my dream had. I realized I was awake and  opened my eyes to look at my surroundings.

I couldn't look long as more vomiting distracted me from figuring out where I was. While I felt horrible I could still feel like part of me had been satisfied. It felt like part of myself had been allowed release and I felt so much better than I had before the dream.

When the vomiting finally stopped I looked again at where I was. I barely managed to hold back a scream as I recognized the burnt corpse.
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I could hardly breathe. I could hardly think. Nothing seemed real right now. Everything felt like a nightmare. Because if I was just in a horrible dream it meant that I hadn't killed anyone. It would mean that I was still the same man who risked sanity for the sake of other's living. That this man who killed randomly wasn't me. That we didn't share the same body and mind.

I felt something warm pushing itself into my hands. I looked with an uninterested gaze at the cup of tea that Hannibal was giving to me. I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to put anything into my body at this moment in time. But my friend wasn't going to take no for an answer it seemed.

I took the cup and looked around at his kitchen.

"Is this going to kill me?" I asked and looked inside the cup, deep into the tea, and all the way down to the bottom of the cup.

"No, it will help you relax." Hannibal replied. "You need to be able to think clearly now."

"Why?" I asked and let out a small chuckle.

"You are in shock right now. I only want the best for you, Will."

"Yeah, thank you for taking care of the body." I said and started to sip at the tea. It tasted strange and I tried to identify what was in it.

"The FBI needs you, they won't find much use from you behind bars." He said and then looked at my face. I liked his gaze. "I gave the tea to Abigail before. It contains mushrooms."

Mushrooms? Calming tea? Was the great doctor drugging me? A smile formed on my face. It wouldn't be the first time I had gotten high, but this was the first time I'd get high to escape from myself.

"Where did you put the body?" I asked, suddenly more curious than I had been before Hannibal had suggested the idea.

"It would be best that you didn't know, at least in your current state."

"What do you mean by 'my current state'?"

Hannibal stood beside me and his presence felt comforting to me. He was my guardian and I was in a state of distress. My mind was trying not to think of what my body had done. I drank the tea.

"You killed a man without realizing it." Hannibal stated and I remembered the corpse clearly. How the man's skin had changed due to being set on fire. How his throat had looked inviting since it had been slashed open. I remembered the stranger's corpse clearly and I didn't know how to feel. "I'm worried that you'll get yourself into more problems than you intended."

"We didn't have this conversation when I killed Gideon." I retorted and I saw my friend think for a moment. Whether he didn't know what to say or he needed some time to phrase it properly, I didn't know.

"I thought, when you killed Gideon, that part of you was protecting Alana without realizing it." Hannibal said.

"And now you think part of me is a remorseless killer?"

"No, Will, I think there is a part of you that you need to learn to control. I can help you with that."

"Help me?" I asked and put the empty cup of tea on the counter behind me. I had killed people and Hannibal was talking about controlling me? I didn't think I could be controlled. Maybe if I had put more importance in my sanity earlier I could have. But not now. It felt like a monster was getting out of its cage.

"There must be some ways that your dreams are alerting you to what you're actually doing."

I thought about my most recent dream and I didn't want to examine it any further than I had. Well, I hadn't really examined the nightmare in the three hours since I had woken from it. But I didn't want to. I felt that if I examined it I would finally see myself as I was tonight. That wasn't something I needed now.

"I touched a form in my dream." I said, trying to keep the bile from rising in my throat. "I touched it and it became covered with fire. I slashed its throat. Then I woke up beside what I saw in my dream."

"How did you recognize the corpse once you woke up? You never said you recognized it in the dream."

"I couldn't tell who it was in the dream but...somehow I recognized it when I woke up."

"Because a part of you remembered killing the man." When Hannibal said that it seemed like he had just calmed himself down about my situation. I didn't realize he was tense but the tea was affecting my judgment. Plus, he was always good about hiding his feelings.

"You're pleased with that?" I asked, a real smile coming to my face.

"I'm glad that you can recognize what you're doing, in some way, which means that you won't always kill without reason."

