The silence began to unnerve me more than the Massacre ever did. Senseless violence and losing myself in hate was much preferable to this silence between myself and the Jedi Master. At least in the Massacre there was some clear goal. It wasn't a good or noble goal, but it was a goal nonetheless.
"I'm not holding back because I want to stop you from completing your mission." I said and leaned back in my chair. It wasn't my chair but sitting on it gave me some form of ownership, if only in my mind. "It's just that I don't betray friends. I have a sense of loyalty that not many have. Not just in the present, but also in the past. Hell, my own friends didn't have the same loyalty as I do."
"But then are they really friends if they don't respect you?" Qui-Gon asked.
"When you have friends sometimes you and them don't see eye to eye. Doesn't mean you and them aren't friends."
"Rinn, friends don't always see eye to eye. But they don't try and kill each other." Qui-Gon said and looked at me. It seemed as though he looked into me and was pushing me to also look into myself. But I didn't want to. I didn't have to.
"Sometimes there are misunderstandings." I replied. "Qui-Gon, they weren't in control of themselves. They didn't know what they were doing."
"Are you talking about friends or abusers?"
Finally my feelings for the Jedi Master made me tell him. I could've found someone else to tell within a week or year, but I had to tell Qui-Gon. Some strange, forgotten urge was making me tell him the truth.
"You know how I told you that I have few real human emotions left?" I asked and Qui-Gon nodded. "What I feel towards the Five is one of the few human emotions I still have. The feeling of loyalty I have towards them is one of the few things I have left to cling onto. If I lose the Five what do I have left? If I kill them, will I become less than I already am?"
Qui-Gon touched my arm and gave me the same type of look he had given me before. But instead of a penetrating gaze, it was a look of comfort. It said that even if I had no one else, I had him. That what I was starting to feel now for the Jedi Master would be reciprocated by him. That I had nothing to worry about.
"I need to hear you say it." I finally said and touched his hand that was on me.
"You still have m-you still have Atlan." Qui-Gon said. I don't know what had made him make the slip. It might've been my touch or it might've been too hard for him not to say it at one point. I wasn't a fellow Jedi and he had no certainty of seeing me when he woke up in the morning. "Whatever you lose when killing the Five, you still have Atlan to hold onto."
I thought for a moment before speaking. "You are right, Master Jinn, I do have Atlan to hold onto." I replied. "I will show you where the Heart of the Darkness is so you can get back to more important matters."
But it wasn't because of Atlan that I had agree to show Qui-Gon where the Heart of the Darkness was located. It was because of Qui-Gon himself.
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