"Don't lie to me!" I paused. "I am a monster and if I am not locked up soon I don't know when I'll strike next. Or who my next victim will be."

Hannibal walked in front of me and put both hands on my shoulders. I looked at his hands as I felt their warm comfort. My eyes then looked into his. Those eyes were all consuming and showed no fear. Showed no doubt. Showed me the soul of the man who cared about me.

I felt something inside of me reveal itself to my mind. I felt comfort in Hannibal not because he was continuing to help me, but because I loved him. I loved him because he had been there for me when Jack sent me into madness. And Hannibal was here, now, when I had murdered someone. Hannibal was here, now, when I was losing my grip on reality.

"I can help you, Will." Hannibal said and in that moment I made a choice. I don't know if I would've done it if not for the mushroom tea.

I brought my face close to Hannibal's and then put my lips gently on his own. I couldn't tell what his reaction to it was, but it wasn't violent. A few seconds went by as I was regretting my decision, but he returned the kiss with passion.

I loved him and I knew he would help me.
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I opened my eyes and looked around my room. For some reason I had slept naked and I felt sore. I never did any exercising before bed, so the feeling of being sore was different. For some reason I started remembering a dream of waking up next to a corpse. As I looked around my room I realized that the dream was real and that this wasn't my room.

The room had the same design as Hannibal's house. Then it hit me. Hannibal had helped me hide the corpse, we kissed, and then we had made love. The feelings I had for him last night, that I still had, made the word 'sex' useless to describe what had happened. No wonder I was sore.

My search for my clothing was short as I saw that Hannibal had hung them up on the door for me. I must have been asleep for a few hours at least. I put my clothes on and realized, even though I had killed an innocent man, my now lover would protect me. He would be strong as I fell down.

I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. There was something different in my eyes. Something that scared me for a reason I might've been able to know before, but not now. Whatever it was wouldn't consume me or ruin me. I was Will Graham and I was not afraid.

As I was reassuring myself, a beautiful aroma came into my nose. I smiled as I realized what the meaning behind the smell was. Hannibal was making breakfast for me. I forgot what being in a relationship could be like. How good it could get. That you could wake up one morning and your lover would make you breakfast. If only I could've experienced that with Alana.

Walking into the kitchen I looked at Hannibal. There would always be something mysterious and dark about him, but it was calming to me.

"Are you feeling better, Will?" Hannibal asked as I realized he had heard me enter.

"Last night did help." I replied and I saw a small grin appear on his face. It was subtle, like everything else about him, but it was there. I could see that he wasn't sore from last night or maybe it didn't bother him. He must be stronger than I expected for a simple shrink.

"The act of sex does release endorphins."

"So you had sex with me merely to help release tension?" I asked, not worried that what I had said was the full truth. That he didn't have sex with me merely to help his patient.

"I had other motives." Hannibal answered.

I walked to the table and sat down with hope finally back in my heart. He did love me and I would have a breakfast made for me personally by the famous Doctor Lecter. The day was beginning much better than yesterday had ended. I wasn't feeling as confused as I was then. I was, more or less, stable.

Hannibal finally finished making breakfast and brought it out. He did his usual speech on what everything was and then we started to eat. At first we ate in silence. Not because there was tension, but because there was peace in doing so.

"Did you dream about the burnt corpse?" Hannibal asked as he casually put another bite into his mouth.

That was an odd question. Especially since the morning had begun so different from the events of last night. But I was still his patient and he still had a drive to make sure of my mental stability.

"I didn't dream of anything." I replied and then paused. I was remembering the utter bliss of being in a void so I didn't have to feel anything. "It was calming. I haven't felt a sleep like that in a long time."

There was more silence as we continued to eat. It seemed that Hannibal was happy about my reply and so I felt I was on a slow path to recovery.

"How do you feel about the man now?" Hannibal asked.

Before I would have to think how to word things because of how I thought Hannibal would judge me. I didn't have that problem now.

"I feel like killing the man gave me some release. Like there was part of me that was trapped that has now been set free. That what I feel about him now isn't bad." I paused. "Is that wrong?"

"No, it isn't." My lover reassured me. "Nor do I think that you are coping. You have finally found yourself and need to let your true personality out."

"But killing is wrong?" I asked, the last bit of the Old Will vainly trying to cling on. To deny the truth of Doctor Lecter's words.

"All killing is not wrong, Will, there are people who are better dead than alive. That if they breathed another breath more harm would come to this world."

"Like Gideon." I said softly. If I had killed Gideon sooner then Alana would still be alive. Then Alana and I would be together having coffee, having sex, and making breakfast the morning after. Now she was just a lifeless corpse in a grave.

"You could make up for Alana's death by killing someone else who causes harm and is therefore undeserving of the life they have."

"Killing someone won't bring Alana back."

"No, but you will be able to save someone like you couldn't save Alana." Hannibal countered.

"Do you have anyone in mind?" I asked.

"Do you?"

I thought about the question. Did I? There was Jack Crawford who wasn't dangerous, but had driven me into madness. That had ignored the signs of me being unstable. And since Jack had ignored the signs, I had killed an innocent man. Someone whose name I didn't know and wasn't connected to me at all.

But did I really want to kill Jack?

My cell buzzed and I looked at a text from Beverly.

"Beverly Katz." I said and looked into Hannibal's eyes. There seemed to be a perverse pleasure brewing behind them and I didn't mind. "She is too close. She is trying to find things out that don't concern her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. She is trying to take Alana's place and will find out about your unorthodox methods." This was the truth. I had leaned on Beverly for support since Alana had been murdered, but being with Hannibal showed me her manipulations. They had been very subtle.

"Why?" Hannibal asked and the question seemed like he was trying to keep me from making a mistake. But, by his tone, I knew he thought I was doing the right thing.

"Because if she keeps me from you I'll become even more unstable."

"Then you will find the control you didn't have before when you kill her." After he said that we both smiled, in our own different ways, at each other.
-------------------------------------------
I was back in my house and it felt different. Everything felt different now so the fact that my house felt less like a home didn't worry me. My dogs, who it seemed used to be connected to my very soul, were now nervous around me. They must be able to tell that their owner had gone through a transformation. While they were scared now, they'd soon realize that I had changed for the better.

I had arrived home after a hectic work day. Luckily Jack hadn't called me to help with a new case. I felt like I could take on any case without resorting to madness, but I had other things to worry about. It had been a few days and Beverly still walked.

For some reason there was a hate that grew within me whenever we talked. I kept seeing her destroying my relationship with Hannibal. I had finally found peace in a man and yet she kept trying to get in the way.

Subtle things. Little things.

Beverly asked about my therapy sessions with Hannibal and I was kind yet distant in my replies. If she noticed anything, it wouldn't matter soon. It wouldn't matter that she was flirting more openly with me. No woman was as kind as she was without reason. I should've seen that sooner.

I walked to my fireplace and leaned against it. The feel of it meant something more to me now. It was now a way to kill and not just something that provided warmth Thoughts flashed through my mind as I finalized what would happen to Beverly. While her dying inside my house would be fitting, I didn't want any evidence linking me to her death. And Jack's prying gaze would then end up on me sooner than later.

I took out my cell and looked at it. An idea was forming in my head and I was nervous about following it to its conclusion. Not because I thought killing Beverly was wrong, but I was worried I'd mess up and disappoint Hannibal.

Gathering up my courage I called Beverly.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Hi, Beverly." I said, my voice sounding pained.

"Are you doing okay, Will? You've seemed a little...different lately." Damn that prying bitch.

"Alana's death has hit me hard. But I have been getting better." I had to hold back any mention of Hannibal, the man who was saving me from madness. I didn't want to give her any indication that she was going to be walking into a trap. Beverly was clever and would take any reference to Hannibal as confirmation that I could now see her true colors.

"I don't know if being able to solve cases means you're getting better."

"It means I have something to cling onto. To distract me until I get over her death."

"And are you getting over her death?"

"It doesn't feel like it did when she died." I replied truthfully. "But I still don't feel comfortable being alone tonight."

"Will, I-" Beverly replied, obviously confused.

"Not like that." I said and gave a half-hearted attempt at a chuckle. "I'm just worried what I will do to myself. I've been having these thoughts lately. I don't think I'd ever do anything, but it'd be good to have someone that I trust to make sure I stay safe."

Someone I trust. That wouldn't be Beverly. But I needed her to worry about me so she wouldn't see her death coming. She wouldn't know that I could see her now.

"I'll be able to come over in a little under an hour. Will you be safe until then?" She asked.

Good, she was worried. She wouldn't see anything coming.

"Yes." I said.

"Goodbye." Beverly replied.

"Goodbye."

After I hung up I felt some relief. The first stage of the plan was over. I hadn't messed up and all I would have to do is continue the performance when she arrived. Beverly would put on her face of actually caring about me, but that would be a lie.

I had only a short time to prepare for her.
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I quickly finished putting on my clothes as I heard Beverly's car. It would be a short time until she knocked on my door and then the plan would be close to completion. I glanced at my dogs who looked more nervous than normal, but Winston still walked up to me.

He lifted up his head and I scratched behind one of his ears. He knew everything was fine, or else he was a very good actor. In either case, he wasn't going to alert Beverly. Winston cared about me and wouldn't want to see me leave.

Beverly knocked on my door and I opened it for her. I quickly made sure that my face was pained as I was opening the door. I had done it right since my victim's face showed concern. I stepped out of the way so that she could enter. Winston sniffed her and then wagged his tail.

"That's Winston." I said as she bent down to pet him.

"He's a good boy." She said, taking on the sweet tone that most people use to talk to dogs. Treating dogs like they were children and not creatures with feelings. "Where did you get him from?"

"He's a stray, figured a home was better than living on the streets."

"You're a kind man." Beverly said as she stopped petting Winston and stood up. "And I am here for you while you try to figure everything out."

"I know." I said and knew that she was lying. The only reason she cared was to learn more about me and put me under a microscope. I was an oddity and only Hannibal saw me for what I truly was: a person that needed privacy. "And I am glad you are here when Alana can't be."

"It isn't your fault Alana is dead." She replied.

"I know." I said, trying to pretend that I had gotten over Alana's death. I pretended that I was recovering so that Beverly wouldn't be more worried than I wanted her to be. "I thought we could go on a walk."

"No wine?" She joked with a disappointed expression. Of course she wanted to seduce me.

"You're a friend, I didn't want you to get the wrong impression." I had to stop myself from screaming at her that she wasn't Alana. That she could never be Alana or take her place.

"I understand." Beverly said and looked out the window. It was dark and there was a very light snowfall starting.

I picked up a flashlight and opened the door for Beverly. As she went out of my house I looked to my dogs. I was warning them, with my eyes alone, to not bark or warn her that something was amiss. That all wasn't like it had been before.

I closed the door after I had exited my house. I locked it merely from habit and not because I was afraid anyone would try and break in. I wouldn't be gone long, anyways.

"So where to?" Beverly asked.

"I figured a good walk in the woods would be refreshing." I answered.

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Just means that when we get back we'll feel better to be alive."

I turned on my flashlight and my victim followed me into the woods. There was no moon tonight and so the woods were darker than they had been in my dreams. As I wasn't dreaming, I knew where and when I was. I knew what I was doing and so I'd make Hannibal proud. I'd prove to him that I was recovering and becoming a better person all at the same time.

"So you're scaring yourself to feel better now?" Beverly finally asked.

"Yes." I replied and noticed her walking had become slower. "Don't tell me you're getting too scared now. We're already deep in the woods."

"I'm not scared about myself, I'm worried about you."

"We're just taking a walk in the woods. There's no danger to us."

"You've been different lately." She stated. I turned to my left to look at her face. She didn't appear afraid, just determined.

Beverly Katz knew.

I swung the flashlight to her head and she moved just in time. In the precious few seconds it took to pull out my gun, Beverly had gone out of view. I didn't want to pick up the flashlight as she could use that time to attack me. I doubt she'd kill me since she thought too much for that.

"I've been myself!" I yelled out. Turning around I tried to think of where she would go. I once knew her as a friend and I could empathize with anyone. That is why I would be the one to win this fight.

Upon realizing that I couldn't hope to find her without the flashlight, I bent down and she kicked my side. I rolled over and pulled out my knife as my gun left my hand. I preferred a knife anyways. Better to slice open necks with.

I pretended to hesitate about my decision to kill Beverly so that I would have a more solid plan of attack. I couldn't rely on surprise any longer.

"I'm trying to help you, Will!" Beverly said as she pointed her gun at me. Not at my head, but at my shoulder. She wanted to wound me, make sure I wasn't a danger for a long time, and let me be ruled by her.

"You're trying to control me. You're trying to keep me away from Hannibal!" I hissed.

Beverly's look of confusion and wavering of her hands gave me just enough time. I leapt up, pushed her against a tree, and slit her throat.

If I was the man I was before, I'd have thought her last look at me was one of betrayal. But I knew it to be one of regret because she had lost.

I didn't react outwardly to the blood splattering onto my face. It felt refreshing and I felt proud of myself. I had made Hannibal proud and now Alana could be at peace. If Hannibal wanted to continue this form of therapy, I would allow it. It had opened a part of me that I had been afraid of before.

I was free. I was my own design.
--------------------------------
Killing used to make me feel unclean. I thought the act of taking a life was something only a god should do. The fact that it made me feel so powerful sickened me because I used to think killing shouldn't make someone feel good. But now I knew better.

I watched as Hannibal made dinner. It wasn't a normal dinner, though, it was a celebration. I had killed Beverly and, in doing so, had begun a new part of my life. My life would now become richer as I had broken out of my cage.

Though this dinner was a special one, I couldn't help but cringe at the thought of what I would be eating. What was even more surprising was the fact that Abigail didn't have any problems with eating it.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" I asked Hannibal.

"You're still having doubts?" He replied without a hint of annoyance in his voice. I had learned, shortly after I had killed Beverly, about how he mostly stuck to killing the rude. So I knew that all the moments I had been rude he had restrained himself because he loved me. And I also knew that he was restraining himself right now.

"I don't mind killing, but eating a person just seems wrong to me."

"If Beverly was not worthy to keep her own life, why should she get any say as to how her body is used now?"

I thought about Hannibal's words. He didn't kill without reason and hated killing to keep himself safe. I now understood killing was not always wrong and you shouldn't feel bad because you took a life. I had been naive to fear killing before.

But it being okay to eat another human being and becoming a cannibal? That was too much for me to understand. Was it because I was weak or that I was right?

"Beverly didn't deserve her life and I took it." I replied, trying to form my thoughts into words. "Her threat is gone and eating her would be going a step further than we need to go. Eating her won't stop a threat that has already been stopped."

"While eating won't give you the same sense of release, Will, it does have another use that killing doesn't."

I looked at him and asked. "What is that?"

Hannibal found a point where he could pause in his art. He met my gaze and I knew that I had failed him in my lack of understanding. But as he wasn't making any indication he was going to kill me, I realized that he was willing to take the time to help me understand.

"Killing gives you a sense of release that you can't get anywhere else." Hannibal explained. "But eating another human makes you realize that people are just animals. They can be as easily manipulated as a pig. Being a cannibal gives you strength."

"Is there another reason?"

Hannibal paused as if lost in a memory. I realized that he wasn't as strong as I thought. While he could stand up against things others would crumble from, he was still human. He still felt. For some reason that both humanized him and made me afraid.

I was about to ask him what the memory was when he came back to reality and returned to cooking. Thinking that the conversation had come to an end, I started to walk out of the kitchen. Abigail must be getting lonely sitting all alone at the table.

"The other reason is that we're making sure the meat isn't wasted." Hannibal said and so I took up my former position in the kitchen. "Beverly's body would just be hidden in the ground and the only use it would have had would be to be found by the police or FBI."

"Which wouldn't be good." I replied. "But you don't cook every piece of a human's body."

"Every person has certain parts that are actually good to cook. Though the cheek is the exception as every one's cheeks make a good meal." Hannibal said. "So to eat an entire human body would also be wasteful as you would be making time for parts that are better left uneaten."

"So we're eating Beverly just to have a meal?"

"We're eating her as to not waste her most precious parts."

As the smell of Beverly's flesh drifted into my nose I started to get hungry but tried to push the feeling away. Hannibal was trying to make me eat another human and, at the same time, make me think that it was a good idea. Not just a good idea but a noble one. He was beginning to look like a monster.

But then I started really looking at my own thought process. Why was it disgusting to me? If someone killed a deer it wouldn't be wrong. If someone killed a deer it was to provide food and hunting it was a reward in itself. So why would eating a human be all that bad?

I had hunted Beverly and the hunt had been its own reward. Eating her, like one would eat a deer, would just be a celebration of the hunt. Hannibal was right, she hadn't deserved her life so why should I empathize with her now?

When Hannibal finished making the meal I helped bring out the food to the table. We brushed lightly against each other at one point before sitting down. Hannibal, Abigail, and myself were happy as we ate together.

I took my first bite of Beverly and smiled as the taste and smell combined itself into one exotic feeling. Hannibal looked me in the eyes and we both smiled. I had pleased him by being a good student. After I ate the meat of Beverly Katz, there'd be a different kind from the man I loved.
----------------------------------------------------
Killing, I found, was best done at night. Your victims couldn't see you and people tended not to be as active during the night. It was also best to have your victim not suspect that they were about to die as that caused problems. Minor ones, but any slight changes to the plan would mean that the victim could escape. Not likely for my victims, as Hannibal was usually with me and I had his training to back me up, but I couldn't take any chances.

Hannibal and I had been keeping track of Rick Carver for a week. I decided Carver was suitable to kill as his treatment of his family made it likely that their lives might one day be in danger. There were signs such as his wife flinching at small sounds and his son was distant. Hannibal had agreed to Carver dying as the man had annoyed him in some manner.

At the current moment, Hannibal's car was out of view of the road while we were kept out of sight by some bushes. Because it was winter they were barren, but they still would keep us hidden long enough to surprise Carver. It was cold but the excitement of the hunt kept me warm. Hannibal seemed to have his usual inner warmth working.

Finally headlights could be seen coming towards us. I took out my gun and Hannibal nodded. We had both recognized Carver's car soon after the headlights had come into view. The now usual thrill was coming to me. The thrill that would calm me soon after I killed Carver.

When Carver's car was close enough I shot the front wheel and Carver had to stop due to his car going out of control. Carver got out and started waving at us.

"Hey!" Carver shouted angrily to Hannibal and me. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

 I was first to get to Carver and Hannibal was close behind. Carver was like most of my victims in that he didn't think he was about to be killed. That his death had been decided a few days earlier. He merely thought I was a man playing a prank on him.

When he could see my face he saw a killer. He saw a killer and tried to run away but Hannibal was there to stop him. Carver turned to look back at me and I saw the loss of hope. One of the perks of killing was seeing the evil people of the world lose hope.

I went to slice his throat, my preferred method of killing, when I found myself somewhere and somewhen else.

It was night like it was in my dreams. But I could tell it wasn't a dream as I couldn't choose my actions. I was in a memory. A memory I didn't remember doing. But it was still a memory.

I was driving to Alana to make sure she was okay. To make sure that Gideon didn't get her. I didn't trust those who were there to protect her. I didn't trust anyone with her safety but myself.

No, that wasn't true. That was what I wished I had been thinking.

I was going to kill Alana Bloom. I had just been to Hannibal's house and he had said to kill Alana. Not in a straightforward manner, but I was sure that's what he meant. Gideon had been in the room and so I had to move quickly. Gideon was also going to kill Alana and her life was mine to do with as I pleased. And right now I wanted to make Hannibal proud.

The scene changed and I was entering Alana's house. She looked at me with such trust and I felt nothing. I only was concerned with when I could kill her. Alana talked to me but I wasn't listening. I guess my face made the right expressions, but I felt none of them.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. Gideon broke through the window and we looked at each other. I turned to look at Alana and knew I had to act now. I shot her in the head. Alana had had enough time to have a look of betrayal on her face be her final expression. Gideon looked at me and went back out the window as those protecting Alana rushed in.

I chased after him.

I ran after him for many minutes but he finally gave up. Gideon stopped and looked at me.

"You did it." Gideon said right before I shot him in the head.

Carver's blood sprayed on my face and my usual happiness wasn't there. It was me who had killed Alana Bloom. I had killed the woman I loved and had felt nothing while doing so. I just wanted to please Hannibal and nothing else had mattered.

"Something wrong, Will?" Hannibal asked and I shook my head.

"Blood doesn't taste good." I replied and spit some of Carver's blood out of my mouth. I smiled and Hannibal focused on how to clean up the scene.

As he did his work I thought about the memory that had just come to me. I had killed Alana and Hannibal had known. He had made me kill her and afterwards he hadn't told me the truth. He was truly a monster to lie to me and then make me into his protege.

But I liked killing and it was a drug to me now. It had become more than just a way to honor Alana.

So did I really want to admit Hannibal had abused me or lie to myself so I could keep on killing and be with the man I loved?
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Hannibal Lecter. He had been my doctor and lover. Now things were different. My eyes had been opened by him and then to him. I didn't know what to think, but that was okay. I only had to act and then there would be peace.

The chair I had sat in during my appointments with Hannibal felt different today. I tried to ease my discomfort by looking around at the familiar room. He would be here soon and then the day's events could begin.

I let the rage course through every part of my body to prepare me for what had to be done. I couldn't have gotten into this mindset before Hannibal and that hurt the most. I had learned so much from the doctor, but it had all been dark and twisted. He had helped me, but it had all been a lie.

I heard the familiar footsteps coming nearer and tried to relax before he entered the room. Getting too nervous would mean this plan would fail. I had to think clearly while letting my rage out. When Hannibal opened the door and entered the room I knew there was no turning back.

"Will, you know you don't have to come to our sessions anymore." Hannibal said calmly as if nothing was wrong. But I knew he noticed something was off and he might've even known last night while we tossed and turned in his bed. He knew me and he was observant to those he didn't know.

"You know that's not what I'm here about." I replied and tried not to let my anger come out. I didn't want to let him know how much he had hurt me.

"I know that right now you're angry at me for some perceived wrong."

"Some perceived wrong?" I said and laughed. "You lying to me about Alana Bloom is just a perceived wrong? You making me think Beverly Katz was an enemy is just a perceived wrong? You taking away two women that could've helped me is a perceived wrong?"

"Will, I don-" Hannibal began.

"You're smart, Hannibal Lecter, that's what makes you so good at your job." I replied. "You're good at 'helping' people and then killing others. You know I figured it out. You know I figured it all out."

"Then you know what I did was to help you." He replied and, were I naive, I'd have thought he'd sounded worried and hurt. But those must be more lies. This monster that wore human form could not have any feelings.

"You made me think I had nothing to do with killing Alana. You made me think killing was a way to honor her." I said as my voice started to rise. "When evidence came in you told me, and the FBI, that I had killed Gideon with his own gun. You didn't tell me that I had been to your house earlier."

"Wi-"

"You had me kill and eat Beverly. You needed to make sure I could be your little plaything and remove the last person that could keep me sane."

"But you are sane now."

"I am not sane. I'm worse than I ever was and you're too blind to see that." I shouted and stood up. I walked to Hannibal and stood right in front of him. "You can't make a friend from manipulation and lies, Hannibal. All you created is a monster like yourself."

The seconds that went by passed quickly but I felt the importance of each one. I was a monster that had become bloodied and worn. That now couldn't recognize himself in the mirror. And now this monster would do what it must so the world wouldn't end up in flames.

The predictable happened and Hannibal made the first move. I dodged his punch and blocked his knife with my own. I watched as he pulled away his arm and was surprised when he kicked my legs so that I fell down.

I rolled over and quickly got up before he could kick me in the chest. A few seconds went by as we countered each other's moves. Moves that we had memorized and would never forget. But either of us could mess up and give the other a chance to win.

I slipped up and I yelled as Hannibal's knife went into my shoulder. The look he gave me was not his usual lack of expression, but a look of sorrow. He was sorry that his pet wasn't following orders and not because he had done the unthinkable.

I waited as the knife went deeper and then punched Hannibal in the face. The shock would be momentary and so I had to act quickly. I pushed him away from me but left the knife in my shoulder.

More moves were made and the atmosphere in the room took on an even darker tone. I was a monster but I liked being a monster. I liked killing and that wouldn't change. If Hannibal died, the thirst for blood would  not go away. It couldn't go away since the addiction had been given to me. Since I had allowed my mind to function in ways that it shouldn't in any situation.

I took a blow to my face and Hannibal fell down from a kick of mine. We were both getting worn out and the knife in my shoulder was causing me more pain than I had imagined. All I wanted to do now was say sorry to Hannibal and have him embrace me and tell me he forgave me. I would live a lie, but it was better than the confusion I was now facing.

Should I give up the thrill of the kill or join Hannibal?

I stabbed Hannibal in the shoulder and he didn't cry out. That didn't surprise me as he was too strong and proud. His student could hurt him but never see him in pain. I looked at him and knew what I was about to do was unforgivable, but it had to be done.

I pulled the knife out of my shoulder and felt each second of the motion. It was painful but I had to do it. Looking in Hannibal's eyes I stabbed him in the heart. For a few seconds I thought he wasn't going to die, he was a monster after all, but his eyes became vacant. I had done it. I had killed the great Hannibal Lecter.

"I love you." I said solemnly and immediately regretted saying those words.

I then quickly got a tape recorder Hannibal had in his desk. I took all the time I needed to explain the mess I had found myself in. How the doctor had fooled me and turned me into a creature of Hell.

The emotions I had shut myself off from came pouring into me. I felt the pain of knowing I had killed Alana and was fooled into using her death as the basis of my killings. I felt tears come down my cheeks as I realized Beverly was the last friend I had and I...and I had killed her for it.

I had no one. I, Will Graham, was friendless. There was no hope to turn me back into the man I once was. The man who knew killing was wrong and felt disgusted at even feeling happy when him killing saved someone's life. Any friend I would have would always be thinking of me as a serial killer. No one could love me like Alana or Beverly. I would just be something to observe.

I looked up and saw Abigail through my tears. She looked at the scene and I realized I still had her. We would help each other recover from the darkness known as Hannibal. After looking horrified at Hannibal's corpse she turned to look at me.

"You killed him!" She shouted with hatred in her voice and I realized she was not a person to turn to. She had admired him and thought of him as her father. Maybe she had even thought of him as a potential lover. She would be an enemy to me for the rest of my days.

The daughter I had wanted wasn't mine anymore because I had killed the one she actually loved.

"I'll kill you!" She screamed and took the knife from Hannibal's heart and ran towards me.

I had only moments to act and only one person left to kill. And I couldn't kill Abigail even though that was the smartest option.

I pulled out my gun, that I hadn't used in a fight that was better done with knives, and pressed it against my head. Only one person left to kill.

"This was his design." I said and smiled.

"No!" Abigail yelled in agony. That was the last word I heard before I pulled the trigger and the world turned dark. I knew it wouldn't be long until I was embraced by the fires of Hell.

-THE END-
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